BloodRayne

Hey there, gang! Well I hope you enjoyed the review of House of the Living Dead as much as I enjoyed watching it!  Oh wait. That is, I hope you found it clever and witty but are completely scared off from watching the forty gallons of diaper gravy.  Speaking of diaper gravy, I am back with an Uwe Boll movie.   I understand if many of you want to jump ship at this point and I can't say I blame you.  For those brave few willing to go down the rabbit hole with me, I thank you. This film as quotes of non-stop action and incredible special effects. Uh huh. With a fairly ensemble cast, this filth-ridden stink nugget slaps its source material in the same fashion Paul W.S. Anderson did for Resident Evil. This is Bloodrayne.

Dhampir genes or Maybeline?

Yes, I did review a Bloodrayne movie.  It was the third one because...well Natassia Malthe is yummy and The Third Reich was the only one of the three films that came close to being ANYTHING like the actual game. Kinda...sorta...okay, not really.  Today's pile of steaming donkey flop hails from the 18^th Century in...Europestown? Europesburg??? Yeah guess what? Never mentioned what region of the planet it is. Medieval Romania perhaps?

Anywho, the fans of the two games will know the hunters gathering, the Brimstone Society is roaming through ancient Romania (seems easy to say that, than I don't have a damn cluesville) because of master vampire Kagan is searching for the ancient relics of Belial. Again, game fans will know this character as the first devil that was overthrown by Mephisto and his various body parts that were scattered all over the planet obtain certain levels of power that you would deem them unholy relics.

In derpity derp derp film?? Belial's an antediluvian vampire of great legend that his body parts make vampires unstoppable.

Subtle vampires. No wonder they're easy to spot.

So three members of the Brimstone Society hear tale of a dhamphir (Human/Vampire Hybrid, yes like Blade) hiding in plain sight in a freakshow for a traveling circus.

The girl Rayne (Kristanna Loken of Terminator 3: Rise of the Machines, BloodRayne, Painkiller Jane, Bounty Killer, The L Word and Burn Notice) has fewer weaknesses than normal vampires that...constantly gets contradicted. Holy water unneeded in these here parts, folks. Well or tap water does plenty.  Also the town is a bit too nonchalant with a vampire being gacked but whatever.

After leaving the circus were she fed on several members of the troupe (Yup, no thirst issues!) she flees to a neighboring town where a fortune teller explains that Kagan (Sir Ben Kingsley of Coronation Street, Gandhi, Bugsy, Schindler's List, Anne Frank: The Whole Story and The House of Sand and Fog) has become the most powerful vampire of all and the only way to defeat him is to seek out the various body parts of Belial to strengthen her.

Yeah she took a big steaming plot dump there, folks. That was a ton of exposition that relied heavily of a) Fortune teller recognizing a dhampir b) having knowledge of these legends and locations of primordial relics and c) that Rayne might even be up to the task as she was captured by humans for entertainment.    Apparently Kagan has also heard the rumors of a dhampir child IN HIS FRIGGIN KINGDOM...yet has been unable to find her. Really busting ass there, bub.

Now before we go further, let me point out why I am being so harsh to this film. First off, I loved these two games, Rayne is a solid protagonist, fearless and has a cause to help the humans as well as, get even with her undead dick of a dad. Secondly, the storyline using elements of myth, legend and Dante's Inferno just made for good story telling. Third, she got to razzle Nazis!!!!

This film?   NONE OF THAT!!!  Bad Touch Boll didn't give any love to the source material at all.

Back to our cinematic oeuvre. Yeah, I know things. I don't just watch crappy films and critique. Sheesh.

Moving along, Rayne gets recruited by the Council of Ninny Hammers as they plan to kill of Kagan once and for all. You know, that old chestnut.  But enough about deeznuts, we see that Katarin (Michelle Rodriguez of The Fast and the Furious, Resident Evil, S.W.A.T. Blue Crush) doesn't trust Rayne while her mentor Vladimir (Michael Madsen of Resivoir Dogs, Species, Kill Bill Vol: 1, Hell Ride and Vigilantes Diaries) does seem to believe Rayne can be forged into a weapon.  HEY!  Why that's like the game!  When in 1933, Mynce, Rayne's mentor argues with John about Rayne's power could benefit them rather than they kill her.   Jinkies!   You did something right, Boll! Yeah, don't let it go to that pinhead.

Can Rayne and the Knights Who Say Nee thwart Kagan?? What the hell is Meat Loaf and Billy Zane doing in this stinker?? Has Sir Kingsley wiped this film from his IMDB Pro account???

