The Flash Season 1

Yup back again. It's okay I know you missed me. So four seasons have passed and I haven't even done the first season of the Scarlet Speedster?? If I am not careful I may lose more geek credits (Still getting crap for never following anything of Harry Potter) and frankly I cannot afford to lose any more. So today we talk about the metahuman (super powered being in DC universe classification) super hero that watches over Central City. This is The Flash.

Matrix bullet time...cool.

Forensics scientist, Barry Allen (Grant Gustin of 90210, Glee, Arrow, Vixen, Supergirl and The Flash) first appeared on-screen in Season 2, episode 8 dealing with the first of the Mirakuru (Miracle) super-soldiers. Boy that sounds silly when you write that up. Barry shows a very human side of himself revealing his mother was killed by a metahuman and his father framed for the murder. After aiding in the case, saving Ollie's life and finding out his secret identity, Barry went back in time to witness the birth of an exotic matter particle accelerator that will bring about change in the world as we know it.

With the use of S.T.A.R. Labs (Scientific and Technological Advanced Research Laboratories) and their golden boy, published theorist/scientist Dr. Harrison Wells (Tom Cavanagh of Scrubs, Ed, Yogi Bear, Arrow, Supergirl and The Flash) at the helm, many are worried while others are excited. The experiment puts out a strange pulse wave of almost lightning and Barry is struck in his lab around an assortment of chemicals, putting him into a coma for nine months.

Hehe snuck whiskey in my mug.

Awakening after so long asleep to Lady Gaga's Poker Face, Barry sees Dr. Caitlin (Danielle Panabaker of Sky High, Empire Falls, Friday the 13^th, Bones, Justified, Arrow, Supergirl and the Flash) biochemist, M.D.and electrical engineer and manufactorist, Cisco Ramon (Carlos Valdes of Arrow, Vixen, Supergirl, Legends of Tomorrow and The Flash) as they explain to Barry how the coma occurred and that he has changed.

Barry thanks them profusely and DOES NOT sue them or CCPD for the lack of safety margins for a lightning strike as he heads out to see his favorite person, Iris West (Candice Patton of Commander and Chief, The Guest, The Game, Con Man, Supergirl, Arrow, Legends of Tomorrow and The Flash) childhood friend and long time crush...has moved on to seriously dating a cop crushing Barry's puppy love. He takes off and lands about 700 feet in the opposite direction as suddenly he is propelling at great speeds.

Heading back to S.T.A.R. Labs to find out what is wrong with him they see he what he can do. Other than travel at ridiculous speeds and damn near set his clothes on fire. Little writing gag is as a speedster's power grows, he or she can emit an aura around them and those traveling with them so they don't melt or freeze depending on the travel and environment.

Jason Vorhees, is that you?

But Barry isn't the only one effected by the dark matter particles that was released in the blast, as he decides to do something about these villainous metahumans, suits up and proceeds to kick some ass.

Trying to keep his activities quiet, Cisco makes Barry a suit that withstand his high speed travels and makes him a mask to conceal his face. Reluctantly Dr. Wells and S.T.A.R. Labs team join Barry as he creates his alternative identity, The Flash. The man in a yellow costume that killed his mother years ago is back. To torment the Flash?

Reminiscent of the 1990 The Flash, several of the actors come to this series playing different or familiar roles to the previous series. John Wesley Shipps who was Barry in the 1990 The Flash is now Barry's father, Dr. Henry Allen.

A side note, Wentworth Miller and Dominic Purcell of Prison Break are teamed up as Flash Rogues, Captain Cold and Heatwave.

DCU TV seems to be on a booming track as these shows are risk takers deeming the DC characters of the three best known characters, Superman, Batman and Wonder Woman are not in their own series...yet.

Rocket Maaaaaaaan...

Revenge of the Zombies

Back again boys and girls. It's okay. I know you missed me. How about a zombie film starring Captain Ben Morris and Uncle Remis? Lost you all?   Good.  I am referencing character actor veteran John Carradine of Shock Waves and James Baskett of Song of the South. Yes let's hearken back to the year 1943. This Revenge of the Zombies.

Casual Friday at the Ministry of Silly Walks

Deep within the Louisiana swamps, odd things are happening. Which is par for the course in films, killer crocodiles in an area they are not indigenous to, zombies, serial killers. I mean the list just goes on and on. Seriously Hollywood, go mess with Florida more. Manhunter and Mean Season were a while ago.

