Ten Minutes to Midnight

 Hey folks, welcome back to reading some rotten. This last year has been a rough patch. Reviewing films strictly from home and not a theater operational, putting jobs on hold and some outright terminated.  We can only hope to get through this pandemic.

And now away from that bit of morbid and on to what we are up to this day.  Today I have heard nothing but good things for your soon-to be reading pleasure.   A veteran Punk Rock DJ (Caroline Williams) dealing with being on the way out and her plucky replacement (Nicole Kang) being all sorts of bubbly, it's enough to break the spirits.  This is Ten Minutes to Midnight.

 

Terribly pleased or waiting to eat your soul? Who can say?

 

 

 

 

 

Shock jock Amy Marlowe (Caroline Williams of The Texas Chainsaw Massacre 2, Stepfather II, Days of Thunder, Leprechaun 3, Halloween II, The Unleashed, Hatchet III, Blood Feast and Greenlight) has ruled the graveyard shift for some time, being more diva than DJ, she's has stepped on more than toes and rubbed people the wrong way. As if her mood wasn't foul enough, a storm is brewing out in the night, she's been attacked by a bat and feeling a bit weird.

Front desk/security drone, Ernie (Nicholas Tucci of Choose, You're Next, Chilling Visions: 5 Senses of Fear, Faults, Wolfenstein: The New Order, The Cobblestone Corridor, Daredevil, Person of Interest, Quantico and Wolfenstein II: The New Colossus) warns Not Stretch that if it was a bat bite, she could have rabies. He offers her a lift to the hospital but the roads are completely thrashed and she is too professional to miss a show.  Ernie has the awful job of informing Amy that "Bob" wants to see her in his office. Yeah being called to the mat is never a good sign before you punch in. 

 

Totally BFFs with Batwoman. For realzy.

 

 

 

 

 

Station Manager Bob does not have bitch tits (Yes, a Fight Club reference. I couldn't pass it up) but he certainly has something in his craw about Amy. He is also a skirt chaser with a bit of a belly and enough clout in the station to make or break a career. You know, a local base, but I suppose enough slander on a former employee might cause hell for any future prospects. Amy meets with a young, perky girl Sienna (Nicole Kang of You, The Social Ones, Swallow, Orange Is the New Black, Instinct, Acting for a Cause and Batwoman) plans on sitting in on Amy's show and all starry-eyed at what will be her new job.  Clearly Bob is hoping to plow her like the back 40 but hopefully Sienna doesn't fall for the casting couch.

Sound producer Aaron (Adam Weppler of Twelfth Night, The Cobblestone Corridor, Groove, Long Lost and Alien Warfare) is fully aware that Bob is being a horndog, agrees with Amy that Sienna is pretty much eye candy but she has some good range and pitch for vocals. I daresay kittens on not on Aaron's mind but a certain blonde cougar on the other hand, yeah boy has the hungry eyes for her.

Amy is already in a mood and decides she's gonna cut loose so callers beware when you "Ask Amy". After dropping enough "F-bombs" that would have made even comedian/pod-caster Joe Rogan a bit uncomfortable, Bob steps in the booth to chew some hinder. Amy responds with a savage series of retorts and ends up biting the hell out of Sienna's hand, growling and fleeing to the bathroom. She's hearing voices, hallucinating scenarios out of the norm and frankly kinda going a bit bat-shit crazy. 

 

I make this same face after Taco Bell.

 

 

 

 

 

Now it could have been linked to the bat bite oooooor...Sienna dropped acid earlier and it is floating in her bloodstream because Amy is tripping BALLS!!!   Convinced she is getting a bit "close" with Bob (Greg Balla of A Crime to Remember and Ten Minutes to Midnight) looking young and dapper but a bit of a sleazy attitude, is giving Amy the eye.   Yup little bit of make-out or DID IT REALLY HAPPEN??!!!

 

 This flick just jumps ten hellfire-imbued flaming sharks over Coppersnake Canyon and baffles the crap out of me, more so than that explanation did for you.  A veritable Behind the Looking Glass via Lewis Carrol vibe happening and it is bizarre.   To be shocked by a film is so damn uncanny any more; especially in Horror films this day and age. When we have so many existing tropes to lend a hand, so to see something with a small cast, a normal environment and watch it go off the rails is a rarity to behold.

