Ten Minutes to Midnight

 Hey folks, welcome back to reading some rotten. This last year has been a rough patch. Reviewing films strictly from home and not a theater operational, putting jobs on hold and some outright terminated.  We can only hope to get through this pandemic.

And now away from that bit of morbid and on to what we are up to this day.  Today I have heard nothing but good things for your soon-to be reading pleasure.   A veteran Punk Rock DJ (Caroline Williams) dealing with being on the way out and her plucky replacement (Nicole Kang) being all sorts of bubbly, it's enough to break the spirits.  This is Ten Minutes to Midnight.

 

Terribly pleased or waiting to eat your soul? Who can say?

 

 

 

 

 

Shock jock Amy Marlowe (Caroline Williams of The Texas Chainsaw Massacre 2, Stepfather II, Days of Thunder, Leprechaun 3, Halloween II, The Unleashed, Hatchet III, Blood Feast and Greenlight) has ruled the graveyard shift for some time, being more diva than DJ, she's has stepped on more than toes and rubbed people the wrong way. As if her mood wasn't foul enough, a storm is brewing out in the night, she's been attacked by a bat and feeling a bit weird.

Front desk/security drone, Ernie (Nicholas Tucci of Choose, You're Next, Chilling Visions: 5 Senses of Fear, Faults, Wolfenstein: The New Order, The Cobblestone Corridor, Daredevil, Person of Interest, Quantico and Wolfenstein II: The New Colossus) warns Not Stretch that if it was a bat bite, she could have rabies. He offers her a lift to the hospital but the roads are completely thrashed and she is too professional to miss a show.  Ernie has the awful job of informing Amy that "Bob" wants to see her in his office. Yeah being called to the mat is never a good sign before you punch in. 

 

Totally BFFs with Batwoman. For realzy.

 

 

 

 

 

Station Manager Bob does not have bitch tits (Yes, a Fight Club reference. I couldn't pass it up) but he certainly has something in his craw about Amy. He is also a skirt chaser with a bit of a belly and enough clout in the station to make or break a career. You know, a local base, but I suppose enough slander on a former employee might cause hell for any future prospects. Amy meets with a young, perky girl Sienna (Nicole Kang of You, The Social Ones, Swallow, Orange Is the New Black, Instinct, Acting for a Cause and Batwoman) plans on sitting in on Amy's show and all starry-eyed at what will be her new job.  Clearly Bob is hoping to plow her like the back 40 but hopefully Sienna doesn't fall for the casting couch.

Sound producer Aaron (Adam Weppler of Twelfth Night, The Cobblestone Corridor, Groove, Long Lost and Alien Warfare) is fully aware that Bob is being a horndog, agrees with Amy that Sienna is pretty much eye candy but she has some good range and pitch for vocals. I daresay kittens on not on Aaron's mind but a certain blonde cougar on the other hand, yeah boy has the hungry eyes for her.

Amy is already in a mood and decides she's gonna cut loose so callers beware when you "Ask Amy". After dropping enough "F-bombs" that would have made even comedian/pod-caster Joe Rogan a bit uncomfortable, Bob steps in the booth to chew some hinder. Amy responds with a savage series of retorts and ends up biting the hell out of Sienna's hand, growling and fleeing to the bathroom. She's hearing voices, hallucinating scenarios out of the norm and frankly kinda going a bit bat-shit crazy. 

 

I make this same face after Taco Bell.

 

 

 

 

 

Now it could have been linked to the bat bite oooooor...Sienna dropped acid earlier and it is floating in her bloodstream because Amy is tripping BALLS!!!   Convinced she is getting a bit "close" with Bob (Greg Balla of A Crime to Remember and Ten Minutes to Midnight) looking young and dapper but a bit of a sleazy attitude, is giving Amy the eye.   Yup little bit of make-out or DID IT REALLY HAPPEN??!!!

 

 This flick just jumps ten hellfire-imbued flaming sharks over Coppersnake Canyon and baffles the crap out of me, more so than that explanation did for you.  A veritable Behind the Looking Glass via Lewis Carrol vibe happening and it is bizarre.   To be shocked by a film is so damn uncanny any more; especially in Horror films this day and age. When we have so many existing tropes to lend a hand, so to see something with a small cast, a normal environment and watch it go off the rails is a rarity to behold.

Produced by Mainframe Pictures (The Cobblestone Corridor, Ghost Tour, Intermedium, She Came from the Woods, Long Lost and Weekenders), this movie embraces a myriad of vampire mythology, a woman's mind frame about aging, goals, friends, family and love all changing over time and how we see ourselves year after year. Between the two women, I cannot say who I enjoyed more, Caroline or Nicole. Both brought their ""A-Game" and both delivered. What I thought was going to be a hybrid of From Dusk 'Til Dawn meets Play Misty for Me turned out to be wildly entertaining, very bloody and just downright creepy. This is not a typical vampire flick, nor could I put this in a per-designated category as I normally can.

Director Erik Bloomquist (The Cobblestone Corridor, Ghost Tour, She Came from the Woods, Long Lost and Weekenders) spins a macabre tale of aging, feeling obsolete, craving youth and being young with dreams on the rise. With enough blood and gore to satisfy most horror fans but enough story to bring a wide array of viewers to stay in front of the screen; this movie delivers the goods. I was happily surprised and frankly, I am wanting it for my collection. Hell, I want the soundtrack too. 

