Robot Ninja

Greetings readers. It is the day before Halloween and seeing costumes will be cropping up shortly, imagine it is time for a superhero flick! Not just any flick either, no. It combines 80s love of ninjas and robots and...well doesn't really deliver on either, left me a little sad, bitter and a tad crazy. So clearly I need to subject you all to it as well.

From the pages of J.R. Bookwalter (The Dead Next Door, Zombie Cop, Kingdom of the Vampire, Horrorvision, Witchhouse 3: Demon Fire and Mega Scorpions) comes the tale of a meek and mild comic book artist turned vigilante. This is Robot Ninja.

Winter Mullet...

Yup if that title wasn't as goofy as Robovampire, I think you all have a greater threshold than I.

Now having sat through The Dead Next Door I can almost sense there will be characters, lesser soldiers named after other famous directors, Well we got cops this time so we have a Cameron so that is either for Aliens, The Terminator James Cameron or Bookwalter is a huge Kirk Cameron fan after he saved Christmas from the heathens.   There's a DePalma after Scarface's Brian DePalma, a O' Bannon after Return of the Living Dead Dan O' Bannon or he just feels the Irish can only be cops, crooks and firefighters. Let these people be, Hollywood! A Spinell after Maniac writer/actor Joe Spinell, a Hickox after Waxwork and Sundown: The Vampire in Retreat Anthony Hickox and hell we have scream queen Linnea Quigley, writer/director Scott Speigel and writer/director David DeCoteau starring in this.

Alright now to the nuts and bolts of it.   HAHA! Robot! Things! Stuff!   Moving right along, the aforementioned comic book artist Leonard Miller (Michael Todd of The Dead Next Door, Puppet Master II, Puppet Master III: Toulon's Revenge, and Lurking Fear) is afraid of losing his Robot Ninja creation, the single greatest superhero since Batman...yup. Uh-huh. One night he witnesses a rape and double homicide when he's had enough of crime in his town. Naturally delivers his eyewitness account to the cops but feels they have too many rules. So it's time to give back to the community and whip some ass...this guy with bad hair, not really that well built and has never attempted martial arts in his life.

Hockey hair, protect me!

To give him an edge he goes to his buddy, Dr. Goodknight (Bogdan Pecic of The Dead Next Door, Zombie Cop, Maximum Impact and Chickboxer), probably related to Dr. Goodhead of Moonraker as Leonard makes demands of a super suit, one that would enhance him and make him as mighty as his very comic book creation. Goodknight points out it would be very costly and well as they say, Money is no issue. Um his suit is spandex giving him tank like armor durability. Cripes at least Prey of the Jaguar made an effort to armor up Maxwell Caulfield not to mention gave him a military and special forces background. This dude draws and inks.

By the by, readers this isn't Intergang or the Hand. It is petty criminals. Send in Frank Castle chop chop.

So Spandex Boy is on the case, tootling around the town in full costume and his late 80s battered Camaro with YES his license plates on it. Maybe some mud or duct tape or hey here's a nutty idea, a car that isn't yours personally!!!

The gang kinda is alot for him to handle as there is...five of them. Again elaborate fancy pants, it's called a shotgun. Relatively inexpensive and tend to make heads pop off rather nicely.

I will give credit where credit is due. The gore effects are fair, camera work isn't bad and for untrained stunts they are decent enough. Loads of Sci-Fi, comic book and horror movie references. Hell at one point I swear I saw The Monster Squad movie poster on a wall. Looks like they raided every video store they could for these.    Oh sorry Millennials, see before the convenience of Red Box, we had primitive stores allowing customers to select titles of films that may not even be current! Gasp! There was customer service, snacks and even a random film suggested by a real live human being.

Yeah, miss video stores. So yes if you need this...film for your entertaining pleasure, good luck. I was fortunate enough to find it on streaming. Apparently executive producer on this was a Puppet Master and 1313 master himself, David DeCoteau. Well he did diversify his money that year.

Fruit Gusher Gangbanger.

Splatterhouse (1988 original)

Hey gang welcome back to the blog. Well being this close to Halloween I will...not being doing a horror film. Yeah a change of pace. I have also be neglecting my video games section of the Rotten Reelz Reviews so let's find a horror video game then.  Aha!  Loophole!  So with that in mind we journey to the far away time of yesterday in the year 1988.  Yes, they just discovered fire, religion and how to devise the wheel. So grab your terror mask, swing a 2x4 and hope for the best.