Produced by Mainframe Pictures (The Cobblestone Corridor, Ghost Tour, Intermedium, She Came from the Woods, Long Lost and Weekenders), this movie embraces a myriad of vampire mythology, a woman's mind frame about aging, goals, friends, family and love all changing over time and how we see ourselves year after year. Between the two women, I cannot say who I enjoyed more, Caroline or Nicole. Both brought their ""A-Game" and both delivered. What I thought was going to be a hybrid of From Dusk 'Til Dawn meets Play Misty for Me turned out to be wildly entertaining, very bloody and just downright creepy. This is not a typical vampire flick, nor could I put this in a per-designated category as I normally can.

Director Erik Bloomquist (The Cobblestone Corridor, Ghost Tour, She Came from the Woods, Long Lost and Weekenders) spins a macabre tale of aging, feeling obsolete, craving youth and being young with dreams on the rise. With enough blood and gore to satisfy most horror fans but enough story to bring a wide array of viewers to stay in front of the screen; this movie delivers the goods. I was happily surprised and frankly, I am wanting it for my collection. Hell, I want the soundtrack too. 

 

Really? A Leatherface joke? Really?

The Butchers

 Greetings Readers of the Rotten. Well I'm back with a much requested horror movie. Yeah I'm thrilled to be diving back into this genre (he said with the greatest amount of sarcasm), so we will see if this is remotely entertaining. A gathering of strangers on a bus having their bus break down, brings them to a house and yes THEY READ FROM THE BOOK! This is The Butchers a.k.a. Death Factory a.k.a. The Factory 

 

Silent but deadly...

 

 

 

 

 

Now the film I found had the title "Death Factory" but it was not the Brad Sykes 2002 movie. So it is a film of alternative titles!!! YAY! Always a good sign! Yes we have the trope goodness of young teens to 20 somethings recipe of disturbing the dead, the monster, the ancient curse. Those pesky kids with their boozing, fornication and loving life. Our opening credits look like a combo platter of Super 8 movies, old stills, TV static and an acid trip. Combining eerie chamber music with these visions makes this flick already bizarre. Oh and I forgot the biggest spoilers of them all, the fricking serial killer trial publications. Way to let that one slip out of the bag.

Brothers Simon (Damien Puckler of 666: The Beast, Death Racers, Camel Spiders, Grimm,Chase and Redwood Massacre: Annihilation) and Brian (Cameron Bowen of Blue's Clues, Touched by an Angel, Fraiser, Disney Golf, American Dreams, Seabiscuit, Mystic River, Wristcutters: A Love Story, Young Justice, and Young Justice: Legacy) are stuck on a bus, Simon relives a nightmare of him killing his father after his father slain his mother. Always a classic, right?

 

That chick in the earlier picture float an air biscuit?

 

 

 

 

 

Meanwhile a eerie looking lawyer JB (Semi Anthony of Circle of Influence, Against the Grain, The Chosen Ones, Death Factory, Modern Family, Triumph, Abby Grace and Headgame) is "hell bent" to purchase this a museum honoring serial killers or edifying them. The landowner on the other hand, he doesn't feel like selling in spite of the generous offer by JB.   JB decides to fall back on his second offer and stabs said landowner to death and get on about his business.   His business is reading from THE BOOK OF THE DEAD??!!! He get that from Ashley J Williams??!  Ash drop that on eBay?!   Actually, that does sound like a bonehead move Ash would do.  Don't forget to say every, tiny syllable.

The museum happens to hold the blood samples of all said serial killers. Hold up. Suspending disbelief here. Since when did this particular ghoulish effect occur in forensics?  Why would law enforcement as far back as Albert Fish a.k.a. The Cannibal Vampire would have blood samples and how on God's green Earth and convoluted plot line would this dinky museum have the money, power and connections to acquire their blood???

 

Daggum CGI fires!