Scott Warrington (Mauritz Hugo of The Utah Kid, No Questions Asked, The Restless Gun and Tales of Wells Fargo) and his ace detective chum Larry Adams (Robert Lowery of Mystery of the River Boat, The Monster and the Ape, Arson, Inc. and Batman and Robin) are trudging through the swamps in search of an old mansion currently occupied by Scott's sister Lila (Veda Ann Borg of Kid Galahad, The Shadow, The Falcon in Hollywood, The Bachelor and the Bobby-Soxer, The Restless Gun, The Fearmakers and The Alamo) and her husband, Dr. Max Von Altermann (John Carradine of Jesse James, Stagecoach, Frontier Marshal, House of Frankenstein, House of Dracula, Billy the Kid Versus Dracula, Branded, Red Zone Cuba and Death Corps a.k.a. Shock Waves) and see what all the hubbub is, bub.

We find out thanks to some exposition, that Warrington's sister Lila, who was in good health dropped dead at a young age. The family doctor suspects poison and is convinced Dr. Altermann is the killer in question. Doesn't help him refusing the doctor the right to examination of her body for death certification.

Great Scott! I hope Robin can handle Gotham while I am away.

Apparently the good doctor is a bit kooky. Little bit crackers. See he is building the ultimate army for the Third Reich. A regiment of the dead. Yuuuuup! We are in Nazi Zombie territory again. Given this is 1943, we shan't see an exorbitant amount of boobies. Sorry sexist pig fans.

So ace detective decides to play Warrington and Warrington plays detective Adams for the old switcheroo! Then the put the squeeze on him, see? Take the thumb screws to him, see?

Another welcome site to this otherwise serious film about Nazi Zombies is character actor/dancer/comedian Mantan Moreland (Girl Trouble, Eyes in the Night, Cabin in the Sky, Charlie Chan in the Secret Service, The Scarlet Clue, Dark Alibi and The Shangnai Cobra) known for being bug eyed, jittery and great escapes from monsters, creepers and general supernatural happenings. Sweet jumpin' catfish! His character Jeff is fast talking, good solid comedic relief and more nervous than a long tailed cat in a room full of rockin' chairs.

The writer is correct. I am rocking the John Holmes stache.

Now then let's take a moment and talk about our antagonist, Dr. Altermann or rather John Carradine. With 351 credits to his name, that is a damn accomplishment. And then...I found out that some ambitious directors would buy footage of Carradine and insert them into the flick so they could top bill him in order to draw in a crowd.

Frankenstein Island with director Jerry Warren who used the same footage of Carradine as a floating head would either repeat dialogue or have new dialogue with the same footage.

Whereas Fred Olen Ray took five minutes of footage from Judge from Hell and crammed it in his failing title Honey Britches and under Troma title renamed it Demented Death Farm Massacre. Yeah I find some of the weirdest trivia to bestow upon my readers.

Back to the film. With a mixture of the Helsinky formula (MST3K reference) and his mambo (voodoo priestess, not the dance) this legion of the damned to good to go for bringing about the Nazi facist regime. Rocking a John Holmes like mustache, Carradine doesn't look 180 like I am used to so you can imagine my surprise when the tall, lanky creeper eyed Carradine seemingly looked pleasant and kind hearted.

Also clips of White Zombie starring Bela Lugosi were crammed in here. Can Warrington and Adams combat the dead? Do they know the head shot or Evil Dead bodily dismemberment?

It would appear we have the godfather of the Nazi Zombie subgenre. The originator, the patient zero if you will. With oddly placed incidental music, Moreland running all over that mansion and hijinks ensuing, you forget this is supposed to be a serious film. So yes if you want a goofy black & white flick to riff on or instigate a drinking game, Revenge of the Zombies is your flick.

Let's bring out the whole cast ONE MORE TIME!!!

Tag: the Assassination Game

Howdy readers. Back again. So months of being unable to find a digital or DVD copy of this film my Rotten Ramblin' On and Rotten Reelz Reviews Video Review Co-Star Shawn has been talking about. I check YouTube one last time and it is clear this translation is VHS captured. Weee!!!

Yeah this allusive mother humper has been the need to plug to reference something popular. In this case, Jeremy Renner's TAG. Yup it's just a hook. So with that being said, this is Tag: The Assassination Game.

Were you looking for Sarah Connor?

Wooo, alternative titles such as: Kiss Me, Kill Me, Tag and Everyone Gets It in the End. Well my non-existent boobies explode with delight. Shot in UCLA, because...inexpensive? I believe the storyline takes place on said campus unless this is Haddonfield Illinois that resembles California. That's a Halloween joke for those that didn't get it. Seems appropriate when the movie is directed by "The Shape" Michael Myers himself, Nick Castle (Dark Star, Halloween, Escape From New York and Halloween). Hey if you can't trust the director of The Last Starfighter and Major Payne, then the world just got a little darker.

Moving along, the campus has a more than a handful of elite assassins with dossiers of each other as in a picture and the code name they go by.

Their reigning champion of TAG has been methodical, patient and frankly has no life aside from this game. Loren (Bruce Abbot of Re-Animator, Bride of Re-Animator, Interzone, Bad Dreams and Trance) rules supreme thus far and no one has come close to defeating him. I'd point out this guy is built, handsome and fairly friendly so picking up a girl or guy wouldn't be difficult, so yeah no idea what his trip is. Maybe he is still hung up on Megan and Herbert West. Re-Animator Joke!