 

Really? A Leatherface joke? Really?

Countess Dracula

Apologies for being vacant to the blog. Freelancing writing and Rotten Riffs writing has made me busy. So after a series of different film requests, I decided I would pick my own review for a change. I felt like exploring towards a Hammer film. It's been awhile so clearly it is time to give it a view. Our story is an old tale of Countess Elizabeth Bathory and her unique bathing habits of virgin girls' blood. This is Countess Dracula.

Ms. Pitt if you're nasty.

Released back in 1971, this was a double bill with Vampire Circus during its marquee debut. Wasn't that a nifty film fact?

Brought to us by director Peter Sasdy (Journey to the Unknown, Journey Into Darkness,Taste the Blood of Dracula, Hands of the Ripper, Doomwatch, Nothing But the Night, Orson Welles' Great Mysteries, 1990, Return of the Saint and Sherlock Homes and Doctor Watson) and I last beheld his work in Taste the Blood of Dracula. Our aging countess Elizabeth (Ingrid Pitt of Where Eagles Dare,The Vampire Lovers, Countess Dracula, The Wicker Man, Octopussy, The Comedy of Errors, Doctor Who, Bones, Underworld and Hanna's War) discovered a way to revive youth, beauty and even sex drive by bathing in the blood of young women.

Gypsies, tramps and thieves...

Her faithful servant and lover Captain Dobi (Nigel Green of Zulu, The Ipcress File, Jason and the Argonauts, The Ruling Class, Clochemerle, The Protectors and Gawain and the Green Knight) in league with her maid Julie (Patience Collier of House of Cards, Baby Love, Every Home Should Have One, Perfect Friday, Countess Dracula, Fiddler on the Roof, Endless Night, Shoulder to Shoulder, David Copperfield,Who Pays the Ferryman? And Sapphire & Steel) as she commands them to fetch young, nubile girls for draining the precious bodily fluids (Yes I did make a Doctor Strangelove reference.) Also how convincing is your argument telling subordinates to capture young women for nefarious deeds, let alone where do you conceal the bodies?

So to conceal her nefarious deeds, the countess takes on the persona of her daughter Ilona (Lesley-Anne Down of The Smashing Bird I Used to Know, All the Right Noises, Assault, From Beyond the Grave, Brannigan, The First Great Train Robbery, Hanover Street, Arch of Triumph and Nomads) of which she sent the good Captain to watch over her and while the cat's away the mouse picks up a new lover in the form of Lt. Toth (Sandor Eles of Marked Personal, The Tunnel, Love and Death, Eleanor Marx, The Assignment, The Foundation, The Treachery Game, Crossroads and Sherlock Holmes and the Leading Lady).

This necklace will really accent my breasts.

After using the blood of a prostitute, the adverse effects cause the countess to age rapidly and the town historian, Fabio (Maurice Denham of Animal Farm, The Alphabet Murders, Nicholas and Alexandra, The Day of the Jackal, Behaving Badly, Lovejoy, Inspector Morse, Peak Practice, The Bill and Pie in the Sky) has noticed the steady decline of virgin girls. I guess he has a doctorate in that too. Maybe he has the stick from Lair of the White Worm, the virgin dowsing rod if you will. The saddest problem is the town while under superstition, and they really have no true desire to send out search parties for these missing girls. This has been going on for months and what? It was a series of wolf attacks? Some wily bear murdering young girls? I just wondered how they justify their cowardice.

Now some fun film facts. Oh suck it up and just read.

Elton John makes a cameo appearance as one of the villagers and yes I immediately recognized the ROCKET MAAAAAN... Ingrid Pitt replaced Diana Rigg for the lead role. Apparently Ingrid Pitt was voice dubbed and she was pissed at director Peter Sasdy for such and refused to speak to him again.

As this was a bit typical for Hammer at this timeline, that sexy girls on the screen kept men's butts in seats but you probably already gathered that. With this said, the costumes, the orchestral soundtrack and professional film crew does the film justice. No I am not anti-boobies, fellas. It does just get a tad bit tiresome after enough of these flicks. Yes the parable or allegory of aging gracefully, being jealous of the young and how women are often judged by aging are all here. In spite of her monstrous ways of slaughtering girls, you can't help but feel bad for her as well. It is a true split of horror and compassion.

Sorry I heard nothing. I was gawking at your breasts.

The Horrible Sexy Vampire

Greetings and hello Rotten Readers! Readers of Rotten?? I'm word shopping here. Bear with me.

After the last abysmal ,jiggly vampire fest; I just know I am going to have a similar round of disappointment with today's movie. How do I come to this conclusion? Well this is an all Spanish cast and crew, filmed in Germany and English (poorly dubbed) is the third language. 

 Guaranteeing me this shan't be a tooter and a titter. This is The Horrible Sexy Vampire.a.k.a. The Vampire of the Highway and Der Vampir von Schloss Frankenstein.

Tee hee!

Well an alternative title film. Yeah, those never end up as a flaming dumpster fire.

Our story begins a ride down the motorway with a jaunty whistled tune. Young couple stop at the first available tavern/inn for some much needed rest. In a room where the beds were made for garden gnomes. Seriously these beds are so tiny, stuffed animals would have complained.

A minute and forty and already the woman is down to bra and panties. You just reek of classy, Movie. While Arthur checks on an open window and draws Marie a bath. Nudity clause fulfilled.

