Crónicas del horror español: The Vampires' Night Orgy

And we back for the week again. I might do a write-up on Saturday to give you at least 3 different films but the audio review for Psycho II was a bit exhausting. I have only done that one and Zombie Doom as far as capturing video so bear with me when I tell you that 8 minutes of footage took almost two hours to get just so. Moving right along I really wanted to find a copy of Satan's Blood but I need to buy one instead. Ugh, back burner you go. So with that bit of depressing news let's head to a small European village instead where the inhabitants seem a bit off, superstitious and fearful as we delve into The Vampires' Night Orgy a.k.a. Orgy of the Vampires, Grave Desires and Vampire Night Orgy.

First the spankings and then the oral sex!!!

Yup we got an award winning concept as who could pass up on any of these titles.

We open with a funeral in progress as the coffin is lowered into the ground, it cracks open to reveal a maggot infested corpse. Guess they were late and the whole party flees to the sounds of a big band number and drum solo kicking the action up...that wasn't there. After some gorgeous shots of the countryside we witness a bus load of tourists and workers all heading in the same estate as apparently they have jobs after. Tutors, professors, chamber maids and workers as a whole felt the need to be this far out in the country through their exposition. Plot device gardener's flower arrangement story was so boring, it gave the driver a mild heart attack and he... slightly swerved on the two lane road. HEAVENS!!!

With mild chest pains causing death, the trip is off to a good start. Dark omens people. With a quick bit of moving "the body" around and arranging a blanket over him, the rest of the party make their way to the estate with little to no problem. Pre-GPS, kiddies. In them days youse needed a map and you loved it!   Still loved the flute indicating the gruesome act of concealing the body from the little girl traveling.   Sadly no Edward Mannix voice over acting so that was a bit of a let down. The pleasant wafting music showing us an empty village, no church or people to be around.

C'mon sweetie. Just ignore the poop smell and go out and play.

No warning bells going off at all, people? They all just head right into the local tavern and proceed to take up rooms without worry of the staff or management getting angry. Heck one of the rooms has a creeper peephole into conveniently the cute blonde's room. 20 minutes before we get a vampire attack but feels like it was unnecessary, in the sense no vamp fangs revealed.

The locals are definitely revolting.

Human servants bustling about explain why the people were not available but Boris the impromptu mayor explains creepily how they had to bury a friend. His dub actor is bouncy and way over the top easily arousing suspicion but that's just crazy talk. Weird synthesizer music as a villager needs to sacrifice a leg for dinner. An American tourist also finds this strange but shrugs it off as it is simply a custom he is unfamiliar with and chalks it up to his ignorance Slowly but surely the members of the bus trip are disappearing left and right and Boris just scoffs at this as clearly they were trying to find their way in the village or the next one.

Will Hot Blond be next? Will American blood be too thick or sauce gravy like? Why would you do this to most of a town??

Director Leon Klimovsky (The Werewolf versus the Vampire Woman, Leap to Fame, La paz empieza nunca, The Dracula Saga, Mean Mother, Vengeance of the Zombies, The People Who Own the Dark and Night of the Walking Dead) pitches decent atmosphere and pacing, I just felt the dialogue was lost in the dubbing as it sounds like the cast is a bunch of whiny bitches through most of this film. The film stock is either damaged or I did not get the best version of this as it is really dark and difficult to make out the action half of the time. The townspeople are actually not really vampires as so much almost cannibals or some mad ghouls.

Most of the locations are around Madrid as was with the Count Dracula's Great Love flick but this seems to move more to the residing villages and then in Estudios Roma for the interior shots. Unfortunately my copy was very grainy so the print was not the best to be seen. Very mild nudity, a topless scene here and there so no orgy.   FALSE ADVERTISEMENT!!  That being said however, it was actually kind of creepy. Also the Countess was smoking hot so bonus.   No forced lesbian and/or whipping scenes of yesterday so all pluses across the board. A vast improvement. I was expecting some kinky, oil slicked up Jesus Franco BS and was surprised with a decent story and some folklore of Spain. 

Jeff Foxworthy: Vampire Hunter.

Crónicas del horror español: Count Dracula's Great Love

Okay this week has been a bit crazy. Interview and Audio Review was awesome mind you. Again thank you Dustin for a stimulating take from fan to director. I have managed to let the week slip through my fingers that we may have a continuation to next week. Today's moving pictures hails from Spain via Javier Aguirre (Exosmois, Daphnis and Chloe, Acto de posesion, El consenso, Children's War, Los pajaritos and Voz) exploitation, drama and romance director extraordinaire and Spain's answer to Christopher Lee in how many horror films we can drag him into, actor Paul Naschy (The Mummy's Revenge, Vengeance of the Zombies, Night of the Werewolf, Countess Dracula's Orgy of Blood, El lado oscuro, Rojo sangre, and Rottweiler) as we tackle the Lord of the Vampires and Prince of Darkness, Dracula. This is Count Dracula's Great Love a.k.a. Cemetery Tramps, Dracula's Virgin Lovers, The Great Love of Count Dracula and Cemetery Girls.