This is Splatterhouse.

Hmm this ominously lit, abandoned mansion seems safe enough.

Now many moons ago I reviewed the remake, so today we look at the original by Namco, founders of Pac-Man, Galaga, Dig Dug and Pole Postion so they ventured in with the TurboGrafx-16 handheld console. With this classic side scrolling action, our game is a a beat 'em up as we play Rick, a parapsychology student that was trapped in the spooky West Mansion after fleeing a major rainstorm. The house was owned by the nefarious Dr. West, a parapsychologist known for a host of illegal and evil experiments.

Rick is separated from his girlfriend and fellow student Jennifer as the door slams shut and the lights go out.  Should have brought boomstick and chainsaw.  Friggin amateur.

Hey batter, batter, batter. Swing batter!

Rick wakes from a thump on the noggin in a dungeon to realize he is wearing the legendary Terror Mask, told to give incredible strength to the wearer but at a cost. The Terror Mask just happens to resemble a hockey mask and Rick roids up from not enough to totally buff but he for some further unexplained reason seems to have Friday the 13th's Jason Vorhees' tattered jumpsuit. Right about the time of Kane Hodder playing Jason so hmmm, influence? The mask is supposed to be a Mayan sacrificial artifact that is also sentient so you know that is going to go well.

The mask whispers to Rick, convincing him to go completely sickhouse on these hordes of monsters, wave after wave and give him a berserker like fury. Rick must thump and crush his way from the dungeon, to the mansion grounds and back into the mansion. Using his own massive fists, Rick can also get a 2x4, wrench, meat cleaver and chainsaw to splatter his way through these mobs of monsters.

Standard D pad movement in a 2D environment, Rick can also punch, kick super move dropkick his enemies low punch and kick as well as jumping attacks. You will be sent to various check points throughout the game if you die, instead of having to start all over again. Its popularity spawned two sequels as the mask took on more of a skull look to it.

Later in 2010 the remake gave Rick a whole pantheon of new moves and attacks but if you want to read about that, I suggest you go and check the review.

A first real foyer into the horror survival genre that got parents a little nervous but not as much as the huge clamp down on Sega CD's Night Trap.   Lord what a bunch of hysteria over nothing.

A blast from the past to be sure and was a bit of fun to get through it. I just remember it taking me longer when I was a kid. Must have been complete crap because this run through was about 30 mins. 

Um are you deadites or puddies?  I can't tell.

Phantasm Ravager

Hey folks we are back. Man, I remember Hellraiser scarier than that. Must have been Hellbound that creeped my shit. Moving right along, I couldn't help but notice the idea of further Phantasm didn't seem to interest some of you. Shame! Shame! It had been 18 years since Oblivion so surely we can look in on Mike and Reggie. Jody might even still be a sphere. With a new director at the helm, the waters could get choppy. This is Phantasm V: Ravager.

Tall Man and his fabulous dance team!

With a children's TV director and Art Department guru David Hartman (My Friends Tigger & Pooh, Super Duper Super Sleuths, Transformers Prime, and Transformers: Robots in Disguise) taking the lead and co-wrote the story I was a bit skeptical. Don Coscarelli has been handling this franchise since 1979 so sharing those ideas, characters and world seemed odd.

When last we saw Reggie (Reggie Bannister of Kenny & Company, Phantasm, Survival Quest, The Demolitionist, Wishmaster, Bubba Ho-Tep, Satan Hates You and Bloody Bloody Bible Camp), he went through a dimensional gate after the Tall Man because that seems sane. In the search for Mike, Reggie seems to have landed back on the world out in Death Valley.  Can't seem to find his car or other such weapons. Makes me wonder if it has actually been 18 years too.  That would be a nice addition to the story.   The gates are temporal based as well as dimensional too so why not.

Finding his car being bad touched, Reggie fixes that by stripping the thief down and leaving on the two lane blacktop. With a few killer spheres chasing him, they are no match for the 'Cuda or a 9mm. This ain't Reggie's first rodeo with these round mounds (yeah I wanted that one to sound dirty) and he is taking none of their crap. With the open road, behind the wheel of his 'Cuda, he has a mission. To find Mike, battle the Tall Man and put an end to this crazy shit.

Who doesn't love some Rocky?

