70's TV Week: Battlestar Galactica

What’s happenin’ sports fans?   Back this week to bring you a view of television years past.  Some of which is thoroughly enjoyable, some slightly sexist and some very creative.  So strap in your cockpit, stand by my command and get ready to launch.  This is Battlestar Galactica.

Port nacelle needs polishing.

Spoilers may very well be the salvation of humanity…

Our series hails from the mind of TV producer and writer Glen Larson (Quincy, M.E.  , B. J. and the Bear, The Fall Guy, Magnum, P. I. and Knight Rider) bringing together a ragtag group of rebel fighters comprised of an ancient race of humanity.  Through this storyline it claims humanity was born far, far away in a completely other civilization before Earth had even formed bacteria.  The Twelve Colonies of Man or Kobol (The planet of humanity’s origin) separated to different portions of the galaxy to colonize various planets in the hopes of creating not so much an empire but a commonwealth.  The odd part is all these planets are roughly in the same binary star system (a celestial body of more than two stars in the same orbital rotation of one other) More than a thousand years has drug on in a war of Humans Vs the Cylons (A series of robots created to be warriors for a long dead reptilian race, it is speculated by many of the survivors of Galactica that the Cylons turned on their masters and wiped them out).

Starbuck is not a WOMAN!

One human man Count Baltar (John Colicos of Forbidden Journey, Anne of the Thousand Day, Raid on Rommel, Star Trek TOS, and The Starlost), traitor to the 12 Colonies apprised the Cylons on how best to wage a sneak attack thus annihilating the colonies in a vicious and swift battle.     220 ships left after this seething assault one lone capital warship Galactica protects the surviving homes as they search of a new home and a place for peace.  They embark on a quest (and who doesn’t love those?) to find the legendary 13^th colony their history spoke of.  A planet designated as Earth.  Commander Adama (Lorne Greene of Bonanza, Sailor of Fortune, Earthquake, Roots, The Trial of Lee Harvey Oswald and Galactica 1980) leads Galactica to the best of his abilities alongside his Executive officer Colonel Tigh (Terry Carter of The Phil Silvers Show, Foxy Brown, McCloud and Benji) they guide their overworked and understaffed fighter pilots and bridge crew to dangers untold.  Adama’s own son Apollo (Richard Hatch of Santa Barbara, All My Children, The Streets of San Francisco and Battlestar Galactica 2004 remake) is a fighter pilot alongside his buddies and fellow pilots Starbuck (Dirk Benedict of Chopper One, Charlie’s Angels, The A-Team, Murder She Wrote and Alaska) and Boomer (Herbert Jefferson Jr. of Detroit 9000, The Streets of San Francisco, World War III, The Devlin Connection and Apollo 13)

Here are little fun facts about the show for you all now.   All the colonies are both species of human and planet are named after the Zodiac constellations.  The bridge set cost of build was just shy of 2 hundred thousand dollars. This was the first weekly television series that budgeted over a million dollars per episode due to special effect processing the re-use of previous footage throughout the series when they could.  Don Johnson was up for the part of Starbuck but the Southern accent killed that gig for him.  Hmm Don Johnson as Starbuck…Interesting.  

Space...through fish eye lens.

Now this particular latter 70’s show lasted 22 episodes and was revived in 1980 as Galactica 1980 and unfortunately between the farfetched writing and lack of real coherent story telling it this series followed its predecessor.   Lasting all of 10 episodes it took 24 years to resurrect for a whole new generation, but that they say is another story.   Growing up with this show I enjoyed every facet with the exception of this unnecessary robo-dog Dagget.   Of course I found out later it was 3 different chimpanzees that got rotated in costume.   Bobo, put on the suit!  Bad Bobo!  No fling poop in suit!  Well this show had the feel of a Star Wars adventure, I didn't have to wait 3 to 5 years for it to be told.  Excitement, dogfights, gambling, wooing the pretty ladies.   Folks they are a bunch of space pirates and frankly I was alright with that.

Before They Were Stars: The Mighty Quinn

Howdy boys and girls!  Yes we are back again with Before They Were Stars and to be honest this film was deeply impressive from the story to the cast and crew.  Grab your snacks, get over that round of musical chairs and let’s kick this pig.   This is The Mighty Quinn.