Hungry EeeYEeess...

Yup, it wouldn't be a seventies foriegn horror film without at least six alternative English titles. God bless them for it. Particularly curious on the Cemetery Tramps title. Were they really kicking that one around or was it just the working title?

Deep in the Carpathian Mountains, an eerie sanitarium looms over as two delivery men are off loading a large crate the size and shaped well enough to be a coffin in transit. The owner Dr. Marlow is now where to be found at the newly purchased wacko basket, the two men decide to raid the crate on the off chance it is filled with jewels and gold but more likely death. Ah I am familiar with this move from Dungeons & Dragons RPG games. It's were the party ignores the jewels and riches and heads right into the death. Poking around the pad of nutter one of the men is smacked in the face with an axe and the other gets fed on by a man in a black velvet cape. Boom! Go to opening credits! Now that's how you get a story going.

And now, another rousing game of Where's Karl's hand at.

Meantime, a stagecoach carrying four young women and one strapping lad (Cue Penthouse cheesy blues music) Karen (Haydee Politoff of The Collector, Queens of Evil, Interrabang, The Virgin of Bali, Chloe in the Afternoon and The 'Human' Factor), Senta (Rosanna Yanni of Kiss Me Monster, Sadist Erotica, Hunchback of the Morgue, Petra Delicado and First and Last Love), Marlene (Ingrid Garbo of Yo y las mujeres, Beunos dias, Acapulco, Maniac Mansion, Count Dracula's Great Love and Touch Me Not) and Elke (Mirta Miller of Ninas.... al salon, Pepito piscina, The Shark Hunter, Last Harem, El cepo, Bolero and Blockbuster) and randy lad or at least he should be, Imre Polvi (Victor Alcazar of Horror Rises from the Tomb, Hunchback of the Morgue, It Happened at Nightmare Inn, original Green Inferno, Vengeance of the Zombies, El espectro del terror and Earthquake in Chile) are all traveling along when their plot device um carriage wheel goes flying off at Borgo Pass, a region known for treacherous road. The the coach driver died after being hurled of his perch and the five of them must seek shelter and as luck would have it, a visible nuthouse not far from their previous peril. The five hoof it to sanitarium as it begins to thunder and rain down. Of course Dr. Marlow is a perfect host, inviting them in for food and shelter...maybe a midnight snack or two.

Last known picture of these character actors.

Yeah big spoiler, Marlow is Dracula. WHAT??!!! HOW DARE YOU, JAKE??!!! Yeah because none of you had clue one on this. Spare unto me. Please readers, I know how vast your intellect is or otherwise you would never be reading these fine quality reviews. So shockingly enough "Dr. Marlow proceeds to play hide and go suck with his guests building up an army of the undead to nip out and snag innocent virgins of the village with the exception of Karen. Dracula seeks to rebirth his lost daughter Radna in a blood ritual that will resurrect her from the darkness. Karen must be willingly become a bride of the undead and rule with Dracula for all eternity.

Naturally when you make vampiric tarts you chain them up in you dungeon. Them's the rules, people. So what else can we say about this film? Hmm well lot of whipping scenes, lesbian vampire scenes, plenty of topless scenes and ugh, seventies you can really drag those frames out let me tell you.

Will Karen be seduced by the dark side? Is Dracula into bigamy? What was the point of the ax to the head and stair falling scene five frickin' times in the opening credits?

Well the pacing is fair, the dubbing a bit off but nothing really horrible per say and if you needed a flick with jiggly girl vamps, you are in luck. Frankly at the end of the day this feels like someone wanting to make a fetish film but not ballsy enough for a solid R rating. Ranking under PG somehow it is nothing special. I liked a lot of the cinematography but Hammer does it better. 

Shot in this gorgeous location in Madrid called the Parque de El Capricho, where the Duchess Maria Josefa Pimentel  had constructed and preserved during her reign. It has a palace, a lakeside and even a maze leading to the bunker made during the Spanish Civil War where the dungeon was to be in the film. Also this huge iron bridge which was apparently the first of its kind in Spain.

Beautiful to look at but at the end of the day this genre has been done better.

Even in death this guy is still has chiseled good looks.

Rotten Reelz Reviews Audio Review #26 : Psycho II

Second time at bat with the video clips via audio review and thank God it wasn't Zombie Doom all over again.  A quality DVD this time with Psycho II   Enjoy!