No idea what happened to Jody or where Mike (A. Michael Baldwin of Kenny & Company, Eight Is Enough, Phantasm, Phantasm III: Lord of the Dead, Vice Girls, Virtual Girls 2:Virtual Vegas, Brutal, It Came from the Dead and The Pick-Axe Murders Part III: The Final Chapter) is, we flash...to a mental insitution? Well hey, there's Mike. What's that? You saying that The Tall Man, his army of grave diggers, killer dwarves and menacing the dead from another realm is all my dementia. Well, when you put it that way.

Popping in and out of these different realms, Reggie is having the hardest time figuring out which is which and is any of it real or not. I would reference the multiple realms of Silent Hill as a basis of comparison and yet...this is done vastly better.

Reggie meets a girl on the road where the world is relatively untouched by the spheres, dwarves and Tall Man so it's gotta be the really real world, right? A girl Dawn (Dawn Cody of Computerman, Twigger's Holiday, Cold Case, The Call of Echo Mountain, Your Magic Touched Me and Stop It) is stranded by the road and Reg's grease monkey powers could easily get the land rover up and running buuuut he'd rather give her a ride back to her place with the potential dirtier ride later. For those that didn't get that subtle joke, I was talking about sex.

Whoops, Reg mixed up his sleep aid and Viagra again.

Of course this being a Phantasm film, Reggie and women folk go horribly awry. SPOILERS! Reggie and the pursuit of the female tends to end in tears. Quick interaction with Dawn annnnd... well balls will be balls. Sorry, killer spheres will be killer spheres.

A quick blast to another realm confuses and makes Reggie question life as a whole. What about Jody? Is he alive? Is he dead? Is he Memorex? See that? I did a thing there. With...with the jokes. Meh.

Reprising characters such as the Lady in Lavender from the first film brought to us by the lovely and talented Kat Lester, musician, actress and writer and Gloria Lynne Henry a.k.a. Rocky of Phantasm III: Lord of the Dead

Our Tall Man gives Reggie a chance. He could have his family back. His life before all this madness of the undead, crazed grave digging minions and dwarves of unspeakable butt ugly. Can he agree to this Faustian deal that will most likely destroy his very soul?

Jody ( Bill Thornbury of Summer School Teachers, Sarah T.- Portrait of a Teenage Alcoholic, Secrets of Midland Heights, The Lost Empire and Phantasm III: Lord of the Dead) seems to be a distant memory or is he? Is the struggle against The Tall Man wore him down or has he regained some humanity in this battle?

'Cuda got an upgrade. Awesome.

 

A further notion, what if the world isn't even that well off as Reggie thinks but is actually a barren wasteland and The Tall Man and his minions are already in possession of the world. They're just mopping up the last pockets of resistance, perhaps?

A few comments now. The spheres are completely CGI which has me at mixed feelings. On one end, that is a ton of post work getting those buggers flying about, so you feel for the editor. On the other hand, it looks really good and similar to a lot of the practical FX from the second movies so again, mixed bag.

 

Ultimately this is a love letter to the fans. A final confrontation perhaps and even resolution to several questions...possibly. We are dealing with anything from a man's total madness brought on by the loss of some many loved ones or the quite distinct probability of multiple dimensions rubbing against each other creating this rift between them. Whatever the case may be, this is sadly the last time we will see Angus Scrimm don his Tall Man appearance as he passed away. Described as a fun, good natured and kind hearted man by cast and friends, he will be missed by his family, friends and of course, his phans. 

'Sup man?

 

The Death Factory Bloodletting

Well it is time. The time where I find an obscure film to talk about and it scars you; the reader to the very psyche and chills you to your bone marrow.   Or what commonly happens, you message the crap out of me asking where this stupid film is so you can have a drinking game theme night about this dumb flick.   Either way, something or someone is punished. This cinematic creation may very well be an abomination in the eyes God and humanity or it could be pleasantly terrifying.   So today's film is a sequel to a Brad Sykes film (Death Factory, Camp Blood, Camp Blood 2, Bloody Tease, Within the Woods and Mutation) that I reviewed in 2012. I guess we are due. This is Death Factory Bloodletting.

Oh yeah, he's stoned.

Wouldn't you know it, we got alternative titles such as: Necrophobic and Demons. So right off from the start, we have a found footage staple from one of the survivors Ana (Claudia Vargas of R.E.M., Yesterday's Tomorrow, Machined Reborn and R.E.M. 2) giving us details of what happened six months prior. Deep in the Carter Brick Factory (decommissioned in 2005) lurks an evil so sinister, it has to be kept from prying eyes of the public. Homelessness!!! GASP!