Aside from basically ignoring all the fundamental concepts of the game series, this is a dull, slow paced film with decent CGI, choppy editing, piss poor camera work (PUT THE CAM BACK ON A STABLIZER YOU DAFT KRAUT!!!) visual goofs and so much continuity issues.

The flick turned a decent hack and slash adventure game into a sword and sorcery goofy romp. VO actress Laura Bailey (Dragon Ball Z, BloodRayne, BloodRayne 2,Fullmetal Alchemist, World of Warcraft, Final Fantasy XIII, The Elder Scrolls V: Skyrim- Dawnguard and Gears of War 4), the original Rayne of the games must have been embarrassed as hell to see this flick.

Just loved some of the goofs. Our "director" part of the crowd watching the dhampir getting tortured is wearing an Omega wrist watch in the medieval crowd, Black Powder from China is a stupid line. 18^th century. FLINTLOCKS been around a while that point...for say about oh...200 years, you ass! Kagan's half-assed henchman, a vampire was able to cross running water and ride his horse out in the daylight. Um, say doesn't that contradict at least two legends??

Non stop action? No one was seated during the Billy Zane dictates a letter scene!!! You want a realistic subtitle?   BloodRayne: The Colon Stopper! Never has your ass fallen asleep so quickly!

So yes if you need a film tropes drinking game, this is your movie. You want to take your brain off the hook for 94 minutes? This is your movie. If you want complex characters, fascinating epic struggle against good and evil and developed plot that would stagger the naysayers of the ages??? Go get a decent book. 

Hot Topic Actionwear!

House of the Living Dead

Hey folks. You can all relax. I'm back. Working on an audio review for the YouTubes and got caught up in that, forgetting not everyone subscribes to that. So back ta da blog!

Well found YET ANOTHER Zombie flick and yes it also has multiple titles. This hails from a 12 pack by Mill Creek Entertainment and shock of shocks, it also has Horror of the Zombies a.k.a. Ghost Galleon and predictably, Night of the Living Dead in its illustrious alumni. On a South African plantation, a diseased maniac is rampant, killing first the plantation animals and then sets on the humans! Gasp! This is House of the Living Dead a.k.a. Curse of the Dead a.k.a. Doctor Maniac a.k.a. Kill, Baby, Kill.

Ring Wraith stealing a goat in daylight??!!

Well with that fine collection of titles, how can we go wrong? Just looked at 15 different covers, just looking at the print of this poor film; it has been treated like the town trollop. Passed around again and again. Redistribution to the likes of Night of the Living Dead. Ahem, with that in mind, on with the film.

Under the cover of day, a hooded figure in a black cloak abducts a baboon because... oh hell your guess as good as many and possibly less filthy.    A mad scientist Dr. Breckinridge Brattling (Yes I swear that is the character's name!) is conducting illegal human experiments on his family estate. Guess the sound proofing there dulls down the screams. Twisting God's work into his own hellish nightmares, he dare put his scientific curiosity before common decency. So in general, he's a dick. Striving to put different souls into other people, (Yeah I can't make this nonsense up) he has had a few setbacks.

The town villagers are convinced something is going on but seem reluctant to gather pitchforks and torches to go and kill the monster. Kind of surprising really.

Oh ho, my milkshake does bring all the boys to the yard.

With various animals disappearing in the village, you think people would figure out that just possibly that it could be THE HOODED FIGURE roaming the countryside acting all suspicious??!!! FYI, not the Hooded Figure in Rotten Reelz Reviews Video Reviews. Pretty sure he's not abducting animals and people. Well, more or less sure.

A set of twins runs the plantation. Breckinridge's brother Michael (Mark Burns of Death in Venice, A Day at the Beach, Juggernaut, Rosebud and The Maids) runs the household while Insano Breck performs his madcap experiments attempting to transmigrate a soul outside the human body. Hmm, maybe some opids might be in the doctor's diet.

Jiggly fiancee' Mary (Shirley Anne Field of Peeping Tom, Saturday Night and Sunday Morning, These Are the Damned and Wild for Kicks) cannot wait to marry MichaelNow, many of you know I abhor two things. A vacuum and spoilers. That being said, THERE ARE NO ZOMBIES! Yes, with all the potential voodoo, genetic experimentation, viral outbreak and how about Hell just getting full of pervs, people that talk in the theater and Nazis?

So yeah, I can only reason it was titled thus so to cash in on Romero's success of Night of the Living Dead; given Dawn of the Dead wasn't released until 1978. Redistribution is probably closer to blame.