Dustin Ferguson Nemesis 5 Interview

Dustin Ferguson, writer/director/producer/editor/creator of Sinister Studios and owner and proprietor of Old Skool Video had plenty to say about his upcoming film, Nemesis 5. What? You think I saw the previous films last week had nothing to do with leading up to this interview?

Dustin was kind enough to re-schedule with me today as yesterday was a bust on my end.

I'm a special clown.

With Albert Pyun's(Cyborg, Deceit, Brain Smasher...A Love Story, Spitfire, Heatseeker, Raven Hawk, Mean Guns, Postmortem, Nemesis, Nemesis II: Nebula) start this franchise more than 20 years ago, Dustin was a huge fan of not only the genre but how the series was progressing with each sequel. A man after my own heart. So I sat down to chew the fat with him. August 28^th is the beginning of the filming.

Script by Mike Reeb has been approved by Albert Pyun is acting as executive producer this time around bringing a substantial budget. Sue Price (Nemesis II: Nebula, Nemesis III: Time Lapse, Nemesis IV: Death Angel) is scheduled to arrive in September for filming so yes, the original DNA mutant warrior is reprising her role but as mother to Schuylar Craig (Shockumentary, Blood Claws, Camp Blood 4, Camp Blood 5, The Amityville Legacy and Blood Model), our new lead to bring about destruction to the machines and possibly save humanity from its tyrannical yoke.

The most unkind cut of all.

Dustin taking the reins for the story after Nemesis 4, a slight remake the opening of Nemesis with a steamy scene with Craig and Daiane Azura (Big Trouble, Prison of the Psychotic Damned: Terminal Remix, Hate, 60 Seconds to Di3, Home Videos, O' Bloody Night and Stained Encounter) moving the story back to time and moving the vibe of the time travel aspect. Yes I bugged him about the mosaic time capsule but nothing definite yet to the traveling pod. Also we don't need that many spoilers do we? Veteran actors Aki Aleong (Never So Few, Gang Wars, V, Dragonfight, Babylon 5, Dark World, House Arrest adn Faster Than the Speed of Light) and Dawna Lee Heising (My Science Project, Big Trouble in Little China, Forbidden Warrior, Outworld, Tales from Dark Fall, Waiting for Dracula, The Famous Joe Project and Awesome Girl Gang Street Fighter) marking her third film with Ferguson along with Meathook Massacre II and Amityville: Evil Never Dies.

August to October editing allowed in November, Dustin is confident to have this out by the end of the year. Main theme and composure will be composed by Rob Robinson and Adian Casserly, along with original soundtrack with Velvet Acid Christ and Pandora Black. He told me he is in talks with Orgy as well so should be an astounding soundtrack.

Someone's getting an ax to the face.

 

SAG (Screen Actors Guild)card and SAG rules need to be followed so this isn't your typical Indie film shooting when they can and wherever they can. Not limited to Horror, as a fan of films can attest to at the larger variety found at the Old Skool Video store, He has done documentaries and horror films but simply can manage a story with a decent budget, time, great actors get gold frame by frame.

Schyular is undergoing training for the role of playing her bad ass character. Yes she will know Gun Fu. Whoa. Along with Zach Muhs (Nemesis 5: The New Model) who will be a re-occuring character in the series. No I am not giving that way. Well okay, let's just say you might seen an appearance of Nebula again.

I asked him if this was a huge leap into this genre being primarily a Horror director. Dustin feels certain that as a fan of Sci-fi and Action, that this was a natural progression to more difficult projects. Considering most of his projects are shot in a manner of days, he will have months to work it until he feels it's right. Electricity to the cyborgs, parts sparking, and the better budget will allow balance CGI and practical, which is a preference to myself.

Passionate filmmakers outside Hollywood have a better touchstone with the fans than a popcorn movie. It's not about marketing, the newest toy and lunchbox. It's about a quality flick people can enjoy and hopefully stand the test of time. With our comparable love of 70s and 80s Horror we both have the congruent take on the modern era. Jump scares aren't needed heavily in horror, atmosphere, music and suspense are the key. A decent pace, story easy enough to follow and some build up and boom. Creepy horror flick.

Producer/bookmaker/director deals with what stays and what goes. If you a giant space drill, it will still look hokey and you should work with in your means. It may sound great on paper but ultimately you need to know where to invest time, money and effort in.

James Brolin still stuck in the house.

If five does well he is looking to end the series successfully by capping it off and having a potential jump into new budgeted projects. Futuristic films are a definite and try to make originals and make it his own. John Carpenter and Dario Argento are great influences in his style of film making.