I'm not even kidding. 2 minutes in and boom. So yuuuuup there be titties in the flick. The hint could have been in the title. Arthur hits the shower and then goes into a mime act leaving us to believe he is being strangled? Was the Invisible Man in the shower? Marie becomes curious to why Arthur is so quiet, finding him dead in the tub and she screams at something off camera. Cue opening credits! She may want to contact those guys with the unlicensed nuclear accelerators on their backs.

And when do you feel these erotic notions of vampires?

Cut to the Commissioner (Barta Barri of Horror Express, Dr. Jekyll vs The Werewolf, Treasure Island The Black Wolf, Revenge of the Black Wolf and Monster Dog) and no we don't know his name but he is clearly dubbed via English by none other than Edward Mannix. Those dulcet tones makes me name him Commissioner Mannix for the time being to the morgue looking at either cigar burns or giant hickies on both victims. The doctor invites said Commissioner around to his place for a drink and he will share his "findings". Ooooh my!   Not even the ten minute mark and I can already feel the numbing effect of a slow plot and series of subplots at the ready. Thankfully titty will plug all those pesky plotholes, right fellas? Meh.

Doctor Yammersalot (not actual name but he does yammer...a lot.) proceeds to inform Commissioner Mannix about the murders are far too similar to a series of murders that remained unsolved in this area and his family is both ancient and practice medicine. So over port and cigars, he pitches a vampire theory as his family's historical accounts that happened in the land have laid out the deaths in that time period are identical to the ones they just found.  A 28 year occurrence within a 7 day period a murder happens.  Precisely 28 years separate these murders.

It Takes Two...to Murder.

With Count Oblensky (Wal Davis of A Virgin Among the Living Dead, La hiena, Yuka, El pez de los ojos de oro, Les gloutonnes and Cipolla Colt), living heir to the Winninger Estate which includes an ancestral castle filled with darkness and rumors of an ancient tale of unsolved murders in the area and surrounding lands. Well, that was fun. Pack it up, kiddies. We're leaving. Oh crap. It's only been 25 minutes. Grrr. After some research our young count comes to the conclusion that these murders are all possibly linked to the former Baron who resided in the castle at the time. Dinking around in the cellar/dungeons, he encounters a coffin with oddly enough, the very Baron his notes warned him about.

Chief of Police (Luis Induni of The Rape of the Sabine Women, Fall of the Mohicans, That Man in Instanbul and Transplant of a Brain) is chastising Commissioner Mannix and I will have none of that, dammit.

The evening shots were cracking me up. Not because it was a day for night filter, because that had excellent night lighting. No it was the public domain jungle noises they were using as background. Jungle noises....in the mountains of Germany. Yup that checks out fine. Also it sound like the foley arts guy is walking around a trail of shredded wheat with all this crunching.

OKAY! SPOILERS!!

Yeah I know I don't do this often any more but let's be honest, none of you are going to flock to your used bookstores, pawn shops or Wal-Mart to hope and pray you get a copy of this.

First off, no vampirism. To expand on this I mean no blood spilled, let or drained. Our vampire strangles people to death. Then we have an off-screen draining and a big ass hicky on the neck.

Secondly, our vampire has learned the mystic arts of invisiblity so it looks like a piss poor mime act gone horribly awry.

Third, yes there is titty. Now I know I covered that anyway but just making sure everyone was reading this.

Baron Throttles or Winninger if you prefer, is both a masochist and a sadist as he taunts the young count into staking him or the Baron cannot be held accountable for his actions. The actions he is doing of his own free will. HUH?! 

Why does Doctor Yammersalot's entire family history jot down murders for the last 300 plus years? Who is that morbid and/or bored?   How do you vampire if you never drink blood?  Who put the ram in the rama-lam-ding-dong?

So yes this was long, dull and no vampire action to be had. We have so many plot holes, it's like dodging turds on the grounds of a dog park. Eventually you'll step in one and deal with the hassle of clean up. I have developed a new term. I call it: Bore Porn. No plot, poor character evolution, story lag but there's titty. BORE PORN!

If you have an unruly teen you need to get back in line, force this movie on them. If you now hate your best friend, subject them to this film. If the local church won't stop harassing you, force this movie on them.

Right, flashlight wards Mole People, cross for vampires.

Nostferatu

What the hell? I have a classic movie and it's a Horror film? Well that can't be right. So this request occurred a month ago and my slow ass finally am getting around to that inquiry. A tale of a loathsome, lonely creature doomed to roam the night and feed on blood. No not Dracula. This is the tale told in silent film format. This is the 1922 silent film classic story of Count Orlok. This is Nostferatu.

Ho boy, think the mushrooms kicked in.

 Based on Bram Stoker's Dracula and written by novelist Henrik Galeen (The Golem, Nosferatu, Dangerous Paths, Waxworks, Zigano, The Man Who Cheated Life, The Big Bluff, A Daughter of Destiny and The Lady with the Mask) a noblity known as Count Graf Orlok (Max Schreck of Der zeugende Tod, The Jew of Mestri, The Street, The Mysteries of a Hairdresser's Shop, Finances of the Grand Duke) is looking for some new digs and gets in touch with real estate agent Thomas Hutter (Gustav von Wangenheim of Homunculus, 1. Teil, Passionels Tagebuch, Die Erzkokette, Kitsch, Der Tempel der Liebe, Romeo and Juliet in the Snow, Das Haus zum Mond and Das Feurschiff) in the German town of Wisborg. I'm told that is a fictitious city.

