Drive-In Grindhouse

Ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls. It appears that I have been called upon to review some new work of director/editor Dustin Ferguson (Doll Killer, Die Sister, Die!, Gloved Murderess, Cheerleader Camp: To the Death, Invitation to Die, Nemesis 5: The New Model and Robowoman). Yes years ago I was sneering at Camp Blood 4 when the young director contacted and reopened my eyes to Indie Horror. Forgot the roots but no longer is that an issue. Thanks to Dustin. So I am to look at an anthology set of Indie Horrors and first off, you got to love this level of networking. Men and women gathered under the mutual love of the genre and organizing to showcase their work. Edited by SoCal Cinema Studios and produced by A Troma Team Release via B movie master Uncle Lloydie himself, Lloyd Kaufman. This is Drive-In Grindhouse a.k.a. Grindsploitation 8.

Perhaps a Killer Queen. Dynamite with a laser beam?

Admittedly, the production companies, MrSheltonTV Media and Schlock Productions made my Spidey senses tingle but again the company names are clearly in good fun. So let's sit in for some faux trailers and some short story horrors. With a grand tally of 15 directors, these short stories and faux trailers could be a bit. 3 and a half hours long to be exact. Let's see how it goes.

We open with an eerie synthesizer effect and a flyer for virtual reality wanting volunteers, will pay! Yeah experimental tech is always good to be a guinea pig. A big fella is there for the Grindhouse Experience and a slightly creepy guy invites him in. Why the big guy needs dish washing gloves is beyond me. With a VR rig establishing all forms of Exploitation, a menu drop down rig allows the user to immerse with the each subgenre. Nunsploitation, Naziploitation, Blaxploitation, Sexploitation, the ever popular Women in Prison (popular way too much for some of my readers) and Uncut or Uncensored if you will.

With a direct link to the neuro pathways, the VR sprite is attacking and our boy is getting the feedback through his nerves as if he has been assaulted with weapons.

And down, down the rabbit hole we go. FYI, we just saw the opening segment as credits. Trippy, right? Few title cards and some death metal later, we open to folks toking in a car as we are having a meta key (a creation referring itself or the conventions of the genre) moment, the actress in Moon of the Blood Beast is with friends watching the film within a film. A trailer for the Moon of the Blood Beast which has a decent narration as the girl is stalked POV style and right into another exploitation trailer using its previous footage. Looks like I put in the trailers for Hard Boiled, The Prowler and Not of this Earth. MUUUUtant Monks From Outer Spaaaaace!!! What? I can have fun too, you know. Hmm guess this would be Aussieploitation?

Vash the Stampede??

Our first segement is Phantoms of the Fog by director Chris Milewski (The Cold Eyes of Death, Violets Bloom at an Empty Grave, The World of Shadows and POE 4: The Black Cat). It's got a real Amando de Ossorio, Tombs of the Blind Dead vibe with its opening shoot. Possibly a Lucio Fulci, City of the Living Dead feel. A Vietnam Horror themed film? Cool. A soldier (Ryan Fargo of Wannabees, Phantoms of the Fog and Drive-In Grindhouse) awakes in this fog ridden land and hey bonus points director, for having him in an M-65 field jacket!!! Props, people. Loving them.

With no firearms, blade, radio, rations or water, our grunt stumbles through the jungle not knowing where he is. There's something out there. It lives...in those woods. Stalking our young soldier. Finding an empty range bag, ammo box and a working coms, soldier calls for a position. He looks decidedly creeped out and with good reason. He's being POV stalked. Soldier boy is hung up on a crude EOD (Explosives Ordnance Device) and something is still lurking out there.

Our next short story Death Like Me directed by Ruben Rodriguez (Sisters, It Requires Sacrifice, They Exist, Zombie, 60 Seconds to Die and Just Desserts) tells the tale of a home aide Genesis (Ghevon Sebastian of Emotional Intelligence, The Quad, Black Lightning, Vengeance: Killer Lovers) with a deep seeded need for murder. Bet that didn't get put on her resume. Also seems a bit intorverted, so yeah not very outgoing in the least. Shot with a black and white filter post production, sets more of a tone or maybe even shades of grey.
Her friend Luis (writer/director/actor/second unit and editor Will Fonseca of Table One, Billy's Choice, Winter Solstice, El bandido, and Here to Stay) is trying to get his party on but Genesis is dragging her feet. With elements of Poe sprinkled in, our girl bit of a creeper. Obsessed with the notions, dreams and even random flashes of death, the girl seems lost.
A hapless drunk (Lucio Fernadez of Magic Sticks, 30 Rock Vampire in Union City, the Death of April and Paiting Linda)lands in her lap, providing her such options. Now I am not saying she's unhinged but she is having a conversation Believe the clinical term is: "Crackers!!" Naturally one hits the bar to drown the crazy voices in her head when she gets a Cosmo sent to her by a secret admirer. With a little light conversation, some miscommunication, Genesis takes her back to her creeper pad. Just not in the fashion you are probably accustomed to.