Spoilers be the devil.

The 1989 film is most definitely a thriller with a pretty top notch crew, lead by TV and movie director Carl Shenkel (Graf Dracula beiBt jetzt in Oberbayern, Abwarts, Bay Coven, The Edge, Silhouette and Knight Moves) writer Hampton Fancher (Blade Runner, The Minus Man) take the thriller novel Finding Maubee based on A. H.Z. Carr’s 1982 novel .  

Police Chief Xavier Quinn (Denzel Washington of St. Elsewhere, Glory, Ricochet, Malcolm X, Much Ado About Nothing, Crimson Tide, Training Day and The Book of Eli) is called to investigate a resort hotel mogul Donald Pater (Bobby Ghisays of Club Paradise, Passion and Paradise and Popcorn) and all circumstantial evidence points to Quinn’s childhood friend Maubee (Robert Townsend of Odd Jobs, The Five Heartbeats, The Meteor Man, Bliss, Taxman and Undercover Brother) this unnamed island in the Caribbean has the typical local bureaucracy with the island governor (Norman Beaton of Black Joy, The Fosters, Empire Road and Desmond’s) and his power player Thomas Elgin (James Fox of The Servant, King Rat, The Chase, Farwell to the King, Patriot Games, Mickey Blue Eyes) seem to want this to be an open and shut case. An American representing Pater’s company Fred Miller (M. Emmet Walsh of Blade Runner, Blood Simple, The Flash, Silverfox, White Sands and Equinox) agrees with the governor.   Quinn is not satisfied with the answers he has been given for his questions.   You get the feeling that most the witnesses have been threatened or bought off.

Maubee is evading the police so well that he even drops by to visit Quinn face to face.   From chatting up the local witch to questioning Thomas Elgin’s wife Hadley (Mimi Rogers of Gung Ho, Street Smart, Someone to Watch Over Me, The Doors, Wedlock and The Rapture).  Hadley makes dreamy eyes at Xavier.  The investigation goes on, feathers are getting ruffled and Xavier is devoting so much time to defend Maubee that his wife and son feel the strain of going beyond the call of duty.  One witness claims to see Maubee take off with a 10,000 dollar bill.  Quinn knows there is no such bill so the mystery is getting stranger already.

The cause of death is pretty spot on to as Pater was found floating in a Jacuzzi tub decapitated.  *adjusts shades* Guess he just lost his head *cues Baba O Reilly*.    The islands doctor Dr. Raj (Keye Luke of The Green Hornet, Charlie Chan at the Circus, King of Burlesque, Kung Fu and The Amazing Chan and the Chan Clan) indicates that Pater had a venomous snake bite prior to decapitation.  A man keeps tailing Quinn and making his own inquiries.   The plot thickens further and the entangled web reveals plots and counterplots.   As a first major movie role let alone lead role Washington knocks this one out of the ball park.  The tension ratchets up well and this film will keep you constantly guessing what is happening next.   I found this to be riveting, clever and quite devious.  This is completely worth the watch people.

Ridley Scott Week: Blade Runner

The Ridley Scott week chugs on through with what I believe to this date still are an amazing hybrid of Film Noir and Cyberpunk standings.  A utopia for some and desuetude for others, the colonization of the other worlds of our solar system and the problems back home.    So get a packet of Twizzlers, maybe some nachos and an oversized drink (Take that New York!) and settle in a nice easy chair.  This is Blade Runner.

I’ve seen spoilers in glitter in the dark near the Tannhauser gate…

In 1982 capturing the writing of critically acclaimed science fiction writer Phillip K. Dick’s story Do Androids Dream of Electronic Sheep, a notion that machine could never be as emotional as man, have a series of moral decisions that were taught nor could they develop ideas of their own came writers Hampton Fancher (Of Men and Women, Survival, Police Story and The Other Side of the Mountain) and David Webb Peoples (Ladyhawke, Unforgiven, Hero, Twelve Monkeys and Solider) adapted the novel of question and create a world of robotics, human angst and distrust of corporation.   While this being truly a product of the 1980’s trend this film will stand the test of time due to this solid writing not relying solely on the day’s lingo, attitude, strives and failures.   