Drafted by his boss, Knock (Alexander Granach of Wood Love, Torments of the Night, Svengali, The Last Fort, Pavement Butterfly, The Legionaire, The Last Company and Danton) so Hunter makes arrangements for his wife Ellen (Greta Schroder of Nosferatu, Paganini, Victoria the Great, Queen of Destiny, Melody of a Great City, Kolberg and Stars Over Colombo) to his friend Harding (Georg H. Schnell of In the Employ of the Secret Service, Emil und die Detektive, Tannenberg, The Legend of William Tell, Die bunte Platte, The Champion of Pontresina, Die Insel and The Riders of German East Africa) and his sister Annie.

Not too sure about this Anne Rice.

It's a long way to Tipperary...or in this case Transylvania. Hutter stops for dinner at the local tavern and they're shocked at the mere mention of Orlok that they warn Hutter to not go to the mountains at this time of night due to a werewolf prowling the woods. With the locals on the verge of getting ugly (and brother that wouldn't take much) , Hutter waits until morning for a horse drawn carriage (or coach if you prefer) and the coachman refuses to cross the bridge because he won't make it back before nightfall. That's called foreshadow.

A black shrouded coach collects Hutter to cross the bridge and brings him to the castle. Hutter feasts before going to bed (Bad on the digestion tract, buddy) and eerie sounds occur from the woods surrounding the castle. Hey this all sounds familiar. For those playing the home game, yes this has been clearly made from Stoker's book.

Prana Film was a silent era German film that went bankrupt fending off the copyright lawsuits via Bram Stoker's widow, Florence Balcombe. She established they made an unauthorized film based on the novel and well she is correct. The studio intended to create a whole series of paranormal and supernatural themed films but aforementioned bankruptcy made that impossible.

Tense dear? You need a massage. Bow chicka wew wew!!

Let's talk about atmosphere. With it's organ music and orchestral soundtrack being there without actual dialogue, it does set the tone for every scene. From a purely artistic standpoint, the film is eerie, praying on the audience's fears of the unknown and making Orlok a proper visual of this creature that bumps in the night, feasting blood of young helpless women. That being said, Orlok seems damned to his role. Never to know love in its truest forms nor life and the joys it can bring. More of a tragic character than a monster to me. From his elongated fingers with claws to his disturbing eyes and front two teeth made fangs, he does embody a look of aberrant if not ghoulish appearance.

Favorite scene is the Renfield like character just strolling about with a coffin under his arm. Y'know the every day scene of a vampire's thrall going on about his day. Oh if I had a nickel for every time I have seen that...wait, I'd still have a nickel. WTF, movie?? That coffin alone would be almost 200 lbs, then add a body of at least an additional 150 to 200 lbs. Saaaaaay, that doesn't add up at all. Maybe he's related to the Tall Man via Phantasm.

Think of the impact this one film has had on our society too. 1977, Blue Oyster Cult created Nostferatu for the album Spectres. Hell, the Tobe Hooper/Stephen King 1979 miniseries Salem's Lot; our villainous vampire Kurt Barlow with Reggie Nalder looks almost identical to Orlok. 1995 the composer/writer Bernard J. Taylor (Neighbors And Lovers, Wuthering Heights, Pride and Prejudice and Make Me a Musical) adapted the film into Nostferatu the Vampire as a musical. It's kinda his bag really. Lastly the 2000 film Shadow of the Vampire, which is a fictional account of the issues with the film, one of which Willem Dafoe plays Max Schreck, an actor so method even Brando would have had issues.

The first face of evil personified is Count Orlok, regardless of his tragic story, the masses deem him a monster. What I took away from this (Aside from sick to death of organ music. Blame Carnival of Souls for that one) is a first attempt at bringing some true Horror to the screen with an audience deemed too timid or gentile to venture into this genre. So do I feel it has created an impact? Without a doubt. That being said, my copy was quite grainy and courtesy of my old nemesis, Mill Creek Entertainment.

We will see more vampire reviews during the next month. Count on it. See what I did? I did that one thing. Forget it.

Toss me some more rats. I'm hungry.

Hey gang!  Sorry for the delay but the editing for this audio review took almost two days to get it where I wanted it.   Take a gander yourselves.  Audio Review# 28 Subspecies   I hope you all enjoy it.

Bloodsucker Sequels : Fright Night

Welcome back ladies and gents to Bloodsucker Sequels. Now I know I am violating this concept already but I never got around to reviewing this particular title prior and then tomorrow I can do its sequel good and proper. What do you do when your next door neighbor is a monster? Well don't call the cops. Get Blade. No Blade option? Burn down the house...or you go the route of Charley Brewster. This is Fright Night.

Tater tots on Ala carte??  Hot damn!

Welcome to Fright Night. For real. An excellent line for a cheeseball 80's horror film full of fun, goofs, gore and some sythesizer music with sweet, sweet jazz. Horror buff, comic book nerd Charley Brewster (William Ragsdale of Fright Night, Smooth Talk, Mannequin: On the Move, Herman's Head, Ellen, Just a Little Harmless Sex, Brother's Keeper, Grosse Pointe, Judging Amy, Big Momma's House 2 and Road House 2: Last Call) is a typical, horny teenager ruled by his hormones and girlfriend Amy (Amanda Bearse of All My Children, Protocol, Fright Night, Married with Children, The Doom Generation, Give or Take an Inch and Shy Sharks) won't give it up. Bummer dude! Meh, like I care if the kids are screwing like bunnies.