Hmm Fulci or Mattei influence?

With a trailer of Curse of the Monkey Beast an exploitation I completely spaced to mention Kung Fu flicks. Yeah a monkey beast must fight for honor as a white guy spanks this monkey up and down the grounds. Let us not forget the terrifying Beast Rage, ghost house and cannibalistic tendencies, oh my. Another quick bit of Kung Fu is Sifu vs The Undead Warrior. I think the Chromeskull and robed villain of the piece is supposed to be Jiangshi (Chinese Hopping Vampire that sucks Qi). Dear God it is amazing some of the goofy trivia I know. Sifu (Clive McKenzie of Project V: The Viper, Show Me Da Money, Merry Kissmas and Halloween Creep Tales) is locked in mortal combat with a being of ancient standing and dark forces, the Jiangshi (John H. Shelton of Z (Zombie) Reviews, Fragile Minds, Clownsploitation, Grindsploitation 666, Halloween Hell Night and The Isolated Heart). Sifu must defeat his awesome nemesis and then continue to walk the Earth, writing wrongs. Moving on.

SUMMON IRON FISTS!!!

Hmm an sepia blend, some girl experiencing blood letting, a random shot of a horse in a corral. Umm take that Jean Paul Satre! Um something something, madness takes over. Regret and shame. Any who.

Now how about a 15 minute saga of Inanna, the Queen of Heaven? Director/actress/producer Tritia DeViSha (Kali Geisha Erotica Grotesque, Exit from Eden: The Story of Lilith, Cannibal Barbecue and Inanna, The Queen of Heaven) with an ancient goddess made flesh Inanna, Goddess of Lust and War seeks to rule her lands with fairness but is almost prone to a temper.  No I am not doing a sexist joke.  Respect my boundaries.
 
After the armies of Gilamesh (Andrew Lutomski of Counter Play, Vikings Now and Inanna, the Queen of Heaven) came before Inanna, she invites Gilamesh for a conference...in her bedroom...clothing optional. Though a striking beauty, Gilamesh keeps his wits about him. Guess it's like sleeping with a crazy girl, the sex can be amazing but palm a blade just in case. Spurned by Gilamesh, Inanna made demands the mightiest warrior to slay her would-be betrothed. The Bull of Heaven (Matt Jones of Silver Strand, Traffik, Neighbours, Night Shift and Drive-In Grindhouse) was summoned to do her bidding. Dude's pretty cut so maybe substitute lover? Just an idea there, Inanna. Slaughtering dozens of his men, the Bull and Gilamesh (Way to step in late, brah) mix it up.

Can a Sumerian use a Trojan? Gonna need one soon.

Next up seems to be a satire on the roaring 20s as the inhabitants of this dinner party I am convinced escaped the loony bin. Squabbling among themselves during the funeral of their late grandfather we have a couple with the couth of NASCAR fans, a gold digging flapper and a pompous professor. Using a Ouija board (because that's never a bad idea) the hopeless quartet conjures a minor spirit guide who warns them this game is pretty standard but not to dip their hands into the treasure of jewels, for it will unleash the denizens of Hell loose upon them, dragging them down, down down. And apparently a meta time shift. Must have been wibbly wobbly. Being the greedy and foolish asshats that they were, of course they took the jewels.

A few more phony trailers. Got to say liked Sanguine Addiction for pace and warped notions.

On to Roulette. A couple are killing time or just need more of a thrill in their relationship so why not some Russian Roulette? Skipping some levels there, people. Get a marital aid or a threesome going. Going right to the revolver? What will you have to look forward to in your golden anniversary? But of course the game gets interrupted by a Mormon. Mary (Chasiti Vannatta of Amateurs, Roulette and Drive-In Grindhouse) and Henry (Josh Schanderof Roulette and Drive-In Grindhouse) look a little annoyed but decide to hear this stranger out. Discovering the Roulette revolver, the stranger decides to sit in the game. Guess it's hard to push the good book?

Hmm, that is a fifty on the ground but I might get clubbed.

On to Cannibal Maniac via writer/director/producer Kyle Rappaport (Horror Talk Movie Reviews, and Cannibal Maniac). The sit rep is a schmo goes down the stairs of a filthy basement to be stabbed by a nut in a mask that looks to weight about 150.   Not really that intimidating to my way of thinking but I could be wrong.  Schmo wakes up on a makeshift table in said basement a wee bit scared. A bit of shakey cam and gore effects on the inexpensive. Nothing new but well orchestrated. Got the whole found film footage feel to it.

Um we have a short that sounds like the funkadelic only found in porn titles. Feels like a PSA on how to steal a girl's man. The observation gags are funny, the girl has decent projection but I am not exactly sure what is going on.