Our story unfolds with a credits sequence explaining the dangers of a of androids called Replicants that have a tendency to feel like nothing more than slaves to their human masters.  Being 3 times as strong, fast and intelligent they rebelled and were deemed faulty for such.  Earth passes a law creating a separate police force to contain, detain and execute them.  They are the Blade Runners.   During a routine background on a sanitation worker named Leon (Brion James of 48 Hours, Nemesis, Time Runner, Tango and Cash, The Dark and The Player) from a detective Holden (Morgan Paull of Patton, Norma Rae and Fade to Black) and the interview ends with Holden being put in the hospital and cut to Rick Deckard (Harrison Ford of Star Wars, Raiders of the Lost Ark, Patriot Games, Regarding Henry and Cowboys and Aliens) having his sushi only to be interrupted by a detective Gaff (Edward James Olmos of Miami Vice, Stand and Deliever,Roosters, Mirage, 500 Nations and Battlestar Galatica) and leads him back to his former Lieutenant Bryant (Veteran character actor M. Emmet Walsh of Blood Simple, Critters, The Flash, A Time to Kill, Albino Alligator and Retroactive) an old fashioned cop in the worst way telling Deckard he needs to come out of retirement because he is the best Blade Runner that ever was to take out 4 of the Nexus 6 Replicants, a few combat models and pleasure droid.   Reluctantly Deckard is back in harness and on the case.   Stopping at the Tyrell Corporation, the creators of Replicants he does a pre-cursory examination and fact finding check with the head honcho Dr. Eldon Tyrell (Joe Turkel of The Killing, Path to Glory, The Shining, The Commitment and Miami Vice) to get some insight to the mind of the Nexus 6 series.   A computer program reliable to detect human from replicant is administered to Dr. Tyrell’s assistant Rachel (Sean Young of Stripes, No Way Out, Hold Me, Thrill Me, Kiss Me, Fatal Instinct and Mirage) to verify a positive before a negative as the doctor says.

The tinny and melodic number of this film captures the essence of the film.  The overall mood and life of it comes from the narrative of Ford’s character like a shamus of old telling the tale through his eyes and once again Scott develops the film with the mood lighting, smoke ridden sets and suffocating amounts of humanity representing overcrowding, the need for colonization to expand the human race elsewhere due to the Earth filling up with people.  Most animals are artificial and real ones are deemed a luxury item for only the well do to or wealthy.

During this time the replicants’ leader Roy Batty (Rutger Hauer of Nighthawks,  LadyHawke, The Hitcher, Wanted: Dead or Alive, Blind Fury, Past Midnight, Split Second, Salem’s Lot and Batman Begins) is attempting to gain access to Tyrell as well for a longer life span than the allotted four year lifespan.  He is the true survivor of this crew.  The epitome of Nietzsche with a smattering of Descartes, the others will follow him into the gates of Hell itself because this being made know a way through. Through numerous re-releases the 2007 director’s cut adds additional footage that was cut out due to it being too lengthy but I personally enjoy the theatrical release for its purity in it was the first version I saw.

   So if you are watching this film for the 50^th time or the first time, just let it wash over you in whatever version you see.

Ridley Scott Week: Black Rain

So begins the Ridley Scott week.  Who is Ridley Scott you may ask?   From TV directing, movie director and production he has been in TV and Movie since 1967 from the ground up and into main feature length films.  So kick your shoes off and sit a spell.  This is Black Rain.

Spoilers are everywhere!!!

Diving into a thriller starring Michael Douglas (The Chyna Syndrome, Running, Romancing the Stone, Falling Down, Basic Instinct, The Game and Wonder Boys) as Nick Conklin, a hardnosed, rough and tumble cop that breaks the rules to get the job done.  He and his partner Charlie Vincent (Andy Garcia of The Untouchables, The Godfather: Part III, When a Man Loves a Woman, Things to Do in Denver When You’re Dead, Desperate Measures and Ocean’s Eleven) are under investigation by Internal Affairs based on theft charges occurring in their department when they witness a high ranking Yakuza get blown away by Sato (Yusaku Matsuda of The Detective Story, Home Sweet Home, And Then and The Rage of Love) and Conklin busts him. 

