Italian Exploitation: SS Girls

Welcome back. We are at Day 4 of Italian Exploitation Week and...well I am a bit tired from jiggly girls, gore and yet decent working scripts and subplots. So today we look at an example of Naziploitation (Typically sex crimes involving sadism gore and degradation in a women in prison or camp) under our favorite Italian Exploitation director Bruno Mattei (Guardian of Hell, Double Target, Shocking Dark, Rats: Night of Terror, Zombi 3, Born to Fight, Cruel Jaws and Land of Death) so yeah this is going to be a bit of a butt clencher. So how does the SS keep its men in line? Extensive interrogation? Jumper cables to a car battery to the scrotum? Nope you need an elite cadre of high-end prostitutes that answer to the Fuhrer!

This is SS Girls a.k.a.Private House of the SS, Private House of the SS Girls and Erotic Nymphs of the Gesatapo.

Volunteers for the Fatherland!

Dedicated officer Hans Schellenberg (Gabriele Carrara of SS Girls, Women's Camp 119 and Mutant Sexual Behaviour) hearing whispers, hints and scuttlebutt of potential traitors looking to overthrow Hitler and he decides to recruit 10 women as active whoring and getting vital information. Our film opens with a spooky manor worthy of a Scooby Doo intro and some eerie organ music lifted from Andrew Lloyd Webber's Phantom of the Opera which...yeah I really didn't feel bad about that. Their training montage kicked in and I was waiting for the Rocky music to kick in but it feels like Tinto Brass's Salon Kitty only more ample amounts of perversion and yet, still doesn't hold that many candles to Fifty Shades of Domestic Abuse. The funniest thing is Carrara reminds me of Steve Martin's character from Little Shop of Horrors. His dentist character but in monk robes and he is so over the top it is a treat. Naturally this is this highest order of the Fuhrer..along with the breeding camps, torture camps, supernatural methods enhancing humans to the proper Übermensch from werewolf or vampire blood.

How do you do a striptease to Flight of the Valkyries?

Professor Jurgen (Luciano Pigozzi of General Della Rovere, Two Women, Blood and Black Lace, Werewolf in a Girl's Domitory, Castle of the Living Dead and Yor, Hunter of the Future) puts the lotion on to protect the girls' skins...oh wait I mean he did several comprehensive and intricate examinations and procedures. At one point one of the girls gets pregnant and the professor slaps her calling her a little slut. Um..what protection was there in 1942?

Right now Indy is stopping the Ark being used.

The Nazis were depicted as hedonistic perverts and...um if you are looking for me to be pro-Nazi, you will be waiting on that bus stop for a long damn time. So with X amount of sex scenes of which there has to be well past 12 short scenes but this flick is only 95 minutes long. Why is there any reason for a story line to continue? So women tied up, whipped, hot candle wax and ugh. It just a conglomerate of smut that Bruno Mattei put this out there and while he was portraying horrific atrocities and sadly many Mattei fans consider this his magnum opus. I have no idea what to take away from this. He did try to put some emotional depth to it and give the film some sense of wanting it to weigh on society but this is NOT Citizen Kane folks. You will not rank this with Casablanca any time soon. Hans was either knee deep in orgies or he was playing his organ. Goofy scenes but again not a genius film.

Not going to lie to you, folks. The softcore porn, bondage and vast levels of gratuitous nudity is so much it almost feels the actual meat and potatoes of the story doesn't even need to be. Sitting through Salon Kitty it wasn't anywhere near as smutty as this film. Got to be honest this is about as erotic as getting teeth pulled...with rusty pliers. So yes if you need Nazis in a brothel, ridiculous sex scenes and bondage, yeah this is your flick. I think I am going to go read a book and save some brain cells.

Professor Creeper at the ready.

Indiana Jones Week: Raiders of the Lost Ark

Well greetings one and all to Day 1 of Indiana Jones Week.   Let's kick this week into high gear start it off right with the first encounter of our archeologist right.  We will see the cut of his jib as he must race across the world in order to defeat the Nazi party to one of the most revered and holy of relics.  The Ark of the Covenant.  This is Raiders of the Lost Ark.

Look fanboy, I don't care who shot first. It was 37 years ago!

Indiana Jones:  I hate spoilers Jock! I HATE 'EM!