Well, we have about 5 folks down on their luck when we have a lad resembling Christ or Charles Manson minus swastika carved in his head, passing out sandwiches and being wholesome until he comes across a needle clearly not for insulin shots.   Denny (Noah Todd of Groom Lake, Ingenious, Trade In, The Prometheus Project, King's Man and Exit to Hell) then proceeds to smoke them like swiss cheese. So junkies dispatched and a baby abducted, our Christian soldier presses on. Hmm, not sure if you should carry the word of God through a frickin' 9mm! I could be wrong.

Don't worry for the little one. Alexa needs to feed. Yup it's significantly darker than Death Factory within the first 6 minutes. Yes mothers reading this, there wasn't any graphic business with the baby but it was clear Alexa was not snuggling him.   So, Alexa from the first movie has apparently survived from the exploits of the original film but has undergone a timelady regeneration and is not Tiffany Shepis but now Michelle Mousel of The Death Factory Bloodletting. Given Ms. Shepis is a mom these days, just might explain why she is not back for the sequel.  Moving on.

Um...dat ass?

We cut to the months later, in same elaborate factory with a girl in her panties, chained to the floor. Yeah I am not writing some sadomasochistic erotica, just giving you what is on the screen. Denny is watching her on this jury rigged series of screens and cameras. Pretty sure he is wanking in his control booth but that is just a theory mind you. The girl simply subtitled as "The Object" (Shareese Hegna of The Death Factory Bloodletting and Executioner) wakes up to an ear splitting sound and almost completely naked. Soooo, roofies and Yoko Uno?

Handcuffed to a chain, my head is screaming dislocate your thumb and free yourself but there I go thinking again. The further thought was how did she get abducted in the first place but again probably mixed drink mishap.  Guessing her occupation might be street walker but I shouldn't pass judgement. Shockingly enough, Alexa gets her pound of flesh and the girl is no more. Denny appears to be a radical Christian using Alexa as a weapon of righteous cruelty. Probably firebombs free clinics to stop the "baby killers" as well. A real charmer this guy.

Deviants run rampant in the world and they choose a time and place to gather to revel in their sadism. Back to Ana present day. As she is apparently cooking Oxi into dosages to shoot up. Um you can swallow those as well. In their pill form. Just a thought.

Neo Nazi and Black Militant. Keepin' it real.

Ana goes on about the weird violent deaths around town, bodies mutilated to levels that would make a seasoned cop violently projectile vomit. She is documenting in detail how in twelve hours she will be taken to a location to view a ritualistic killing known as a blood letting of a unknown girl simply referred as "The Object". Hey wait, that already happened. Wow you got screwed on your viewing. Seeing this is word of mouth, it is a better than good chance you cannot see this on Pay-Per-View so I guess attendance is mandatory.  That also throws DVR out the window too.  Independent investigation has lead Ana to a dark website known only as The Gore House. The IP address cannot be accessed so she can't forward anything to the cops I guess. Pretty sure the FBI would be looking into this if you give them the research material.  She uses this false identity, Massive 9 as means to find the man who killed her daughter.   Her only lead is a man known as Rubber Love.

After a near creeper interaction and payment she is whisked away to an unknown location. A gathering of perverts and fruit loops attending the event are all duct taped and zip tied awaiting our hostmaster and each of these individuals are going by an anonymity for the prestigious affair.

So we have a Neo Nazi White Manson with rape fetish, underground fights and snuff films, a dom Gretel and her sub Hansel diddle in places humans have died, a sex pervert that looks like he works in a cubicle Rubber Love, a pedophile, a nerdy guy/bomb nut calling himself Cockmaster,  a tough black kid , Black Johnson from the streets that does white slave trading, Ana and a dingy blond fantasy fetish girl. Mouseketeers sign off! 

 Did I mention Rotten Reelz Reviews does not hand out barf buckets? They're $29.99 plus shipping and handling. Yeah 5 minutes of exposition pretty much leads me to believe they are pretty much scum.

Twist! The only blood these sickos will be enjoying caking against the walls will be their own.

As the zoo crew sits in for the evening's festivities, they realize the warehouse is sealed, the walls have cameras, there is a crew with guns and there is no viable way out.

