Welcome back to Phantoms of the Year
Day 2. That really needs a catchier title. Oh well, moving on we
are back for yet another New Year's Eve but not in the realms that we
are used to. Imagine a swingin' sixties love fest with delectable
dishes and dapper dude gadding it up when all of the sudden, an
accidental murder occurs and a lesbian couple flee from the party
only to end up dead... and that's just the beginning. This is Life
Blood.
 |
| Fellas, anything that yummy on deserted road, think trap. |
Coming out of indy film
producer/actor/director Ron Carlson (I Am My Resume, Tom
Cool, Life Blood and All American Christmas Carol) brings a
film with a fairly original premise. Our couple jetting down
Pearlblossom Highway freaked by the incidental murder, Brooke (Sophie
Monk of Click, The Hills Run Red, Hard Breakers and The Legend of
Awesomest Maximus) killed a rapist and Rhea (Anya
Lahiri of The Fine Art of Love: Mine Ha-Ha, Dream Team, Daylight
Robbery, The Scar Crow and Dragon Soccer) is worried about
the repercussions of this act when they are visited by God (Angela
Lindvall of CQ, Kiss Kiss Bang Bang, Somewhere and Our Wild Hearts)
who calls them angels and tells them they are here to protect the
world from true evil by killing to survive... and then they die.
Laid to rest for more than 40 years the tempting twosome raise out of
these...cocoons I guess is the best term in their next to nothing
cotton slips and panties roaming the highway and feeding like
vampires do. Brooke just goes completely wacko and feeds on multiple
innocents while Rhea tries to talk Brooke out of it. The pair
retreat from the rising sun to a nearby roadside convenience store
and Brooke tortures the poor hapless clerk Dan (Patrick Renna
of The Sandlot, Son in Law, The Big Green, The X-Files, Dark Ride and
Bad Roomies) when Rhea gets in a fight with Brooke only to be
killed by Brooke. Guess the honeymoon is off. Brooke proceeds to
continue her bloody swath of evil as "God" in a sheer top
brings Rhea back to life to stop Brooke.
 |
| Grr... wait, what's my motivation again? |
Okay there are many points of this
movie that need addressing. These are not pet peeves or nitpicks but
major psychological coniptions. The first guy Brooke gacks has a
pick-up with a trailer he is dragging behind. One of those silver
rounded jobs. Why are they not covering the windows with cardboard
and duct tape and sleeping in it? Any mouthbreather with an IQ over
a salad bowl is asking this question. Neither vampiress has brought
that up or even elude to its existence. SO WHY HAVE IT????
The
acting is abysmal with the exception of Patrick Renna, who was spot
on. He is clearly having a blast with his role and his performance
is loads better than our lead vampires. Also for the fellas, (sorry
ladies) the lesbian vamps do not get starkers. That's right,
guys no nude vamps for you, no lesbian rompfest so you can officially
move on at this point. The fact that there is nudity and while it
is abundant, it isn't placed in scenes that make sense overall. At
the end of the day it just feels like the script was not flushed out
and this is padding the film. the violence isn't over the top but
fairly gory. Jiggly girls aside, this film had no real sense of
direction, goals or really even a plot. Interesting story idea but
not properly structured. Move on, folks. Nothing to see here.
 |
| Bloodletting is common with necking... if done right. |
No comments:
Post a Comment