 

 

 

 

 

 

At this point, the bus breaks down in the same dinky, ghost town and our passengers are forced off the bus for repairs.  PLOT POINT!!!  Let's get a Mouseketeer line-up of our soon-to-be deadies. There's plucky Nicole (Ire Wardlaw of Leverage, Hopelessy in June, Blackstar Warrior, Gone Girl, Intruder and State of Desolation), premiscous Candi (Charito Mertz of Passions, The Suite Life of Zack & Cody, Greek, Days of Our Lives, Trapped: Haitian Nights, Next Stop fo Charlie, CityBird and FCU: Fact Checkers Unit), steadfast Star (actress/stunt person Tonya Kay of The Muppets, Fully Loaded, Silverwood: Final Recordings, Raze, The Lone Ranger, Dark Space, The Kill Corporation, Nightmare Code, Bastard, The Other Wife, The Amityville Terror, The Fosters and A Better Place), doofus horndog Kip (Jacob Hobbs of Almost a Woman, Hercules, Death Factory, Headgame and Army of One), bellicose Ren (Jeremy Thorsen of America's Court with Judge Ross, Decisions, Tosh.0, Girls of Sunset Place, B4, Deadly Wives and Hotels Secrets & Legends), Daisy (Mily Sanders of Profiler, Boyz Nite Out/Grrlz Nite in, The Removals, Humbug, Sunday Driver and Here Piggy Piggy) and...Bill (Braxton Davis of Samurai Cop 2: Deadly Vengeance, The Ghetto, WEAPONiZED, A Weekend with the Family, Let It Bleed, Causal Encounters, Better Criminal, The Aliens and American Exorcism).

Off the bus and screwing around, Ren and Star find the Book of the Dead and OF COURSE they read from it, thus resurrecting six nutter butters to a night of holy terror.  SMOOOOTH!!! Your encore is what?  Bad touching someone's mother while simultaneously pouring sugar in my gas tank??!!

 

Tee hee. Plot development.

 

 

 

 

 

 

And yes, yes yes fellas, there's titty. Every friggin' time I review a slasher film, it is almost always asked so yes bewbs are a happenin'. They can't further the plot, but they can momentarily distract you.

Let's not make this out like all I am doing is bashing the film. This was a professional crew, lighting, sound and film all commercial grade, the cast did their best with the given dialogue and money was made.   Thing is I simply was not captured by it.   So at the end of the day I was not emotionally invested in the film and this is just my opinion.   Would I advise people to watch it?  No.  That doesn't mean someone else won't watch and take away from the movie what I could not.

 

Overall, there is some clever ideas like what was done with Jack the Ripper, the SFX gore and a bit of CGI is feasible but it boils down to gore gags, less than stellar dialogue and two-dimensional characters.  That's not to say this was a bad film, it just lacked cohesion.  A lot of ideas and a limited ability to house them all.  I have seen better movies but again this wasn't crap.   A lot of thought went into it but clearly this was a real difficult one to pull off well.

Your weapons, your clothes, give them to me.

Chopper Chicks in Zombietown

How do Readers of the Rotten. Well, it's time once again for a fan request and yeah it's a Troma movie. I'm not pleased at that but I will let it go and not vent my spleen. Yeah we are back in B-movie territory so buckle up, brace yourself and make peace with your dear and fluffy lord. This is Chopper Chicks in Zombietown a.k.a. Chrome Hearts a.k.a. Zombie Town a.k.a. Cycle Sluts 

 

Looks like they just barely "Escape From the Bronx!"

 

 

 

 

 

Yup right off the bat, we got alternative titles with writer/director Dan Hoskins (Pretty Smart and Chopper Chicks in Zombietown) seemed to wanted some dark humor with his horror film and I believe he managed it.

Our opening title card begins with "Life's a bitch and then you die. Usually." Followed by a maniacal cackle, I think that sets a tone. Cut right to the girls on bikes zooming along. Hey! California is a helmet law state! Rule breakers!

A gang of biker chicks are out raising hell and giving it their all. They screw around in this remote California town Zariah, scaring the locals and creating all sorts of malarkey. Heavens!  They could ratchet it up to tomfoolery. These girls are far less intimidating than The Switchblade Sisters and I love the serious tone the film is trying to put out. 

 

Welcome to Thorton's Casting Couch.

 

 

 

 

 

These group of Jezebels are ran by Rox (Lyica Naff of St. Elsewhere, The Clan of the Cave Bear, Fame, Lethal Weapon, Star Trek: The Next Generation, Return to Green Acres, Total Recall and The Flash (1990 version), this brunette smoke show and IMDB is showing her as T.C. Sooooo somebody screwed up and I don't think it's the film.  Getting back to our opus of a film, the girls had an encounter in the last town and gave exposition about a member name of Candy, stating we don't need any more heat on us.  FYI, their gang is called The Sluts. Not exactly terrifying. Might I make a few suggestions that won't get you laughed at? The Vipers? The Ball Breakers? The Insanguinators? Hoes of Death? Just mull those over.