This little feather under his cap allows Nick and Charlie to travel to Japan to extradite to their authorities only to be jumped by Sato’s men and freeing their leader.  Given the less than stellar standing on handling of prisoner transfer, the Japanese police department allows Conklin and Vincent to stay in Japan and assist finding Sato but they are not allowed to carry their sidearms and they get a chaperone with Masahiro (Ken Takakura of The Yellow Handkerchief, Never Give Up, Station, Antarctica and Yasha) a by the book, dots every I and crosses every T cop and the animosity ensues.  Charlie has to be a buffer between Conklin and Masahiro to calm the waters. 

Delving into the underground our heroes find out that Sato should end up taking over the main Yakuza families due to flooding the market with counterfeit his own money.  The main appeal to this film is the clash between cultures from anything of on the fallout of WWII to how Masahiro and Conklin view each others’ level perceived decadence.  Honor of course has a great precedence in the movie representing Japanese culture and the title itself is described survivors in the aftermath of Hiroshima and Nagasaki .   The film is clearly Scott due to lots of smoke filled rooms, men roaming around in trenchcoats, scenes feeling very claustrophobic streetscapes, lots of steam rising from the streets for reason and of course neon lights.  

The karaoke scene with Mas and Charlie is actually amusing and apt and didn’t feel inappropriate.  This film got a lax standing on from the audience, there was not a lot of love for this movie and I felt it got past over.  Far too many sub-characters and incoherent subplots like the nightclub owner Joyce (Kate Capshaw of Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom, SpaceCamp and Just Cause) as the love interest of Douglas’s Conklin.  I personally do not view this as Scott’s best work but I truly believe this is worthy to but put up with the likes of 48 Hours, Lethal Weapon, The Hidden with a dash of The Lost Boy Scout.   This is a worthwhile film, folks.  Give it the once over.

SyFy Monster Movie Week: Terminal Invasion

Back again boys and girls and say you know what we haven’t had in a while?  A cheesy alien based SyFy film.  Yeah I think we need to delve into that because it has been too long.  So hop in that easy chair, sample some movie candy and try to wince less.  This is Terminal Invasion.

Spoilers can be out of towners…waaaay out of towners.

It was a dark and stormy night; and director/producer Sean Cunningham (Friday the 13^th, A Stranger is Watching, Deep Star Six Spring Break and The New Kids) brings us a story of two yokel state troopers are delivering a baddie to the gas chamber for he was a bad boy.  Low and behold the snow storm gets to blizzard conditions and our hapless driver and passenger ride off the road and into a tree.  Without radio signals going through our intrepid trio must hoof it to a nearby airport to reassess the situation and tend to their soon-to-be executed companion. 

Officers Red (Scott Wickware of The Santa Clause, The Tuxedo, Land of the Dead and Snow Cake) and Tommy (Jake Simons of Driven, Adam & Eve, Godsend and Sacrifice) are weary and wary of convict Jack (Bruce Campbell of Evil Dead, Bubba Hotep, Spiderman, My Name is Bruce and Burn Notice) who is crafty enough to attempt an escape under their watch.  Add a crowded rural charter airport with ice on the runways and potential hostages and well you can see the risks ensue.  Airport owner/pilot Cathy Garrett (Chase Masterson of Star Trek: Deep Space Nine, Manticore, Creature Unknown, General Hospital and Robotech: The Shadow Chronicles) raises concern on the harden criminal but Officer Red assures the little lady that everything is in hand.   As a preacher exits from the bathroom stall the fireworks begin as Jack deduces the preacher is not what he claims to be and he bats the cops around like a tennis ball.   Free from his cuffs Jack pummels the preacher of superhuman strength with a fire extinguisher.   As Jack collects his thoughts the preacher melts and dissolves.  Yes, self-disposing monster and leaves with the fresh scent of pine.    With passengers and workers of the airport all in panic, Jack must still work away to get out of the area.  But who is who?   The premise feels like The Thing if it was filmed in a dinky charter flight airport.  

