Back in Blaxploitation: Velvet Smooth

What's happenin' cats and kittens...welcome to Day 2 of Back in Blaxploitation and today we are gabbing about a super sleuth that all is gathering around for. No, I ain't talkin' about Shaft. Can you dig it? I mean the kitten that purrs so but carries claws when she needs it. Only one bit of sweetness to get to the bottom of this obvious kettle of fish. This is Velvet Smooth.

Ron Jeremy is Leatherface in: A Cut Above the Rest.

Our private eye with her foxy sidekicks is on the case, Velvet (Johnnie Hill of Velvet Smooth) gets a sit down with the man, King Lathrop (Owen Watson of Black Force, Velvet Smooth and Bon annivesaire Juilette) as someone is muscling him out of his territory. The possibility is so mind boggling to Lathrop that he has to hire the best P.I. In the business and Velvet fits the bill. With her help of friends Ria (Elsie Roman of Black Force, Velvet Smooth and Gang Wars) a lawyer and rough and tough Frankie (Rene Van Clief of Dolemite and Velvet Smooth) the scumbags better beware!

Frankie works undercover to ferret out the man causing Lathrop so much hell that they are convinced it may be an inside job by one of Lathrop's own men. Did I mention all these ladies are supposed to be adept in martial arts. Kung Faux from the looks of that and no I did not error on my spelling because the fight scenes look so damn hokey, I guess they were convinced the girls would get hurt and blah blah blah but more than half of these fight scenes are shot at long distance so you barely see what is really happening and the other half...well you really weren't missing the astounding choreography of a fourth grader's attention to detail. Why not make the girls bar room brawlers instead or a bit of street fight but I guess opting to fit them with bonking frying pans and attitude was skipped thankfully but not by much.

She cut a bitch!  Mostly, with those nails.

The general vibe says not to trust anyone, then why did the kingpin hire Velvet at all and what is really going on? Love the street gangs' Leatherface meets Hannibal masks as well. Clashes a bit with their funky threads but that happens from time to time. And ladies, lay off the kick and punches to the nuts already!! Girl power aside, the twig and berry fatalities were getting insane!

A few nitpicks now. Holy crap I have not seen the boom mic that many times outside of Dolemite. Get the boom mic top billing! Running Back two-time Emerson Boozer for the NY Jets (1966-1975) was kind of a point of interest but you get the overall reason why his career in acting didn't go sky rocketing. Didn't have the chops, baby. The sound effects foley artist fell asleep as half of the slaps, punches and kicks don't match up with the action followed by a drum crash seemingly to accompany every other punch to skin.

Not the worst blaxploitation thus far but certainly not the better talented to be working on this project. Still it beats Dolemite everytime.

Operation: Grabass is under way!

Back in Blaxploitation: Sugar Hill

Welcome one and all to Day 1 of Back in Blaxploitation. CAN YOU DIG IT??!!! Sorry channeling The Warriors for a second and I'm good. What do you get when the mob takes out your boyfriend for refusing to pay protection? Why turn to the Dark Arts of course! Yes nothing speaks of revenge raising large collections of the dead. This is Sugar Hill a.k.a. Zombi, Black Voodoo and The Zombies of Sugar Hill.

Mmm, is that olive oil you are using for your hair?

American International Pictures brings us the story of Diana (Marki Bey of The Landlord, Class of '74, Hangup and Starksy and Hutch) after the loss of her boyfriend at the hands mobster Morgan (Robert Quarry of Agent for H.A.R.M., Count Yorga, Vampire, WUSA, The Return of Count Yorga, Dr. Phibes Rises Again, Deathmaster, The Midnight Man and Madhouse) whose money has bought protection from the cops and lawyers. Racked with guilt and loss, Diana speaks to an aged Voodoo priestess Mama Maitresse (Zara Cully of The Liberation of L.B. Jones, WUSA, Brother John, A Dream for Christmas, All in the Family and The Jeffersons) to put Sugar in charge of zombies, she refuses.

Getting more and more enraged, Sugar seeks out a voodoo lord of the dead, Baron Samedi (Don Pedro Colley of Beneath the Planet of the Apes, THX 1138, Herbie Rides Again, The Dukes of Hazzard, The Blue Iguana, Journey of Honor and Quest of the Delta Knights) and only the cost of her immortal soul and she will have full control of a zombie horde. She starts wiping out Morgan's men and no one on the street has a clue who is slaughtering them left and right.