Feels like I just stepped into some 70s biker exploitation movie and got a little bit of zombie on my boot. Big surprise is the local yokels don't take kind them there biker trash. The local mortician just removed a body and replaced him with sand bags in the coffin. Foreshadow perhaps? Or maybe he's either a necromancer (mage with powers over the dead) or a necrophile (man or woman with obscene infatuations for the dead). Either way, I am sure it will progress the story.

Bob's gotta roscoe now, see? Meh.

 

 

 

 

 

 

The local dwarf, Bob Littleton (Ed Gale of Howard the Duck, Phantasm II, Child's Play, Bill & Ted's Bogus Journey, Dolly Dearest, Land of the Lost (1991-1992 version) and O Brother, Where Art Thou?) is in charge of population. That is he and his chalkboard establish the live ones accounted. Bob Littleton. They really just gave Bob the shaft there, didn't they? Guess Seymour Butts was too classy. FYI, Ed there is credited as Chucky's stunt double in Child's Play. Does that mean they tossed him into fireplace or the wall? One wonders.

The town Sheriff Not Wiggum (Lewis Arquette of The Real Ghostbusters, A Pup named Scooby Doo, Tango & Cash, Tales from the Crypt, Book of LoveYo Yogi, Hypernauts and Mojave Moon) and his mustache might not care for these chippies in his here jurisdiction. And yes he is father of Patricia, Rosanna, Alexis and David Arquette. Even stars in Scream 2 as Chief Hartley.

 

Ernie?!

 

 

 

 

 

Shockingly enough, our mortician is also a mad scientist name of Ralph Willum (Don Calfa of 1941, The Return of the Living Dead, Weekend at Bernie's, Bugsy, Doctor Dolittle, Downward Angel, Night Creep and Sharkskin) is responsible for all this mayhem to even happen. Shame on you, Ernie! Didn't you learn from The Return of the Living Dead?

Naturally the best way to not provoke the undead, the supernatural or demons is to STOP PESKY KIDS. You all know what I am talking about. They read from the book, they trash the cemetery, they take a crap in your refrigerator's crisper bin.  KEEP an eye on these little chaos factories.

As luck or plot point would have it, a bus full of blind orphans (many of which are smoking) has been stalled out not far from the abandoned zombie mine. Uh-oh Spagetti-Os! By the way, as a subplot, no I have no idea why the blind orphans are doing out in the heated two lane blacktop. Traveling to go see The American Gladiators? That may require sight. Um...off to hear New Kids on the Block? No wait, that would require wanting to listen.

Well, the cat or in this case, the scourge of zombies? Maybe a plethora of zombies? A mass of zombies? Well however you want to quantify it, the ghouls are loose and looking for flesh.

 

Sheriff Not Wiggums asks for the Sluts' help in saving those blind orphans and defending the town. The proper answer is NOPE. ALL THE NOPES! Alas the Sluts may have hearts of gold and join in the fray. With the populous be zombie food? Couldn't they call in the National Guard or Raccoon City's S.T.A.R.S.?

We have a quote from the Austin Chronicles via its VHS box cover claiming, "Shades of Night of the Living Dead and a bit of The Seven Samurai, Chopper Chicks in Zombietown is a very smart and very funny movie." Hmm, late 80s...beating the deadlines. AHA! Cocaine was the deciding factor!  It all makes sense now.

What did I take away from this picture? Well the humor was dark to the level of Night of the Creeps, some decent tongue-in-cheek gags and the zombie FX was fair for this low budget job. Gorgeous girls beating the crap out of zombies. Sorry fellas there is absolutely no titty in our flick today WHATSOEVER.   I too, was stunned at this.   Guess they were going more for female empowerment rather than give off a jiggle fest.  Now use those McDonald's napkins and dry your tears, boys.  At the end it was gory and goofy. Felt like I took my brain offline and just had a few laughs.

 

She really likes that jukebox.

 

Batman: Year One

 Welcome back, Readers of Rotten. This time around we are going back to animated movies. Yes apparently saying Adult Cartoon sounds vaguely pornographic, so with that in mind we look at another WB creation. Before the crusade began, the training and the will had to be forged in order to save Gotham. Before the legend of the dark knight, Bruce Wayne had to become something else. This is Batman: Year One. 