The year is 1936 and Professor Jones is on location to an ancient temple to acquire a golden idol in Peru.  With his two less than trustworthy guides, Indy (Harrison Ford of American Graffiti, Star Wars, Force 10 to Navarone, Apocalypse Now, Blade Runner, Witness, Frantic, Regarding Henry and Patriot Games) manages to transverse through an insane amount of traps, snares, spikes and even a shaped boulder with the prize only to have it taken from him by a rival competition name of Rene Belloq (Paul Freeman of Baa Baa Black Sheep, Whose Child Am I?, The Dogs of War, Falcon Crest and Without a Clue) surrounding him with the indigenous and superstitious tribe of Hovito.   Giving him an inch, Indy narrowly escapes with his life and flies back to the states to teach at Marshall College.

Of all the gin joints, in all the towns, in all the world...sorry that's Bogie's line.

The head of the museum, Marcus Brody (Denholm Elliot of Robin and Marian, To the Devil a Daughter, Voyage of the Damned, Trading Places, The Hound of the Baskervilles and The Bourne Identity TV Movie) tells him Army Intelligence needs to speak to him.  They reveal that Hitler is obsessed with the occult and is searching  for Indy's former teacher Abner Ravenwood,  the expert on the Egyptian city of Tanis and he has the headpiece of Ra.  Jones immediately knows that the Nazis are looking for the Ark of the Covenant, the golden refuge that holds the Ten Commandments.  Indy gets travel expenses in order to find Abner's daughter and Indy's former lover Marian (Karen Allen of Animal House, Cruising, Shoot the Moon, Starman and Scrooged) in Nepal of all places, to persuade her to sell the headpiece to him, opening old wounds and in general making the visit pleasant.

A run-in with some Nazis tells Indy he needs to hustle or the game is already lost and darkness would rain on humanity.  In Cairo both Marian and Indy are working to find the Ark quickly but time is running short

Just a few tidbits about the film now.  The scene where Indy dispatches the German soldiers, that whole truck chase took eight weeks to film due to all the stunts involved.  Harrison Ford apparently bruised some ribs in the dragging scene but the film was shot at 20 frames a second rather than the traditional 24 frames.  Under cranking the camera gives the illusion vehicles travelling faster than they are to cut down on risks to the stuntmen and actors.  Indy never seems to lose his fedora as a nod to the heroes of the classic serials in the 1940's and this becomes a running gag throughout the sequels.  the punch Foley sound effect was created by smacking a pile of leather jackets with a ball bat.  I thought they went more traditional and hit the ball bat against a punching bag

Ah! The scruffy devil burns our city!! Run!

.

PC Games I am Playing Week: Wolfenstein

Welcome back sports fans to Day 3 of PC Games I am Playing Week.  This next video game has history to it dating as far back as 1981.  Castle Wolfenstein was created by Muse Software for the Apple II then last was developed for MS-DOS, Atari and even the Commodore 64.  Starting the trend of side scrolling shooter games and paved the way for a sequel Beyond Castle Wolfenstein you were required to use stealth and think about your objectives.  Moving   in 1992 Wolfenstein 3D, the FPS was truly given life as you play a WW2 Allied spy attempting a jail break from the Nazi prison under Castle Wolfenstein.  After 10 levels of so so graphics we could even through down with a Nazi power armored Hitler.  Of course he has about 4 chain guns strapped to the armor.  Wolfenstein 3D easily dominates the scene causing a stir in even consoles games of Super NES, 3DO and Atari Jaguar.  Now as exciting as that all sounds I was actually enjoying the 2009 version where our hero, William “B.J.” Blazkowicz is back, kicking Ratzi butt and obverting yet another plot by the Reich to take over zee world.   This is Wolfenstein.

Ho boy did I get on the wrong boat.

Blazkowicz: OSA Headquarters.  This is Agent B.J. Blazkowicz.  Wake up the spoiler. Tell him we have to meet as soon as I land.

In this incarnation we see a battleship getting ready to deploy missiles to hit London and BJ is right in the middle of fleeing when a medallion he lifted starts glowing, the goosesteppers open up on him when the medallion projects a shield blocking the gunfire then channels this incalculable power that vaporizes the gunmen.   Snazzy accessory for any globe hopping hero, I wonder if Dr. Jones would have used that one.   Stealing a Mezzerschmitt and high flying away before the ship explodes Blazkowicz is left to ponder what origins this miraculous medallion came from.   Investigations conclude that the SS is busy researching the people of Thule where the first civilization to contact another dimension known as the Black Sun.  Blazkowicz’s mission is to prevent the Nazis of crossing over to this dimension to build a super weapon that would ensure their victory in the war.