Psst Charley, vampire wingman get you laid!

To help distract him of his blue balls, a has-been actor that host a late night TV show Fright Night, Peter Vincent (Roddy McDowall of That Darn Cat!, Batman, Planet of the Apes, The Legend of Robin Hood, Journey to Murder, Pretty Maids All in a Row, Bedknobs and Broomsticks, The Poseidon Adventure, The Legend of Hell House, Planet of the Apes TV series, The Fantastic Journey and Circle of Iron) to tell tales of vampires slain and how to dispatch them... foreshadow much? Next door the house that has been abandoned on the block for ages has a van move up on it as two men unload items and one of those items resembles a coffin? How bizarre.

Jerry Danridge (Chris Sarandon of Dog Day Afternoon, The Day Christ Died, Protocol, Fright Night, The Princess Bride, Child's Play, Slaves of New York, Whispers, The Nightmare Before Christmas, Bordello of Blood and Let the Devil Wear Black) appears to be a charming, sexy and captivating man about town but only at night. Charley witnesses Jerry feeding on a lady of ill repute and see his manservant Billy (Project X, House II: The Second Story, Rain Man, The Spirit of '76, Career Opportunities, Mom and Dad Save the World, Ellen and Stop It) take plastic bags out roughly about the size of a body.

Acid reflux's final stage!

Amy and Charley's buddy Ed "Evil Ed" (Stephen Geoffreys of Fright Night, At Close Range, 976-EVIL, Moon 44, Wild Blade, Sex on the Beach, The Leather Virgin, Motel Sex, Manhunt, Cock Pit, Butt Blazer, Buff and Gay and Private Temptations) harass Peter Vincent to convince Charley that he has an overactive imagination. Low and behold Jerry cast no reflexation in a mirror. Jerry abducts Amy later in the evening and leaves Charley to bring Vincent into his fight against the undead. Can Charley and Peter fight Jerry and his manservant? Will they save Amy before she is turned?

SFX creature FX gurus Dale Brady and Bill Sturgeon (Ghostbusters, Aliens, House, The Blob, Cast a Deadly Spell, Demented, The Thing, Howling II: ... Your Sister Is a Werewolf and Beetlejuice) do a combination of prosthetic makeup and appliances and some stop motion creatures with skeletal and mechanical designs.

It is campy, gory and a lot of fun. Don't take it seriously and you will enjoy it that much more and well straight ladies and gay fellas, Chris Sarandon shirtless in the 80s will be worth the viewing. 

Did I remember to tape Elvira last night?

Exploitation Encore: Vampire Girl vs Frankenstein Girl

Heya folks! No this is not me starting up the next week, this is more "Hey Jake, you didn't post anything on Friday nor did you make it up to us Saturday. The hell, man??!!!" Well my ears ring and are bleeding from the cries of those I have wronged. Truth be told had a couple family days this weekend and felt I had more energy than I actually possessed. So today I sat down and gave the last of the week's film its due. I'm so glad I sat down to watch this gore fun fest of continuous screwy. No, why would I lie? So from FX artist/writer/director Yoshihiro Nishimura and director/screenwriter Naoyuki Tomomatsu (The Machine Girl, Tokyo Gore Police and Samurai Princess: Devil Princess) comes the goofy feel good comedy of 2009...oh wait I was watching this. This is Vampire Girl vs Frankenstein Girl.

Alas poor Sho Kosugi, I knew his films well.

Yeah that was just a sentence I uttered. Based on the manga of same title from Shungicu Uchida (Shiirakansu Brains, Nami no Ma Ni Ma Ni, A Personal Affair, Kedarui Yoru ni and Omae no Kaa-chan Bitch!) is the tale of the typical high school crushing of a teenage girl named Monami (Yukie Kawamura of The Scissors Massacre, Hide and Go Kill 2, Hanaoni, Lost Crime, King Game,Virgin and Sister Game) who is smitten by a young boy Jyugon (Takumi Saito of The Total Number of 3000 Juvenile Delinquents, For Love's Sake, Boys on the Run, Someday at a Place in the Sun, The Brothers Karamazov, Specialist 2 and The Ninja War of Torakage) oh and did I mention Monami is a vampire? This is not gone unnoticed by Keiko (Eri Otoguro of Shinri, Shutter, Shaolin Girl, Overflowing and Kamen Rider Wizard in Magic Land) leader of the Lolitas, daughter of the vice-principal and claiming Jyugon as her own. Monami's blood is mixed with a chocolate making Jyugon a half-vampire now and the cat fight ensues.

Man, that girl has a serious overbite.

Meanwhile lower grade students are disappearing for horrific experimentation such as, a modern-day Frankenstein's monster if you will made by some saucy albeit psychotic nurses and a surgeon decked out like a kabuki performer. Yeah that was also a sentence I had to write and nope, can't say I feel right about it. Keiko confronts Monami a quick squabble happens and then Keiko makes quite the swan dive head first. Kabuki surgeon works his magic and brings Keiko back with fresh parts. The battle begins! Who will win Jyugon's heart? How is this school's faculty this dense? Why haven't the students explained all this to their parents for immediate transfer?