Chad Media is POV and apparently our camera man is obsessed with Troma Scream Queen Debbie Rochon in the shower. Well...yeah can't really fault him. She is pretty damn gorgeous. Chad Media is so cheap they aren't giving the cameraman a salary but they can fix it to hook up with Debbie. Did they bother to tell her?

How about a Troma promo booty girl? Yeah why not. Twerk away. Then we get a punk cover and a Troma reel of hits. Kinda cool.

Now some slasher fun? The Killer Plumber 2: Here's Barry!!! Brought to us by director/actor/writer Ross Heath (The Killer Plumber, Halloween Hell Night, Knock Knock knock, and Pushed too Far) and writer/actor Chris John Livermore (Halloween Hell Night, Case Files, The Killer Plumber 2 and Creamy Boy) with actress Rahel Kapsaski (Xandermonium, Alice and the Last Lottery, Waxhouse Rock, Doctor Slime, Grindsploitation 666, Molly, and Mephisto's House of Ill Repute)

Clogged drain? Well clearly call the Killer Plumber. A deranged maniac perhaps, but his rates are quite reasonable. With a bit of handy cam, some homemade effects, and some unusual camera angles, this isn't a bad showcase of talent. Could use some lighting schemes and maybe a shotgun mic but overall sets the mood. 

Young lady, stop sexting at the dinner table!

So with this collective levels of film skills, budget and creativity happening, it's time for the last gasp with Big Blind by director/writer Dane Keil (Creative Differences, Xenophobia, Make Games, Not War, Potatoes from Outer Space, Clownsploitation and Drive-In Grindhouse).

This film comes off as positively Noir in tone and vision. Already you have my attention, sir. With an undercover cop, Horace (Kelly Melerine of Decepticons, For Michelle, The Big Blind and Sanguine Addiction) inflitrated a high stakes poker game with a mob boss Tommy (Kevin J. O'Connor of Last Vegas, The Hunger Games: Catching Fire, Banshee, Constantine, Mile 22 and Drive-In Grindhouse) in the hopes to free his moll (mob girlfriend or misstress) Natalia (Victoria U Bell of the Getaway, The Big Blind, Your Lips Kiss Well, but They Lie Better and The Agony) from the scumbag's hands, it's all in the cards. This is shot like a pulp fiction dime novel with flashback sequences, grit and determination. Hey why are those mooks pummeling Lloyd Kaufman? Meh, maybe he owed them money. Tension is high, the henchmen look like they're about to jump our hero and I am completely digging the jazz as background music.

Ultimately, you have a plethora of talent operating on their own, striving to create original pieces and on a shoestring budget. Admittedly 3 and a half hours is fairly long but it really showcases what these folk can do with a bit of creativity and multiple genres. I mean there are several chunks of this I was really impressed with. Grab a copy on Troma Now and give it a watch. Maybe you'll enjoy it as well.

You will find the passages in the Necronomicon...

Empire of the Dark

Hey folks. With the passing of character actor Joseph Pilato (Captain Rhodes of Day of the Dead) happening and some few requests for a Richard Harrsion film, I thought I would kill two birds with one stone. That is until I realized today's movie has the trifecta of "Oh Boy." with the director/writer/lead protagonist all being Steve Barkett (The Aftermath, Beverly Hills Vamp, Wizards of the Demon Sword, Dinosaur Island, Hard Bounty and Droid Gunner), I may have stepped into it. We will see. This is Empire of the Dark a.k.a. Evil Night.

Stevie Nicks' videos are weird.

Quick question for those that requested it, um who is Richard Harrison? I mean aside from the snippets of footage of him in several Godfrey Ho films, I really don't know about Richard Harrison at all. He did a handful of the Sword and Sandals flicks for Umberto Lenzi and Antonio Margheriti. Other than that, I really don't know much about him.

So fellas, being a divorced guy I know the score. You break up, the ex wants to explore new places, meet new people and typically she falls into a cult. Am I right? Well for Richard Flynn P.I. (Steve Barkett), it's just another day in the life. Yes rather than chasing down a cheating husband or bail jumper, our "Hero" is involved in a mystery. The main mystery how this film got any financing.

The ex-wife Angela (Tera Hendrickson of Havana, Empire of the Dark, Deadly Dancer, Casino, Delta, Roseanne and Ellen) pleads for Richard to save her baby and Bulbous Man springs into action. Well, he sort of shoots a lot and does the hero trope "NooOoOOOOOO!!!" when she dies.

Going through a other dimensional vortex, Flynn (who looks like he should be doing my dry wall and not an action hero) fends off a cult, rescues a stolen baby and travels back through the vortex victoriously. 20 years later, he has been in rigid training... by that I mean he doesn't miss a buffet at the Golden Corral, has the martial weapons prowess of a blind baboon with two clubbed feet and apparently is a crack shot with a revolver stuck on unlimited ammo mode.