Handy freedom fighter this fellow.

Now we can discuss the game play itself.  The game play is pretty straight forward standard WASD as movement controls, R getting the reload program and I personally liked G for grenade rather than a cycle through search like Jedi Knight II.  The mouse sensitivity needs to be calibrated by you in order to do a bit better with long range sniping, the typical FPS POV is standard but with some impressive graphics thanks to an upgraded version of Tech 4 game engine.  with depth in shadow, post-processed effects offering a unique look at the physics of the supernatural realm called the Veil, you can stop time, move around objects in the real world or defeat enemies that had an almost impervious shield.

With the classification of science fiction-horror FPS this version was co-developed by Raven Software, id Software, Pi Studios and Endrant Studios.   Lot of cooks in the kitchen didn’t spoil the soup this time around.  This single-player game is also fitted to be a Multiplayer option for those interested but there were more than a few patches needed to get it on track.  Methinks a few folks got sacked because of it.  With its bloody gore, violence levels and a bit of harsh language it is really the parents’ call on whether little Johnny or Suzie can play it.  My nephew has a blast with it and he is all of 12.   Think on that. 

Oh great, Hydra joined as well.

Eurozombie Week: Oasis of the Zombies

Welcome back campers to another heaping pile of Eurozombie Week and boy this one might be an actual improvement over Zombie Lake.  That being said watching paint dry and observing how many dead bugs end up on your window sill could also be definitely more entertaining than Zombie Lake.  Our current feature also gives prominence to shambling legions of the former living Third Reich.  Apparently Eurohorror loved their Nazi zombies cause they are the only creatures you feel good twice blowing away.  So grab your hiking gear, get a guide that speaks the language and yours and head off to adventure.  This is Oasis of the Zombies.

Hmm zombies devouring or humans rutting?

Nazi zombies are de craziest spoilers!!!

Our incoherent story telling starts off in the trusty hands of Jesus Franco (AGAIN???!!!) which opens towards the end of World War II in the African desert as a battalion worth of men are hauling gold bullion across the outstretched desert for safe keeping I guess, when they are ambushed by Allied soldiers.  Riddled with bullets and left in the sands to rot, only one surviving member of that Allied snipe hunt is still alive.  50 years later Robert Blabert (Manuel Gelin of One Deadly Summer, Joy, Venus and Formula I) who blaberts to a former SS Colonel turned treasure hunter about the gold.   Colonel Meitzell (Eduardo Fajardo of Tizoc, Django, The Four Musketeers: Milady’s Revenge and The Brother from Space) rewards Blabert by having him killed and proceeds to map out the location where the treasure is hidden.  Yeah the colonel is that cold, folks it is staggering how he can tell whether he has sent a man to his death or ordered to have his shirts laundered.  

Ahh!! I twisted my ankle, fell in a prairie dog hole and fulfilled a stereotype women hate!!!

Robert’s son Captain Blabert (Javier Maiza of I Do Not Forgive…I Kill!, White Comanche,  and Diamonds of Kilimandjaro) hears word that his father had died under mysterious circumstances, realizes it must be the treasure his father spoke often of and sets out to find it himself.  For some inane reason this gathering of studying college of archeologists and their professor also know of the treasure and proceed out after it as well.  Enter our jiggly girls to the fray.  Yes ladies I know it is a less than flattering title I have given this particular archetype of female portrayal but you will find it apt.   For instance; rather than keeping quiet and skulking away from the danger, they choose to shrill at the top of their lungs and run rampantly in the wrong direction under the cover of day for night shots. 

A few critiques on the film as it was shot on 35mm Spherical via Eastmancolor and sadly the day for night shots were so bad you had a hard time making out actors, who the hell is being dubbed and what was zombie and what was human.  I found this to be lengthy, choppy, poorly executed from the writing to the miniscule budget it was given, this had no real redeeming value other than it was NOT Zombie Lake. 

Guys, I don't see the Field of Dreams anywhere.

Nazi Week: The Great Escape

Sie kommen hierher, jetzt!  Willkommen to Day 5 of Nazi Week and I felt we should end on a thriller/comedy/action film of great proportions.  A film of POWs confounding the enemy at every turn that more resources and manpower are wasted find prisoners of war versus the frontlines.  So grab your pickaxe, prep that candle and hope the guards don’t hear us.  This is The Great Escape.