Made in 1973 but took an entire year to release (Yup we are in good hands), our magnum Opus was actually filmed in South Africa. Nifty, right? Look, Vancouver has been Faux Detroit, NYC, Chicago, San Francisco and Post Apocalyptic Jersey and that is just the handful of flicks I have seen, so yes I am surprised they got shot on proper location. I TAKE MY HAPPYS WERE I CAN!!! STOP JUDGING MEEEEEE!!!!

Shot in 35 mm Spherical on Arriflex Cameras, yes the sound is mono but thankfully in Color and not Technocolor. The print is positively horrendous. This was a VHS to DVD translation and never went through an image rendering process. Loosely translated, it looks like crap. Which is too bad because it was professionally shot well but again VHS crap!!!

Now to change Bobo into a donkey.  Because SCIENCE!!!

Hollow Point

And I am back. Yes I have been delinquent in my writing. I am currently assisting my folks because they can use the help. I won't go into detail due to that being personal and not really relevant for this blog. Today's movie hails from the forgotten time of 1996.   Why, some of you weren't even born yet. For those my age or a tad younger, yeah you were a teenager. Our movie is brought to us by NU Image a.k.a. Millennium Films (Homefront, Rambo, Leatherface and The Expendables) and our director Sidney J. Furie (Swingers' Paradise, Lady Sings the Blues, Iron Eagle, Superman IV: The Quest for Peace, Iron Eagle II and The Taking of Beverly Hills) has managed multiple genres under his belt. So let's see some low budget, shoot 'em up action with some punchy dialogue and more than a handful of cars exploding. This is Hollowpoint.

So you don't remember me from Kull the Conqueror?

Shocking we have alternative titles Rysk Roulette and Lethal Point. Merging former rivalries of the Chinese, Italians and Russian mafias under one organization, Investment banker/gangster Thomas Livingston (John Lithgow of Terms of Endearment, Footloose, 2010: The Year We Made Contact, Cliffhanger, 3^rd Rock from the Sun, Dexter and Rise of the Planet of the Apes) has the DEA and FBI up his proverbial butt having one last major payday for his esteemed colleagues and that is all that is viable. He has devised a plan to assist his partners in their further criminal activities and keep them in money until the end of their days.

Breathing down his neck, FBI agent Diane Norwood (Tia Carrere of Zombie Nightmare,Wayne's World, True Lies, Merlin: The Return, Relic Hunter, Lilo & Stitch, Duck Dodgers and In Plain Sight), headstrong, determined and sadly low on the FBI food chain has been undercover as a means to get Livingston. The fiasco ensued and created a mass shootout with FBI and Russian mob that frankly should have destroyed a church. Seriously, it had to be close to 300 to 400 rounds dispatched between the two factions.  If this was a first person shooter MMORPG, these weapons were on infinite ammo.

Tia's hotness causes guns to blur.

With her assignment completely botched, Diane has to go back to square one. The head of the Russian Mob, Krezinsky (David Hemblen of Brainscan, Tommy Boy, Rollerball, X-Men animated series, A Nero Wolfe Mystery and Where the Truth Lies) demands blood and Livingston offers an olive branch of one of Diane's friends with the work to be done by an independent contractor Lawson (Donald Sutherland of Invasion of the Body Snatchers, M.A.S.H., JFK, Buffy the Vampire Slayer, Punch, The Puppet Masters, Virus, Instinct, Panic and The Hunger Games), a freelance assassin with flair. 

Dr. Dick Solomon is not amused

With that in mind, Diane encounters DEA Max Parrish (Thomas Ian Griffith of The Karate Kid Part III, Excessive Force, Vampires, xXx, One Tree Hill, The Pirate's Curse, Cold Case and The Kidnapping) who knows about Livingston's cash and knows whoever finds the scratch gives it directly to his or her agency due to forced seizure. Now with the combined mobs feeling unease, Max and Diane are trying to deal with them, face their superiors, find the money and try to not kill each other with a shaky alliance. By the way, the cops response time in this flick is insane. They really book from location to location, it was a bit staggering.

Okay let me just point out, I enjoy the hell out of this movie. With the ridiculous amount of violence, explosions and one liners for our heroes and villains; this is a fun ride. Think of this as a live-action anime that is just nuts. I had so much fun with it.

All these parlors, I just want a therapeutic massage.

The Satanic Rites of Dracula

Hey gang. Sorry for the substantial delay. Between a hasty move, loading that away in a storage unit and some family emergency hospital stays, well I have been busy. So today, totally up my alley we go back to the Hammer Productions in the far away time of 1974 and yet IMDB swears it to be 1978.