Our protagonist is a doughy boy, balding while wearing a Jeff Foxworthy mustache, has the fight choreography prowess of a bloated walrus and looks like he is going to have a heart attack in every action scene.

Doughy Man with realistic sausagey fingered grip!

Our crazed cult leader Arkham (Richard Harrison of Secret Agent Fireball, Messalina vs the Son of Hercules,Terror Force Commando, Ninja Dragon, Diamond Ninja Force, The Ninja Showdown, Above the War, Rescue Force and Highway to Hell), a well-built, martial artist and with tons of films under his belt is...the Master from Manos? Oh sorry, he is the cult's leader that is attempting to bring the unspeakable evil to the world and Hell may reign over the planet for all eternity!!! MUAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!! Yeah, so there's that.

Poor actor/vo actor Joe Pilato (Dawn of the Dead, Day of the Dead, The Young and The Restless, Terminal Force, Shooters, The Adventures of Brisco County Jr., Fatal Passion, BeetleBorgs, Star Trek: Starfleet Academy and Wishmaster) was given an old man wig and a cane and next to no direction. He literally looked baffled, confused and no idea what he signed up for. This man can play a hard ass, a good uncle and a decent cop. In this? Well your guess is as good as mine.

Yes! Axe Body Spray ads, you didn't lie!

The more this film goes on, I feel like it's that Neil Breen's (Double Down) bible. I mean this is just painful. The blocking is laughable, more than half of Barkett's lines have clearly been ADR in and the guy barely sounds like him. A gaggle of women added to this flick are unaccredited, probably because it would bring great shame to their families and the broadswords they are using are clearly replicas that are heavier than actual spring steel or aluminum blades.

NO ONE has any stunt safety. They chucked an actual spear at Barkett and he ducks in time. Meanwhile my brain is reeling from how badly that stunt could have ended. They're called jump cuts!!! You brain dead ass!!! His sidekick son (actual son Christopher Barkett) looks either bored, clueless from scene to scene or simply emotes as well as Dad. So if that was what you were going for, bravo! You aced that!

So you get those Toto tickets you promised me, Satan?

The blocking is terrible, there are scenes that clearly need retakes, lighting is...okay. Sound quality? Dear God he needed a better boom mic or put a windsock on it. Hell the title doesn't even make sense when there was no empire to speak of. The alternative title doesn't add up either given this took place longer than a night.

This movie looks like what you would show film students the dos and don'ts of film making. Have some level of budget to include some fight choreography, aluminum blades for most scenes and some real steel blades for close up shots. When you go this ambitious, remember that as the lead actor you can get HURT! Look I am not kicking this man in the stomach. I can see the passion he has for the project. He wants this to come off as a hybrid of Brosnan's Death Wish meets Krull but baby it just ain't so.   Hell I am amazed they had blank firing guns and didn't just risk almost shooting each other.

The creature effects, stop motion animations, miniature scale and overall visual effects from Jim Davison of 4 Ward Productions (Bride of Re-Animator, The Great Los Angeles Earthquake, Batman Returns, Honey, I Blew Up the Kid and Tremors 4: The Legend Begins) is solid work. But when you have this donut muncher shooting at a bunch of guys in robes with a sit prone firing position with almost every response to the danger, it loses its luster. Which really blows because the creature effects and scale models looked damn good.

With all these extras that were clearly friends and family, you forget there are actual actors trying their best with this script that you wouldn't wipe your butt with. You'd use poison ivy or something more irritating, like a Paul W. S. Anderson script.

For God's sake, learn a hip throw and just get a black training mat for your opponent/stuntman to land on! Simulate a throat strike, snap kick at a knee, grab a rubber knife and slash a throat!

At the end of the day, if you need an unintentional comedy, here's your flick. Need a drinking game movie? You're in luck. You want a story that isn't so convoluted, goofy and the lead protagonist having less sex appeal than roadkill, well go look at anything else. Hell even Krull. Yeah sorry, still not a fan.

Damn you, Axe Body Spray! Again with this crap!!

An Hour to Kill Update

Hey guys!  I am back with an update on a film I reviewed last September.  The wheels of distribution take a bit of time.  Sometimes a movie can be in the can and ready to go but no one has time for it or they're not sure how to pursue.

Director Aaron Carter contacted me and want to remind you all this action/horror/comedy is up for viewing on Amazon right now.  I can best describe this as Pulp Fiction meets Creepshow.   C'mon, how cool is that?!

Here are the details as followed:

RUN TIME: 96 min

COMPANY: Rotten Productions

DIRECTED BY: Aaron K. Carter

WRITTEN BY: Aaron K. Carter / Ronnie Jimenez

PRODUCED BY: Aaron K. Carter / Jacob Harlow

STARRING:

Mel Novak (Game Of Death, An Eye For An Eye, Syndicate Smasher)

Frankie Pozos (LA 143)

Aaron Guerrero (Dead Kansas)

Amanda Rau (Living Among Us)  

Joe McQueen (Confessions Of A SuperHero)

Veronica Ricci (Treasure Chest Of Horrors II / Bloody Mary 3D)  

Brendan Mitchell (WetMovie1 / YouTube Personality)

Gabriel Mercado (Dysmorphia)

Luna Meow (Things 4)

Arash Dibazar (seduction artist)

Vince Kelvin (seduction artist)

In case you need to refresh your memories, here's the review.