Ve have vays to make you...right, who threw that?

Are all spoilers so ill-mannered? Yeah, about 99 percent.

Producer/director John Sturges (Bad Day at Black Rock, Gunfight at the O.K. Corral, The Magnificent Seven and Ice Station Zebra) brought us a bit of a doozy with this film as it is to be depicted as Stalag Luft III, a high security POW compound has been created and the commandant, Luftwaffe Colonel Luger (Hannes Messmer of Il Generale della Rovere, The Devil Strikes at Night, The Odessa File andLangusten) informs the highest ranking British officer Group Captain Ramsey (James Donald of Lust for Life, The Bridge on the River Kwai, Five Million Years to Earth and David Copperfield) that there will be no escapes from this camp as Ramsey counters with its is their duty to try and escape.  Our first day is a series of failed attempts and the POWs grab their bunks and settle in at camp. 

Sipping whiskey...Kentucky style.

Later in the day Gestapo (Secret Police) and Sicherheitsdienst (Nazi Secret Service) arrive with one Squadron Leader Roger Bartlett RAF (Richard Attenborough of Breakout, The League of Gentlemen, The Flight of the Phoenix, Doctor Dolittle, Brannigan and Jurassic Park).  Bartlett is informed one more escape attempt and he will be shot dead to follow up that he is to be isolated from the rest of the prisoners.  The commandant of course simply places him in with the others.  USAF Captain Hilts (Steve McQueen of Wanted: Dead or Alive, The Thomas Crown Affair Bullitt, Papillon and The Towering Inferno) tests a theory that lands him in isolation for 20 days.  Colonel Klink is most annoyed with his brash behavior.   

 Bartlett pitches to the men a series of three tunnels 30 feet down and then across to confound the Jerries.  An escape of 250 men is to occur and by God they are going to risk it.  With every man working each of their field they stand a good chance.  Disaster with the tunnels as men are caught and punished but the men preserver on.  Will they be able to burrow out in time and if so which way to go that will lead them to freedom?

Tijuana holding cell after Day of the Dead...I guess.

And now comes the part where I have a few tidbits about the film.  Several of the cast were actually POWs during WWII including Donald Pleasence being held by the Germans, Hannes Messemer by The Russians and Hans Reiser by the Americans.    James Garner developed his scrounger character from his own personal stint in the military during the Korean War.  While Steve McQueen did all his own motorcycle riding, the famous 60 foot jump over a fence was done by Stuntman Bud Ekins and later doubled for McQueen more than a few times.  Apparently McQueen tried the jump and crashed so Bud stepped in and gave us that amazing shot.  This film is dark, clever, comical and tragic.  I would say it is the personification of war itself but what the hell does a civvie know?

Nazi Week: Force 10 from Navarone

Hallo an alle und willkommen to Day 4 of Nazi Week and what say we give the Jerries a right thrashing eh what?   Yes today we shall endure a sequel to director J. Lee Thompson’s Guns of Navarone based on the writings of novelist Alistair MacLean.  So prep your pack, limber up and for God’s sake clean your weapon.  This is Force 10 from Navarone.

War time is still tea time!

Spoilers can’t just stand here like ‘ducks in thunder’!

Like sequels of old it may be difficult to get the original actors to reprise their roles and so characters Mallory (Robert Shaw of From Russia with Love, Tomorrow at Ten, Battle of the Bulge, A Man for All Seasons, Custer of the West and Jaws) and Miller (Edward Fox of The Duellists, Soldier of Orange, The Big Sleep, Gandhi and Never Say Never Again) recaps from The Guns of Navarone’s ending of the island fortress successfully sabotaged and a bit of recovery for each fellow and now off to track and kill Nicolai.  Thought to be a traitor to the Germans during the Navarone Mission they discover Nicolai (Franco Nero of Django, The Repenter, The Girl, Django Strikes Again and Die Hard 2) is in fact Colonel von Ingorslebon, a German spy that may have infiltrated the Yugoslavian Partisans as Captain Lescovar.

Well I dunno. I'm making it up as I go.

To get to Yugoslavia Mallory and Miller link up with Force 10, An American sabotage crew that um “acquired” a bomber plane from a British air base to keep their mission quiet. Lt. Col. Barnsby (Harrison Ford from American Graffiti, Star Wars, Raiders of the Lost Ark, Blade Runner, Frantic, Working Girl and Cowboys & Aliens) takes off with his stolen aircraft as a couple of MPs spot him with their prisoner Weaver (Carl Weathers of Magnum Force, Rocky, Semi-Tough, Death Hunt, Action Jackson and Predator), who bobs and weaves and gets onboard said plane joining up with Force 10.

