Shark Week: Sand Sharks

Just when you thought it was safe to go back to reading this blog…hehe sorry but that particular tripe read up had a long time coming.  Welcome back to the end of Shark Week and hopefully it has been entertaining and downright silly for you all.  Next on the docket is surprisingly enough YET ANOTHER SyFy movie.   Yeah well it has been kind of a running gag there.   Hey I could have subjected you to Orka so be grateful.  Okay then, get your floaties on, build that bonfire past safety regulations and let’s get this party started.   This is Sand Sharks.

 

Ride like the wind brah!!

If it’s like mother…it’s big…and it’s spoiler!

AWP (American World Pictures) founders of such cinematic straight to DVD abominations as: Sacrifice, Beyond the City Limits, Instinct to Kill, Pterodactyl and Young Cesar brings forth from the depths of Hell this delightful creature feature.  Now that may seem very negative…because it is. 

Our plot opens with the island resort of White Sands, local sheriff John Stone (Eric Scott Woods of Charmed, Ghost Game, April’s Fools, Jonah Hex and Sink Hole) and his sister Brenda  (Vanessa Lee Evigan of Less Than Perfect, Quiet Kill, Holiday in Handcuffs, Project Solitude and In My Sleep) and warning the Mayor (Edgar Allan Poe of Traces of Red, Dead Inn, Oliver Twisted, Monkeybone and King’s Highway)and swarmy prodigy Jimmy (Corin Nemic of Parker Lewis Can’t Lose, Drop Zone, Stargate: SG-1, The Stand, Mansquito, S.S. Doomtrooper and The American Standards) that they have to close the beaches to what they believe is a shark attack.  Naturally there is scoffing so Sheriff Stone (Chief Brody) offers to call in an expert for a second opinion.  The mayor and his man brat agree to this but otherwise this party festival is still on. 

Breasts makes science easy to follow.

Enter Doctor Sandy Powers…tee fricking hee.  Dr. Powers (Brooke Hogan of 2-Headed Shark Attack, Devour and School of the Dead) will be our Matt Hooper archetype only she primarily is roaming around in a tank top and shorty shorts to display other assets to hide the lack of intelligence as she spews her lines.   Seriously, if you believe this girl is a marine biologist then you believed Tara Reid’s archeologist in Alone in the Dark.

Powers surmises that the creature is a prehistoric shark that existed and hunts in the sand rather than water. HUGE STRETCH but I dare say we move on as the festival appears to be a snack fest for these ravenous eating machines of CGI terror.

Yes I have more to say.   While this was not the gore gobbling fest that Piranha 3D was, I think it was meant to be NOT taken seriously.  I saw civvies having access to Napalm for God’s sake.  A flaming throwing M4 assault rifle was a prop.  The sharks look like a hybrid of a crocodile scaled shark but thankfully no Tiffany or Debbie Gibson was around.

Jonas Quinn makes pimpin' look easy.

This was hastily written, the CGI needed a lot of tweaking and well the performances felt like everyone was just a goofing around.   I am pretty sure this film is out there to be made fun of but that seems too easily.  Give me a creature feature that doesn’t know it is tripe like Snow Beast.