We see how that lineage of Van Helsing is coping with its ancient evil nemesis, Dracula himself. As luck would have it, it is also (All together now!) has alternative titles. Sharpen those stakes, have holy water at the ready and prepare for the groovin' seventies. This is The Satanic Rites of Dracula.

Count Dooku?  RUUUUUUUUNNN!!!!

With a myriad of alternative titles such as: Count Dracula and His Vampire Bride, Dracula Is Alive and Well and Living in London, Dracula Is Dead...and Well and Living in London, Dracula and His Brides and Rites of Dracula. Yes, once again this still holds sway that all that is black arts, necromancy, demonic incantations automatically gets lumped into witchcraft. There's a difference, writers. It's called research. Try it.   Really makes you feel for the Wicca of the world.  Just worshiping elements and bestowing common decency.

Anywho, a gathering of black art practitioners have gotten around the man cave to resurrect Dracula (Sir Christopher Lee of The Blood of Dracula, The Hound of the Baskervilles, The Wicker Man, Lord of the Rings: Fellowship of the Ring and Star Wars: Attack of the Clones) have a standard white goat (Human sacrifice) at the ready to bring the awesome malefic vampire back. Something about a demon god assisting in this as well. They are kind of all over the map. A collective of prominent citizens strive to bring back the dark prince to usher in a new era.

Meanwhile in an adjacent room, some poor fellow is being held against his will by what looks like roadies for Bread. After a brief strangling and gimping his way out of the manor, he gets sped away in a car to Scotland Yard, where his report tells of these untouchable men and women in society could be engaging in blood rites and ancient practices that defy God.  Hmm sounds like Scientology to me. 

And that's when I dropped the occult and went into folk dancing.

Hehe, moving on. Inspector Murray (Michael Coles of Doctor Who and the Daleks, The Avengers, Department S, Dracula A.D. 1972, The Sweeney and Pie in the Sky) of Dracula '72 has worked with a an expert of the occult (sadly no it is not Damian Hellstrom, my Marvel fans) but none other than a Lorimar Van Helsing (Peter Cushing of The Curse of Frankenstein, Horror of Dracula, The Legend of the 7 Golden Vampires, The Ghoul, Land of the Minotaur, Shock Waves and The Uncanny) to aid in their endeavors and shed some much needed light on the subject.

Listening in his study Lormiar takes note of all the undercover agent has witnessed and fears for us all. Quick FYI, his granddaughter Jessica has timelady regenerated from Stephanie Beacham to Absolutely Fabulous's Joanna Lumley. Oh sure we could just say the actress was replaced but that's no fun at all.

With the combination of Scotland Yard and Helsing, they find out that one of the five men that was photographed is Professor Keeley (Freddie Jones of Dune, Krull, The Elephant Man, The Count of Monte Cristo and Emmerdale) who deals with virulent diseases pointing to a plague of biblical porportions. Inspector Murray and Jessica are looking over land deeds and noticing a building owned by a D.D. Denham, a wealthy individual that is a recluse, never seen in the light of day....hmmm...

Worse Craigslist orgy...ever.

Further investigations to the Pellham House where they discover what can only be described as a harem of vampire wenches. Yeah almost as someone is building a cadre of lethal lovelies.

Can this mean that Dracula has returned and if so, why does he do business with mortal men when he can pretty much take whatever he wants with a bit of mind control? I mean Lord of the Vampires is a fairly hefty title right? Something rotten in the as they find the headquarters Denham is a new building erected over the very church Dracula died two years prior. Helsing is convinced something is afoot and proceeds to take measures but can he do it in time before the Sabbat of the Undead takes place? Why does this feel a bit convoluted? What is the mystery of Sasquatch?

For the record, this isn't a bad follow-up to Dracula A.D. 1972 but it wasn't as clever. It had some cloak and dagger elements but it really just seemed like the aristocracy dealing with the lowly peasants and hoped that Dracula would not turn on them.  Perhaps they have been mesmerized to do Dracula's bidding.   A fun piece to be sure but you have to be a Hammer fan and not a causal viewer. Course by that same standing if you are just now diving into Hammer Dracula, why the hell would you start this far into the series?

You see the arse on Lumley? Damn.

Terror By Night

Hey Folks I am back! Yeah you missed me. Oh, don't be bashful. First off, thank you so many of you for the birthday wishes yesterday. It was very uplifting and kind of put a spring in my step. So today we do NOT have the following: Women in Prison, Rape Revenge, Monsters devouring everything in sight. Nope, today we are going a bit old school and look in the far past of the 1946. Back to a time of revival for England's Greatest Detective of Victorian Era brought to the then modern 20^th century. This is Terror By Night.