Now given the main location in question this is mostly steady cam and hand held, everyone is professionally lit, miked and good to go.   So where the problem could lie in wait?   The script was brought to us by writer Lewis Abernathy (Deep Star Six).  Yes that is two scripts inside of 13 years of each other.  Not really bringing a lot to the table but this Bruce Campbell fan is hanging in there for hopes of enough snark to get me through the flick.   With more or less one dimensional characters and a plot about aliens spying on the humans to collect data it feels a bit rushed.   Feels like a month shoot and away they went.   Lot of lag time between monster attacks, we get to see duct climbing that goes on more than 2 minutes so that is a lot of actor ass in each others’ way.   We see mostly CGI blood, a bit of tried and true karo syrup mix and lot of the pee wee heads or prop head of said creature through ducts and ladders.  You get the impression of the Wompa in Empire Strikes Back.  Decent makeup FX and the CGI is fair but I almost belted out laughing when I found out the stunt double for Campbell is named Duncan McLeod.  FYI he looks nothing like Adrian Paul. 

Sy-fy Monster Movie Week: Boa vs Python

Hey all.  Let’s get back to trudging through sci-fi schlock shall we?  And what better title to start us off then an epic battle between giant mutated reptiles.   So gather in front the idiot box, pop some popcorn and throw out your favorite MST3K reference.   This is Boa Vs Python.

Spoilers have become an unprecedented size!

When getting the green light for this film; writers Sam Wells (Shark Hunter, Hyper Sonic, Rapid Exchange, Epoch: Evolution and Phantom Force) and Bobby White (Ju-on: The Grudge, Tokyo Psycho, Captive Factory Girls: The Violation, Tokyo Train Girls: Private Lessons and Tokyo Train Girls 3: The Sensuous Nurse) bounced off the couch they had been living on, mopped up their bong water and proceeded onto our episodic story.   I assume pot or mushrooms was involved in this brilliant film idea. Director David Flores mustered all his magnificence we saw in Lake Placid 2 to present this phenomenal creation worthy of the finest cocktail napkin.

My main question is what suave, ruthless and cunning individual pitched this flick to the executives to cut a check for this turkey and how come he is not a political negotiator for the Middle East?   I digress and on to the myth in the making.

Our  credits open with an orchestral number, credit titles that give it an almost Army of Darkness feel and then the story opens with a wrestling match of two masked individuals known as Boa and Python.  You know in case you forgot what you rented or DVRed.   Vast casino owner billionaire Broddick (Adam Palladino of The Drone Virus, 29 Reasons to Run, Boston Girls and Stealing Roses) has been informed his purchase of an 80 foot python has been snuck into the states and on an 18 wheeler heading his way.  Happier than a pig in poop, Broddick nibbles on his girl Eve (Angel Boris Reed of Warlock III: The End of Innocence, Suicide Blonde, King’s Highway and Peak Experience) unbeknownst to him but known to the writer of said sputum, the python wakes from his tranq induced nap and is quite pissed.   A fight ensues, less than realistic explosion destroys the convoy (RUBBER DUCK NOOOOOOO!!!) and our reptile beats feet which is a feat in of itself lacking legs.  

This film is apparently a continuous of the said title Python as FBI agent Sharpe (Kirk B.R. Woller of Swordfish, Minority Report, Poseidon and Resident Evil: Extinction) is sent in to investigate the FUBAR of the road, assesses the situation and clearly he needs…a herpetologist (expert on amphibians and reptiles) Dr. Emmett (David Hewlett of Cube, Stargate SG-1, Stargate Atlantis, Splice and Rise of the Planet of the Apes) and Marine biologist Monica Bonds (Jaime Bergman of Any Given Sunday, Son of the Beach, Gone in 60 Seconds and Angel) to track the python and destroy it with what you ask?  Why a genetically enhanced boa constrictor named Betty which is tagged and fitted with a tracking device to insure safe proceedings.  Yes, there is no recipe for disaster there.  

Let’s get down to brass tacks, shall we?  The CGFX looks like it is not finished painting the creatures, the reactions to the awesome monsters in question by their human actors feels forced and the whole film itself feels over the top and over amped to cash in on the moderate popularity of its predecessor Python.  A must for bad movie night, this film can be enjoyed around company, chips and a cold one.

Assault on Precinct 13..No Hawkes allowed.