Hollywood mugshot!

Yeesh. A college reporter Alex Marsh (Robert Carradine of Massacre at Central High, Revenge of the Nerds, Rude Awakening, Body Bags, Escape From L.A. and Lizzie McGuire)attempting has to do a fluff piece, decides to bring this college game to light and see what is so intriguing about pretend killing people. Cue the Maze and Monsters theme music. Seriously, since I was about 13, RPGs, Comic books, Science Fiction and Sci-Fantasy took so many blows to the head. It was annoying.

Unlike those kneejerk uptights, Marsh proceeds to seek out Susan Swayze (Linda Hamilton of The Terminator, Beauty and the Beast, T2: Judgement Day, Dante's Peak, A Girl Thing, Smile, Missing in America and Terminator: Salvation) leading Alex into the world of assassins, plots, schemes and taking out their target. To appreciate the full scope of the game, the players are at the last leg of the tournament for the movie. Susan shows Alex surveillance tips, observations and real world effects the game has.

So...highway head?

As the two team-up allowing Alex to take notes, Susan and Marsh start bonding. With a dark comedy with a dash of film noir, a bit of exploitation and grim humor.

Loren trails a lower rung assassin into the shower and his pistol accidentally nails Loren. Devastated at this, he tries to call off this now happy nerd. Loren knows what he must to do, to keep his record perfect and remove the threat.

During the course of the game and over a few days, Susan and Alex find campus police and Homicide have discovered a dead body with a bullet wound in his chest.

Alex and Susan both creeped about it start thinking as this death is followed by others, more brazen than the next. It is relatively as if the killer is getting a taste for it.

Neither of our duo feel the cops can do all of the investigation on their own. With a hot scoop for Alex and a need for Susan to flex her psychology major, the pair use their collective senses and cunning to who this lunatic could be.

The only link to those murdered is the game. Can Alex and Susan survive the night? Will the cops be useful?

A bit of trivia. A LARP (Live Action Role Playing Game) named Killer by Steve Jackson is almost identical to how this game was played down to dossiers, profiles and alias. Released in 1981 a tad prior to Tag: The Assassination Game and three years later, Anthony Edwards' Gotcha with paintball guns, espionage and intrigue.

The cast of folk did make me laugh as I saw character actor Xander Berkley, TV and Film actor Kristine DeBell of Meatballs, The Big Brawl and Blood Brothers and Michael Winslow of Police Academy series. Last bit of trivia I swear. Gowdy played by Winslow has a substantial bodyguard as this is Forest Whittaker's first film appearance.

Damnest thing as good as this film was, no DVD or Blu-Ray release.   There is a Roger Corman flick of the same title in 1994 but no relation to the other. I had to watch this with a VHS conversion.    Oh yes gentle readers, I did play Killer and I played to win.

NO! I will not be in any Terminator reboots!!

GTA: Vice City

How goes it my readers?   Well I missed Comic Con thanks to a butt ton of migraines so that sucked.  Today's foray into writing is an older subject I haven't done in a while, it's a video game.   Well it took me a while to get off of crappy WiFi and pick up Cox Cable again.   Yeah priorities are fun.   So I thought we would hit Steam for some classic mischief and nothing says classy like the world of Grand Theft Auto.   This is GTA: Vice City

Tools and the talent.

In the far-back time of 2002,  Rockstar Games gave us standard third-person perspective as we follow the story of Tommy Vercetti (Ray Liotta of Goodfellas, Unlawful Entry, No Escape, Corrina, Corrina, Cop Land, Revolver, Smokin' Aces and Narc).   A low ranking soldier of the Forelli family from Liberty City is back after a 15 year stretch in the iron bar hotel.  

The year is 1986 and his boss Sonny (Tom Sizemore of Heat, Red Planet, Blackhawk Down, Dreamcatcher, Born Killers and No Rules) feels his loyalty has earned him caporegime (Made Man, a boss among men) being put in charge of Vice City.    With a middleman, a crooked lawyer Ken the deal is set to go when out of nowhere, a three man hit squad smokes Tommy's bodyguards and the drug supplier.  Tommy and Ken flee while the gunmen take off with the cash and drugs.

All I asked was for Don Johnson's autograph!

Sonny is pissed and leaves it in Tommy's hands.  Tommy hits a yacht party hosted by a retired colonel Cortez (Robert Davi of Maniac Cop 2, Maniac Cop 3, Die Hard, License to Kill, Profiler and The Expendables 3) who brokered the coke deal and he wants answers too.   With a bit of mission working, Tommy starts piecing who screwed him and starts wacking wise guys like he has a hunting licence.   Bumping off a few key players in Vice City, Tommy and new partner Lance Vance (Phillip Michael Thomas of Miami Vice, The Wizard of Speed and Time, Extralarge: Black and White, Extralarge: Miami Killer, Swamp Thing, Extralarge: Moving Target and We Are Angels) the boys are sitting pretty on that much Colombian flake.