Hapless and helpless or Femme Fatale?

With a matter of great importance, Holmes (Basil Rathbone of The Adventures of Robin Hood, Romeo and Juliet, The Pursuit to Algiers, Sherlock Holmes Faces Death, Tales of Terror and Queen of Blood) has been contracted by Roland Carstairs (Geoffrey Steele of Love Letters, Alfred Hitchcock Presents, Terror by Night, Marigold, My Fair Lady, Doctor Dolittle and Funny Girl) to guard the safe passage of a substantial diamond, The Star of Rhodesia belonging to Carstairs' mother the Lady Margret. The idea of having the famous Holmes and Watson as a deterrent to stealing it would present a bit of security.

Or so one would think. This one constantly thinks. Perhaps too damn much. Moving on, our diamond has to be transported via train from London to Edinburgh. With a stroke of genius, Holmes swaps the diamond for a convincing fake to better insure the true diamond's safety. With real diamond in hand, Holmes pays close attention to all aboard the train, every minute detail will not escape this keen mind.

A quick side note. Really loathed Nigel Bruce's portrayal of Watson. They make him this babbling ninny that couldn't see through Holmes' disguises EVEN THOUGH he has known the man for ages. Coupled with the fact his is a licensed physician, would require a fair amount of mental and physical memory, now add he has managed many a forensic staple and well this butter head routine is demeaning to the character. Watson may not be Holmes equal in the same levels of thinking but by no means, a moron.

I say, porter. Watson is locked the water closet again.

Back to the film, set aboard this speeding train, you can get an almost claustrophobic vibe as the journey continues as a murder is well on its way. Seriously, if you knew Holmes you would just stay away. You are either wrongfully accused, the murderer or the victim. All in all, a crappy day awaits you. With the murder of Roland and the fake diamond missing, Holmes with the aid of Inspector Lestrade (Dennis Hoey of The Pearl of Death, National Velvet, Kitty, Tarzan and the Leopard Woman, Terror by Night, She-Wolf of London, Annan and the King of Siam and The Crimson Key) and Watson they must investigate and question every potential suspect of their fellow passengers before the train makes it to Scotland to hide among the moors. Or something to that effect. Oh right, Lestrade won't be able to arrest them if they are out of his jurisdiction. With several red herrings in the works, it will be difficult to dicpher who is lying, for what reason and why is almost everyone on this train so damn touchy.

But who could ultimately be the murderer/jewel thief? Who is to blame? Will Watson stop blithering?

This Universal Pictures duo has starred over 13 Sherlock films, did 220 radio show episodes for NBC and through Mutual Broadcasting System, these shows were broadcast during the front lines overseas during World War II through the Armed Forces Radio Service.

Rathbone felt the while the character gave him fame and recognition, he was tired of portraying Holmes as often as he did and was afraid of being typecast as his childhood hero.

Understandable. I loved Spidey, Batman and Dr. Who but I wouldn't want to have figure in the ridiculous physical and mental shape of any of these heroes. My mimicry is decent but I cannot image the workout regiment to pull some of that off.

Aside from the murder, the pudding was excellent.

Stan Against Evil Season 1

We be back! So today thought it be wise to point out today's TV series that NO ONE told me about. Yes I am slightly bitter of this. Our series is created by comedian/writer Dana Gould (The Simpsons, Sout Mates, Dana Gould: Let Me Put My Thoughts in You, Dana Gould: I Know It's Wrong, Laugh Factory and Stan Against Evil) along with Independent Film Channel making this; a TV series and it is batshit crazy but in a good way. With plenty of drama, dark humor and horrific gore to the likes of The Evil Dead. This is Stan Against Evil.

There's a happy camper.

It has been a trying time for Sheriff Stanley Miller (John C. McGinley of Point Break, Highlander 2: The Quickening, Se7en, The Rock, Scrubs,42, Ground Floor, Benched and Stan Against Evil). With his wife dying in the middle of the night, a creepy old lady making moon eyes at him and a violent fight at the funeral making him give up his career of 28 years. 

Retired and living at home with his spacey daughter Denise (Deborah Baker Jr. Of The Lord of the Rings: Aragorn's Quest, Somebody Marry Me, Suburgatory, The UCB Show, The Great Indoors and Everyone is Doing Great), strange happenings seem to crop up in buckets. It appears the town is cursed and no Crazy Ralph of Friday the 13^th to warn how doomed they are.

Ew Spidey went premature...again.