A confident director gets the actors he needs. He goes in to every project with a buoyancy needed for these films and has attracted his fair share of actors. Juggling all these ventures is impressive as hell and he has the moxie for it. Personally I cannot wait to see how this series will end and I know Dustin will knock this out of the ballpark.

Dustin, I still say you need to get Tiffany Shepis for a good creepy horror flick.

New Rotten Reelz Reviews Audio Review #25: Zombie Doom

So this is what I busted my ass on yesterday.  It is very adult orientated and a bit on the graphic side.

Enjoy and you have been warned. Zombie Doom Audio Review

Nemesis Week: Nemesis 4: Death Angel

And we are back. Apologies for not getting this finished on Friday. I decided to do an audio review of a DVD that was poorly formatted. Thankfully no encryption to speak of but still it was crap. Today however we continue following Alex (Sue Price) as she has to kill a man. Shall we see how that turns out? This is Nemesis 4: Death Angel a.k.a. Cry of Angels: Nemesis 4, Nemesis IV and Nemesis 4.

Yeah I miss the braids.

Alex is back, kicking ass and taking names. Our movie opens with the weirdest red sun glare effect. Ahhh Alex is on Krypton!!! Kidding aside, Alex is speaking to a Padre about his drug racket smuggling action he had and dispatches his cyborg ass.  Not sure why Alex in very obvious black vinyl newsboy cap and raincoat but she is off being pursued by more cyborgs and popping out time seems easy and she distracts her trackers by....flashing them and gunning them down? Um okay.   Woman in black (Blanka Copikova of Nemesis 4: Death Angel and Andrenalin: Fear the Rush) speaks of weeping angels and mows the borgs down.

Text exposition points out the uneasy peace humans and cyborgs have as a bit of footage from 2 and 3 are being used as the credit titles go. Well makes sense to use what you already have. Alex is a cyborg killer and her handler Benardo (Andrew Divoff of Toy Soldiers, The Hunt for Red October, Wishmaster, JAG, Wishmaster 2: Evil Never Dies, Alias, Crossfire, CSI: Miami) gives her the Farnsworth speech of one last job before she retires. She has been residing in the future of 2080 now gacking cyborgs on the QT but she has gotten either sloppy.

We don't get much call for that, Just Johnny.

Kind of miss the braids as her hair is completely straighten. So off to Europe to seduce an almost complete borg and he assumes her to be the woman in black as they are both have similar build. She tends to him effectively. Benardo does not care for her attitude towards life and death. Dude, she is a giant leap into the human evolution in the sense of smarter, faster and stronger. That much death on her hands and you don't think she wouldn't be a bit off. The cyborgs all have this tattooing and indentations like her on again, off again borg with benefits Earl (Nicholas Guest of Star Trek II: Wraith of Khan, USA High, Roughnecks: The Starship Troopers Chronicles, Cowboy Bebop: The Movie, Star Trek: Armada II, Star Trek: Bridge Commander, Justice League, Sons of Anarchy and Batman: The Brave and the Bold) as a good kill apparently gets Alex in the mood.

Yes all nude, but shadows are obfuscating everything.

We will skip the information retrieval/sexual gratis because I feel akward mentioning it. Lot of phallus penetration comments to be made. No sooner does that weird bit of tension Alex finds out that her kill was the wrong man and Earl is supposed to put two in the coconut and call it a day. Probably few men that have an issue being crushed in Alex's legs. Benardo giving off a Ralphie of Johnny Mnemonic vibe and Alex should have picked up on that if the job went as sideways as she thinks it did.

She's as hardcore as ever but for some reason Albert Pyun just wants to display her as a sex object rather than the bad ass warrior she has been for the previous movies. Alex is still as lost in this time as she was in 1980 without her tribe or direction.

She and the Woman in Black are forming a relationship of questions and answers but the answers will come at a time of the Woman in Black's choosing and not sooner. I find most of the dialogue lacking substance and redundant. It felt like Pyun was setting up for a part 5 but didn't really feel like it was going to happen.

Didn't think I would say this but I wasn't really impressed with this one. Story feels a bit choppy and rushed. The camera work is very professional but the lighting feels like a photo shoot rather than a movie. I am disappointed in freedom fighter turned femme fatale. Well on Monday I check in with director Dustin Ferguson on what tidbits he can release about his upcoming Nemesis 5 film. 

That thing on your forehead is ready to pop.

Nemesis Week: Nemesis III: Prey Harder

Welcome back readers young and mature, although if you are mature why are you reading this blog? We journey on now to the further adventures of Alex (Sue Price of Nemesis II: Nebula, Nemesis III: Time Lapse, Nemesis IV: Death Angel) that wacky DNA mutant or genetically engineered specimen worthy of Khan's notice. Will she leave 1980 to save those in the future? How will she even get to the future? This is Nemesis III: Time Lapse a.k.a. Cyborg Terminator 3, Nemesis 3 and Nemesis III: Prey Harder.