Yes, I am white and evil.  How do you do?

The zombies however are the traditional standing in they are subservient thralls versus the George A. Romero flesh eating ghouls but they must have become damn ninjas as they sneak around in the darkness these beings were bodies preserved of slaves brought to the United States from Guinea.

Will Sugar get her revenge? Being soulless will she feel some sort of joy? Will Baron Samedi work birthday parties??

A few points of interest on the film now. The eyes of zombie horde is a great effect cutting the eyes out in the frames and shining light through it making it this other worldly effect and very similar to the Lectroids in The Adventures of Buckaroo Banzai Across the 8^th Dimension. The Voodoo Museum and Research History building was shockingly enough the Heights Branch of the Houston Public Library. Thought for certain, Texas would be an authority on Voodoo practitioners.

American International Pictures lost both Robert Quarry and Vincent Price in 1974 as they wanted to pursue other work and felt the lackluster of the previous works.

Excuse me, I was looking for the John Carpenter set.

Back in Blaxploitation!

Howdy folks! Sorry I have been tardy since Christmas Eve. Shawn and I had a blast recording our DC Comics episode and you can find that on Youtube now under Rotten Reelz Reviews. That being said between the bad weather, sinus headaches and just no desire to write, I had to kick myself into gear to get started. Again apologies for this late in the week. I feel better and we will get started on some fan favorite: Blaxploitation.

Reach for the sky, jive ass turkey!

For those that somehow are unfamiliar with the term exploitation, an exploitation movie is usually a low-quality film without an "A" list backing and uses sex, violence and romance as the selling point behaving in a popular trend, niche or taboo subject matter. Blaxploitation is a film made with black actors more or less for black audiences and often has the theme of an urban view via stereotype. Normally they are overcoming authority "The Man" through clever planning and extreme violence.

Now common love of these films fell under Jack Hill's Coffy or Foxy Brown, Gordon Parks' Shaft and even love for William Crain's Blacula. As for the last one that is probably due to William Marshall's performance. Chilly and yeah I love several of these flicks and yes there are quite a few that are a bit on the crappy side as well. With in any genre there are bound to be some bad movies so keep that in mind when viewing them.

Sometimes you get stuck watching something as horrible as Dolemite but hey there are fans for that movie. Everyone has their own tastes and I for one want to see if there are some more out there that I will find enjoyable.

This week is Back in Blaxploitation and no sucka, you ain't got a choice in the matter.

Jim Kelly's packing...got a gun too!

Merry Christmas!

Welcome readers of Rotten Reelz Reviews! The year is at its end and we begin anew! I am hoping to continue producing more reviews that capture your attention but I need help from you all. Feel free to drop a line, comment or message on RottenReelzReviews or RottenReelz to give some suggestions for TV, video games and movies. I will forge ahead bringing the weeks ahead with something entertaining as always.

This is surprisingly good for my back.

Rotten Ramblin' On will endure to improve the topics as we have been. Thankfully we have decent mics to make the show clearer, we are leaving suggestions open for what you want to hear so give Shawn and I a heads up on what you feel is topical. Again we can be contacted at:Rotten Ramblin' On  and you can check out our Youtube page for the podcast itself at: Rotten Ramblin' On Podcast  so feel free to give it a listen, a like and some love by sharing it.

Merry Christmas to all and hope we have a good New Year!

Merry Christmas from Rotten Reelz Reviews and the Doctors!

Dismember December: One Hell of a Christmas

Merry Christmas to the readers for Day 5 of Dismember December! Welp, we have had some clever flicks, some shoddy creations and somethings best left in the Wal-Mart bargain bin and then...we have this moving pictures magic. Plugged by Fangoria magazine, Fangoria Films keeps churning out creations that would make plethora of demons upchuck. I have endured three Fangoria flicks: School's Out, Dead Creatures and Eternal Blood and all were deeply disappointing. Will this be the exception? This is One Hell of a Christmas.

Christmas strumpets!!! Yay!!!