Both Doctor Jones and Apollo Creed look less than thrilled to be joined up with the limey duo but orders as they say are orders.  Reynolds (Angus MacInnes of Star Wars, Outland, Superman II and Witness), a weapons man isn’t exactly overjoyed with the mission and rightfully so and they are shot out of the sky by Luftwaffe fighters and they barely make it to shore.   

Thinking they have ran into their contacts they are unpleasantly surprised with Serbian guerrillas collaborating with the Germans led by Captain Drazak (Richard Keil of Eegah, House of the Damned, Brainstorm, The Spy Who Loved Me, Moonraker and Pale Rider) and is brought before the base commander Major Schroeder (Michael Byrne of Richard III, Champions, Ellis Island,  The Good Father, Buster and Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade) and Barnsby  claims they are criminals and that they are fleeing from the Allied forces.

Ulp, had to get the hangin' judge.

And now I have just a few points of observation about the movie.  Panavision is solely anamorphic lens with standard 35 mm from some amazing aerial shots, force perspective shots via scale models, and some great dolly track shots.  Michael Byrne has played a Nazi against Harrison Ford in this film as well as Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade.  The film is action packed, solid story and a heck of a cast.  Oh and not mentioned in the previous, former Bond girl Barbara Bach plays a concubine.   Just for the fellas on that one hehe.  

Nazi Week: Judgment at Nuremberg

Howdy und Willkommen to Day 3 of Nazi Week.  Keep in mind for those that may be confused that this is not a pro Nazi week but out and out bashing of the villainous Schweine and alas Doctor Jones will not be administering any beatings their way but such is life as they say.   Today I take you into 1948, with most of the war criminals been put to justice, 4 judges are being held accountable for the crimes of allowing their offices to conduct Nazi sterilization and cleansing policies.   So off the bat you should realize this will not be a comedy.  So have your statement ready for the court, plea your case and May God have mercy on your soul.  This is Judgment at Nuremberg.

Well we better take off so Tracy can do his miming in peace.

Spoilers must forget if we want to go on living.

From the works of legendary director Stanley Kramer (Inherit the Wind, It’s a Mad Mad Mad Mad Mad World, Guess Who’s Coming to Dinner, Bless the Beasts & Children and The Domino Principle) comes this film of heart wrenching subject, cynicism and light occasional humor.   Retired American judge Day Haywood (Spencer Tracy of Me and My Gal, Face in the Sky, Adam’s Rib, Father of the Bride, Inherit the Wind, It’s a Mad Mad Mad Mad Mad World and Guess Who’s Coming to Dinner) has the daunting task of overseeing the trial of four German judges  that served before and during the Nazi regime who either through some passive aggressive standing or embracing these ideals which lead to the judicial acts of imprisonment, executions of men and women for their  religion or racial background, sexual sterilizations and removing the sick and the lame from society.  Judge Haywood’s personal liaison between the Military tribune Captain Byers (William Shatner of The Defenders, For the People, Star Trek, Incubus, The Horror at 37,000 Feet and Malice) follows his West Point training and protocol but Haywood is trying to get the lad to loosen up given the undertaking they have ahead of them.

Bet he's a sour Kraut.

Three of the 4 men on trial are just thugs in my opinion with the exception of Judge Janning (Burt Lancaster of of Gunfight at the O.K. Corral, The Devil’s Disciple, Elmer Gantry, The Train, Birdman of Alacatraz, From Here to Eternity and Airport) spends most of his time throughout the trial holding his head down in what can only be constituted as shame.  Defending these men is attorney Hans Rolfe (Maximilian Schell of First Love, The Rehearsal, Cross of Iron, A Bridge Too Far, The Black Hole and Deep Impact)  who within his abilities tries his level best to point out how the law was being handled and prove that crimes happened and the justice was being dealt.   During the breaks between the trial Haywood shares his temporary living space with a lovely widower of a Nazi General, Mrs. Bertholt (Marlene Deitrich of The Blue Angel, Destry Rides Again, Manpower, Kismet, A Foreign Affair and Touch of Evil)

I have just a few comments to be made about the film.  It is not just merely these men on trial as it was the German people that obeyed orders and followed these barbaric rules of conduct that was not fit for one human being to another.  Fear, cowardice and blind patriotism brought about this dark era in Germany’s history.  Haywood walks around the town to the auditorium hearing echoes of the infamous speeches held in such rallies wondering how the German people cope with this horror in their own time and how they can simply be of the mindset to sweep this under the rug and move on.   The courtroom drama seems to envelop all aspects to this timeline with social commentary, upheaval, lack of morality and common decency.  