Jiggly borgs of the future!!!

Ah yeah baybee! Alternative titles. Well I have had those since Andy Warhol's films.

Now people have grumbled of the stock footage of Nemesis II being used to recount how Alex (Sue Price) came to be in 1980, grow up to be a bad ass warrior and in general have a stick up their butt about this and that. You will find many a film reusing footage both A and B movie alike so button it more maybe you feel Richard Donner should be crucified for Superman II's use of previous footage. Whatever. It is not my concern.

Moving on we catch up with Alex as her last escapades dealing with Nebula the armored cyborg hunter and how she defeated it. Because of the alternative titles my copy is Prey Harder. A brief exposition establishes Nebula's failure to capture Alex so a newer model is being sent to capture her because her DNA may be the key to ending the human uprising. Cut to the future with cityscape and a droid reviewing the data and gen 2 computer generations under its awesome helm is...Farnsworth? Yup another recreation android Farnsworth 2.0 (Tim Thomerson of Fade to Black, Trancers, Near Dark, Air America, Dollman, Trancers II, Trancers III, Nemesis, Brain Smasher... A Love Story and Spitfire) is back for this one and I guessing since they already had him in production, they just knocked out a new model. Hey it worked for Arnold, so hush.

That Ab Rocker will take it right out of you.

Injured and battered from Nebula, Alex is re-cooperating from her wounds and starts having memories of the past movie when she awakens, a little scarred but none of them left threatening which is wild considering the punishment she took from the cyborg killing machine. A lesser being would be dead ten times over. Maybe her necklace that was encoded with the information Jor-El I mean her mother left her will finally give her the what what. Hey I am hopeful.

With her village and people wiped out, Alex journeys to find answers, food and shelter in East Africa. Loaded with a handful of pistols, augmented strength, reflexes and a will to survive she encounters Farnsworth purely by accident as he will aid her from her wounds but for some reason she does not see his true form and only the pleasant man claiming to be a missionary as he sees her wounds hardly matter even being shot in the head she only is slightly amnesiac. She is having flashes of a combat she had but cannot recall with who.

Farnsworth 2 is scanning her mind and body without her really understanding why. He starts questioning her family, sisters, mother and if she has any family. Now to any sane person Farnsworth sounds like a complete creeper but Alex has never been beyond her village.

Memories traveling with two men in a jeep and seeing a similar time capsule in the air she and the men go investigate but the Wotans attack them and only Alex survived and true to fashion she strips the bodies of needed supplies and weapons. Her McGuffin necklace leads her to Ramie (Ursula Sarcev of Nemesis 3: Time Lapse) claiming to be her sister. Flashes to being attacked again and again. Realizing how powerful Alex is, Farnsworth communicates to the future for backup if they are going to secure Alex. Her necklace joins her with her sisters to they may procreate and build a league of super beings to overthrow their cyborg masters. We will call that Plan B... For boning.

Jack Trancer is not a happy bunny.

During the height of the Civil War in Africa several of the Wotans have been replaced with cyborgs hell bent to kill Alex when she meets up with Edsion (Norbert Weisser of Midnight Express, The Thing, Schindler's List, Hocus Pocus, Heatseeker, Omega Doom, Blast, Crazy Six, Brimston and Sorcerers), a merc for hire that saw all his rebel employers vaporized who gets abandoned by Alex as he is visited by Lock (Sharon Bruneau of Nemesis 2: Nebula, Tornado Run, Nemesis 3: Time Lapse, Erotic Confessions, Erotic Confessions: Volume 11, R.S.V. P. And Baywatch: Hawaiian Wedding) and Ditko (Ms. Olympia Debbie Muggli of Joe Weider's Ms. Olympia XIII, Martin, Nemesis 2: Nebula and Nemesis 3: Time Lapse) two platinum blonde gun nuts tracking Alex.

The rebels are not faring well with the cyborgs blowing away everything in sight tracking down Alex.

Can Alex reunite with her half sisters?? Will she have to wait a year for another time capsule?

Okay aside from the borg twins, this is not a bad continuation of the story. I was glad to see Tim Thomerson back and an explanation of new bot. The action is decent, the effects for the bots are...a wee bit simple with the digital overlay with glowing eyes, blurring of the characters and I really missed Nebula in action but again that full rubber body suit must have been sweltering.

And yes I will finally comment about Desert Eagles Mark VII wasn't made until 1990 and 9mm Berettas M9 wasn't made until 1985 being wildly used in 1980 before their inception leads me to believe even killing machines like their design. Still would have brought laz weapons myself.