Writer/director Shaky Gonzalez (Nattens engel, Kokken, Emergency Release, Pistoleros and The Last Demon Slayer) brought us a low budget mass conglomerate of horror movie cliches and even greater dramatic film cliches all in one film. Yippee?? Our main protagonist Carlitos (Tolo Montana of One Hell of a Christmas, Kokken and What's Wrong with This Picture) spent two years in the jug just got released and he sounds like a bargin basement of Al Pacino via Scarface or possibly Carlito's Way who is thinking of re-establishing his fractured relationship with his son and ex-wife. He runs into his old buddy Mike (Thure Lindhardt of Into the Wild, Flame and Citron, Angels & Demons, The Borgias, Fast & Furious 6 and The Bridge) who seems to be channeling Jason Mewes got his hands on this uber-McGuffin talisman that is supposed to give the owner incredible powers thanks to the power of exposition.

So are we less than the Gecko Brothers or Cheech & Chong?

Rather allowing his buddy make the mistake of pursuing his family, Mike drags Carlitos off for hookers and drugs because...it's Christmas time?? Mike rips off a drug pusher for some money and this funky claw necklace, only to find out it give you the power of green screen as bullets pass through you, enhances your strength and make you grimace in a ridiculous fashion from (steady yourself) producing a magical cocaine. The talisman is actually a claw from Satan himself and has a guardian of such, hell bent (GET IT!!??) to laying claim back to it, and body swaps to get to both Mike and Carlitos to dispense justice or vengeance or whatever else this schlock written pile of puppy poop is establishing. The possessed remind me of the original Evil Dead in the way they yell and move and that was intriguing but that is all.

Ordinarily I do not jump on low budget horror as I have enjoyed a few but...creates decent gore gags but the demonic entity possessed people look pretty shoddy in the make-up department. The prosthetics looks like something you would see at a haunted house and the lighting was less than satisfactory. With the camera angles similar to Robert Rodrigez with steady cam, a bit of dolly and some crane or off of building shots, it makes it interesting but does not improve the story.

With a script that feels like borrowed elements of Peter Jackson's Dead Alive, Evil Dead and a hint of Desperado, the cliches start stacking up like cord wood. Not the worst film I have endured but certain one of the worst Christmas horror themed. Move long folks, nothing to see here.

Yeesh, with looks like that, I hope he got a discount.

Dismember December: Christmas Evil

Welcome back carolers for Day 4 of Dismember December and as luck would have it we have us an also known as title. Precursor to Silent Night, Deadly Night our original title is You Better Watch Out, a lesser known flick compared to the upheaval that was Silent Night, Deadly Night. Oddly enough a lunatic goes on a rampage of murder and mayhem while dressed as Santa. This is Christmas Evil a.k.a. Terror in Toyland a.k.a. You Better Watch Out.

Look kids!  Santa's naughty now!

Directed by Lewis Jackson (The Deviates, The Transformation: A Sandwich of Nightmares, Christmas Evil), a fan favorite of the infamous John Waters (Pink Flamingos, Female Trouble, Desperate Living, Hairspray, Cry-Baby, Serial Mom, Pecker and A Dirty Shame) our film opens with a lovely trip to suburbia (shudder) during the year 1947 as young Harry sees his mother being felt up by Santa a.k.a. His dad in a suit and with that the lad is heartbroken. 33 years later, Harry (Brandon Maggart of Purlie, The World According to Garp, Jennifer Slept Here, Chicken Soup, Dream Date and The Adventures of Brisco County Jr.) is working a assembly position at the Jolly Dreams toy factory but at home...well Harry sees himself as the next tride and true Santa (THERE CAN BE ONLY ONE!), with his apartment decked out in lights, ornaments and various toys, "Santa" watches on the neighborhood children from the roof of his building...with binoculars...like a creeper and even keeps a journal of naughty and nice kids.

Another eye gouge?? Must be Fulchi's fault.

Harry realizes that several of the assembly workers have been treating him like some dumb schmuck and taking advantage of him for ages. Seeing his co-worker Frank (Joe Jamrog of Christmas Evil, Blue Steel, The Fisher King and United 93) in a bar when he was supposedly sick making Harry fill-in for him teeters him from the realms of safe and sane. To make matters worse, Harry's own brother Phil (Jeffery DeMunn of The X-Files, The Shawshank Redemption, The Green Mile, The Mist, The Walking Dead and Mob City) cancels Thanksgiving dinner on him at the last minute. Harry has left this grounded world and is convinced he is Santa and proceeds to dish out...Christmas justice??!!! A few rounds of breaking and entering, he smashes his nephews' toys and replaces them with handmade ones.

Harry takes out three preppies with an axe and... I am not certain if I should feel bad or imagine them as hipsters being vanquished instead. Really hate hipsters. Frank and his buddy George witness the murders as the Santa flees. Tension rises at Phil's household in which he is concerned about Harry and wondering if he is doing alright.