 

Meet pillars of the community.

Doesn't hurt to have a biker gang watching the compound and working with the Cuban gangs as business partners.    Tommy can also hide his money in buying out bankrupt companies, putting them back in the game and having additional earnings.

Let's talk about gameplay.  Standard W,A,S,D for movement, mouse for direction and of course index figure is firearms, melee like a bat, blade or brass knuckles and punch.  Yes you can "acquire" cars, trucks and bikes as you could in GTA III but all radio shows, music, chat formats are all 80s.   Gun, machine guns, SMGs, grenades, RPGs (Rocket Propelled Grenades), ball bats, a katana,  it's nuts what Tommy has to work with.  While some missions will be timed, overall you can explore the town, get the vibe of it and in general, have a blast.

Given we are in the wayback machine on this one, Vice City cannot help but look like Miami.    Dude, we have Lee Majors, Burt Reynolds, Danny Trejo, Gary Busey, Luis Guzman, Dennis Hopper all making voice appearances.  Including Blondie's Debbie Harry and Adult Actress Jenna Jameson as plot based characters.  Even NY Giants Lawrence Taylor is in on this.

Missions vary from delivering four flavors of ass whipping, to a remote control helicopter ride for demolitions and more gun fights than a game of Quake. 

Yes it is just as violent as say...almost any action, drama, crime drama or buddy cop film in the 80s and so what?  This can be one the kids play or not.  That is a parent call.

Nothing seamy going on here.  Honest.

Piranhaconda

Back again with a creature feature, kiddies. At the request of my mom, who has been hounding me for over three years to lock my peepers for the upcoming flick. So firstly, it is a Jim Wynorski film so my brain went, "Why is Mom watching a film that will have enough T & A in it to rival the seventies?"

Now I will back up and point out she has a wide variety taste in films but every so often it would be nice to say review, Our Man in Havana by Carol Reed, or perhaps Howard Hawks' Rio Bravo. Hell I hear Sam Fuller's film noir The Crimson Kimono is quite clever and well executed. Mom, I love you but less of these flicks as a choice, please.

Then I remember Camel Spiders which was dialogue driven, action packed and a damn good cast. Loved The Return of the Swamp Thing and all its glory thus bringing about the TV series. So you know what? Let this newfound appreciation into Jim Wynorski take sway and let's give the move a shot. This is Piranhaconda.

So Kimmy, you like Scary Movies??

Shot in L.A.and regions of Kaua'i Hawaii (for jungle sequences and more than a handful of Wynorski's creature features), this is the sequel or follow-up to all the mad scientist hybrids from Sharktopus. You know the drill. Hybrid and gene splicing bio-weapons for the government. That old chestnut. What's next? Men in rubber suits? A guy mostly plant? Huh, why does that sound familiar? Anywho, back to the review.

Our credits start with some beautiful aerial shots of Kaua'i as Michael Madsen's name pops up and I am wondering which Michael Madsen we are going to get. Species Michael Madsen who was clever and resourceful? Reservoir Dogs Michael Madsen torturing a cop to 70s Funk or BloodRayne Madsen who clearly couldn't have given a crap to be there. In his defense, it was an Uwe Boll film. Yeah Boll, still think your work is crap, tired of the cams not on a stabilizer and if you read this, you still are mediocre at best.   Do something.

When capturing Michael Madsen, be at least 15 feet away. Crafty he is.

Grumpy aggression aside, the opening music sounds pure 50s with Jasmin Poncelet singing Piranhaconda. Yeah I think that will be stuck in my head for a few.  A bit blues and punk combo platter.  Lovegrove (Michael Madsen) apparently knows about this island and its genetic aberrations a little too well.  His camera girl and lone backup are instant Piranhaconda CGI snack food as Lovegrove beats feet.   Let's just say you have to see the conflict ahead.

Meanwhile on these lust jungle isle, a slasher film is being shot and my god, the poor bastard in the Jasonesque outfit must be roasting.  Diva scream queen Kimmy (Shandi Finnessey of Sharktopus, Piranhaconda and Garbage) is most vexed to a call time at 5 a.m.   She grumbles at P.A. Assistant Rose (Terri Ivens of Marked for Death, Trancers 5: Sudden Deth, All My Children and The Bay) while stuntman/slasher Jack (Rib Hillis of Empathy, Taos, Dinocroc vs. Supergator, Groom's Cake and Sorority Party Massacre) tries consoling Rose for a drink. With sex. Well yeah, that hidden agenda was easy to figure out.