Oh wait a moment, we do have a filthy hobo by the name of Ray Taft (Don Stallings of Delgo, Savage, Game of Silence, Dinner and Superstition and Bobbi & Gill) hapless soothesayer and believer in the occult as he screams about the Constable Thaddus Eckles that brought down this curse oh so long ago. Newly appointed Sheriffy Evie Barret (Janet Varney of Catwoman, Drillbit Taylor, Neil's Puppet Dreams, The Legend of Korra, Fortune Rookie, Take My Wife and Stan Against Evil) has been informed that every Constable for 400 years dies suddenly...except Stan. Even her skeevy perv of a deputy Leon (Nate Mooney of Elizabethtown, Charlotte's Web, Push, One for the Money, American Odyssey, Wilson and Girlfriend's Day) can't explain why Stan is alive.

More supernatural shenanigans are at afoot and the sheriff finds herself needing Stan's help and let's be clear, Stan is a dick. Has to be right, doesn't allow for weakness and cannot show any semblance of feelings. Because...crotchety.

That's some pig!

Being blissfully unaware that of the evil that roams this town, Stan's wife has been fighting it for decades without Stan or Denise's knowledge. With her gone, does this mean the end of the tranquility?

Can Evie fight this madness of a curse? Will Stan aid her without being a dick?

With the darkness of Supernatural, combined with the same warped humor of The Evil Dead series, this show has amazing effects, Stan is barely phased by monsters and witches trying to assault him, deeming it a bunch of phooey. The arrogance of this character has endeared him to my heart.

The dynamic of the cast is a great blend and this writing is so solid, I haven't been able to skip an episode. That's a good thing capturing my attention. These half hour shows were only 8 episodes so yes you can binge watch them rather easily. That being said, I found them to be entertaining, amusing, clever and deviant in the most hilarious of ways.

I plan on watching Season 2 and seeing if it can live up to the ground work that has been laid out. I have a feeling I won't be disappointed. So yes I do recommend this to those folks that need a bit of gore, humor and a twisted look on life.

Old timey vengeance is upon you!

Robocop

Hey gang. Back again. So my interview with Christine Nguyen was a great success, she was a total sweetheart and again I had fun chatting.   So I am going over my various write-ups to find I haven't tackled a franchise that hails as far back as 1987. It's odd. I have referenced it, done a review on a spin-off created, hell I managed to sit through the horrific animated cartoon but never the original source material. So let's head away to a dystopia Detroit with one of the first cyberpunk stories since Blade Runner. This is Robocop.

Gun pulls a bit to the right.

In the not too distant future...where have I heard that before?  Anyway, Omni Consumer Products, a corporation has purchased the city of Detroit and will demolish neighborhoods to make for building Delta City. The crime rates are at an all-time high and something has to be done. Vice President Dick Jones (Ronny Cox of Deliverance, Beverly Hills Cop, Total Recall, Spawn, Stargate SG-1, The Agency and The Starter Wife) alongside Security Concepts brings the ED-209, an urban pacification droid that...has a few glitches. Mass production, 20 years of parts and labor and would put Jones higher up the food chain.

Junior VP Bob Morton (Miguel Ferrer of DeepStar Six, Miami Vice, Twin Peaks, Another Stakeout, The Stand, Superman: The Animated Series, Jackie Chan Adventures, Crossing Jordan and Young Justice) jumped at this chance and pushed his Robocop project. A cybernetic construct of man and machine to create the perfect police officer. Now all they need is a volunteer.

Officer Alex Murphy (Peter Weller of The Adventures of Buckaroo Banzai Across the 8^th Dimension, Robocop, A Killing Affair, Naked Lunch,The New Age, Batman: The Dark Knight Returns: Part 1 and Part 2) is just transferred to the worst district in Detroit and is teamed up with Officer Lewis (Nancy Allen of Home Movies, Dressed to Kill, The Buddy System, Blow Out, Robocop, Poltergiest III, Acting on Impulse, The Patriots and My Apocalypse) are teamed up and dealing with a heist.

Topher Grace gets a little annoying.

Leader of said bloodthirsty and money hungry gang, is Red Forman??!!! I mean Clarence Boddicker (Kurtwood Smith of Robocop, Star Trek VI: The Undiscovered Country, The Zeta Project, That '70s Show, Broken Arrow, Medium, 24 and Hitchcock) were drug dealers, thieves and cop killers. So yeah Murphy and Lewis need to take this seriously. Everything goes pear shaped, Lewis gets knocked out and Murphy gets shredded by shotguns.