Back again kiddies and I can just tell you are all giddy at this.   Hey how about an action movie shot in locations like Watts, South Central L.A. and Venice Beach back in the early 70’s?   From a vicious gang against a finite amount of police in the area, this flick gets intense.   So grab a seat, a few snacks and relax.  This is Assault on Precinct 13^th.

Spoiler!  It’s a godd*mn spoiler!

Yes, I am referring to the original film of 1976 under Carpenter's reign vs the loosely based remake of 2005.  A less than typical film with its flaws and imperfection that show the beginning of Carpenter’s film process and from this show the sense of style he is most commonly known for.  John Carpenter has lucked out in locations more times than one can count.  Venice Police & Fire Station Division 14 was scheduled to be demolished, armed with only a budget of $150,000 and the film was shot in all of 20 days.  An ambitious re-creation of Rio Bravo, down to the camera angling to anamorphic shots felt like a project worthwhile.

Our story opens with a sting takes out a series of gang members in a bloody gunfire. Cannot even imagine how many shots fired forms they were filling out.  The surviving gang members swear in blood oath that vengeance will happen.  Lieutenant Ethan Bishop (Austin Stoker of Battle for the Planet of the Apes, Horror High, ‘Sheba, Baby ‘, Roots and Machete Joe) a recently promoted officer is scheduled to Precinct 13. A station being torn down, paperwork and supplies shipped to its future location.  While this is not the best gig, it is Bishop’s first assignment as a Lieutenant and he will see it through.

Meanwhile in Los Cruzes, a notorious criminal named Napoleon Wilson (Darwin Joston of Eraserhead, The Fog, Coast to Coast, Time Walker and Airwolf) is being transported in a bus on his way to death row by Starker (Charles Cyphers of Halloween, Halloween II, Escape from New York, The Fog and Grizzly II: The Concert)

Back at the precinct, Bishop meets the remaining staff, desk sergeant  Grumpy McStereotype, filing clerk Leigh (Laurie Zimmer of American Raspberry, A Dirty Story and Survival of Dana) and dispatch operator Julie (Nancy Kyes of Halloween, Halloween II, The Fog, Halloween III, Not in Front of the Children and Lady Boss)

One of the inmates on the bus is violently ill and the only station in route is Precinct 13, with that the bus pulls in assessing the situation and hope they can lay aid to the sick man.

Blocks away a father takes his daughter with him in order to scoop up and move her nanny (Oh Mr. Sheffield) in with them.  Driving a high end Cadillac in South Central L.A. under the influence of being a dumb white guy this could get a bit dicey.

A shoot out later the father makes his way to Precinct 13 to safety but the combined forces of the gang follow him with their ill-gotten gains from a heist of the National Guard Armory depot, they have enough firepower to level six maybe seven city blocks.  Equipped with silencers, the lack of neighbors in the rundown area and barely any public safety of any sorts the members of the precinct, two prisoners and the remaining transport troops have to hold off this mass army of lunatics until help arrives.  

The dialogue gives the feel of a B-movie and this is Carpenter’s second film after Dark Star in 1974. Fewer dolly tracked shots and more hand held you really had to feel for those poor cameramen breaking their backs.  Given its fairly violent nature and penchant for shock and awe, this movie does invoke fear and dread for the decent folk trying to live through the night and almost seething hatred for the gang members.  In my humble opinion a gem that gets overlooked.

Cronos: An Original.

Hey all.  I’m back again with a vampire movie on the platter.   Now before you all groan and chant “Seen it”, this is not your typical vampire movie and in fact is a whole other realm of magic, relics and wild happenings.  So sit back in your seat, put your feet up and gaze in disbelief.  This is Cronos.