Overall not a bad sequel to 2 and I look forward to seeing 4 tomorrow.

Rambo got nothing on Alex.

Nemesis Week: Nemesis II: Nebula

And we are back. Greetings readers and welcome back to Nemesis Week. I realize that should read Nemeses Week for proper grammar but that has never been a top priority on this blog. After the episodic film of yesterday...well there will be spoilers. Those not interested in that, clear out now. You have been warned. Okay with that bit of unpleasantness out of the way we move to our sequel. This is Nemesis II: Nebula.

I'm looking for Sarah Connor...oh wait a minute.

78 years later (2098 AD) after the fall of humanity's dominance of the planet. L.A. Bounty hunter Alex failed in his mission and mankind is under the yoke of the machines. They have lost to their cyborg masters but a faction of rebel scientists develop a new DNA strain. Yup to save us from the tyranny of enhanced machines, we will genetically modify humans. So from the hands of T-800 to Khan??!! Let's see how it pans out. With this potential demon or savior "Mom" has emerged from a time cube with glyphs in the year 1980 in East Africa. Seriously, I think she stole Omega's TARDIS. Brandishing her Desert Eagle of the future she heads for high ground with a less than thrilled baby Alex in her arms.

Mom has to abandon the baby because plot device. With a bit of exposition she tells the baby that she will have powers and that Nebula will one day come for the baby. She give baby Alex the Kal-El send off and tells her the Spencer's Gift/New Age Crystal McGuffin necklace will reveal all one day. Her mother killed, Alex is raised by the tribe of East Arizona er um Africa. Yeah imagine not being able to fly out to a region that may not care for outsiders traipsing about.

I NEVER SAW PARISSSSSS!!!!!!

20 years after the 78 years later. Making that 2118 A.D.?? Anyway, the Nebula (stuntman Chad Stahelski of Spitfire, Nemesis II: Nebula, Nemesis 3: Time Lapse, Vampires, The Hunted, Buffy the Vampire Slayer, Constantine and V for Vendetta) bounty hunter has finally managed to a glimpse of Alex. Alex (Sue Price of Nemesis II: Nebula, Nemesis 3: Time Lapse, Nemesis 4: Death Angel and Nemesis 5: The New Model) now grown to be a warrior thanks to her adopted Kutu tribe and personally I think Nebula blew off his assignment so he could be challenged. 78 years control of the people, yeah he wanted a true fight for a change.

Now before we all start screaming Terminator rip-off, take a breath and realize every time travel series does not revolve around your cybernetic organisms that are just living computers. These cyborgs were once human. See??!!! 10 minutes in the film and we already have POV of Nebula cruising along the dunes in search of his prey. Suck it T-1000 with your playing it safe as a patrol cop.

Starwoman: in Color.

The tribal chief (Shelton Baily of Nemesis 2: Nebula and Nemesis 3: Time Lapse) senses the arrival of Nebula through the bones like Rune stones as Alex prepares to prove herself as a warrior for her tribe. Juna (Earl White of Nemesis 2: Nebula, Bloodsport 2, Nemesis III: Time Lapse, Blast, Omega Doom, Sorcerers and Black Panther) her friend, rival and potential love interest worries for her safety rather than admitting he is not certain he can deal with her being a warrior but he does care for her and wishes her to succeed for everything she has fought for. Taken to her vessel of origin Juna explains her ship came from the sky, and Alex finds a high frequency knife or dagger that cuts through solid rock.

With their village destroyed, Juna and Alex retreat to prepare a new attack. Armed with her skills, blade and a Mosin-Nagant bolt-action rifle or the M1891 Alex must destroy this monster before the region and all its inhabitants get wiped out in the process.

First off, kudos to Pyun giving the stereotypical action hero role to a woman and not making it so campy that she could fight. Price is in amazing shape, looks like she can handle herself and in no way is less than feminine for her body building. Why she has to save the Americans from the Wotans is pretty typical I suppose but Price is priceless. Just draws the schmuck's pistol off of him, shoves and blows them away. The civil war seems too similar to the Chadian-Libyan conflict, a bloody nine year conflict from 1978 to 1987.

Our story has mild exposition, Alex is damn impressive in cunning, skill and instinctual nature but she does not let it take away her humanity. Unlike her American counterparts that have never been put in a life and death situation, you realize Alex's continued existence is because of the harsh environment she grew up in, thinks on her feet, not shy about looting the bodies and very capable. My lone complaint. No one liners. It's Cyborg with Van Damme almost. Maybe Alex will develop a sense of humor in the third film. We will see. Makes you wish more directors had the balls to make a female action hero/antihero without having to resort to the "love interest" every time.

GET SOME!!!!