With a finite amount of time on life support, looks like we got a volunteer. Morton proves worth his salt (GET IT??!!) and his crew go to work rebuilding Murphy into the first Crime Prevention Unit. With his family unaware of this, they live with the loss of their husband and father and must move on.

As Robocop, he is prepared to taking out drug dealers, prevent murders and rape with ruthless efficiency.  Running into one of the gang that took his life making his prime directives and human memories having conflict.   Can Murphy figure out who he is?  Will he avenge himself all the while carry out the law?

A combination of cyberpunk, 80s corporate greed and commercial and action of gore. This movie now deemed an example of classic Sci-Fi action. Highly quotable lines and plenty of references made from it. We have TV personalities such as the up to date news anchors and the ridiculous game show host Bixby Synder, who would buy that for a dollar.   Cheesy commercials for current American vehicles, the SUX.  Guessing it's a gas guzzler.

This movie spawned two sequels, a live-action TV series, a mini-series called Prime Directives and two cartoons and the 2014 remake. More merchandise ranging from toys, models, T-shirts and other such memorabilia.

Hell, Robocop had a modern era appearance in WCW wrestling. With this much marketing around one character is similar to the likes of Batman and Spider-Man. At one point Marvel Comics made a comic book of it but could not manage the level of violence. So with that in mind, Dark Horse Comics took over the title and brought it's fair share of mini-series and crossovers.

There's that pigeon that crapped on me. You're going down!

An Interview of Christine Nguyen

So today we have another interview. Our lady of the hour is an actress, model, spokesperson and sports enthusiast. Involved in various charities and organizations, she may actually get time to herself. I found her to be positively captivating and very fun to talk to. This is Christine Nguyen.

 

 

Guys! I think we need some ibuprofen!

RRR: So I absolutely loved Sharkansas Women's Prison Massacre. Your girl was no nonsense and kind of a badass. I am fairly versed with Jim Wynorski's body of work as well as Fred Olen Ray’s. I was just curious, what makes you want to partake in these projects?

CN: Jim Wynorski and Fred Olen Ray do write a lot of sexy stuff, but their movies are a lot of fun to shoot because the storylines are campy and comedic and being that they played all the time on HBO, Showtime and Cinemax, they really helped to put me on the map. People like to refer to this genre of entertainment as softcore but I call it erotica. Why do I go for these types of roles? Simple… I am a working actress. The genre is not one that bothers me because the act of lovemaking is a natural one to act out. Key factor here… acting. Just as when you watch an action movie and a sniper shoots someone, it is not really happening, get it… acting.

RRR: We made contact because of Super Ninja Bikini Babes and I had a blast reviewing it and you seem to think I did a decent enough write up. What was appealing about that role? Did you enjoy manga, comics and anime?

CN: I watched anime all through college, so I was ecstatic to be able to work on this.. Fred Olen Ray wrote some parts for me because he seemed to like my work and my comedic timing, for which I will always be grateful.

RRR: What is it like to work with porn actors?

CN: They are, for the most part, ideal to work with for erotica because of the obvious reasons. In the beginning, it was difficult to get actors to sign onto these projects because they were worried about nudity or sexually related content. Funny, once they realized that these aired continuously on tv, sometimes even primetime and not just late at night, many changed their minds. The advent of shows like True Blood and Game of Thrones also probably helped changed the minds of many who before couldn’t see themselves in these roles. But, it all comes down to money though in the end. The more money you have for a production, the more time you can spend on the script and cinematography. We work on very limited budgets for erotica and that is one of the main reasons why there are so many, we call them “love scenes” in the shows. It’s a formula to fill airtime. Five or six love scenes at 3-5 minutes each (I can’t remember the exact length they need to be) can fill up airtime that otherwise would be quite costly to shoot and develop with a more in depth script.

Mummy and mister?

 

RRR: So clearly you model and I was wondering which came first, acting or modeling; or was it a natural progression of both?

CN: I started theater in middle school, loved it and kept pursuing it up until I went to college at UT in Austin. My parents wanted me to focus on school. I started modeling because a random photographer took my picture while I was walking through campus my freshman year and sent it to an agent in town that ended up signing me. The first thing I booked was a McDonald's commercial and then I did some commercial modeling, catalogues, editorials, etc. My parents really didn't want me to make a career of it, so I went to law school.