On a personal note, I did not think a sequel could be made from Death Factory and this certainly is not what I would have expected as a follow-up to a slasher character made by bad science. With the exception of Ana, you really kind of want to see Alexa kill and gut these folk.

That being said, it is nowhere near as violent, graphic or even disturbing visually. This is more or less a psychological thriller delving into the inner most perversion that the mind and body can conjure without showing it in graphic detail. Kind of clever pitching monsters as your victims and really the only one you want to escape is Ana with her Rubber Love prize in the hopes she blows his damn head off and avenges her late daughter.

Writer Mike Marsh (Death of a Ghost Hunter, The Death Factory Bloodletting and The Great American Snuff Film) and writer/director Sean Tretta (Devil's Night, 12 Monkeys Death of a Ghost Hunter and Mayan M.C.) create a hellish tale of a gathering of evil being wiped out by something equally or greater in its malicious nature. About the immoral and wicked being systematically snuffed out for their atrocious behavior towards their fellow humanity. To know once and for all what it is to be a victim. It is nefarious, dark and clever.

Rather than the antihero vigilante wiping them out with guns, adamantium claws or a penance stare and hellfire, we have a victim made killer due to her nature being completely altered. Not sure it is for everyone as I pointed out earlier, but it definitely raised the bar in some decent gore effects, great simple location and just putting on of the thinking cap for ideas of terror.

Can't say I know anyone this would appeal to, offhand but it's out there for someone's viewing pleasure.

O.M.G. Soooo bored!

Clive Barker's Hellraiser

Howdy all. So we had a vote process and I still say it is rigged but nevertheless it is what the people demanded. It is Ape Law! So with that in mind, we journey back to a collective of evil, lack of continuity and completely failing to remember its own rules. We hop in the Wayback Machine (Kids, ask your parents and grandparents about that joke) and we go to the year of 1987 when Horror author Clive Barker (The Damnation Game, The Hellbound Heart, The Scarlet Gospels, Weaveworld, Cabal, The Thief of Aleays and Sacrament) a man Stephen King referred as the Future of Horror was dissatisfied with director George Pavlou (Underworld a.k.a. Transmutations and Rawhide Rex) so took it upon himself to bring the pages to life and basically disturb the hell out of the VHS generation. This is Hellraiser.

Frank (Sean Chapman of Private Party, The New Statesman, Gems, The Fourth Protocol, Hellbound: Hellraiser II, Ellington and The Sea Change) is a disturbing fellow.   The Lament Configuration (The puzzle box) has been made ready for soulless Frank to purchase from a little market vendor of which was always intended to.  Linking a world full of pleasure, torment, sex and death.  Well this flick brings all to the table.  Slaps you in the face with it just to see your reaction.

Man, this guys sneezes, he can kill half the room he is facing.

It has been several months after Frank's disappearance, so his brother Larry (Andrew Robinson of Dirty Harry, Hellraiser, Matlock, Child's Play 3, Pumpkinhead II: Blood Wings, The Pretender, Star Trek: Deep Space Nine and JAG) and his frigid wife Juila (Claire Higgings of Pride and Prejudice, The Citadel, Mitch,After the War, Homefront, Eastenders and Doctor Who) check out the abandoned house that is in need of a major airing out and clean up. Cue 80s montage of scrubbing and trash bag shenanigans!!

Ahem. Perhaps a bit more somber approach is needed. Julia apparently knows no joy in her life, let alone from her easily intimidated husband and her step-daughter Kristy (Ashley Laurence of Highway to Heaven, Hellraiser, Monsters, Mikey, Duece Coupe, Lurking Fear, Warlock III: The End of Innocence, Gentle Ben 2: Black Gold and Mystery Woman: Sing Me a Murder) who has the audacity to try and connect with Julia. Yeah she only had eyes for hubby's bro, Frank.

Oh sacred decoder ring. Give me the pleasures I beg of thee!!

But Frank is not nearly as gone as everyone thinks. Signs of life in the house as discarded food, a lumpy mattress and yet no Frank. Larry insists that the house will be cleaned up and will be up and running and He and Julia will be happy together. In spite of, she has next to no interest in him and she comes off as a dirty girl that likes it a bit rough and raw.