Nemesis Week: Nemesis

Welcome back to the week. In celebration of my buddy writer/director/editor Dustin Ferguson (Terror at Black Tree Forest, Silly Scaries, Doll Killer, Occult Holocaust, Cheerleader Camp: To the Death, Invitation to Die, Silent Night, Bloody Night 2: Revival, Meathook Massacre and Blood Claws) his new film project that probably starts in August Nememis 5. Better known for Horror this should be an interesting foray into an existing Sci-Fi series. The brainchild from the series director/writer/producer Albert Pyun (Cyborg, Deceit, Brain Smasher...A Love Story, Spitfire, Heatseeker, Raven Hawk, Mean Guns, Postmortem) will be executive producer for this new saga. In honor of that and the suggestion of my co-host of Rotten Ramblin' On Shawn, it was decided to sit through the first four of these cyberpunk post-apocalyptic films. This is Nemesis.

Have you any fruit to declare?

In the far away future of 2020 (Yes that was sarcasm) Alex (Olivier Gruner of Angel Town, Nemesis, Savate, Mercenary, Mars, Mercenary II: Thick & Thin, The Circuit, Crooked, Beyond the Game and Assassin X), a burned out LA cop turned bounty hunter is tracking enhanced cyborgs as he was charged with taking down The Red Army Hammerheads, a gathering of cyborg freedom fighters when it all goes pear shaped. After acquiring a data chip of a courier android, Alex runs right smack dab into the terrorists and gun fu ensues. He manages to blow away most of them at the cost of damn near his life with the surviving memeber Rosaria (Jennifer Gatti of Mobsters, Star Trek: The Next Generation, Double Exposure, Millennium Man, Blood Money, Finding Carter and Vice Principals) calls him a soulless machine and pops him.

After some cybernetic implantation and months of therapy, Alex is back to his old self. Well...86.5 percent himself as he tracks down Rosaria in to Old Baja to take her and her ragtag terrorist cell out. 

Man this wig is warm.

His handler/former lover Jared (Majorie Monaghan of The Bonfire of Vanities, Regarding Henry, Nemesis, The Osiris Chronicles, Babylon 5, Rescue 77, Becker and Andromeda) is an android that pulled him from prison and gave him his terrorist slaying missions and now he has to dull the pain of his synthetic organs and cyber implants with a drug making him practically a slave for his masters. They let him run wild for a time, freelance gun for hire/triggerman if you will until, you guessed it. Yet another gunfight goes horribly awry.

With more rehab and improvements, Commissioner Farnsworth (Tim Thomerson of Fade to Black, Trancers, Near Dark, Air America, Dollman, Trancers II, Trancers III, Nemesis, Brain Smasher... A Love Story and Spitfire) gives Alex one last assignment, to track down and eliminate Jared and her network of spies and terrorists. The story they gave Alex feels hinky at best but with his new rebuild they added a bomb to his heart set to go off in three days unless he tracks down Jared. In New Rio, Alex makes his way to a cyborg name of Julian (Deborah Shelton of The Yellow Rose, Body Double, Dallas, The Choice,Sins of the Night, Desire, Plughead Rewired: Circutry Man II and High Tide) and a strike team is waiting to pounce on Jared.

OooO hot chick.  Hey isn't that Thomas Jane against her?

Julian tells Alex the main reason Farnsworth is after Jared because of the info she has is about a plot for the machines to take key roles in the governments all over the planet. Whether Alex believes this or not, the crap has hit the fan and the bullets starting flying.

Can Alex stop this plot? Will Farnsworth pop Alex as well? Are humans even aware the dangers of the androids and cyborgs possess?

To be fair, I have seen this film before and I love the cyberpunk genre since Phillip K Dick and William Gibson starting writing it. The action is impressive, the story sound and even the exposition is decent. Loved seeing Vincent Klyn of Cyborg and Point Break being a terrifying bad ass again as well.

B-movie it may be but don't be too quick to discount the potential for a good flick. Hell, A list film have been known to fall flat on their ass.  Just ask Judge Dredd.

M-hm, good peep show here.

Italian Dark Universe: Dawn of the Mummy

And we return to Italian Dark Universe and what would cap the week off best is a mummy movie. Technically this is a Egyptian/US/Italian venture but Italy is in there, right? Good enough! To be honest I was looking at the myriad of shark films instead. Didn't even occur to me Italian mummy flick until an hour ago. So from Egyptian producer/director Frank Agrama (Queen Kong,Birth, Around the World in 80 Days, The Man Who lived at the Ritz, Shaka Zulu, Dragon Ball, Return to the Lost World, American Strays, Robotech II: The Sentinels and Captain Harlock and the Queen of a Thousand Years) and Italian screenwriters Daria Price (Take Off, The Nesting, Dawn of the Mummy and Survival of the Fittest) and Ronald Dobrin (Queen Kong and Dawn of the Mummy) bring us our film. This is Dawn of the Mummy.

