Howdy all. I'm back with even more
rations of Wynorski films. On today's schedule you will all be
transported to Sin City itself, the land of glitz, glimmer, glam and
gambling. Where the house always wins and the suckers should have
folded. Don't worry, we won't have to deal with the likes of Bugsy
Segal. No instead howzabout a 300 year old vampire calling out that
same old tune, "Baby Why Can't I See the Sun." You know
this old chestnut, when mysticism and alchemy have failed, it's time
for science. This is Vampire in Vegas.
Hate the DMV. They are so slow. |
I also love the alternative title for
the French distribution, Dark Evil. A lot of thought was poured into
that one. That's like naming one of the Friday the 13th
sequels, Sharp Stabby. Moving along, we hear the narrative of that
spine tingling baritone voice that can be mistaken for the Grim
Reaper, Tony Todd (Platoon, Candyman, Minotaur, Hatchet,
Nite Tales: The Movie, The Thirst: Blood War, Hatchet II, 24, Marvel
Super Hero Squad Online, Chuck and Jack the Reaper) is
Sylvian, a 300 year old vampire that once roamed the lands with a
nomadic tribe of vampires called the Xandars...possibly Xandau but
who can say? He grows tired of the one major drawback to vampirism
which is, never seeing the sun. He's a lone wolf and kills on his
own but only because his tribe was wiped out by the ancient Hungarian
armies. Puts a real damper on your evenings. Why doesn't he just
make his own scourge (group of vampires, also called a kiss or
coven) and bring his own clan to reek havoc on the humans?
Yeah not really his bag.Yet.
He seeks out a biochemist Dr. VanHelm
(Delia Sheppard of Witchcraft II: The Temptress, Young Rebels,
Sexbomb, The Adventures of Ford Fairlane, Haunting Fear, Rocky V,
Roots of Evil and Animal Instincts) to do what he cannot,
which is to make him immune to sunlight so he may once again lead
more than a half-life. A couple camping out in the desert (are
safe from Jason Vorhees because they are nowhere near Camp Crystal
Lake, fake New York or space) hear screaming in the day for
night shots, get out of their tent to Scooby investigate to see three
women bound and burning at the stake. They do the smart thing and
call it in to the cops. Sylvian grows weary of these failed
experiments and tired of using his newly made children as guinea pigs
for this botched attempt give him power to withstand the sun. An
ultimatum is given to Dr. VanHelm of three days to fix the mistake or
their working relationship is null and void.
Ugh hurry up. Gettin ze boobie burn. |
Now how about a tepid sex scene? The
R&B was enjoyable though. Jason (Edward Spivak of The
Minor Accomplishments of Jackie Woodman, Vampire in Vegas, Slacker
P.I., The Art of War III: Retribution and A Hero's Unsung Dignity)and
Rachel (Soyna Joy Sims of Camp Blood 2, Trauco's Daughter,
English For All, Reflections of Evil, Gilmore Girls and A Coat of
Snow) are newly engaged, set for the nuptials as Jason goes
out for one more time of "freedom" via bachelor party
weekend. Yup, his boys can't stand to see him whipped i.e.happy
with the girl in his life.
City Slickers 3: Vegas or Bust. |
Detective O' Hara (GiGi Erneta of
She's No Angel, Burning Desires, Project Viper, Cheerleader
Massacre, The Insatiable, Dusk and Vampire in Vegas)
and Detective Stanton (Ted Monte of Silence of
the Lambs, Treasure Hunt, The Curse of the Komodo, Glass Trap, Komodo
vs. Cobra, Solar Flare, Turbulent Skies and Super Shark)
are on the case of three crispy cuties and things seem a little
weird. Will Jason get Rachel?? Will Sylvian touch daylight?? Will
I stop this bat-tastic gag??
A
few comments. Forensic lingo aside, the take on the crime scene
wasn't bad, although everyone should have been wearing their little
booties and find some way to block the wind on evidence.
They
put that lovely Melissa Brasselle in a blonde wig. Shame on the lot
of you. On that note, I really didn't complain about the slutty
outfit so back to being a pig apparently. The scenes with solid
bodies and augmented chests are surprisingly no nudity. Seemed a tad
odd to do that for a strip club scene but I am not in charge and
maybe they were going for a wider audience as the swearing isn't
anything you wouldn't be stunned with. Todd looks like he is having
too much fun this time under the fangs and is a bit silly in his
role. Also you will absolutely love the vampire
expert/weaponeer/mechanic. The dude's delivery is so damn funny as
he is serious brandishing different wooden stakes, telling the best
penetration, his garlic syrup gag and even some pump action water
guns naturally fitted with holy water.
Spotted
Paul Logan again so that is three Wynorski films I have seen him now
and Roger Corman and Jim Wynorski regular Jeff Rector. By the by,
watch Jeff Rector's Revamped and see how many people you recognize in
it. It will crack you up.
Well she clearly does crunches. |
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