Larry is dealing with the strain of his love of his daughter and the hopes of love with his new wife but the two clearly do not care for each other. Also our protagonist is definitely Kirsty. Good, decent person that doesn't have to be virginal to qualify as pure of heart. No offense to Larry intended buuuut.. yeah he is as bland as beef broth. I am just curious what he does for the risque. Tonight honey, you can be on top! OooOo edgy.

After an accident of Larry's, Juila and Kristy go to the hospital as Larry cannot handle blood well and Frank seems to be stop motioning his way through the floor boards, resurrecting himself to meat and bone.

Portrait of the Sexually Dissatisfied.

Kristy seems to be having prophetic dreams of blood and suffering and shrugs a lot of it off as just being a girl or something to that effect.  STOP THAT!    How else are you going to roam into grocery stores, bus stops or laundromats and turn to people saying, " I see you in my dreams of blood..."

For Julia it is really about good and evil. Safe and secure Larry or dark and dangerous Frank. So while Larry is at work, Julia uses hapless men to...reconstitute Frank. Sorry too boring? To re-animate and bring living nerve endings and flesh to a being that clearly was sentenced to Hell and is making his way back into the world. Ewww!!! 

 Frank must have been a damn good lover because he looks like jerky through a lot of this film. A quick thought. There would be the smell of putrefaction, right? These bodies are rotting out as this is dark works.   Eh, whatever.   Not sure what is more disturbing.   Frank looking like a living anatomy doll or Julia's coifed 80s hair.   Frank explains the exquisite pleasures and pains the puzzle box can bring. Doorways to Heaven or Hell and he didn't care which. ALWAYS CARE, FRANK!   

 So Frank is on a bit of a time clock. To escape, he has to be completely flesh bound or the Cenobites with take him back to play with. 

RonCo's new face rejuvenation!

Kristy encounters the puzzle box as well, endures some corridor monsters, a few dated FX and overall a creepy atmosphere she concludes, Puzzle Box Bad. The cenobites start appearing doing other worldly creepy crap and while her soul will be a tasty tidbit, they're concerned that Franky boy isn't playing by the rules. Lead Cenobite (Yes I mean Doug Bradley as Pinhead) informs Kristy they will have Frank and her as well if she crosses them.

Will Hell become of Earth??? Isn't it disturbing how many doorways there are to Hell??

When I first saw this film I was 9 and could not fully process all the nuances of the movie.  The way good and evil where so close together.  From compassion to sadism to generosity to object cruelty, the film shows both sides of the coin closer than most horror films have the guts to do. Apparently Barker encountered the greatest evil of them all. The dreaded MPAA. 

They lost their shit seeing too many pelvic thrusts during a lustful sex scene, too much gore and it being sick and remorseless.  That being said, it is not a bad film.  It is as much lighthearted as it is dark and ominous. There is a balance actually shown in people, environments and even family members.   Barker crafted this warped world that actually shows off sinister needs and the true dark side of the soul but it also established there are rules to life and the universe.

Marvel Comics Presents: Beef Jerky Man!

Phantasm IV: Oblivion

Hey folks! Um quick apology. As I was attempting to decide on Phantasm V: Ravager or Hellraiser, a thought occurred. I never reviewed Phantasm IV: Oblivion. Now I have seen it, probably made various mental notes and noticed some plot holes and jotted it down for Epinions.com oh so many years ago, but never got around actually reviewing it for the blog. My profound bad. So while many of you decide my viewing fate for the future! I will be here in the present, sitting through Don Coscarelli's fourth installment. This is Phantasm IV: Oblivion.

BOOoOoOoOOyy!!!

Released four years after the third film we have a few SNAFUs that have to be addressed. The budget after dealing with the $ 3,000,000 of Phantasm II and the $2,500,000 of Phantasm III, the fourth installment was about $650,000 so certain things were removed, forgotten or just cut.

Case in point, Tim (Kevin Connors of Harry and the Hendersons TV series, Phantasm III: Lord of the Dead, Full House, Prehysteria! 2 and Pleasantville) was taken through the glass by one of the bodies in the mortuary and then...nothing. Kinda hoped the undead Dwarves/Javas would play wishbone with his intestines.