A quick trailer via YouTube also for your viewing pleasure.

For those of you interested journeying down this rabbit hole of wild, the direct Amazon link is also available.

For those of you across the pond, here is your Amazon link.   So for Grindhouse meets Slaughterhouse,  I hope you enjoy this weird collection of tales and have fun with it.  I did.

Madhouse

Okay there has been requests for schlocky Italian Horror films. I guess Nightmare Beach wasn't pain enough so through the archives of Italy I bring forth Ovidio G. Assonitis (Beyond the Door, Tentacles, Steigler and Steigler, Piranha II: The Spawning and Over the Line), a grade higher than Bruno Mattei but lesser than Dario Argento is the vibe I am getting. And worry not, we have alternative titles. This is Madhouse a.k.a. There Was a Little Girl a.k.a. And When She Was Bad a.k.a. Flesh and the Beast a.k.a. Scared to Death.

Padre Bad Touch: This Fall on NBC.

Huzzah! A myriad of alternative titles! Our story is based haunting a school teacher,Julia (Patricia Mickey of Dean Martin Presents the Golddiggers, Emergency!, The Young and the Restless, Fantasy Island, Simon & Simon, Mistress, The Secret Life of Kathy McCormick and Without Her Consent) for the deaf in the deep south of Georgia. Her memories are deeply scarring apparently. She goes to visit her twin sister that is inflicted with a skin disease and it made her a bit off her nut. Guess her twin sister Mary (Allison Biggers of The Bill Tush Show, Coward of the County, Six Pack, Rearview Mirror, Doorman and Stars and Bars) is completely crackers. Nuttier than a poop log. She vows that Julia will suffer as she has suffered. So that's something they can do together.

Um, good puppers?

Her uncle, Father James (Dennis Robertson of Combat!, Tammy, Marooned, Karen, Cocaine: One Man's Seduction, Bay City Blues and M.A.D.D.: Mothers Against Drunk Drivers) urged Julia to visit twin nutter and boy that went swimmingly. Julia wants to decompress and I would say the stress primarily is from her job and not crazy twin death curse threats. I mean that was a full class room. Bizarre deaths of those close to Julia seems to be occurring, like one of her students Sasha (Richard Baker of Madhouse, Teen Wolf and The Nanny) getting gobbled by a Rottweiler. Could be a coincidence. Probably. Whatever. The neighborhood seems to be under siege by this monster dog as people are being shucked and devoured like so many oysters.  All the attacks seem to be around her childhood house she is staying in. Still potential coincidence?

Clearly she is being female and easily distracted by shoes. Y'know, prick male standard. Psychologist boyfriend Sam (Michael MacRae of Hardcastle and McCormick, Goldie and the Bears, Street Hawk, Hill Street Blues, Hostage Flight, Magnum, P.I., Summer School, 21 Jump Street and Shoot to Kill) has the warmth of a bedpan tells her she's just frazzled. He drops her off at the house and hits the gas. Thankfully her friend Helen (Morgan Most of The Misadventures of Sheriff Lobo, Goodtime Girls, Dallas, The Man Who Wasn't There, Simon & Simon, and Legmen) decides to actually not a total asshat like Sam and spend the night with Julia.

Getting a little handsy, Sis!

Julia sleeps like the dead and no sign of Helen anyway. No note on the fridge or by the phone. Crappy friend? Just a bit. Julia just heads to work like it's just another day...with murders.

Uncle James and his parishioner Amantha (Edith Ivey of Little Darlings, Rearview Mirror, Home Fires Burning, Web of Deceit, Grass Roots, Love Potion No. 9, and Stolen Babies) start making their way to the basement for the birthday extravaganza. Good thinking, Padre. Hmm crazy deaths all around the district, time for a party with paper hats and cake! Yup lemonade and crappy gift cards sure do make up for THE DEATH ZONE!

Father James needs to rally as many priests to sanctify the hood. This ground is saturated in gore, sudden deaths and very confused specters. Poltergeists in the Purlieus!

Amantha notices the hefty bag is dribbling. Maybe it's gravy? Maybe it's the secret sauce from Arby's.

Will Mary spoil the party? Is Father James well?

Well a few side notes, our film has some kids getting killed in the film. Yeah that happened. I know many a folk have issues with animals and kids getting hurt, let alone murdered in film. I had to do that particular spoiler. So we have some serious gore in this flick. It is suspenseful and has its twists but felt a few spoilers were needed for tender tummies.