Spoilers are made of many things…

Director/writer/producer Guillermo del Toro (The Devil’s Backbone, Mimic, Blade II, Hellboy and Hellboy II: The Golden Army) weaves a story of 1535 Mexico, an alchemist creates a golden mechanical artifact that staves off the ravages of age, allowing the wearer almost infinite life and energy so long he or she is prepared to pay the price.  Now in 1997, Jesus Gris (Federico Luppi of Martin, The Devil’s Backbone and Pan’s Labyrinth) an antiques dealer in Mexico, who comes across a beetle-shaped golden trinket found in an old statue.  While inspecting the item in question, it buzzes and whirls to life, sprouting claws and digs into his hand deep.  The next day Jesus feels stronger and more energetic than he had in years, a notion he attributes to the artifact now embedded in his flesh.  No sooner does this newly found vitality come about as does a thirst, a craving for human blood.  Methinks this gift needs a refund option.  Down this new found passage of self-discovery he learns of a malicious millionaire Dieter de la Guardia (Claudio Brook of The Exterminating Angel, Simon of the Desert, Miroslava and Valentina) stricken with disease and old age he is obsessed with the tales and writings of the Cronos invention along with his brute of a nephew Angel (Ron Perlman of Beauty and the Beast, Absolon, Blade II, Hellboy, Mutant Chronicles, The Job, I Sell the Dead, Acts of Violence and Conan the Barbarian)  who simply wishes dear Uncle would drop dead and give him the business.  Jesus fears that he will soon be a threat to his granddaughter who he dearly loves as he is warping away from the good man he was.

And now I would like to mention a quick, few tidbits on the cinematography itself.  Toro’s usage of winding visual and clockwork title card introduction is something of a patent for him.  As most of his films are based in sci-fi fantasy, horror and the conglomerate of both, it is a unique signature as well as the need for orchestra music building momentum and suspense.  Most of the camera work is hand held and with such precision down a winding staircase and such attention to detail that you get the feeling he truly is a storyteller around a campfire rather than a director.   

How his gothic take on most of his films gets compared to Tim Burton’s work can only be attributed that Cronos was released in 1993 after Burton successes of Beetlejuice, Batman and Edward Scissorhands and therefore people feel Toro lifted the same feel for his own.  I would have to disagree and find while similar that Toro’s work unfolds with a subtle grace and is more dialogue and action driven, while Burton’s work tends to come off as kooky or obtuse.  And considering how many bloody remakes Burton has been in hand with, I am not a huge fan.    Following in the facet of Hitchcock like many other current directors, Toro appears as small bit characters in his films but never a top bill one.  He is behind the scenes if you will and frequently has actors of previous film projects to come back as often as he can get them.   To this date, Ron Perlman has done 4 films with him thus far and I dare say it is only the beginning.  So if you care for an exquisite take on an old legend with little to mild gore then I would dare say put this in your Netflix.

The Quick and the Undead..

OoOo Sam Raimi’s camera work, Sharon Stone and Gene Hackman squaring off with an amazing ensemble cast…er…wait that’s The Quick and the Dead.   Crap.   Oh well, slap leather and draw boys and girls this is The Quick and the Undead.

Spoilers have to shot in the head! 

As we break into our zombie subgenre movie let me be clear.  This is a post-apocalyptic zombie western.  Yeah wrap your brain around that for a few minutes.  85 years after 2006 I guess we had a viral plague swept the lands turning ¾ of the populous into zombies?  The remaining few are mostly contracted bounty hunters dealing with zombies from town to town.  Opening scene is a bit of narrative and limited hammy news reports describing the outbreak.  The government is barely held together with baling wire and spit.  Terrorist factions are claiming for the outbreak.  CDC warning establishes to kill your loved ones with head trauma and burn the body.    This gig looks pretty simple.  Chum the streets, the smell will bring the zombies out, wait in an open area with a lot of ammo, clear head and steady hands. Blam blam blam, job’s done.   Re-establishing Romero’s standing that zombies are flesh eaters, that this is not a difficult prey.  Slow moving and dull witted, they are not MENSA material.   The best of the best bounty hunters (Yeah we can cue that music later if you like) Ryn Baskin (Clint Glenn of Castle, The Flesh Keeper and Battle Force) channels Eastwood’s character from A Fistful of Dollars down to the look, squint and mannerisms.   Hell he even smokes cheroots.  Very much a homage, if you will.  Everything about this movie has a Sergio Leone feel to it.  The wide camera angles, the crane shots and the handheld are superb.  Now the zombie gore effects are no Savini or KNB but pretty effective as a whole.  Admittedly some of the head shots are clearly a combination of high speed cam and CGI touch up but not bad.  After a rather successful hunt of 29 zombies Ryn encounters his former posse led by Blythe Remington (Parrish Randall of the Flesh Keeper, Dark Spaces and Dead of the Knight).  The two have an Indy/Belloq moment for the idol right down to the dialogue.   Shh.  Just pretend you didn’t notice.  Blythe’s crew rips Ryn off and leaves him for dead.  Establishing that humanity is not looking out for one another YET again, the desolate feel of being human in this zombie world makes one feel alone.  

