Monday, October 31, 2016

Halloween Movie: The Chilling

Happy Halloween folks. Yes it is the day of many of a slutty costume, far too many zippered and padded superhero suits and more Michael Myers jumpsuited folk roaming about, so clearly it's time for a zombie film. Yes I know, I know. This is all too familiar. So if it makes you feel better, how about a zombie film with the lovely Linda Blair and Grizzly Adams' Dan Haggerty? Confusing? This is The Chilling.

No you will not see me naked. Get over it.

Dr. Miller (Troy Donahue of Surfside 6, Rome Adventure, The Godfather: Part II, Hollywood Cop, Hard Rock Nightmare, Terminal Force and Sounds of Silence) operates and owns his own cryogenic facility. The standard role of the wealthy paying obscene amounts of dough to only to be resurrected in THE FUTURE in the hopes death has been conquered. I guess the freezer burn to their faces can just before thawing.  Miller's assistant Mary Hampton (Linda Blair of The Exorcist, Savage Streets, Repossessed, Perry Mason: The Case of the Heartbroken Bride, Skins, Sorceress, Scream and Supernatural) feels this is a worthwhile job and a higher calling to serve humanity until...dun dun dun... Mary discovers Miller has been secretly selling off body parts to further his profit margins. Guess he didn't trust in hog futures. Mary starts to fall for Joe Davenport (Ron Vincent of American Graffiti, The Chilling and Deeply Disturbed) whose parents have recently been added to the the frozen veggie corpse farm. Mary concerned about Joe's parents decides to tread carefully. A bank heist is "planned" by beer guzzling, shotgun totting jagoffs and well that goes really well. As our smooth criminals openly carry their shotguns, waste the hotel clerk and speed off to the bank job. Yup nothing but razor intellects here.

Must have ran out of abortion clinics to picket.

That Halloween night a freak lightning storm hits the main generator of the clinic. With no knowledge of how cryogenics works, security guard Vince (Dan Haggerty of Bury Me an Angel, The Life and Times of Grizzly Adams, Once Upon a Starry Night, Legend of the Wild, Elves, Chance and Spirit of the Eagle) wheels the frosty containers outside...during a lightning storm. Shocking to us all especially those in the metal canisters, the frozen folks rise from the dead in bloody vengeance. I think it was due to the weird aluminum foiled space suits they were stuffed in.


I was a bit embarrassed for the zombies as they mostly kill folks with the time honored tradition of shake the baby to death. Will Vince, Joe and Mary save the night? Will the Cryo-Cadavers rule the lands??

Well what else can I say about this but character Joe is kinda one-dimensional and an ass. I am really not certain what direction the film was going. It was a wee bit of all over the map. Not really coherent storyline but the actors working the best they can with the script they had. The cryo bunch look more like astro zombies but I get over it. Still loved Haggerty's line to Blair offering her the chance to get into his uniform. That man had the biggest grin on his face.

Well guess it's off to star in Elves now.