The film is overall shot in the Kehoe House, a formerly single-family mansion in red brick made in 1893, featured Corinthian columns. A few bay windows with single, double and even triple panned windows. Childhood illnesses and dumb kid accidents caused the whispers of kids and/or them singing in the middle of the night. Deemed haunted for decades, many a ghost tour established the Irish Catholic family and its share of terror but recently it was made into a bed and breakfast.

Because who wouldn't want to stay there? According the tourist bureau in Georgia, they are constantly booked, so what the hell do I know.

Deemed a Video Nasty in its day, it took to 2004 to get released in full version but the sound quality is just piss poor. 

Hmm, Pharfo plays rough!

Night

Welcome back readers. I got a request for a movie review by the inspiring director of said creation. With a real team effort, barely a grand in the kitty and nothing but guts and determination, this film was going to made and it was. I love that kind of filming every time. This is Night.

Um...I have to go to the bathroom now.

First time writer/director/producer Nicholas Michael Jacobs (Night) comes a twisted tale of a young girl Judy Stern (Gianna Jacobs of Night) off the streets and into his clutches. We see our man in a ski mask moving around and prepping for the evening's event. We also are treated to him grabbing a bag maybe made of fabric or plastic. Hard to say.  Bit of creeper POV shot showing her just texting, tweeting or possibly Instagram on her smartphone but completely ignoring her surroundings. Also the light source gives away where you are and who isn't with you, young lady.  Stranger Danger!!          

No sweep up and go. You get the mood of a predator stalking his prey. We take a substantial walk as he either knows her habits, routines or direction she normally travels.

About four minutes of stalking and heading up mildly lit streets, a rag makes it across the girl's face and she's his now. Shot like a found footage film, we have background noises of our abductor milling about, reaching for God only knows and for whatever reason.

With his ski mask and Dickies jumpsuit, our torturer/sadist preps the kid for the evening's festivities. Probably wants her awake to feed off her fear and make it all that much more exciting for him. 

A tad young for Saturday Night Fever.

Judy tries to valiantly escape while her captor is getting supplies or cooling off so he doesn't end her too soon but to no avail. No sooner is he roaming the kill house for her, our masked man gets a call. His girlfriend pleading to him to quit slaughtering innocents. Damn, I can't seem to keep a girl to being immature and this nut has a lady that just wants him to stop bathing in the blood of the innocent like he could quit smoking. "Honey a patch a day, and your murder lust dies down."

With six months experience, he boots up to a chat room viewing this live streaming. Umm I don't think this fits in Twitch's bylaws. Gets worse, he is taking requests on what to do with her. Yeah the real villains are the viewers you can't even see.

The sheer horror and futility in her eyes makes it creepier and yeah this feels like a dark Patreon account. That's right, donations to see some evil.

This has the same vibe of guerilla filming to the likes of Tobe Hooper's The Texas Chainsaw Massacre. So many desperate elements all working in concert with one another.

Technical wise, I saw our cameraman in the shadows a few times following the girl, the editing could shave down some scenes or you just do the cuts in between. Also keep in mind, I am seeing the screener and most of these may have already been tended to.  A few suggestions would be a time wipe and say get supplies earlier in POV at a hardware store and just ask the clerk to look a little unnerved, fade to a interior van driving and some eerie public domain music. Maybe to pan to a tray or cart full of torture implements, zoom to duct tape being pulled taunt, cut a dark room and muffled sobbing.

With maybe $1000 in the kitty, this is gritty, dark and your own mind starts filling in the blanks. It does give a malefic feel to the whole scenario that there would be someone like this doing a live feed giving people jollies.

Suffice to say, while I may have seen the end coming, not everyone will. Not bad first time at bat, just need a bit more technical knowledge and don't be afraid to put a translucent tarp around the camera for blood gags. Hey feel free to take a look yourselves. Night is already available for POV Horror and will be made available at Amazon Prime on March 23^rd. 

Man, this Chucky doll is heavier than I thought.

 

Leprechaun 3

Hey gang! Hope everyone is having a decent St. Patty's Day. How do you celebrate it? Green beer, Haggis? A few rounds of the sweet science in the manly art of boxing? Enough corned beef and cabbage gas build up to clear bats from a coal mine? Or do you suffer one of the worse continuities in Horror history? Join me for Warwick Davis paying the bills. This is Leprechaun 3.

He's filling another pot right now.

Okay for those not on the up and up, the Leprechaun in Movie 1 (hey that rhymed!) was given a four leaved clover enema from Jennifer Aniston's former nose. Apparently the little bastard was as stable as nitroglycerine as he blew up the well his three foot five inch ass dropped into. Also his gold was a hundred coins. Movie 2, this leprechaun's gold consisted of jewelry, he lost his weird as Hell teleportation powers, now casts illusions and has voice mimicry and claims to be 2,000 years old versus the 600 year old from the first. Their half-assed conclusion to continuity? Um...different leprechaun but they all look alike? That is Species profiling dammit!! And now, onto our magnum opus part 3.