Mike (A. Michael Baldwin of Kenny & Company, Eight Is Enough, Phantasm, Phantasm III: Lord of the Dead, Vice Girls, Virtual Girls 2:Virtual Vegas, Brutal, It Came from the Dead and The Pick-Axe Murders Part III: The Final Chapter) took off in a hearse, leaving Reggie to deal with his balls. Sorry, killer spheres. Reggie (Reggie Bannister of Kenny & Company, Phantasm, Survival Quest, The Demolitionist, Wishmaster, Bubba Ho-Tep, Satan Hates You and Bloody Bloody Bible Camp) looks like he is in the soup when The Tall Man (Angus Scrimm of Phantasm I through IV, Subspecies, I Sell the Dead and John Dies in the End) having Reggie at his mercy, simply lets him go with a parting few words about the final game is almost upon them. Yeah, Reggie the chucklehead who has been a thorn in The Tall Man's side for years gets to bounce. Huh?

Man, I hope the 70s never ends.

Reggie checks out the state of the Cuda, when visited by Jody ( Bill Thornbury of Summer School Teachers, Sarah T.- Portrait of a Teenage Alcoholic, Secrets of Midland Heights, The Lost Empire and Phantasm III: Lord of the Dead) pops by to reveal himself to Reggie again, urging him to help save Mike from The Tall Man and himself. Spoilers! Jody is now a sphere that cannot fully resist The Tall Man's power.

Meanwhile driving out into the desert leaving Reggie to fend for himself, Mike seeks answers to what has happened to him since the third movie, has flashbacks from when he was a boy and Jody was still alive. What is The Tall Man? Where did he come from? Was he ever human? What are his plans for Mike?

The Ice Cream Man is packing more than popsicles.

Reggie goes bombing out on the two lane blacktop to see a young girl, Jennifer (Heidi Marnhout of Roadkill, Vice Girls, Phantasm IV: Oblivion, Angel, Bubba Ho-Tep, CSI: Miami and Swingtown) managed to flip her car, it catch on fire and Reggie barely able to pull from the explosion. The two join up as she is out of a ride and it's not as though there has been any traffic. In fact, no traffic. Where the nine hells are they? 1-15?

They find an abandoned hotel and Reggie breaks in and they drop sleeping bags on the bed for the night. Bow chicka wew wew!!! Oh wait, it's Reggie. He gets no ladies. He had a wife and daugther and they blew up. By the way, I still have no idea what he does for money? Maybe like Spike from 976-EVIL and 976-EVIL II, he had a huge life insurance policy out on his family, just in case.

Thus far, all these distractions are keeping him from Mike. Who seems to be journeying through those massive tuning forks as he looks into the past when a fellow Jebediah Morningside, a doctor trying to discover the link of life, death and anywhere in between.

With a mishap with state trooper that is EEEEEVIL!!! No, I don't mean he gave Reggie a ticket or offered to destroy it for some highway head, I mean tries to tear Reggie apart Deadite style.

Can Reggie stop The Tall Man and his minions? Can Mike be saved? What the hell is the secret of 

 the Yeti?

A lot of creative shots had to be made as filler to deal with the lesser budget.  Again this is not a bad chapter to the series, it just feels a bit limited.  We are just at the cusp of computer generated effects so those simple post effects aren't as available compared to now and they had plenty of location areas but not all the effects or story elements could be added.  The spheres were almost all CGI and not bad for its time and looks pretty fair now.

A great musical score by composer Fred Myrow (Scarecrow, Soylent Green, Phantasm, Phantasm II, Hour of the Assassin, Love Is a Gun and Phantasm III) sadly passed away shortly after this film's release. Reggie Bannister's band, Reggie B and the Yiz Wailin' Ya' Doggies performed the end credits song.

That being said, we do get more questions answered and plenty of the fans will agree it has been a wild ride.

Hmm, Hell dimension looks cozy.

Super Ninja Doll

Okay and I am back. So today is a bit odd. Got the recommendation and request I review this and...I am perplexed.  I'm not The Cinema Snob and this is out of my usual bailiwick of film reviews, but I gave my word (really gotta stop doing that) and that was before I knew what it was.   So I am having Vampire Erotic Tales/ Big Tits Dragon flashbacks right now.  Yeah let's not mince words.  Described as a live-action anime but this is clearly a porno.  Maybe softcore possibly but a porn nonetheless.  Spoilers: There will be more colorful titles with these  various filmography.  I will attempt to find the least mind blowing ones, okay?   This is Super Ninja Doll a.k.a. Super Ninja Bikini Babes.

Tee-hee. Higher education.