Debbie searches for Bob...to be honest I could barely make out what she said.  Debbie didn't look familiar, so a quick trip to IMDB annnnd..Angie Savage (Porn Star Pool Party, Malibu Girlfriends, Bree & Sasha, Give Me Pink4 and The Scarlet Manor) has done other avenues.   Love the suspense music sounds like a mixture of Dark Shadows and Friday the 13^th.

Cecil??

Rose discovers folklore of the area calling a massive creature the River Devil for several generations. Which begs the question. "Are Cool Ranch Doritos that good?" Uh I mean did the Piranhaconda occur in nature rather than a twisted amalgamation in a lab?  Seriously though, why do people like Cool Ranch?

Lovegrove still running around with his ill-gotten gain attempts to find wheels when he is held at gunpoint by Sports Illustrated Swimsuit model Rachel Hunter?? Well, there are worse ways to go, I suppose. She's part of a gun-totting militia/merc force just hanging.  Their boss is a bit of a wanker, to steal a British phrase and tells Lovegrove what's what and how it is.

Sub plot #4 has three girls wondering around for a specific orchid that blooms when it feels like it, supposedly imbued with massive healing powers. EAT IT!!! Be like Wolverine!  Dr. Masters (Erika Jordan of Stretch, After Midnight, Bikini Avengers and The Playboy Morning Show) feels she and her companions are on the right track. Oh girls, traveling with "The Doctor" could be dangerous. Jungle guide Leilani (Jenny Lin of Dexter, Californication, Bosch and The Burning Dead) got gobbled off screen and well... pretty sure Dr. Masters won't be publishing much.

Still laughing at the working title for the slasher film, Head Chopper 3. Almost makes you wish you could see the first two. The slasher outfit reminds me of Friday the 13^th Part 2 and The Town that Dreaded Sundown.

Like Camel Spiders, Dinocroc vs. Supergator, and Komodo vs. Cobra, Wynorski doesn't rely on the copious amount of nudity like others of the past.   In fact it is plot driven, character connection and dialogue expected from a creature feature.  One-liners and guns blazing.  This is good old-fashioned "B" movie fun.  A few bits of cheesy dialogue, action and for the sexist pigs still reading my blog, yes girls in bikinis.

Now I understand you fellas cannot actually appreciate a girl for mind, soul and body and probably more than a handful of you want to see these girls nude.  Well look it up yourselves.  Not your porn guru.  So if you want some fun and general goofiness with a flick, you are in luck.

Bobbing for girls!

Victor Crowley

What's this? Parry Shen playing the same character twice? My God it can happen. Hey folks I am back and yes we are heading down the dark path of Horror once more. I know I am slowly gaining the reputation of doing just Horror reviews and hey, toss a message on FB or the blog and give me ideas what you want me to check out. Honestly though, you expect me to pass up on Felissa Rose and Tiffany Shepis slugging it out with a crazy monster of a man? Afraid not.

This is Victor Crowley.

Oh Jonah, keeping an eye out for us.

We get a flashback of a couple spooning in a canoe in the sixties. Were Del (Jonah Ray of Saul of the Mole Men, Mama's Boy, Trip Tank and MST3K: The Return) and bride-to-be Sue (Kelly Vrooman of Sunny Side Up, The Chica Show, Rekindled and Junk Drawer Magic Adventures) are relaxing in the very Honey Island Swamp. Yeah that swamp with the 6'3" murderous mongoloid madman that was played by a former Jason a.k.a. Kane Hodder!!! The amusing part is seeing Tyler Mane (Sabertooth of X-Men and Michael Myers in Zombie's Halloween) get the Samuel L. Jackson treatment of Deep Blue Sea. Hey kids! Here's some advice that just might save your asses!! SPLAT!!

10 years after the first film we are back around Honey Island Swamp, Andrew Yong, the EMT (Parry Shen of The New Guy, Better Luck Tomorrow, Tru Calling, Rule of 3, Hatchet, World of Warcraft: Mists of Pandaria and Far Cry 3) from Hatchet III is back for the fourth film, after the gruesome events. As the only survivor of his murderous rampage, Andrew has become a minor celebrity but hoping to move on with his life.

Hey wait a minute, didn't Marybeth (Danielle Harris of Halloween 4: The Return of Michael Myers, Halloween 5: The Revenge of Michael Myers, Daylight, Urban Legend, The Wild Thornberrys, Halloween, Halloween II and Stakeland) of the previous two films survive? Hmm, I believe she did. Where's her endorsement deal? Nike: For fleeing ax wielding maniacs?

Once again, I am not BD Wong!