Okay that was a bit too thought provoking.  Let’s go to the hunters’ rules.  (1) Fresh ones die first.  Their muscle tissue is still intact and they can move quicker.  Take the rotting ones later. (2) Always be out in the open.  Distance and a steady aim will drop them but if they outnumber you, run away. (3) Do not run inside and hide.  Eventually your supplies will run out and you need food.  Zombie has no other means of food so it can wait.  Doesn’t need sleep, to pee or get distracted by a shiny object.  Being primarily on the editorial department, Director/Writer Gerald Nott takes his first stab behind the camera with The Quick and the Undead.  This is a bit dialogue driven and a fair amount of action sequences with just that dash of jump scares to be found in a zombie film.  Humanity’s greed overweighing common sense, proof we don’t need the zombies to do us in.  Little bit of Day of the Dead lines adapted for the screenplay but hey I can overlook it.  No Captain Rhodes in this lot lemme tell you.  So if you are looking for Plains Drifter meets Dawn of The Dead than look no further.  Decent camera work, actors actually attempting their own and the storyline is tangible.   I found myself going into this one with no hopes and all and was pleasantly surprised.

The 6th Day..ah Arnold and sci-fi.

The 6^th Day

Director Roger Spottiswoode of Die Another Day brings us to a timeline that cattle, fish, chickens heck even household pets can be cloned.   The notion of human cloning trials or even experimentation is illegal and forbidden.  Adam Gibson (Arnold Schwarzenegger of Commando, The Terminator, T2) runs a private helicopter piloting service finds out his family dog Oliver has been killed and his friend and partner Hank (Michael Rappaport of Beautiful Girls) tells him he will cover for him.   Adam takes the dog to a firm called Re-pet and hears the sales pitch only to have second thoughts.  He heads back home with a doll for his daughter when he sees through the window, the family dog bouncing around the living room and thinks it is his wife’s doing.  As he approaches the door he then sees a clone of himself celebrating with his family.    Trying to get in his own house to confront the clone he is attacked by Replacement Technologies security team headed by Robert Marshal (Michael Rooker of Henry:Portrait of a Serial Killer and Mallrats) and Talia Eslworth (Sarah Wynter of Species 2 and Lost Souls).    Escaping them narrowly Adam heads to his friend Hank’s apartment.  The two catch up then Hank gets shot by an anti-cloning extremist called Tripp.  He says both Hank and their charter Michael Drucker (Tony Goldwyn of Ghost and American Gun) crashed the helicopter and it this is all secret.   Rather be captured by the Replacement Technologies Security team, Tripp blows his brains out so his memories cannot be retrieved and give away others of his movement. 

Green screen gets a lot of love in this movie.  Sneaking into Drucker’s company (which is no easy feat given how big Arnold is) Adam finds Dr Weir (Robert Duvall of True Grit 1969, The Godfather and Godfather II) the scientist behind the clones explains to Gibson that both Hank and Drucker were killed in a helicopter crash and they had to do a rush clone job to conceal this horrific accident for the sake of the company.   Without Drucker they cannot lobby for human clones for everything from replacing organs to bringing back loved ones.  So a decent story turns clichéd with fights with Schwarzenegger and moral issues with cloning and big business not caring about the little people.   Drucker is thwarted by Gibson and his clone.  Clone Gibson moves to the other end of the planet with a twin company of the charter piloting in Argentina (Don’t cry for him) and Adam returns to his family with a new appreciation of cloning and the knee jerk feeling he had lessened.   Decent writing and good premise went a bit crackers with production.   A potential sci-fi went full blown action with far too many explosions and gunfights.  Schwarzenegger’s character was not a trained paramilitary man.   It was over the top fights and making Arnold once again invincible.   It could be better but it is what it is.   View with caution.