Edward Mannix Week: Zombie Holocaust

Welcome back to the week. Yeah last week was crazier than rats trapped in an outhouse after four alarm chili but I am still in the process of a move. This week we focus on Edward Mannix. "Who in the nine hells is that?" you ask. First off, very specific swear there, gentle readers. Secondly, I am not referencing Mike Connors' Mannix. All my fifty plus readers may have just laughed. For you younglings, eh what some Nick at Nite if that is still a thing or Netflix it. I speak of the unsung voice actor of no less than 106 film projects ranging from Umberto Lenzi's cannibal films such as: Cannibal Holocaust, Cannibal Ferox, Eaten Alive to popular Anime English dubbing for Ninja Scroll, Castle in the Sky, Macross Plus and Artimage III.

I'm pompous, white and well-armed.

Oh FYI, for those of you that think that is the Tobe Hooper's Eaten Alive, that came out in 1976. Umberto Lenzi's Eaten Alive came out in 1980 and involves cannibals and animal mutilations on film. Important to know the difference for viewing pleasure. Today's voice over dubbing hails from Italy so next to no censoring and I probably won't find a trailer without some boobage but I am game to check. A mad scientist operating out a small island in the Moluccas or East Indies is doing experimentation on corpses.. Oh no. This is Zombie Holocaust a.k.a. Island of the Last Zombies, Zombie Inferno, Zombie Death Cult, Zombie Cannibal Ferox, Doctor Butcher and Dr. Butcher, M.D.

Danny Devito sheds a few pounds.

Yup, fell for another zombie flick under an alternative title. Oh well. The Zombie Cannibal Ferox title makes no sense as that isn't even directed by exploitation director Umberto Lenzi but on with the review. No huge drama just right into the title cards and some eerie ass synthesizer music courtesy of composer Walter E. Sear (US version of The Beyond, Prime Evil, Blood Sisters and Lurkers) and a pair of feet moving around a morgue as a little late night organ harvesting is underway. Guess daylight corpse violation is still out in this little island.

Dr. Chandler (Ian McCulloch of Zombi 2, Survivors, Contamination, The Ghoul, The Nearly Man, High Road and Diamonds) is not your typical M.D.and if he was, malpractice suits would be in the billions. I'm teasing, he is actually part of an expedition alongside Susan Kelly (Sherry Buchanan of Emauelle and Joanna, Tentacles, The Heroin Busters, Escape from Galaxy 3, Seagull Island, The Secret of Seagull Island andCrawlspace), Lori Ridgeway (Model and Eurohorror scream queen Alexandra Delli Colli of Catherine & Co., Marche pas sur mes lacets, Zombie Holocaust, The New York Ripper, Onl'apple Catastrophe and Fratelli d'Italia) and bunch of othe guys I don't care about. Their quest to find a lost cannibal tribe that worship Kito, the cannibal god. So now we have a hybrid of Ursula Andrews' The Mountain of the Cannibal God and Zombi 2??

Ah, the uncommon bacon wrapped zombie.

Unbeknownst to our plucky explorers they happened upon the same island where on Dr. Obero a.k.a Dr. Butcher (Donald O'Brien of The Train, Grand Prix, Run, Man,Run, 2020 Texas Gladiators, Ghosthouse and The Devil's Daughter) a radical scientist is performing his experiments on the dead. Worry not gentle readers as he has been re-dubbed by the basso tones of the one and only Edward Mannix. So what we really have an exorbitant amount of half naked, mud crusted Filipino young men ripping around getting "finger foods" and zombies shuffling about in the jungle waiting for flesh as well. Some decent gore effects and even the cannibals are wary of zombies roaming about.

Will the expedition make it out? Will they be zombie snacks or cannibal stew?