Stay off the moors!!  No wait.  You're all doomed!  DOOOOMED!

YET ANOTHER leprechaun apparently cursed into stone as (and I kid you not) a one-eyed, one-armed, one-legged man takes this grotesque statue in claiming it is a good luck charm but he is behind in his bills. Yeah, if the first film is anything to go by, you're a pawn shop dealer, you're gonna die in a ridiculous fashion. Seriously, the first guy died by pogo stick. Yup a dark and morbid tale only to be told around a bonfire as you are pickled.

Unlucky Pirate warns the pawnshop keeper in true Crazy Ralph fashion to not remove the medallion around the leprechaun's neck, so of course he does. Oh look another new form of warding off the leprechaun. Guess they are light on four leaf clovers in Nevada. The hideous seventies medallion causes much fear in the twerp but shopkeeper still gets pummeled to death with a shilleah. Again not a pogo stick, so upgrade?

Oh and movie, skip the eerie music scores. You're a Leprechaun sequel. Not a Hammer film.

Almost Jodie Foster...minus talent.

Don't worry! More gold inconsistencies here too. This little frosted, lucky bowl of donkey feces has Shillings in spite the face them having Charles III, King of Spain... wait. What? Doubloons yes, Schillings, no. Doubloons is Spanish gold. Schillings are English gold. Unless his armada set sail for the English channels, conquered the known British Isles and then had his goofy head stamped and molded on English gold, then it's a fricking Doubloon!!!!! DO YOUR HOMEWORK, DAMMIT!!!

Screw it. On to the star of our drama, Scott McCoy (John Gatins of Witchboard 2, Pumpkinhead II: Blood Wings, Another Day in Paradise, Big Fat Liar, The Nines and Norbit) one of the pesky kids that dares upset a supernatural being. Young Scott is on his way to California to enroll in college but has a stop off in Vegas. I'm guessing the folks gave him some scratch or maybe Scotty boy saved some money. As he makes his way to the Lucky Shamrock Casino. Yeah, in case it slipped your mind, this is a Leprechaun movie.  Subtle as a hammer to the nut sack, movie.

Director Brian Trenchard-Smith (The Dragon Flies, Tyrannosaurus Azteca a.k.a. Aztec Rex, Artic Blast and Drive Hard) was...present when film was inserted into the cameras as this was being filmed. Lighting and sound crew are spot on. Writer David DuBos (Future Shock, Playback, Cradle of Lies, Seagulls and Bayou Tales) wrote...dialogue. Presumably. I mean I heard words and sentences that didn't sound like adult speech patterns but yeah he created this turkey.

I would also point out the Lucky Shamrock looks an awful lot like the Ambassador Hotel in L.A.and a bit like the Golden Nugget in Vegas. Hmm... See, I would have written it directly in the Nugget. Our prep is a gold fiend, he's in Vegas. Let's get him a week at the Bunny Ranch and about 50 large to hit the tables and wheels. Easy Peasy.

Scott is gobsmack over a magician's assistant, Tammy (Lee Armstrong of Classic Stories for Children, Leprechaun 3 and Magic Island) and the two of them hit it off almost immediately. I would also point out that neither feel as though they are overly burdened by schooling and I beg them NOT TO BREED.   Blocks of Concrete: The Movie. No there is absolutely no chemistry between these two and why would there be?  It's a Horror movie, were the antagonist needs teleportation or ridiculous children's toys to get him to and fro.  This isn't Vorhees who can take long strides over an entire lake filled with cabins.  Look, I am not expecting From Here to Eternity but the dialogue being spewed out is clunky, sounds like a guy that's never had a real relationship in his life and Tammy's isn't any better.  We get she's bitter on Vegas but at the same time her facial expressions doesn't underline it at all.

Tammy's boss Fazio (voice actor John DeMita of Vampire Hunter D, Princess Monoke, Vampire Hunter D: Bloodlust, Black Mask and Jumper) is said talented magician and a total knob. Background!

Anyway, Willow bites Scotty boy and it starts to morph him. Yep more power inconsistencies. Transmogrifying him in to a new leprechaun and they shall enslave Vegas and rule ze world!!! Sure. Why the hell not. Sounds tons better than the actual reason. Hey maybe the leprechaun just wanted his own college boy via BDSM. It could happen. Scotty the gimp. Yeah I could believe that story. He probably will plow Tammy in front of gimpy just for added sadistic pleasures. Okay I made this flick creepier and in poor taste. You're welcome!

Eventually Scott and Tammy make their way into the pawn shop, discover the McGuffin and... you know? I don't care. This is slow paced, poorly thought out, a monster that attacks your ankles isn't scary and I was bored off my ass. Gore fans? The effects are decent but we have a body count of five. OooOoOOo!!!! Again not Michael Myers or Jason Vorhees height so I am amazed at the five count.