May the gods see you home.

In the year 3000 BC, after a lengthy ceremony of burying a pharaoh, his gold and slaves, the high priestess (Laila Nasr of Harry Boy and Dawn of the Mummy) invokes a curse placed on it should anyone dare disturb the tomb. And with that they seal the tomb of gold sprayed pots, an near Ark of the Covenant and six living slaves.

Cut to 1981 as tomb raiders blow a hole in the cliff face to unseal the tomb. Because of the noxious toxins released to kill the slaves, the head raider suggests giving it a day to air out. I was thinking at least two weeks and full Hazmat gear with turbine fans but that's just me. Our blond haired, blue eyed destroyer of lands and pillager of artifacts is warned by Xena (Laila Nasr) the no so much warrior princess but channeling superstition in true Friday the 13^th Crazy Ralph fashion screaming about the curse. Criminal blue eyed f**k shoots at her, scares her off and tells his hired goons to watch the cave entrance for fellow bandits. Three guys check out the cave, have their skins melted off and boom! Title card and grooving, funky New York City in view as folk walking about and getting to work.

Mila Jovavich's facial went awry!

Cut to models traveling through Giza on Jeep while Melinda (Ellen Faison of Hail, Sweet,Sweet Freedom, Love,in Strange Places, Bloodsucking Freaks,Visions and Acting Out) cannot be bothered with the spoils and wonder of the Pyramids because her toe nail polish has to be just so. Yeah she will be a main character. Grrr... Jenny (Joan Levy of Dawn of the Mummy, H.E.L.P. And The Bumblebee Flies Anyway) points out to the splendor of the land as photographer Gary (John Salvo of Dawn of the Mummy, George Washington II: The Forging of Nation, Perfect Cimes and Murphy Brown) preps for a modeling shoot. Remember this is the 80s so Vogue has big bucks to field this fly out to Giza for probably some offensive mummy summer wear shoot.

How much for the women?

Our models and camera crew get hit by the plot device and pop a tire. Our gang goes out to explore only to encounter a dead man's head in the sand. A decent prop head but hardly worth three shots worth. Personally I loved the skull and crossbones red paint to establish the thieves are carrying dynamite. Nice touch. So our jiggly girl shoot commences while more dynamite is released yet again. Pretty sure the models, male and female alike are deaf. I also can't help but notice Gary looks like David Hess just less murderous and rapey. With more spouts of the curse, the first 25 minutes drags on a bit but all our characters have been developed...as best as they can be.

The photo crew and thieves meet up with McGuffin as one of the thieves drew their attention. Well a cursory viewing later and this will be the greatest snaps in all of ze world. Somehow the heavy lamps start awakening the mummy. I figured it was the inane banter that did it but what do I know.

Thirty minutes before we get any hint to a mummy as the thieves move to their benefactors and FINALLY the mummy gets off his undead ass starting a rampage. 5000 years or not, this dude was under Operation:Dragonass. With all the heat lamps, the mummy was making like a Stouffer's lasagna...TAKING FOREVER TO COOK!!!

So a round of POV hide the creature gag is done and I am thinking,"Movie, you're called Dawn of the Mummy, stop hiding." Still love the whisk to safety to Ahmed's and he looks like Lesiure Suit Larry. He should have a neon sign over him exclaiming " Sell Girls to Shieks!"

With the mummy in hot pursuit and yet I mean slow as molasses in Boston January, our cameramen think they know a thing or two when dealing with the undead. Also those poor slaves at the beginning of the movie, yeah they're basically ghouls now. Flesh eaters still having to serve their dick of a pharaoh. No unions in servitude.

Will the Mummy bring about a biblical curse?? Is Armageddon sure to follow?? Why is the sky blue??

Practical effects wise, this isn't bad. The pacing is a tad slow and yet characters are hastily rushed in. With the smaller budget of 400k, actual pyramids and having both Cairo and Giza as your backdrop you have easily whip the BS studio productions of Styrofoam with flecked spray paint or gelatinous coating sound dampening substance. So existing structures, cities and the like give the production value an amazing level. That being said however, I was not blown away by meddling teens/twenty somethings raising the undead cliche. You damn kids!!!

Your cast is relatively unknowns that none had a breakaway performance per-say but was not a horrible movie experience. It did crack me up that Harmony Gold Ltd.was the distributor given they are better known for anime such as Voltron, Defender of the Universe and the Robotech series. Not sure were mummy movies fit on that scale.   Still no Tom Cruise screaming and close up pans of him running.

Another Jelly party takes a dark turn.