The film wasn't released uncut until 2000 due to almost following under the UK's Video Nasty Obscene Publications rule. Most of the sets where our opus was filmed was oddly enough the same sets as Lucio Fulci's Zombi 2. A further bit of trivia, Edward Mannix voiced for Fulci's Zombi 2 as well but that time around only titled character "Boat Cop". There is a lot of complaints about the gore and mostly the nudity and I agree. I was not prepared to see that many naked Filipino men! Or and Alexandra Delli Colli gets stripped down, painted in flower child patterns rather than some ceremonial hunter/gatherer paints and was quite perky. SO YES, DON'T let the kids see this particular zombie movie. You stick to your zany I, Zombie viewings!

Mmm, Grog tastes good.

Gorefest: Blood Diner

Well hello there and welcome back for Day 3 of Gorefest. I know the last two films were sadly lacking in the gore department and the nudity was not vast but I am pretty certain this film offer both in a larger abundance. This mutilation of moving pictures is a loose sequel of the 1963 Herschell Gordon Lewis exploitation horror film Blood Feast in which a caterer of alleged Egyptian decent murdered and butchered women in Miami serving their parts to bring life to an Egyptian goddess. 24 years later a film in the vicinity of offered a similar story line. This is Blood Diner.

Dad hide the eggs good this year!

Our story opens with convenient plot device telling us on the radio to stay indoors because of a mad dog killer is on the loose with a meat cleaver in one hand and his junk in another. Boy I think I can manage to avoid that weird wang handling fellow easily. Two young lads are left unattended as mom announces she needs Tampons, the house is broken into by what sounds like Jason Vorhees but is actually the boys' uncle Anwar Namtut (Drew Godderis of Blood Diner, Evil Spawn, The Underachievers, Cannibal Hookers and Deep Space) who taught the boys of the goddess Sheetar and the dark magics to go with it. He hands off a couple of cheap looking amulets that is 5 million years of age and must be cared for at all time. Yeah I have called horse crap at this point but moving on.

20 years later, The Tutman brothers Michael (Rick Burks of Blood Diner and The Underachivers) and George (Carl Crew of Blood Diner, The Underachievers, Gross Out, The Secret Life: Jeffery Dahmer, Urban Legends and Ironhorse) have been brainwashed er um I mean nurtured by their uncle Anwar into resurrecting an ancient goddess to this plane of existence. How kooky is dear Uncle Anwar? Well... he is pretty much a brain and eyes in a jar. Yeah guess he communicates from the great beyond (or the great divide) but apparently the lads' mission is to bring about the goddess Sheetar (Tanya Papanicolas of Vamp, Vicious Lips, Blood Diner and Run If You Can). Still unclear if she is Egyptian or Sumerian. It was a tad bit hazy there.

Scientology takes another helpless victim!

Our little sociopaths are moving with cunning and guile... or the close proximity of such, hacking up jiggly girls for the coming of Sheetar.  But enough of that. Topless cheerleader aerobics!!! No seriously, these girls are shaking more than their pom poms. Kinda hope they smacked the director after the jarring jigging. Trying to solve this slew of murders is crack wacky matched team of strong, overtly independent written woman Sheba Jackson (LaNette La France of Blood Diner) and sexist piglet Brooklyn stereotype Mark Shepard (Roger Dauer of The New Mike Hammer, Blood Diner and My Lovely Monster) hashing out their differences to create a better team dynamic... and probably obligated to sleep with one another.

Will the dynamic detectives deduce the dastardly deeds? Will the cannibalistic cooks conjure their goddess? Will Uncle Antwar ever be transplanted into a new body?

I have some complaints on our movie. The continuity of shooting in the afternoon and finishing up at night yet it is clearly no transition in time. Lots of POV shots looks like a stalker is on the prowl. Most of the music while on synthesizer is uplifting and goofy during horror scenes. It sounds like Legend of Zelda: Ocarina of Time's background theme. Originally intended to be Herschell Gordon Lewis' sequel to Blood Feast, it was decided to be able to stand on its own as an original concept.

That being said, is not meant to be taken seriously as it a dark comedy horror. The gore gags are fair and impressive for their day. The characters collectively are so damn goofy it is a wonder if you could encounter them in real life aside from at an asylum. The story is decidedly cheesy, the jokes are incredibly sexist and it is meant to be damn screwy.