Andrew is plugging his book and life is better but not exactly champagne and caviar. More like beer and pizza money. Andrew is a little pissed about the daytime show that his ex-wife hosts...yeah awkward. His publicist Kathleen (the vivacious Felissa Rose of Sleepaway Camp, Nikos the Impaler, Zombiegeddon, Slaughter Party, Satan's Playground, Dead and Gone, Return to Sleepaway Camp, Silent Night, Zombie Night and Camp Dread) assures him he rocked the house.

Nerdy fan girl Chloe (Katie Booth of Unstrung, Demon Gate, Tell Me How I Die and Victor Crowley) is at the convention for said book signing wanting to do X-rated carnal acts with Andrew while announcing that to her boyfriend, doofus emo Alex (Chase Williamson of John Dies at the End, Sparks, Video Game High School, SiREN, and Camera Obscura) who seems less cool about this trek. Can't ever imagine why. Apparently they are trying to pitch directing in a Horror film about the Victor Crowley murders.

Kathleen drops the bomb on Real Crime Stories wanting to fly him out to the very same swamp, exclusive, cash in on the 10^th year anniversary and he makes an ass load of money. By that, I am talking a million clams.

Subtitles of DooOooOom!!!

The film crew is sadly part of his ex-wife Sabrina (Krystal Joy Brown of Castle, Law & Order: Special Victims Unit, Englishman in L.A.: The Movie and She-Ra and the Princesses of Power) is determined to milk as much as she can out of his worth. Sound guy Austin (Brian Quinn of Vulgar, The Little Slutty Mermaid, The Tenderloins, Jay and Silent Bob's Super Groovy Cartoon Movie and 12 Monkeys) Videographer Casey (the lovely Tiffany Shepis of Citizen Toxie: The Toxic Avenger IV, Bundy, Death Factory, Scarecrow, Bloody Murder 2: Closing Camp, Dead Scared, Dorm of the Dead and Hoodoo for Voodoo) and makeup artist Jay (Tezz Yancey of The Bewitching, Heroes, Dice, Semi-Famous and Victor Crowley). SPOILERS!!! Yeah, pretty sure the crew would feed Sabrina to the nearest gator.

Naturally our young Indie film crew are pesky kids...that are ressurecting our great big mongoloid dunder head of death. Dammit pesky kids!! You don't read from the book, you do not get high, fool around in the woods and you STAY OFF THE DAMN MOORS!!!!

So naturally the plot device um I mean plane falls out of the sky. The creature rises from his watery grave to do harm. The only one with an inkling of common sense, Andrew is getting the third degree from all our panicked plane crash victims. Liar, accused murderer, psychopath and so on. Andrew, toss them all out and let Crowley have his way with them. Easy peasy.

Trapped in the plane, our hopeless victims are deciding whether or not to leave the plane.

Gross? Oh that is putting it mildly. Let's just say like the rest of this series, this is not for the faint of heart, those with tender tummies and DEFINITELY NOT for the kids. You listening this time, parents?? I am not having a Hatchet repeat, thank you very much.

Epinions reviews are gone yes, but I had parents losing their damn minds swearing profusely at me for a R rated film. Yeah that's balanced. Next you'll tell me it's all Samuel L Jackson's fault.

Regardless of that route altering rant there, this is exactly what you expect from director/writer Adam Green.   Used an existing set to center most of the kills around.  They were graphic and well done. The film had plenty of ridiculous moments and I did laugh in parts we civilized people aren't suppose to. So Hatchet fans it is a decent gore fest.

Yeesh, even a mother couldn't love that mug.

Hot Lead Hard Fury

And we are back, my people. So hope you enjoyed the binge watching of Luke Cage Season 2. Today's endeavor was supposed to be done on Saturday but a migraine boned my scheduling. Our feature length film this fine Sunday is of the exploitation genre but a retro vibe over all. Meaning our ballsy director/writer/editor Mike Olafson (Galleons and Gold, Gears, Grease and Guitars, Motor Vixens and Hot Lead Hard Fury) had the audacity to film in 8mm and then convert to HD. Already I am stoked. This is Hot Lead Hard Fury.

You were expecting Black Belt Jones?

In the streets of Steel City, a new drug is sweeping its way through the town like a plague. The city has become a haven for corruption, violence and a new designer drug called Voodoo Blue.

Described as a mixture of coke with LSD, you know that combo is going to do a body good.

When a drug sting goes belly up Detective Cal Beefer (Mike Malloy of Escape Back to the Movies,The Scarlet Worm, Naples Never Dies... It Shoots!, Samurai Cop 2: Deadly Vengeance and Page-Jumper) has been made a chalk outline, his brother Chuck (writer/actor Jesse Frazier)rolls into town to take over what baby brother Cal couldn't finish.

Man, screw Superfly. I gots the connections.

With a seventies blues montage intro we have the drug sting gone bad, our villains cackling over their evil deeds and Chuck showing off his mad skills. Yes I did laugh at his Bruce Lee Game of Death inspired tracksuit.  But that's okay.   I see the theme going.  It's all good.   Some of the car chase montage feels a bit like The Sweeny and The Mechanic.   Y'know, good things of the seventies.

