Thursday, July 2, 2015

Gratuitous Gore Gag Week: Hatchet II

Welcome back gore fans and readers stuck viewing this week. I am taking my plane trip in a few hours and the least I could do what offer up a sequel to a grotesque ghost story. Leading up the events of the night before brings us to a new, more graphic flick. This is Hatchet II or How Crowley Got his Ax On.


When last we left our heroine Marybeth she was in the clutches of Victor Crowley, in fear of her very life she went transmogrified from being Tamara Feldman to Danielle Harris of Halloween 4 5, and Rob Zombie’s Halloween and Halloween 2 and we all know how traumatic it is for the Doctor to regenerate so let’s cut her some slack. Gouging Crowley’s eye with her thumb while in the lake, she swims away to safety and gets rescued by character called Jack Cracker (John Carl Buechler, director of Friday the 13th Part VII: The New Blood) who was previously described as crazy, a trouble maker and enjoys drinks of his urine. Marybeth explains who she is and Jack draws a shotgun on her and tells her to go find Reverend Zombie (Tony Todd of Candyman and Hatchet) and he’ll explain everything. Shooed away with the threat of getting her head blown off, Marybeth runs back to town on a dirt road. Jack apparently dredged the swamps and land masses for junk he can sell or keep. We see the sleazy video producer’s cam and get a little bit of footage of foolish and annoyed girls stripping for the cam or at the very least flashing it. Jack hears prowling around his hunting cabin and tells Crowley he didn’t know who the girl was. Crawley is none too happy of Jack’s assistance and proceeds to inform Jack of this by punching into his flesh and pulling his intestines out while Jack attempt to run away. He is then dragged back the same intestines and garroted with them with such awesome strength, after a fashion Jack is decapitated from this. SUSPEND DISBELIEF! 
Physics is a bunch of crap anyway. Look at the blood! Yeah that is kind of the theme for our movie folks, so buckle up.
Marybeth while caked in mud makes it back to town and seeks out the Reverend. He lets her in his store, confirms her identity and proceeds to tell the story about her dad and friends burning Victor Crowley alive albeit by accident.
Marybeth is racked with guilt and anger for leaving her dead father and brother, she claims she only wants to collect their remains and give them a proper burial. Zombie gets her to admit she wants revenge on their local monster as well. He proceeds to prep a hunting party to deal with our swamp shambling psycho for intentions that seem honorable.

So which one of us is boned first?

As it is with most sequels, the monster is always the victim in these stories and a little bit more back story always unfolds to round out your characters. The Reverend speaks of a dark foreboding past that makes Crowley, the creature of destruction and murder that he is today. Victor’s father Thomas watched as his wife was dying slowly of a cancer and found comfort in the arms of another woman, the very nurse treating his wife.
Aware of her husband’s infidelity she raises off her deathbed to lay a curse on her husband’s illegitimate son. The nurse brings the child into the world only to die delivering him. He is deformed but Thomas loves him still and tries to protect him from the evils of the world outside of their life. 

Will a collection of yokels, trappers and gator hunters be enough to do in Crowley for good?  Will Marybeth survive another encounter of this swamp monster?  

So what have we learned you may be asking yourselves?

Well reading this review will save you an hour and a half of gore effects and limited plot development. Not watching this movie might make you feel just that much wiser or somber. Again I realize they were attempting to capitalize on the original and bank more for gore because the modern day horror fan seems to crave that but it felt bloated and over the top.

I'm sure it is just a flesh wound.