Hey folks! Back from Texas and had a blast out there. Fun-filled wedding hijinks and the like but enough about that because we are doing Day 4 of Gratuitous Gore Gag Week. Just when you thought it was safe to enjoy the movies, Chrome Skull: Laid to Rest 2
|Well there's some nightmare fuel for ya.|
That’s right boys and girls the wacky camcorder applying, twin blade wielding silent as could be serial nutter is back with a vengeance for the one that got away. “Princess” and Tommy headed for Atlanta minutes before the cops arrived to find the late Tucker and Chrome Skull on his back. Out of nowhere or maybe out of Robert Hall’s good sense he decided to share writing duties with (Kevin Bocarde of Loves Everlasting Courage) the cops on the scene are popped, stripped and hidden. Chrome Skull’s body is taken by a response team trying to save his life. This black ops team is led by none other than Brian Austin Green???? David Silver you put that nice homicidal maniac down and eat your supper! Ahh I sense more 90210 jokes on the rise folks so you have been warned. Apparently this crack team knows our killer’s m.o. down to how many cell phones he carries as they rush to save his life. Green decides to trail the other cell which Princess (Now played by Allison Kyler of Prom Night remake and Maneater replacing Bobby Sue Luther) is carrying via GPS. TURN THOSE DAMN THINGS OFF MOVIE PEOPLE!
|What do you mean Terminator: The Sarah Connor Chronicles is cancelled??!!|
Tommy (Thomas Dekker of Laid to Rest and Terminator: The Sarah Connor Chronicles) gets Princess a room in Atlanta. The two have a quiet moment about the loss of his buddy Anthony in the previous movie and he says he’ll get her some food and aspirin for her head. Princess’s head hurts so much she has flashbacks of the previous movie and I can tell you it would be a doozy for me too. Heading off to shower and yes pervs, a few quick nude scenes to behold and she feels a bit better only have her fresh clean start interrupted by Green a.k.a. Preston who slashes face open then guts her. Our previous heroine is gacked out right in 8 minutes time. The end, already? Yeah I can go watch a decent movie now and oh crap the time is still rolling…
Tommy is back to the hotel with food and aspirin as promised but no Princess to be found. A bit puzzling, you say? Well why not lift the bed sheets and comforter and find out Tommy. Yeah you guessed kids, she lost her heart in Atlanta and Tommy chunked. Might want to give the cops the heads up Tommy or your DNA is the only held on record. 8:35 and we have a title card. We cut to a team of surgeons working to fix what is left of Chrome boy’s face and stop his wounds from getting infected. Chrome Skull is dreaming of time past as a boy in some sort of hospital talking to an older man, he gets patched up and left to heal. Turns out Chrome Skull runs the show and Preston is just his gopher. Disgruntled Chrome is not pleased with Green gacking Princess but hey he was flat on his back and this girl knew too much. A treat for you horror fans is Spann played by (Danielle Harris of Halloween 4,5 Halloween 1 and 2 remakes as well as Hatchet 2) and dig this, she’s a nutbar too.
The hard hitting Atlanta PD Homicide are on the case. Looking over the late Princess they find one of Chrome’s phones and there assuming Tommy did the deed. Detective King (Owain Yeoman of the Mentalist and Terminator: The Sarah Connor Chronicles pilot) thinks otherwise. Three Months later….yeah time to move on to the next victim er um lovely girl. Enter Jess (Mimi Michaels of The Ugly Truth and Boogeyman 3) who is apparently losing her eyesight and will NOT stopping being petulant about life being so unfair and blah blah blah along with her mother Nancy (Gail O’ Grady of NYPD Blue and Desperate Housewives) Wow, what is Gail doing in this turkey? Got a condo payment behind and in need of quick cash? Chrome wakes up to go check out how much his face has healed. 3 months has not made him look like Clooney folks. More like ground chuck Norris. ZING! He looks like if you ripped all the toppings off a pizza, cheese and all and just left with the doughy substance and pizza sauce. If some of you are looking to diet keep this visual handy.
Spann brings him his mask as a consolation prize maybe or perhaps she feels it is his true identity. Chrome is obsessed with missing out on his final kill that Span has some home movies of a new target to torment. Shock and gasp its Jess. Hell bent to run the show as it were, Preston informs Spann that Chrome is useless now and he’ll just keep everything status quo. Jess and fellow ninny Allie (Aimee-Lynn Chadwick of Return of the Living Dead: Rave to the Grave and ROTLD: Necropolis) are enjoying some medical chronic. Refusing to let Jess be a downy clowny Allie goes and gets popcorn and has plans to take Jess out. Nietzsche is laughing right now. Well popcorn is a poppin and the death metal shows no sign of stopping and Allie gets her head carved him by…oh right mystery is over. Chrome Chuck apparently kidnaps Jess leaving Allie’s body. The cop clueless than Cher enlist Tommy’s help in understanding the mind of Chrome Skull. This is where I have to put my foot down.
You had yet again another decent premise for a thriller film gone slasher. We still don’t understand the agenda behind Chrome Skull’s budding empire of murder and mayhem and frankly I was lost without a road map or GPS at this point. Excellent camera work on par with its predecessor and the gore effects were impressive but that is like saying you liked the soundtrack in an action movie that bored you to tears. Suffice to say you have a repeat of the original. Decent concept and then that wacky section of Hall’s brain said “Let cake blood on the walls.”
|Match.com goes horribly awry...again.|