A quick couple of points for this film. This is not PC so you will see over exaggerated Ganguro (yeah that is girls in blackface, fashion and hair made into afros) girls, a gang made up of Lolitas(girls roaming about in Victorian and Edwardian apparel) and authority figures such as teachers and police waaaaay over the top. They make fun of the awkwardness of being a teenager, wrist cutting and how one's behavior will weigh in honor on family. Also the fast paced zooming and quick 360 pans were killing my head. Vampires can also manipulate blood and fashion it as melee weapons. Good to know. 85 minutes of crazy antics, warped sense of humor and just down right bizarre anime style live action.

Frankendolly!

Public Domain Flick: Grave of the Vampire

Hello there again everyone. Well I have been checking my Rotten Reelz Reviews Facebook page and the gmail account, (rottenreelzreviews@gmail.com) and I haven't seen a complaint, compliment or crass comment. So I suppose I can just take down all the above and just review whatever the hell I feel like. Let me know either way, people.

Now then I decided to hit up some good old fashioned public domain movies. Why you may ask? 1.) I am not required to hit up more than archives.org to find a copy. 2.) It is less hassle than dealing with commericals of Hulu and broadband issues of Netflix and Amazon. 3.) There is almost certainly a title that makes me blink more than twice after reading it. So howzabout a vengeful vampire searching the Earth for the one that killed his mother and made him into this abomination in the eyes of man and God? No I am not talking about Saya from Blood, D from Vampire Hunter D or even the Daywalker Blade. This is a precursor to all the above. This is Seed of Terror a.k.a. Grave of the Vampire a.k.a. The Tomb of the Vampire.

Sorry but I had to flap away a 400 year old fart.

Created in 1972 ( A whole year before writers Gene Nolan and Marv Wolfman pushed Blade into the Tomb of Dracula comics) and based on the novel The Still Life, writer/novelist David Chase (The Magician, Kolchak: The Night Stalker, Switch, The Rockford Files, Moonlight and Almost Grown) and writer/director John Hayes (The Kiss, Shell Shock, The Cut-Throats, Sweet Trash, Dream No Evil, Jailbait Babysitter and Pleasure Zone) concoct a delightful tale of a day walking hybrid of human and vampire searching for his father...to drive a stake through his heart or maybe to do a father/son potato sack race. Who can truly say.

Our story begins in a cemetery, with a young couple making out by the headstones. Yeah that always goes well after dark. The grave of 1930s rapist/murderer Caleb Croft rumbles the ground so and the murderer has risen from beyond the grave attacking the lad defending his lady's honor and well the rape is implied. Caleb (Michael Pataki of Star Trek, Easy Rider, Side Hackers, The Cut-Throats, The Flying Nun, The Amazing Spider-Man TV series, Zoltan, Hound of Dracula and Rocky IV) is kinda scum, folks. Also hot on Caleb's trail is a detective that took Vampires 101 I guess who seems to have seen too many Bela Lugosi movies (Seriously, this is a line) Lieutenant Panzer (Eric Mason of Days of Our Lives, Scream Blacula Scream, Kiss of the Tarantula and The Love Boat) thinks the impossible is happened and the dead have returned from the grave and then...yeah he gets gacked and there doesn't seem to be any follow-up. Guess Panzer was not loved at the station. Tank jokes a plenty left in his locker, the wife is seeing the milkman on the sly and the family dog pees in his slippers.

Scrawny and Chunky.  They're cops.

The girl carries the child to term, believing it is her boyfriend's offspring...until she has to bottle feed him blood to strengthen him to manhood. That by the way we commonly call, a clue. 30 years later the infant is a man name of James (William Smith of Laredo, Gunsmoke, The Ultimate Warrior, Blood & Guts, The Frisco Kid, Hawaii Five-O, B.J. And the Bear, Hell Comes to Frogtown, Platoon Leader and Warriors of the Apocolypse) who has one mission, to avenge his mother (Kitty Vallacher of Deathmaster, To Hell You Preach, Savage Abduction, Soul Hustler and The Legend of Frank Woods) and slaughter pappy. A bit myopic I grant you but it keeps him going. James is also a vampire but can easily move around during the day without a lethal tan.

Hmm, like that Blade guy. Yeah, I figured that was still a comparison. James is convinced the deaths around the campus that Caleb under the guise of Professor Lockwood is no boating accident. The tox screens point out that all victims have died of extreme blood loss whether or not their throats were slashed or not and it isn't on the ground where they lay. The killer could have just propped the bodies too but hell I'm no detective with Vampire 101 training. Stake or be staked was a good chapter.

Will James get his revenge? Will he be no better than his father? Will Tiny Tim be allowed to walk again?

Well the overall vibe is commercial 1970s showing mild hedonism, flat partying and hints at sex. The cinematography is very precise, very little handheld and a bit static. The rumble between Caleb and James looks damn impressive. Think Roddy Piper and Keith David in They Live without so many shots to the balls of course. There really isn't explicit gore, sex or even that much blood in our vampire movie which was kind of surprising really. With a budget under a half a million, this give a decent feel to a film in spite of some of the content. I think it would have gotten a wider audience with a bit of the old T &A with some blood but all in all not a bad film. This marks the second vampire movie I have seen Michael Pataki in. The other being Zoltan: Hound of Dracula. I just wanted Pataki to quote from Sidehackers. You think I didn't love the boy??!! MY OWN FLESH I DON'T LOVE AS MUCH!!!