On further scrutiny, I discovered Caroline Williams (Stretch of Texas Chainsaw Massacre II,Models Inc., The Division, Zombie's Halloween II, Hatchet III, Sharknado 4: The 4^th Awakens and Blood Feast) and voice actor/character actor Argentinean marvel Marcelo Tubert (Lands of Lore III, Charmed, Batman Beyond, ER, The West Wing, Days of Our Lives and G.I. Joe: Retaliation) had bills to pay and this check cleared them.  Hey at least Marcelo and Caroline's scenes were funny.  I loved her "meh" attitude and she has a rather bizarre scene.  Spoilers, a death scene.

Who I would recommend this to? Gitmo for torturing information. Um parents with unruly children. Hospitals that need to clear the coma wing. College kids for a drinking game. Happy St. Patty's!!

Dare ya to lick it.

Fantastic Four: World's Greatest Heroes

Hey folks. Back again. So looking through the archives of pseudo successful Marvel films, I speak of the moderate high Marvel was enjoying from Fantastic Four in 2005 and its lackluster sequel in 2007. We will gloss over the 2015 film because, I never bother to watch it. For all I know, Doom is a habitual basement-dwelling nerdling that masturbates constantly and dreams of ruling the world. 

During the staple of Marvel Movie Madness prior to the last ten years, that Moonscoop Productions (Code Lyoko, Bunny Maloney, SamSam and Tara Duncan) with Marvel's blessing, to project the titanic tetrad into action. This is Fantastic Four: World's Greatest Heroes.

HULK SMASH!!

What separates them from The Avengers, Defenders, X-Men and hell we even throw in the Champions is they were explorers and adventurers prior to their power set. An experimental rocket test flight bombarded our curious quartet with cosmic rays, forever altering their DNA with untold powers. Funny you'd think NASA would be sending up military for truckloads of powered beings. Buckets of Heroes!!! Mind you, there would always be a handful of men and women using their powers for their own end, instead of saving the day. Hmm, cancel cargo caravan of cosmic cronies.

Professor Reed Richards, a brilliant cross-discipline scientist, Test pilot and war hero Ben Grim, Hothead, hot rodder Johnny Storm and constant den mother (still bad ass) Susan Storm compiled a group of heroes that operated more like a family than just teammates.

Dare we say, you are DOOOMED??!!

Keep in mind the inception of Reed Richards was in the sixties and I think they just followed the Doc Savage pulp fiction formula. Y'know men capable of multiple PHDs. Either that or the intelligence quota was just higher and men yearned more for science. Yes ladies, Sue gets more of a role than girl hostage like she did in the sixties. Yeah girls can fight too. Who knew? Never saw that in G.I. Joe, Thundercats, Silverhawks and...oh wait, YES I DID! Johnny's a smart ass and constantly pranking the Thing and yeah we love him for it, dammit.

Unlike its 1994 previous work, this rendition of Fantastic Four is fun, clever and action-packed. Naturally we have the rivalry of Doctor Doom and Richards. The anime style artwork really enhances the story, we have a real sense of the team's dynamics and yes we get a good old smack down between Yancy Street's blue-eyed Thing vs gamma and rage fueled Hulk. Private and public property damage is assured when these two throw cowboy.

Fight sequence or Tai Chi?

There's a drinking or calculator game. Hell, make it both. For all damages, what improvised throwing weapon crunched out of a car, manhole cover or mailbox and how many buildings are trashed.

When not being threatened by cosmic war mongers, tin plated dictators with delusions of godhood and villainous plots, the foursome is engaging in one of Mr. Fantastic's science experiments, procedures or newest technical jiggery pokery. Mishaps into the Negative Zone, exploration into space (Because Richards perfected a vehicle capable of leaving our solar system!!) or reverse engineering Skrull and Kree technology. Seriously, the crosswords do nothing to entertain this guy's mind.

Best part of this series? The humor. It feels natural, fluid and works well with the action. This is cartoons done right. Avengers Assemble and Young Justice must have been taking notes because this was the first cartoon next to Justice League I felt got the characters and their psyche downpat.

Understand, the 1994 power packed Saturday morning series to be alongside, The X-Men, Iron Man, Spider-Man and The Hulk were not really good stories, the dialogue was clunky and it was kind of painful to sit through. Out of that whole alumni, I liked the X-Men series and even still wasn't blown away by the stories garbling more than 40 years of writing.

This 26 episodes is found in three volumes that was released in 2010 and I am not aware of any reprints. They're out there though, folks. Get them while you can.  Even though Moonscoop is gone now.

What age bracket would I recommend this for? Uh, all ages. Whether you are a newbie to the franchise or an old school follower of the comics (John Byrne and Chris Clarmont era for me), you can easily find something to love about it. Naturally it has been off the air since 2010.

Ho boy...