The Lady and the Tracy.

It is truly a film you must watch from start to finish in order to fully appreciate the impact it has.  You will feel humor, numbness and a sense of utter shock from how something of this magnitude could occur and the repercussions still to this day.  35 mm Spherical captures this story with relative ease as it is the cast that takes you through these days time’s past.  Judy Garland’s performance alone will move you to tears. Several key areas of this film were shot in Nuremberg 20 years afterwards and still so much rubble.  Makes you think.

Nazi Week: The Train

Achtung!  Heh now that I have your attention kids, welcome to Day 2 of Ratzi Week er um I mean Nazi.   Today we will read up on the cinematic amazement that was director John Frankenheimer (The Young Savages, All Fall Down, Birdman of Alcatraz, The Machurian Candidate, The Horsemen and Black Sunday) and keeping up with our Nazi theme; let us suggest a heist has occurred and we need no Transporter of Jason Statham’s nature, we let Burt Lancaster smack some goose steppers about.  So have your papers and passport and make sure your luggage fits in the overhead compartment.  This is The Train.

Hey Fritz, why the long face? Ooo burn.

Spoiler sind unglaublich!!!

As the Allied Forces proceed into Paris liberating the German occupation, Colonel Von Waldheim (Paul Scofield of That Lady, Henry IV, A Man for All Seasons, Tell Me Lies, King Lear, Summer Lightning, When the Whales Came and The Crucible) feels the need to take his ill gotten gains of priceless impressionistic artwork back to Germany during all this chaos arranges a train to transport it.  He forcefully hires (that’s at gunpoint and death threats by the by) Labiche (Burt Lancaster of Gunfight at the O.K. Corral, The Devil’s Disciple, Elmer Gantry, Judgment at Nuremberg, Birdman of Alacatraz, From Here to Eternity and Airport) a jack of all trades handyman train engineer to make sure the train is secure and runs smoothly.  Unbeknownst to the Colonel, Labiche has connections with the French Resistance and a meager collection of them are planning to overrun the train, stop the jackboots and claim back their heritage that is this artwork.  Sounds easy don’t it?  Well it ain’t.  

Are you drinking my 50 year old scotch??!!!

Papa Boule (Michel Simon of Boudu Saved from Drowning, L’Atalante, Port of Shadows and The Two of Us), an elderly engineer tries to through his own literal monkey wrench into the works is promptly executed on the spot.  Time efficient this ratzis are.   After Boule’s pointless death Labiche reluctantly joins in the effort to take down the train.  A simple matter of rerouting the train to confuse Waldheim to thinking he is in route to Germany when in fact he is heading back to Paris but the plan goes pear shaped and the resistance cell is wiped out leaving Labiche shot in the leg but all the more determined to see Waldheim not get away. 

Now I have just a few comments about this film if you don’t mind.  Firstly, my copy is in glorious black and white which sends this critic’s heart strings all whimsy.   This film could be construed as a dramatic action film due to the impressive lot of gun and fist fights but what really give the film weight is the supporting story, in where Labiche argues against wasting lives on a few crates of paintings he has never seen in his lifetime and gradually it comes around that understands that the Nazis will get away with carving the heart and soul out of France if allowed to flee with these treasures.  In the same mindset imagine Da Vinci’s works stolen and no one was held accountable stabbing Italy in the back.   Oh a little FYI, Lancaster being the complete loopy he was did all his own stunts.  Bet the insurance people had lots of Pepto and paper bags to breathe in.  35 mm of course but in Spherical lens rather than anamorphic so again your characters are well zoomed in on but background gets a bit fuzzy.   This technical process was before Europe developed Eastman spherical in the later 60's.  

Burt! Come back! The movie is pretty good!

