Tuesday, May 24, 2016

Zombies: The Beginning

Well I am back. Back with even more Bruno Mattei. Oh don't pass out on me now. You are not even watching it. So remember when I said Island of the Living Dead felt like a rip off of Ridley Scott's Alien and you were probably thinking, "Well it is not likely that it gets worse than that." You weren't thinking that? Seriously? Wow. Okay well it does actually continue to suck as this time around we bring our pathetic, lifted story idea and make a sequel to it. Will it be a bug hunt? This is Zombies: The Beginning.


Rule #1: Don't taunt the critters.














SPOILERS INBOUND! Not that any of you give a fetid pair of dingoes' kidneys but the lone survivor of Island of the Living Dead was found adrift and was rescued. Yes plucky Sharon (YvetteYzon of Hustler, The Dark Side of a Woman, Secrets of Women, The Jail: The Women's Hell, Island of the Living Dead and My Lai Four), has horrible slow motion HDCAM shots for dreams about footage that was NOT even part of the original film. After some rest and a probably much needed shower (of which we didn't get to see), Sharon re-accounts all the events of the island issues, why the Dark Star blew up and what happened to the rest of the crew. Tyler Inc. Doesn't seem to take her word for it and wants to send an expedition out to it. Also Sharon is now a doctor rather than just treasure hunter because....um...reasons??

Sharon retreats to a monastery to cleanse her soul and look cute in a toga? Tyler Inc.'s mouthpiece and drug company rep Paul Barker (Paul Holmes of Drop Dead Fred, Rizal in Dapitan, La visa loca, Foster Child and Water Wars) tells Sharon that Tyler Inc sent a medical ship over to observe these "undead" and get samples of which that brought to another island that Tyler Inc bought. They had to compete with InGen over it but settled out of court. Sharon flat out refuses to go to it but the company promises she is going merely as an observer, protected by a platoon of mercs and will see what really happened and....hey this sounds familiar. Yup and if you were pissed about that notion you will love loads of the musical from Aliens is lifted, scenes from Crimson Tide used for the "submarine" travel because Los Angeles class Naval nuclear subs are a dime a dozen. Pretty sure corporate can just buy those outright.


Hold up!  Found my golf ball, everyone!















Sgt. Zamura (Robert B. Johnson of Zombies: The Beginning) has his work cut out for him while leading his fine collection of bad asses against the shambling dead. The base is completely deserted and yet somehow almost completely intact. Our marines er um mercs find test cages with zombies, a warehouse filled with parts and chunks of flesh and some sort of aborted baby fetuses via baby zombies. What in the good gravy was the Umbrella Corp...I mean Tyler Inc paying these people to do??? Sharon channels Ripley for most of the rest of the film and goes in to fight alongside the mercs. Yes there is even a queen zombie and yup zombabies. Will "Doctor" Sharon be able to escape this one? Will she get an even fancier title in the next sequel?




The only reasons that Mattei didn't get sued for blatant knock off of Aliens is international film law covered under a pseudonym and I don't think James Cameron knows his former nemesis zinged him again. Years ago, Bruno bought the rights to the title Terminator 2 a year prior to T2: Judgement Day's release. Amusingly enough, they screwed up and got an Aliens story from that as well.

Lifted footage from Hell of the Living Dead again, Predator and Tie Fight sound effects used for the APC driving scenes, a ton of Romero references and even some music taken directly from the Resident Evil 2 video game. This marks as Bruno Mattei's final entry into film as he passed away in 2007.


Eww...unibrow.