Monday, February 23, 2015

Gorefest: Chopping Mall

Howdy boys and girls and welcome to Day 1 of Gorefest, in which I can promise corny lines, partial nudity, an over the top plot device and acting more wooden than that of the mighty Scottish Pine. With mallrats, old folk and squawking brats demanding sweeties, you need to be concerned about security. Purse snatchers and shoplifters beware! This mall (kinda looks like the dully named town of Sherman Oaks California) is protected by state of art enforcement bots designed to taser offenders, but what if their programming did not adhere to the three laws of robotics? This is Chopping Mall.

Now we skin them and turn them into a series of funny hats!!

Brought to us by that cinematic waste of flesh, Jim Wynorski (The Lost Empire, Deathstalker II, Not of This Earth, The Return of Swamp Thing, Hard to Die and Vampirella) both wrote and directed our impending film so expect the sores to not fade without a topical ointment. A presentation filmed in 35mm establishes a lone gunman packing at least a .38 long barrel cannot penetrate the hide of the Securitron nor could he outrun it on foot, which seemed a tad odd given his head start, the felon was tasered and dropped. Presentation official Miss Vanders (Angela Aames of H.O.T.S., B.J. And the Bear, Cheers and The Lost Empire) smiles vapidly and turns the technical presentation over to the Securitron's creator, Dr. Stan Simon (Paul Coufos of The Lost Empire, Busted Up, City of Shadows, Superboy, 976-Evil II, Going Back and Sometimes a Hero) and his mullet describes how they will be distributed around the mall as a test site to show their effectiveness. Also he calls them Protectors so now I don't know what the hell they're supposed to be referred as. After a brief Q & A, the mall officials issued little lamented badges for ID (Because no one forgets their ID)the bots are set and ready to go on their trial basis.

Yup that is the afterglow of satisfying sex. Sure.

Meanwhile the minimum wagers are blissfully unaware of these creations, Suzie (Barbara Crampton of Re-Animator, From Beyond, Castle Freak, You're Next, Road Games and Death House) and Allison (Kelli Maroney of Ryan's Hope, Fast Times at Ridgemont High, Night of the Comet, Big Bad Mama II, Not of This Earth, Jaded, Hard to Die and Midnight Witness) are prepping for a party while a freak thunderstorm hits the antenna controlling the robots service ports and scrambles their cybernetic eggs.


With our slabs of meat er um fellas working at a furniture outlet in the mall which blankets had to be draped over the windows so the store didn't get any publicity positive or negative aside, the wild party with one boom box and white folk dancing badly is under siege from the robots driven into murder/death/kill mode. Seriously thought, that dancing is so painful to watch. I am having Friday the 13th Part 2 flashbacks. Grease 'em robots!!! Give'em the clamps!!! With all party guests of 8 whole people, we know we are in for a body count given both technicians have already been dealt with, the bots are loose and patrolling the mall in search of offenders but with no command codes on what level of aggression is to be used they go on full onslaught.

Will the fornicating kids be able to evade the murderous machines?? Can they escape the lock-down? Or will their time clocks be punched permanently?

A few bits of trivia at our moving pictures of the day.

The special effects crew had to build five remote controlled bots to serve as the Killbots. Three needed to be seen together for the better chunk of the first half of the movie. The two extras were backups in the event the originals were damaged during in of the action sequences. They were built out of wheelchair frames and conveyor belt to make them light but strong enough for the areas of the mall.

Actress Kelli Maroney did most of her own stunts in this flick but to be honest I think she might have gotten away with most of them with minor rug burn. There were talks about a sequel after the success of the film but the producers were not overly impressed with with office returns in spite of them being substantial.  

Tee hee, we're the virgins. Can you tell?