The airport meet-up for the drug buy looks almost like Mohave Air and Space Port but I could be wrong.  Near Edwards Air Force Base on Highway 58.  The shoot out with the plain clothes cops and Zhang Brotherhood was hand held and raw.  Handlebar mustaches galore.   Ron whooping some ass was amazing to watch.  Enough freeze frames and dissolves to make you think this is the most graphic Charlie's Angels episode you ever did see.

So Chuck Beefer, an ex-cop living in Detroit hears about his brother's passing and knows it's up to him to clean up Steel City's streets. Under the command of Captain Columbus Jackson (Rodrico of Hot Lead Hard Fury), these boys are coming to town and baby they packing. Former dirt bike champion Jack Hammer (Mike Olafson of Hot Lead Hard Fury) is running surveillance on our brotherhood and the flow of Voodoo Blue. Looks like they got things wired. 

Foxy and fierce!

A rival gang known as the Sisters of Sin want in on the Voodoo Blue racket as these bodacious, buxom badass babes don't take no for an answer. All these murders and drug running link up to Afro Steel, biggest hustler of Voodoo Blue. With this much action going on, can Beefer get his revenge and bring these bastards down?

Now a bit of trivia or side note if you will, Ron "Black Dragon" Van Clief of The Black Dragon's Revenge a.k.a. The Black Dragon Revenges the Death of Bruce Lee, The Last Dragon, Way of the Black Dragon andColorz of Rage is in this. Yeah a 10^th degree black belt of Karate, former USMC of Vietnam era and instructor for the Secret Service. This cat has done quite a bit for the Blaxploitation genre similar to Jim Kelly. The jump cut fight sequences were killing me.

Yes parents, this is probably not one for the kiddies to watch.  Depending on your take on blood and T&A.   Definitely needed some porn staches to the likes of Harry Reems or Ron Jeremy but maybe that was a tall order.

Weapons are almost completely period piece accurate.   Seeing an Ecoline 350 with bubble windows on the sides, I thought I'd choke on my Coke.  The blood with the rich red and orange before the black food dye introduction.

Loving the rough, grainy look to the film stock giving it just enough to suggest this isn't a current movie.  With minor exposition, characters coming out of the woodwork you get a great feel like Jack Hill's Switchblade Sisters or Arthur Marks' Detroit 9000.  With a touch of Michael Cimino's Thunderbolt and Lightfoot for seasoning.  Half expected Vonetta McGee or Yaphet Kotto to grace the screen.   Just under 2 hours, this was a lot of fun.   These jive ass turkeys might just pull it off.

Damn, his gun smokes almost as much as he does.

Luke Cage Season 2

He's bad, he's black and he's back baybees!!!  No I am not talking about myself.   Dear God I am pale as an albino.  Talking about Mike Colter's Luke Cage.  This is Luke Cage Season 2.

After the events of the Defenders and dealing with the Hand, Luke Cage (Mike Colter of The Good Wife, Jessica Jones, Agent X, Luke Cage, The Defenders and Girls Trip) returns to Harlem to rebuild Pop's barber shop and bring some peace to the neighborhood.

Yeah, you got an adult chair for me to sit in?

With Diamondback still missing and Cottonmouth enjoying his swan dive through a window, former Councilwoman Mariah Dillard (Alfie Woodard of Down in the Delta, Passion Fish, Star Trek: First Contact, Mumford, Memphis Beat, Tru Blood and Captain America: Civil War) has her heart set on bringing her project to Harlem and restore her family name.  A tad difficult when her relationship to Shades Alvarez (Theo Rossi of Red Sands, Sons of Anarchy, Lowriders, When the Bough Breaks and Luke Cage) is still moving guns for the business.

Mariah has vested interest in a deal that could net her millions if not hundreds of millions so she moves her "acquired" Hammer weapons to the highest bidder and brother they are hungry.

A new player in Brooklyn, Bushmaster (Mustafa Shakir of The Cavern, Daybreak, NCIS: Los Angeles, The Night Of, Quarry, Fight Your Way Out and Luke Cage) is looking to be heavy.

Okay, okay! You're cooler than Black Lightning. Jeez!

Meanwhile Detective Misty Knight (Simone Missick of A Taste of Romance, Scandal, Wayward Pines, American Koko, Luke Cage and The Defenders) has been given leave of her badge and her pension. If she takes it, of course. A bit of animosity amongst her fellow shields as her late partner was found dirty and in the late Cottonmouth's pocket.

Rand-Mitchum Enterprises has set her up with a bionic arm giving her one helluva right hook.   Dr. Claire Temple (Rosario Dawson of Men in Black II, Rent, The Rundown, Alexander, Sin City, Clerks II, Death Proof, Daredevil, Jessica Jones, Iron Fist, The Defenders and Luke Cage) and Cage are having...more than coffee and on the verge of building a real relationship.

