How do my readers! A fine greetings
for the week as we pull up some obscure Sci-Fi Fantasy titles. Yeah
I know in my heart there is a better than 60% chance of topless and
full frontal nudity but I wanted to see if any of these B movie sword
and sorcery flicks would be entertaining. Remember Beastmaster was
dubbed a B movie and most folks enjoyed that...in spite of the
accidental poisoning of the tiger. Moving on, we speak of tales and
saga of a tribe of vicious warrior women as they are froth with
danger, sorcery, rival tribes and unknown consequences. This is
Amazons a.k.a. Amazon and the Tribe of Amazons.
Strut girl, strut. |
Guided by producer/director Alejandro
Sessa (Amazons,
Stormquest, Deathstalker, The Warrior and the Sorceress, Barbarian
Queen, Cocaine Wars and Wizards of the Lost Kingdom)
our title card sequence opens with some synthesizer scoring worthy of
Goblin brought to us by
composer Oscar Cardozo Ocampo
(I Did Kill Facundo, El gordo catastrofe, Cerro Cora,
From the Abyss, Deathstalker, Funny Dirty Little War, Amazons,
Stormquest, Babilonia and Two to Tango)
and produced by none other than Roger Corman,
I know I am in for a whirlwind. We open to a woodland/desert area
and it looks like they took over a national park but in fact is Bueno
Aires in Argentina. We have soldiers in dubious leather/chain-mail
with spears and shields roaming about this kingdom and evening katas
with deer skinned draped females making me think this lost tribe is
easier to find than the synopsis on the DVD suggested. Also my print
is clearly a badly translated VHS copy to DVD so not feeling good
about this already.
I have a rock in my bikini and your knees are on fire. |
The
ladies work out with pole arms and staves when then it becomes a
shaolin monk style training as they smash hanging clay pots that
clearly have not been fired and allowed to harden. Love the stock
sound of thunderclouds in a clear night sky. We have a dark robed
sorcerer king attempting to be all empowering but lacking the Sir
Christopher Lee height, basso voice and creeper Dracula stare, King
Kalungo (Joseph Whipp of Escape from Alcatraz, General
Hospital, A Nightmare on Elm Street and Scream)
threatens the harmony of the land, the elder warns the young warriors
without the Sword of Azundati (Magical MacGuffin or plot
device) all is lost to
combat against Kalungo's magics and his vile army. Just then cheesy
post-production lighting strikes happen in random intervals allowing
the pyrotechnics to blow up their mild squibs...uh I mean evil
sorcery is clearly at work here!
Aren't you glad you used Dial? Don't you wish all the Dark Ages did? |
With
the main village under attack it is the king's command that the
Spirit Stone (yet another MacGuffin of magical content)
be removed from the city for safe keeping by Tashinge (Danitza
Kingsley of Amazons, No Man's Land, South of Reno, Jack's Back and
Where Sleeping Dogs Lie),
warrior woman general of the Amazons and spokes model of leather brassier. With the Spirit
Stone in tow, Tashinge leads her warriors out of the city. Kalungo
appeases his demon master Baliguri (Francisco Cocuzza of
Night of the Pencils, Amazons, Two to Tango, Play Murder for Me, The
Plague and Ever Changing Waters)
who appears in the form of a balding man of 5'8". Residing
hairline! The work of the dark master!!! Thank the gods for no wavering bikini lines. Well aside from this being a female
protagonist tale there is plenty of male sexist pigdom in it. Convenient bathing times, a shape-shifting lioness and so on.
Warriors Dyala (Mindi Miller of Hell Up in Harlem, Body
Double, Deadly Embrace, Return Fire, Caged Fury and Batman
Returns)and Tashi (Penelope
Reed of Amazons, The New Mike Hammer, Gung Ho, Far Out Man and
Hollywood Boulevard II)
must journey to the high mountains through the were lands (land
of creatures and demons) to
gain the Sword of Azundati to defeat Kalungo.
Okay
the fight/sword choreography was clear that they did not hire the
late Bob Anderson(most sought-out swordsmaster/fight
choreographer and stunt coordinator from The Master Ballantre,
Crossed Swords, Casino Royale, Star Wars: The Empire Strikes Back,
Superman II, Star Wars: Return of the Jedi, Highlander, The Lord of
the Rings: The Return of the King and The Revenant)
but Arturo Neal (Barbarian
Queen, The Warrior and the Sorceress, Stormquest, Highlander II: The
Quickening, Two to Tango and Corrupt Police)
understood enough from the equivalency of the SCA's quarterstaff,
broadsword and pole arm combat. The cinematography on the other hand
was lacking a stabilizer for more than 40 percent of the film, I got
the feeling some of these cameramen were hanging off cliff edges
getting aerial shots, some cherry picker shots vs using a crane
angle, loads of mount the tripod in the grass and hope the trained
horses don't bump into it. That is if the cameras could ever stay in
focus.
Robert Duvall??!! No wait. Nah it isn't. |
The
stop motion transformation of the lioness to human was a bit hokey
with stock footage as well, the lightning strikes were...a bit
painful and the grappling,fist fights looked too staged so no real
aid on set but standard first aid my guess. Most of the sets looked
like cardboard, Styrofoam and less than believable and despite all of
this, you have a tale of two women putting aside their family
squabbles in order to save their kingdom, matriarch and the people
they have sworn to protect. The nudity isn't overwhelming and
surprisingly tastefully shot. Funny that is were I expected the
shaking of cameras. Yeah I was kidding. Implied rape scenes seem to
be a Post Apocalpyse and Sci-Fi Fantasy need. Ugh. Half of the time
these fur clad bikinis are actually less tasteful then 1,000,000
Years B.C.
Oh look boys, a nude scene...kinda. |
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