 

Sure hope that's not The Spectre.

 

 

 

 

 

 

12 years after Bruce Wayne (Ben McKenzie of Junebug, 88 Minutes, The O.C. Southland and Gotham)lost his parents, he has returned to his hometown to find it rife with corruption. From the City Hall to the organized mob, there will have to be a serious culling before the streets are safe for the decent people of this city.  But Wayne is not the only new arrival to this abysmal burg, a newly appointed GCPD Lieutenant James Gordon (Bryan Cranston of Armitage III, Seinfeld, Malcolm in the Middle, The Fallen, The Cleveland Show, Breaking Bad and Godzilla) expected to tow the company line, look the other way and not make waves in Gotham like he did in Chicago. 

 

Don't think I like Gotham's AAA service.

 

 

 

 

 

 

Commissioner Loeb (character actor Jon Polito of Highlander, Dream Lover, Critical Condition, Miami Vice, The Equalizer, Homicide: Life on the Street, NightMan, The Big Lebowski and Tale of the Mummy) along with his head thug, Detective Flass (Fred Tatasciore of Ultimate Avengers, The Wild, Ultimate Avengers II, Justice League Heroes, The Invincible Iron Man, God of War II, Ben-10, Wolverine and the X-Men and God of War III) expect good things from Gordon. 

 

Save me, Jenny Craig. Yer my only hope.

 

 

 

 

 

 

With mob infesting the Gotham elite and controlling lawmakers and legislators, what hope does anyone have of survival?  Bruce attempts to infiltrate the streets as a Vietnam vet but none of the thugs are impressed and attack him outright. With his skill set and substantial strength, he makes his way back to the manor. He has to recreate himself, to give him an edge against criminals.

Gordon is shaking loose some of his own dead weight, i.e. cops on the take, thugs with guns and more of Loeb's informants, so he can run a department people won't be afraid to call for help. His latest hire, Detective Essen (Katee Sackhoff of Battlestar Galactica, Halloween: Resurrection, 24, Spider-Man: Edge of Time, Riddick, Star Wars Rebels, Longmire and The Flash) is smart, resourceful and dedicated to the job.

 

Hey, Rock Hudson! Stay for a picture?!

 

 

 

 

 

 

Rumors of a giant bat is plaguing the underworld, leaving suspects and skells unconscious and scared out of their minds. This "Bat-Man" amuses the upper crust until he gives them a visit and delivers his ultimatum. One of the greatest written lines for Batman hails from Frank Miller's Batman Year One. "Ladies, gentlemen, you've eaten well. You've eaten Gotham's wealth. Its spirit. But your feast is nearly over, From this moment on, none of you are safe." 

 

 

The seemingly untouchable mafioso, Falcone (character actor Alex Rocco of Motorpsycho!, Wil Riders, The Godfather, Detroit 9000, Three the Hard Way, Starsky and Hutch, The Entity, T.J. Hooker, Return to Horror High, The Facts of Life and Lady in White) starts to experience serious liquidity issues thanks to Batman breaking up drug sales, trashing racketeering and a cat burglar in a cat suit known as Catwoman (Eliza Dushku of True Lies, Bye Bye Love, Buffy the Vampire Slayer, Bring It On, Angel, Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back, Wrong Turn, Tru Calling and Dollhouse) has been looting Falcone as well.

Making allies out of Gordon and Harvey Dent D.A., charges are being made and arrests are happening. This will not finish overnight. This is no longer a matter of a few strategic moves here and there, this is a crusade. Can Batman purge Gotham of its evils? Can Gordon truly trust a man in a mask?

 

I'm Batfflack!

 

 

 

 

 

Fun film fact, Ben McKenzie who is voicing Bruce Wayne/Batman plays James Gordon on Gotham. Well, it's a fact even if you don't find it that fun.

From the get go, this film follows the graphic novel verbatim. There are two narratives that make up so much of this story, Wayne and Gordon each have their views for Gotham and their best intentions for the town; even at the expense of their own lives. This is everything I had hope Batman: The Dark Knight Returns would be. It completely impressed me on all accounts. A superb voice cast, excellent animation and still entertaining even though I have read and re-read this particular story many times.