Yes, I know you're looking down my dress.

A re-appearance of Colleen Wing (Jessica Henwick of Spirit Warriors, North by Northhamptonshire, Inspector Lewis, Star Wars: The Force Awakens, The Head Hunter, Iron Fist, The Defenders and Luke Cage) bonds with Misty, pointing out she is only a cripple if she feels like one.  Colleen furthermore tells Misty, if she didn't step in when she did that Colleen would be dead.

We got some more musical talent again, Ghostface Killah, Mobb Deep, Gregory Isaacs, Joi and my heart skipped a beat hearing Nina Simone.

Writer Cheo Hodari Coker once again delivers on some damn fine writing. Edgy, street and true to life in a comic book series. With an awesome R&B, decent Hip Hop and Rap soundtrack, it is hard to not like Season 2 as the heat got turned up. Special-Guest stars...well you'll have to see to believe.

You got sumthin' against the Yankees??

Tremors 5: Bloodlines

And we're back! Yeah I was going to review a zombie film I bought called Oasis of the Living Dead but, it turns out it is an alternative title of Oasis of the Zombies via exploitation and hardcore pornography director Jesus Franco. Yay...I own a Jesus Franco movie.  Now as much as I seem to like Nazi Zombies munching on young nubile girls, I must decline at the repeat.  SoOoOOOoo... howzabout a Tremors movie instead?  This is Tremors 5: Bloodlines.

Always be prepared.

14 years after the last incident in Perfection Nevada, Burt Gummer (Michael Gross of Family Ties, Cool as Ice, Tremors, Tremors II: Aftershock, Awake to Danger, Batman Beyond, ER and Boston Legal), paranoid paramilitary survivalist extraordinaire is hosting a reality TV series, hocking flavor seasonings and his on going VHS to DVD series.  A doofy dirt biker comes in and claims to be his new cameraman for the time being while the cat he was working with is off filming Real Vegas Housewifes or some such.  Some of you may be confused why I have not gone on and reviewed Tremors 4.   Well, it's a prequel and Lucasarts taught me to avoid prequels.

Travis Welker (Jamie Kennedy of Scream, Scream 2, Son of the Mask, Ghost Whisperer and Heartbeat) is totally stoked to get Gummer in an "A" game as he is single-handedly the most qualified hunter of Graboids, Shriekers and Assblasters. Get him more to the 21^st century and bring in the fans. No sooner this chitter chat ends, a man from South Africa, a one Erich Van Wyk (Daniel Janks of Ali, Generation Kill, Tremors 5: Bloodlines and Bram Fischer) is from one of the larger wildlife preserves thinking they have Assblasters in their backyard. For a big stinky check, Burt reluctantly brings Travis as his wingman in this.   I guess Earl and Grady were never going to assist again and you can forget having the Baconator with you as well.

Kool-Aid Man??!!

Off to the cradle of humanity they go when they run into the issue of a 3 day quarantine about Burt's guns not being available but they'll have some replacements. Yeah the rifle is a 30.06, a .45 peacemaker and a .303 rifle. Great stuff if you are hunting rhinos, not a humongous underground burrowing beastie and its evolution.

Lock and load people, Kevin Bacon wants back in the series.

Don't worry Burt, you got a jackass know-it-all Aussie turned South African, Johan Dreyer (Brandon Auret of District 9, Elysium, Chappie and Blood Drive), tracker and hunter.

Running the reserve, lead veteranarian Dr. Nandi Montabu (Pearl Thusi of Kalushi: The Story of Solomon Mahlangu, Quantico and Catching Feelings), a single mother and the most qualified vet in the region. Plus she might have a few toys for Burt.

These worms differ from the North American variety as they seem larger, more aggressive and even operate differently. Almost a herd mentality, making certain their young comes to existence. Cue the Jeff Goldblum lines (Uh, life finds a way?)  Little side note, Burt speaks of the creatures that they never left our hemisphere and yet in the third film, Burt went to Argentina with twin .50 caliber anti-aircraft swivel mounted machine turret.  Eh, minor oops.

My favorite addition to this posse is the helicopter pilot Ben Dravers (Ian Roberts of The Power of One, Cyborg Cop III, Rhodes, Tarzan and the Lost City, Sweepers and King Solomon's Mines), truly a kindred spirit in Burt being over-prepared for whatever comes his way. Seriously, this crazed old man had a Swedish Sjogren semi auto shotgun with drum.

One odd note is that while this is a Universal film, Stampede Entertainment who originated the Tremors franchise are not involved with this flick.  Universal 1440 Entertainment seems to be at the helm in this instead.  If you want more info, I suggest you write Universal Studios an email or two.

The maw of doom!!!