Our credits start to a ample girl in a velour outfit and a mask of a girl with the deadest eyes I have seen on a doll. Treated to a watered down version of Wipeout as our stars' names hit the screen.

Brought to use by infamous mockbuster/softcore director/writer Nicholas Medina wink, wink (Dear Santa, Billy Frankenstein, Emanuelle 2000, Bikini Airways, Tomb of the Werewolf, Bikini Chain Gang), we follow the story as we open on what I thought looked like a superimposed set from the classic Dr. Who as alien warlord Gorath (AVN winner Evan Stone of Justice League of Porn Star Heroes, This Ain't Ghostbusters XXX, Betrayal, Big Breast Nurses 6, Just Jenna 2 and Corrupt Schoolgirls 3) and evil Queen Tantella (Nicole Sheridan of Carmen Loves Girls, The Surrender of O, The Cougar Hunter, Carpool, The It Girl and Wife Switch 12) has open a vortex in time and space via a cosmic storm (that old chestnut is just going to make superhumans, my friends) and steal the greatest female scientific minds of the world, drain them of their knowledge and take over the planet. 

I AM KIROK!!!

Buddy, it's Earth and you got recipes for pumpkin spice lattes, cost-effective, environment friendly power and boner pills. Not sure what you can overthrow with that knowledge but have at it.

To recharge his energy, Korath needs a sex droid to...boost him. That was a sentence I just wrote. Urge to kill...rising. Yeah shockingly enough we waited a whole 4 minutes and 40 seconds for our first sex scene. NO, there are no pictures for that, pervs. Go rent it.

Eriko (Christine Nguyen of Debbie Does Dallas Again, The Mummy's Kiss: 2^nd Dynasty, Bikini Girls from the Lost Planet, Voodoo Dollz, Tarzeena: Jiggle in the Jungle), a comic book loving co-ed that thinks it would be cool to be a superhero and go on madcap adventures, not unlike the Goonies...but with sex.  Eriko explains to her friend Yumi (Kitty of Singapore Sin, Oriental Orgy World 5, Hot Asian Fever, Bi Accident and Voodoo Dollz) that Super Ninja Doll and all corresponding heroes and villains get their strength through sex.   Enter next sex scene at 11 minutes 47 seconds. Gee, I wonder what is going to happen.

Kamen Rider got that sex change he always wanted.

Gortah makes it to Earth and seeks out one of the scientists that will give he oh so such secrets that will render the inhabitants of this planet to their knees. Alas she has developed temporary amnesia so, sex. What? Were you surprised?   She appears to now be trapped in the comic book Super Ninja Doll. Sooooo...Gorath and Tantella are not just from another planet but an alternative universe? Again, not that strangest thing I have viewed for this blog.

One swift bonk to the old coconut and she is out cold, waking in a strange reality where she is given a talisman transmogrifying her into SUPER NINJA DOLL!!! Hmm so far this just sounds like Salior Moon without overly sexualizes really young girls. Kudos!

So Eriko is off to the Bureau of Scientific Strangeness to talk about a girl trapped in her comic book. Again, these are words being made into sentence structure that I wrote. I feel...so off. But don't worry, teen gang.  Agent Canola (Ted Newsom of Attack of the 60 Foot Centerfold, Deadly Tales Witchouse II: Blood Coven, A Passion to Kill, and The Craven Cove Murders)is on the case. Must resist slippery and pliant jokes... Must...resist.

In order to harness Super Ninja Doll's true power, Eriko must...well bang like a drum at a marching band. Yeah, really. Girls, Women, Men you name it. She's gotta put herself out there.

The queen clearly needs more minions.

A few side notes.   Many EVA or floor mat foam died for Stone's costume and he looks like a Chaos Marine out of Warhammer 40K (Table top strategic game of massing armies against one another, yes I am a nerd. What of it?) and Nicole Sheridan is clearly wearing a modified Slave Leia outfit. The sets are...well fairly elaborate and surprisingly well done and truth be told the sex scenes are softcore so...yay?

Evan Stone and Christine Nguyen are actually entertaining but Stone seems to be almost like a real life Zap Brannigan. His voice is even close. It was a bit eerie. Hell even the fight choreography was passable and I am a veteran of Ultraman and Godzilla rubber suit fights.

This material is superior to others in that it has a plot, story and character arc of which our heroine saves the world...with her vagina. Super, I think. 

Who's a naughty schoolgirl?   You are.