Honestly in my humble opinion the villain role for Scofield is where the juicy lines, the heart and soul of the movie is as he spirals into madness and obsession over the paintings you can actually watch him lose what little marbles this man had left after the occupation.  Solid writing, superb casting and phenomenal stunt work although there are some that felt it was a direct insult to the French Railroad battering that many trains.  Cannot say I fault them there.   This is a gem long forgotten and clearly needs dusting off and reappraisal.

Nazi Week: Kelly's Heroes

Hiya, hiya hiya boys and girls!!!  Welcome to Nazi Week, to which we will see anything from deeply moving dramatics to screwball comedies poking fun at the Third Reich.  Say what sounds better than pulling out the war?  Why, pulling out of the war with about 16 million in gold bullion of course.  So grab your Kevlar, prep your sticky bombs and get ready for house to house search.   This is Kelly’s Heroes.

First, we invade Ireland.  You know... for liquor.

Spoilers stop calling me Barbara!!

35^th Infantry Division receives orders to leave the town of Nancy while under the attack of Ze Germans. After piss poor intelligence gathering former Lieutenant now Private Kelly (Clint Eastwood of Where Eagles Dare, Play Misty for Me, Dirty Harry, High Plains Drifter, Magnum Force and Heartbreak Ridge) helps capture a one Colonel Dankhopf (David Hurst of Hello, Dolly!, The Boys from Brazil and Skokie) of German Intelligence.  After finding a gold bar in Dankhopf’s briefcase, Kelly decides to get him hammered and get some intel on the whereabouts of the gold.  Just prior to Dankhopf’s untimely demise via Tiger tank, he tells Kelly that the gold of 14,000 bars are 30 miles west behind the enemy lines in the town of Clermont. 

Who loathes ya baby??!!

Knowing he cannot go this alone, Kelly recruits the rest of his platoon including Master Sergeant “Big Joe” (Telly Savalas of The Dirty Dozen, On Her Majesty’s Secret Service, Kojak, The Muppet Movie, Border Cop and Hellinger’s Law) Supply Sgt Crapgame (Don Rickles of Burke’s Law, Where It’s At, CPO Sharkey, Daddy Dearest and Casino)and Sherman tank commander Sgt Oddball (Donald Sutherland of MASH, The Eagle Has Landed, The Great Train Robbery, Bear Island and the Puppet Masters). Our greedy boys break through a German held town after a successful mortar barrage that was carefully arranged by Kelly and it looks like clear sailing from on end.   Not long from that brilliant analogy an American fighter plane believing Kelly’s platoon is the enemy he just cuts loose with rockets and strafes the hell out of their vehicles taking three of their number and forcing them on foot.  

Miscommunications hit the radio and Major General Colt (Carroll O’ Conner of Death of a Gunfighter, All in the Family, Archie Bunker’s Place, In the Heat of the Night and Convicted) is just blown away by the sheer audacity of these patriots trying to get through enemy terrain and opts to help and seize a little of that glory alongside his fightin’ boys.  By the by keep them eyes peeled for both Gavin MacLeod and Harry Dean Stanton.  They’re in there folks.   1^st Sgt Mulligan’s (George Savalas of Kolchak: The Night Stalker, Whodunnit and Kojak) name was killing me.  Yeah I know the old do-over golf term. So sue me.

I know what you're thinking boy. Did I fire 6 times or only 5?

A few points I would like to make about the movie at this time.  Panavision’s anamorphic camera was an excellent choice in that you feel like you are trudging through the mud and streets with the boys.  It was also one of the first movies filmed in stereo.   It was said that a female role was cast for this film that Ingrid Pitt was going to play but James Aubrey the head of MGM felt there needed to be cuts to not make the film quote “ drag on” end quote.   I am guessing it was trying to reconnect her and Eastwood from Where Eagles Dare. 

The irony is of the 35^th Infantry Division was a National Guard division made up of Guardsmen from Missouri, Nebraska and Kansas and yet none of dem palookas sounded a thing like a Midwesterner.    Oh here’s a good one. While still filming on location Eastwood gets a call that Donald Sutherland’s wife then Shirley Douglas was trying to buy hand grenades for the Black Panthers with…wait for it…a personal check from an undercover FBI agent.   You just cannot make up humor that good.

Nazi Week

Due to a series of sinus headaches several of you are aware that I did not write up a Wednesday and Thursday for last week.  This week however is a fairly in-depth look at the various Nazi themed films during or 20 years after WWII.  Ranging in drama, action and thriller.   I hope you all enjoy the read up and again I am profoundly sorry for the disappearance.

real men wear fedoras!