Thursday, May 23, 2013

Alternative Title Week: Space Mutiny

How do all and welcome back to Alternative Title Week and I realize I have tormented you all with this POS Italian Action/Adventure/Sci-fi tragedies so we will steer away from that horrendous standings and give you a really really bad sci-fi instead. You may have thought Silent Running was long and dull but that is peanuts compared to the festering turd that awaits you.  So grab a silver velour suit, try to not dies and be brought back due to lack of continuity.  This is Space Mutiny a.k.a. Mutiny in Space, Espacio exterior and Bunt w kosmosie.

Computer targeting system OF THE FUTURE!!!

Kalgan: I am being undermined by my own spoilers!

This piece of sputum hails from 1988 that is so low budgeted, it is using stock footage of Battlestar Galactica viper and Cylon raider attacks.   Our wayward travelers aboard the starship Southern Sun are divided into two groups. Those that are bound in their duties and believe in their commander to deliver them to  a proper world they can call home and those that cannot wait to take over the ship and find a planet to enjoy to their hearts content.   As a star vessel carrying Professor Spooner attempts to land with the ship’s landing bay when space pirates attack the viper squad and cause a serious of overacting on behalf of our hero David Ryder (Reb Brown of Captain America, Captain America II: Death Too Soon, Howling II: Your Sister Is a Werewolf, Uncommon Valor, Yor, the Hunter from the Future and Night Claws) and would be love interest Doctor Lea Jansen (Cisse Cameron of Billy Jack, The Prize Fighter, Porky’s II: The Next Day and The Deli)to blow the walls of believability. 
In no way is this footage of the original Battlestar Galactica.

The fore mentioned Spooner is trapped in his craft as our noble hero emergency teleports out of his vehicle and…well screams at the top of his lungs how the ship is going to blow up.   Leading the faction of dissentients, Kalgan (Death Rides a Horse, Danger: Diabolik, Barbarella, Skidoo, Doctor Justice and The Devil’s Bed) whips some of the security and engineering to overthrow the ship and land it on an inhabitable planet.

There is some strange subplot of these space floozies known as the Belerofons …that served no purpose other than to point out spandex on the right women looks hot.  Seriously they have no standing at all other than to tempt the male members of the ship.

Rhombas Deathmatch 3000!!!!

Now to bash this film with a primitive piece of flint as it richly deserves.  Most of the computers OF THE FUTURE are Tandy equipment including the 3.5 floppy drives, continuity is so bad that a member shot in the stomach and left to die and 2 minutes later she is back on the bridge at her post as though her death never happened.  The exciting chase scene with the modified floor polishers’ attempt a Ben Hur chariot race but they are going up to speeds of at least 5 to 8 mph.    The ships’ lower engine rooms are clearly beer vats and the piping residing around it.  Furthermore the grounds around these vats are incredibly explosive as people get fired on and get blasted over the railings.  

Sir, my batch is killing me in these silver pants.

The only way to view this turkey is to enjoy Season 8 Episode 20 of Mystery Science Theater 3000 as they bash it profusely.  Avoid this film as though it were a baby diaper filled to the brim with poopies.