With sight gags, slapstick humor and a plot so far fetched it is actually amusing. For the gore fans, limbs go all over the place. For the jiggly girl nudie fans, hey plenty of that. For those with a mildly warped mind interested is something just bizarre, graphic but humorous. Have at it! I'd skip putting the kids in front of it but that is just me.

Damn, she has a really deep purse!

Linnea Quigley Week: Don't Go Near the Park

Howdy doodly doo to Day 1 of Linnea Quigley Week. As she has had 35 years of the B movie racket it is only fair we start her off with a feature she just got a quick cast into the role. Today's movie has dark content, an actual clever story, some gore and even a dash of human emotion, yet still regarded as a B-movie but also a cult classic. How could it both you ask? Seriously you are asking me that? This.. this kind of thing happens quite frequently.

Due to its graphic (though hardly realistic) violence depicted it hails from Great Britian's Video Nasty ban list. This is Don't Go Near the Park a.k.a. Curse of the Living Dead, Nightstalker, Sanctuary of Evil and Don't Go in the Woods... Alone!

Seizure cam!!

Our film opens with terrifying xylophone soundtrack and a handwritten text crawl informing us that many millennia ago, people found the secret to eternal youth by combining a mixture of herbs and plants, a ritual and then devouring human flesh would allow the cannibals to rejuvenate their own bodies by siphoning the youth of their victims. Mary Kay wish they had this formula and packaged in a disturbing pink organs box set.

The plot seems a bit jumbled but as your faithful researcher and writer I shall do my level best to make all become clear. Two cannibals Gar (Crackers Phinn a.k.a. Robert Cribbin of S.W.A.T. , Hitch Hike to Hell, Teen Lust and Dallas) and Tra (Barbara Monker a.k.a. Barbara Bain of Richard Diamond, Private Detective, Mission:Impossible, Savage, Space:1999, Alien Attack and Forget Me Not) from a tribe of cannibals have angered a witch who cursed them with eternal life. However, when hitting at the 12,000 year mark they must find a virgin descended from the tribe and sacrifice her to lift the curse. Their mom is a bit cranky. So to retain their youth throughout the centuries they must consume human organs to replenish the spent years and in the long term they are solving overpopulation and just saying no to botox.

Man, the Mormons are getting pushy.

Finding a suitable mate for such takes time, careful study or just a random bump into the first blonde you see. Enter Linnea Quigley (Summer Camp, Graduation Day, Silent Night, Deadly Night, Return of the Living Dead, Creepozoids, Hollywood Chainsaw Hookers and Witchtrap) billed as Bondi's Mother. Third billing in a movie neither Barbara Bain or Robert Cribbin wanted to admit they were in. Using his dark Sith mind powers he just impregnates Bondi's Mother against her will and re-writes her memories as it was her idea and a great one at that. Shotgun wedding and labor just flies by to the birth and moving on to the great ritual. Is Bondi's Mother even needed any more? What of the child? Why was Barbara Bain in this stink nugget?

Just a few comments on our celluloid of crap.

Filming at location of Griffith Park in the Bronson Caves (AGAIN!!!) our huge stretch of land is spliced with a few rural areas to give the cannibals cover for all their dastardly deeds of damnation. The FX on a shoe string budget provided white flesh foam rubber painted but not molded with a heat gun that apparently these cannibals have the strength of 10 men as they tear open flesh with their bare fingers and the organs are clearly animal. My guess would be pig or lamb for the size basis.

Anyone that disagrees or confronts them may succumb to their Cannibal Optic Blast!!! Yeah I am not even making that up. Primate Cyclops offensive skills. X-Cro-magnons unite!! Little protruding fore-headed guy in a stone and stick wheelchair leading them about on adventures through time and space. Can't wait to see primate Wolverine and Nightcrawler next. Well folks, if you haven't gathered it by now I needed my Czech Republic gas mask to finish this turkey.

Likes my steaks really rare.