Anyone else get a laugh the sound editor is a guy named James Cheap? I just envision the foley stage made up in someone's garage but he has to hurry because the wife wants to park the station wagon and bring in groceries.

I don't have ADD, in fact I...Look a bunny!

Weird West Week: Curse of the Undead

Welcome back you cattle rustlers to Day 2 of Weird West Week. Yeah I should stop attempting the Old West speak. Today's endeavor brings us to 1880 in a remote town on a series of Universal sound stages, a virulent disease seems to be affecting the townsfolk's' young girls as they waste away. Dr. Carter has been tending these girls as best as humanly possible but there is no rational explanation. This is Curse of the Undead.

Mind yourself, son.  Good manners means less holes in the body.

Doctor John Carter (John Hoyt of Operation C.I.A., 120' Clock High, Gunpoint, Duel at Diablo, The Big Valley, The Virginian and Return to Peyton Place) and his nurse/daughter Dolores (Kathleen Crowley of Target Earth, Wesward Ho, the Wagons!, The Rebel Set and Downhill Racer) are perplexed at this viral infection, why does it afflict the young and why only the girls? Attending the patients hour at a time, some have died in their sleep when another patient Cora look as though she will pull through it, The Carters have some breakfast and a break from this nightly vigil when they hear a muffled scream from Cora's bedroom. Rushing to get there only to find Cora slumped on her bed, her window open and she is quite dead. Preacher Young (Eric Fleming of Conquest of Space, Queen of Outer Space, Rawhide and The Glass Bottom Boat) prays for the girl's soul when he notices two neat holes in her neck. Prickly heat no doubt.

Doctor Carter makes his way back to his ranch when son Tim (Jimmy Murphy of Mister Roberts, Crashing Las Vegas, Looking for Danger and The Last American Hero) has had nothing but problems from nearby neighbor Buffer (Bruce Gordon of Behind Closed Doors,The Untouchables, Tower of London, Peyton Place and Piranha) trying to steal/ruin/terrorize them off their land to add to his own. Rather than letting Tim just give him the business with a .45 Peacemaker, Doctor Carter suggests talking to the Sheriff about it. While this goes on a mysterious black clad stranger moseys into town with a chiseled jaw and ice in his veins.

Daddy, you missed your turn.   

True to his word the Sheriff (Edward Binns of 12 Angry Men, North by Northwest, Judd for the Defense, It Takes a Thief, Lovin' Molly, Patton, Diary of the Dead and The Verdict) gives Buffer an earful, belts one of his loud mouthed gunfighters and even smoothly draws his hogleg aimed at Buffer's belly waiting for him to draw his own horse pistol. Buffer comes across as the man that buys a gun arm or backshoots a man and just makes nice with the sheriff. The doc makes his way back to the ranch but seems to be asleep at the reigns when he falls limp from the momentum of the coach (buckboard I think)coming to a halt. Tim convinced it was Buffer goes for revenge. Meanwhile the stranger goes for a light nap... in Doctor Carter's coffin. Hmm, interesting.

Tim topped off with enough whiskey can't see straight loses to the gunfight with Buffer. With two funerals and beloved family gone Dolores prints up wanted posters for Tim's killer, the stranger snags one. Couple of Buffer's boys attempt to shoot the stranger when he causally draws his piece and shoots one of them in the hand. The gunhand swears he shot the stranger right in the belly. Dolores meets with the stranger known as Drake Robey (Michael Pate of Hondo, Julius Caesar, The Court Jester, Matlock Police, Death of a Soldier and A Dangerous Life) who is more than eager to take out Buffer but shys away from crucifixes, mirrors and daylight. What does this gunfighter get out of helping a grief-stricken woman? Will there be more deaths to follow?

A few notes of interest at this time. I just realized that the Preacher is Trail boss Gil from Rawhide.

With the mono sound, black and white cinematography and haunting musical score, this fairly fasted paced Western is is clever, well-written and the performances are pretty impressive. Feels like a 50's Western with a hint of horror. Fleming's preacher is cunning and wily about his opposition and must save his town. Yet what of the gunfighter? With his need for Karmic balance, one could argue that he wishes to good as much as what his nature will allow. Coming under 79 minutes this was a decent film and I am damn glad I picked it on a whim.   

Timmy, you've been drinking again.  Honey, take it easy.

George A. Romero Week: Martin

Greetings Romero fans and welcome back to Day 2 of George A. Romero Week. Well I thought initially like so many that Romero was unable to get away from his zombie comfort zone and could not provide us any terror aside from the shambling dead that rot. I was, in fact wrong and discovered a disturbed character haunted by visions of vampiric seduction, impeding torch and pitchfork wielding mobs and the inability to tell if they are real or simply imagined. This is Martin.

Hmm?  Yes, Satan?

Martin Madahas: Things only seem to be spoilers. There is no real magic. There's no real magic ever.