While I was in law school, Playboy got my picture somehow for a show they were doing called Sexy Girls Next Door. Girls sent their videos in to see if they could be the next Playboy model. When the producer got a hold of me for this, I told them I was in law school and didn't have time to make a video; but they said they had already chosen me to be one of the girls on the show so don’t worry about the video, they’d make one for me if I would come to LA to shoot the show. After a few weeks of persuasion, I finally decided to take a week off from school (without my parents knowing) and go to LA. I thought it would be an exciting adventure. Long story short, I won the contest and did the photoshoot. Then the West Coast casting director, Linda Kenny asked me if I would like to be in a couple of their books (what they call the other Playboy magazines they put out like Exotic Beauties and Nudes) and I said sure so they extended my stay to shoot with Kim Mizuno for those. While I was in LA, the performing bug grabbed me again and that was that. I finished my year of law school and moved to LA where I hooked up with Playboy again and started working on The Weekend Flash, Totally Busted and a slew of other Playboy shows for their channel, and at the same time booking more commercial mainstream work.

RRR: Let's talk a bit about Vigilante Diaries. This was an awesome take on the superhero genre. But really felt like The Losers and The Expendables at the same time. Still decent storyline and action, but dammit they didn't give you any guns, knives or let you fight for or against Michael Jai White.

CN: Hehe.., yeah, that would have been nice. My character was brought back from the webseries so maybe it might not have fit so well if they did. Vigilante Diaries, starring Jason Mewes (Clerks, Mallrats, Chasing Amy, The Night Crew, The Last House and Halloweed) started as a webseries for Crackle, a subsidiary of Sony. The webseries did exactly what all webseries hope to accomplish and got them funding to make a feature. Like all actors, I hyped up it up on social media that I would be in it, but folks were a bit bummed I didn't have a bigger part. Again, we work with what we get. Christian Sesma, the director of Vigilante Diaries did offer me a juicier role in another one of his movies, The Night Crew, but I had already signed on for a lead role in Sharkansas Women’s Prison Massacre so I wasn’t able to take it. These are the times when I wish I could clone myself. It kills me to pass up opportunities.

RRR: Still would have been cool seeing you strapped with an AK, shooting up guys. Just a thought.

CN: You and me both! Well you can in my latest movie, Girls, Guns and Blood. My character is really badass in that.

RRR: I managed to find the episodes of TV you’ve been in: Dexter, CSI: Criminal Scene Investigation, House of Lies. So I am guessing you are a "go to girl" for loads of these kind of TV shows. Why do you suppose that is?

CN: Yeah, I think I’ve played a stripper or “bikini girl” for almost every network and major cable show there is out there. Work is work. When you start your career with Playboy, it’s hard not to get typecast.

RRR: I have found more than a few softcore films that seems to be humor and/horror based. You look like you are having fun. I also noticed you were in Bitch Slap with America Olivio and my brain just fell in the gutter.

CN: Hehehe… cute.

There will be probing.

 

RRR: So you have some new projects that are in the works. What are those and can you give any details without too many spoilers? We don't want you to get into trouble. Maybe we can some dates when these are coming out.

CN: Yes, I have a dark humor, grindhouse film called Girls, Guns and Blood coming out shortly, a sci-fi/horror series, The Cottages that is in production right now and I’m also co-producing, writing and hosting a sports talk show, Nguyenning Picks for YouTube that I am trying to work with some investors in Atlanta on getting picked up for a cable series, so cross your fingers! One of my passions is sports because I admire the dedication athletes have for their craft.

RRR: Looks like you have worked with a lot of different stars. Is there any one male or female you really liked working with and would you want to do future jobs with them?

CN: Director-wise, I would love to work with Todd Phillips again. His brilliant, warped sense of humor is inline with mine. Bradley Cooper was great to work with and just an all-around genuinely nice guy. I kinda quietly geeked out when I got to work with Barbra Streisand and Robert De Niro.

RRR: So this is you then? This is what you do.

CN: Yup, I'm a working actress and I just want to perform because that is my passion. I didn't ever want to be a star. I started in theater and just want to entertain people. B Movies have been good to me, I have done TV and other films and I love what I do. At the end of the day I am about the work, being funny and having a hell of a time doing all of it.

RRR: What do you recommend the mindset be for people looking to get into acting? What is the most important message you can get across?

CN: I would say don't do it unless you like to perform. Don't do it for the money, it may not happen, don't do it for fame, it may not happen. But if you have the passion, you need to stick out, have fun and enjoy this career.

RRR: Well gang, Ms, Nguyen was fun, warm and genuinely a wonderful conversationalist. Here at Rotten Reelz Reviews, I wish you good fortune and cannot wait to see the next big thing that you totally crush and smile while doing it.

CN: Thank you so much, Jake. It was an absolute pleasure. Thanks for taking the time to get to know me. Much love to all your Rotten Reels Review fans!

A gaggle of girls in the woods.