Friday, June 10, 2016

Dogma


Well hey there gentle readers. Back again with some more controversial and blasphemous works of Kevin Smith. Now don't get me wrong, because I enjoyed the hell out of this flick but the Roman Catholic Church felt it was a slap in the face of the lord o' mighty and the Catholic League made like they did picketing Last Temptation of Christ via Martin Scorsese. So already I am on board just to annoy the practicing Catholics alone. This is Dogma.


Brave woman.  I wouldn't entrust these two to open a can of beans.














Destined to be the second movie but knocked back to film number four, our story opens with two fallen angels Bartleby (Ben Affleck of Buffy the Vampire Slayer, Dazed and Confused, Mallrats, Going All the Way, Good Will Hunting, Armageddon, Reindeer Games, Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back, Daredevil, Clerks II and Batman v Superman: Dawn of Justice) and his companion Loki (Matt Damon of Mystic Pizza, Chasing Amy, Good Will Hunting, Saving Private Ryan, Rounders, Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back, Ocean's Eleven, The Bourne Identity, The Bourne Supremacy, The Departed and The Martian) were banished to Earth after a misadventure resigning from the appointment of Angel of Death thanks to Bartleby's words of encouragement. For all eternity they are to remain...in Wisconsin. Until McGuffin appears in the form of a newspaper clipping. Exclaiming in celebration of its bi-centennial, the plenary indulgence (remission of all sins and thereby all are permitted direct entry to Heaven) is on for those Catholics feel they must repent. Translation: Loophole and making God somehow imperfect. (I can hear the anger of many a Christian...good...good. The hate is swelling in you now)


Man that Good Will Hunting money spent quick, right?














God not seemingly on the scene, the Seraphim Metatron (Alan Rickman of Die Hard, Quigley Down Under, Truly Madly Deeply, Robin Hood: Prince of Thieves, Judas Kiss, Dark Harbor, Galaxy Quest, Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's Stone, Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets, Love Actually and The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy) the Voice of God visits Bethany (Linda Fiorentino of After Hours, Queens Logic,The Last Seduction, Jade, Men in Black, What Planet Are You From? And Where the Money Is) a depressed catholic and abortion clinic technician charging her with a holy quest to stop the angels before all of the world is undone. She will be accompanied by two prophets Jay (Jason Mewes of Clerks, Mallrats, Chasing Amy, Dogma, Scream 3, Vulgar, Clerks: The Animated Series, Jay and Silent Bob Strikes Back and Clerks II) and Silent Bob (writer/director/actor Kevin Smith Clerks, Mallrats, Chasing Amy, Dogma, Scream 3, Vulgar, Clerks: The Animated Series, Jay and Silent Bob Strikes Back, Clerks II, Catch and Release, Manchild and Live Free or Die Hard) as terrible twosome from the Askewverse's longest running characters.

Along on said less than merry quest they encounter plummeting from the skies Rufus (Chris Rock of Saturday Night Live, In Living Color, Chris Rock: Bigger and Blacker, Lethal Weapon 4, Nurse Betty, Pootie Tang, Bad Company, Pauly Shore Is Dead and Grown Ups) a dead man claiming to be the thirteenth Apostle, omitted from the Bible because he's black. Our foursome makes their way to a titty bar finding one of the strippers to be the former muse Serendipidity (Salma Hayek of Desperado, Four Rooms, Fair Game, Fools Rush In, 54, The Faculty, Wild Wild West, Traffic, Once Upon a Time in Mexico, After the Sunset and Bandidas) inspiration herself reduced to stripping due to writer's block and thus the curious quintet are off to save the world.

Can the angels be stopped? Will the universe cease to be?? Will we all snuff it??




A few points of interest on this is, the very Jewish last named Cardinal portrayed by the late great comedian/writer/producer and actor George Carlin. Glick as I am lead to understand ain't exactly an Irish name so I snickered quite a bit. SFX supervisor and designer Vincent J Guastini had his hands full with designing wings for the angels and the Golgothan(the slimy poop demon made of the excrement of thieves, rapists and murderers) and the late talented Alan Rickman who was a Chasing Amy fan wanted to do Dogma under two conditions: 1) Staying true to the script and 2) whether the wings were practical or CGI. Did I forget to mention casting /songwriter/singer Alanis Morissette as...God?

Makes sense the Voice of God is English. Classy.