Our movie opens on an overnight train with a young man (John Amplas of Dawn of the Dead, Bloodeaters, Knightriders, Creepshow, Midnight, Day of the Dead and No Pets) Martin after he is sedated a young women with a syringe filled with God knows what, slices open her arm with a razor blade and proceeds to drink her blood. A tad kooky, perhaps but maybe he is just misunderstood. That next morning he gets on another train to Braddock Pennsylvania with a man garbed in white (Lincoln Maazel of NET Playhouse and Martin). The man is actually Martin's great uncle Cuda, a strict Lithuanian Catholic that has no time for fantasies and absurd behavior and is highly suspicious that Martin's immediate family had died in Indianapolis while he was untouched.

Santa after Jenny Craig.

He takes Martin in his home but informs him there are rules and obligations to be met and will be met for anyone under his roof. His cousin Cristina (Christine Forrest of Three Stops to Murder, Martin, Dawn of the Dead, Knightriders, Creepshow, Monkey Shines and The Dark Half) is forbidden to interact with Martin at all which.. would make dinner time tough. Treating his grandnephew like an outcast the boy is frustrated and asks why, Cuda responds if anyone in Braddock is murdered he will drive a stake right through Martin's heart.

Working in Cuda's butcher shop Martin makes deliveries to several of the local women in town and zeroes in on Mrs. Santini (Elyane Nadeau of Martin) whose husband is out of town so often she tries to snare the lad for herself but it unnerves him the first few times as she is clearly grand uncle's best customers and must curb the beast. He catches a ride to Pittsburgh and targets a woman that looks lonely but he is unsure now of his predatory instincts. Will Martin be found and staked? Will grand uncle lighten up and put on a kicky beret?

Now a few words about our film.

To escape the dreaded "X" rating of the razor blade opening up someone's arm, Romero trimmed the shot down by several seconds because the MPAA found it to be vulgar, violent and unnecessary... yet every vampire movie has protruding fangs driven in a neck or around a collar bone.

Tom Savini did all the stunts, played Arthur, Christina's boyfriend as well as FX makeup for the movie as this was the first time collaborating with Romero but certainly not the last. The Latin exorcism passages read by the priest during Martin's flashback sequences are authentic so get those recorders, tablets and laptops at the ready to translate it just in case you have a distant relative that seems a bit hinky.

Narrowed down to 95 minutes Romero feels the additional 160 minutes that was removed really allows the viewers inside Martin's mind and psychosis to with Cuda talks to the boys the vampire lore, how the art of seduction could seem enticing but how they must never stray from the path of the lord. Deep stuff in my opinion.

So wait... you're not Shaun Cassidy?  Get out of my car!

Vampire Grab Bag Week: Lust For A Vampire

Day 2 of the Vampire Grab Bag Week is upon us!   I bring us to the continuation of the Karnstein Trilogy.  A film that has many a buxom young lady, many an overtly drawn out scene, late night nude swims and creepy eyed men that almost hit the caliber of Christopher Lee but not quite and yes once again implied lesbian themes.   It seems Hammer was desperate to keep bottoms in the theater seats so clearly scantily clad females or topless ones will grasp the notice of many a horndog man.  So get your torches, blades and stakes for the vampiress is on the loose.  This is Lust for a Vampire.

School lunch program looks good to me!

You too will fall under the spoiler of Mircalla and then you will be damned for all eternity!

Once again an adaptation of Sheridan Le Fanu’s Carmilla is being created by Hammer Films by writer Tudor Gates (Death Is a Good Living, Better a Widow, Danger: Diabolik, Barbarella, The Vampire Lovers, Fright and Twins of Evil) showcases the depravity that lurks inside us all but especially young, prim and proper schoolgirls?   Not far from the uninhabited Castle Karnstein is a proper school for young girls that have been beseeched by black magic, Satanism and vampires.  An accomplished writer Richard Lestrange (Michael Johnson of The Human Jungle, Anne of a the Thousand Days, Homebodies, Crown Court and Perfect Scoundrels), a horror novelist is doing research for his next novel and the local villagers are warning him off from the Castle Karnstein and speak of every 40 years an unspeakable evil lurks through the land in the form of a vampire.  The legends speak of the sacrifice of an innocent blood to resurrect their wicked ancestors and bring for an age of darkness.

No I am not Paul McGann.

The local school houses an ancient vampiress now unbeknownst to all except for a few.  Yes this vampiress can WALK IN THE DAYLIGHT, be awake at all hours and seduces with a glance.   A young school girl Mircalla (Yutte Stensgaard Denmark nude model of The Girl with a Pistol, The Love Factor, Some Girls Do, Carry on Again Doctor, Scream and Scream Again and Doctor in Trouble) is perplexed to classmates missing, a local girl in town and even a teacher seems to have had a “heart attack” but her current attentions are on Lestrange as he has replaced the English instructor for this school and they both cannot cope with their feelings for one another.   

Yes now I must nitpick a bit about this film.  While this reign of terror is about; this would seem the ample time for copious amount of nudity, a over the top love scene where the orgasm brings Yutte to a cross eyed response to the tune of a tripe pop song entitled Strange Love.  This movie feels as though it stems away from the dignity of the Hammer Legacy and feels like the movie was rushed together providing far too much unexplained and how the royals move about without anyone questioning them at all.  They did not have any royal guards to speak of so revolting villagers could not have been thwarted in any sense of the manner.  There was more fog in this movie that John Carpenter’s The Fog and its remake combined, our blood looked garishly red and my god there were more heaving bosoms in this flick to rival soft core pornography.

Zombies? In the lake?? Heavens!