Will Harry carve out a new Christmas tradition? Will there be anyone left alive in Jersey? Will anyone notice Jersey devoid of people?

A few points I would like to make now. The cinematography of this low budget slasher is AWESOME! Shot with Panaflex in 35mm spherical it really gives it a good vibe in spite of being in mono via sound. Falling under Britian's Video Nasty Ban list, our movie an hour and 40 minutes but was deemed too gory to be edited down to 95 mines instead. I saw the hour and 40 so I guess some nudity and a couple of close-up zoom hatchet scenes were yanked.

I am perplexed by what I saw. On one hand, Santa is murdering a fair amount of people, but he delivered toys to kids in the hospital. This whole film seems to document a life that was scarred at an early age and attempted to muddle through it as best as possible. Attention slasher fans, the body count and death scenes are not over the top and not a large amount of them. What this film depicts is about a man's mental and emotional mindset ebbing away and no one seems to care.

I loved the police line up of Santas and the fact I recognized character actor Jeffrey DeMunn or Dale from Walking Dead and a very young Patrica Richardson (Jill from Home Improvement and Sheila Brooks from The West Wing). Not so much a psychological thriller but it was quirky, odd and kind of fun.

Holiday shopping can be murder,right?

Dismember December: To All a Goodnight

Ho, ho, ho and a Merry Dismember December Day 3! Well it's that time of year where Christmas break happens throughout the education system and Calvin Finishing School for Girls is no exception to the rule. A gaggle of the jiggly girls have their hearts set on a party while the president of the school is away. Oh of course there will be boys there so they can all pair off and couple up but what if... an insane psychotic happens to be roaming about? For that matter, what if this potential psycho is dressed as Santa?  This is To All a Goodnight.

Yeah they're real. Touch them if you don't believe us.

Director to our little tale is none other than exploitation actor David Hess (The Last House on the Left, Hitch Hike, Avalanche Express, House on the Edge of the Park. Swamp Thing, White Star adn Body County) serving us up a Christmas tale to be told around the fireplace written by Alex Rebar (Beyond the Door, To All a Goodnight, Demented and Nowhere to Hide). It seems two years prior at this very finishing school a sorority girl was killed by accident due to a dumb prank (Which if proof was needed, skip pranks horror film universes... it will all end in tears and blood!).

So cast aside your season's greetings as the first ever Killer Santa movie is born! Oh yes, a full four years prior to Silent Night, Deadly Night, our story shows our collective of girls, Nancy (Jennifer Runyon of Another World, Up the Creek, Ghostbusters, Killing Streets, Carnosaur and Silent Night, Deadly Night 2: Revival) wants to have fun with her girls and this promise of men at the ready even if she is still not sure about going all the way. Tee hee. Low and behold several of the party goers seem to be missing or gasp...DEAD!  Phoning the police is a logical choice...so is vacating the premises but that is thinking too far ahead. All we know for certain that someone in a Santa suit is checking his list and putting people and the end list. Oh the cops get a red herring of course with Ralph the peeper gardener, which is no Crazy Ralph so get him the hell out of here!

Got something in your eye.. Oh yeah, my knife.

Will the girls get out alive? Is Santa putting them on the permanent naughty list? Will there ever be a horror movie that makes cops competent?

Our location for the sorority house is actually a mansion and according to the late director, it belonged to a drug kingpin in Santa Barbara. What else can I say about this flick? The lighting is crappy rather than moody, the dialogue is kind of flat but there are some interesting death scenes and numerous pans of Santa killer's legs going up and down stairs that I just thought the camera man really liked his ass. Our film tries for moody and suspenseful but it is difficult for me to take it seriously when well-known porn actor Harry Reems is in the cast. Yeah,the male lead in Devil in Miss Jones and Deep Throat doesn't really make me think, "Oh yeah, this guy would be perfect for my slasher movie."

With 70 gees for budget and 35mm Arriflex Cameras at the work, I could have done with out the fish eye lens for flash-backing. That just kills my eyes and really distorts your movie overall.

Judith Bridges and Linda Gentile did live up to their nude obligations in the film and all the sexist piggies that watch these flicks primarily for that will not be disappointed (Sorry ladies, but every so often I do have to acknowledge other readers). 

Murders? Fuhgeddaboudit!