Ten Minutes to Midnight

 Hey folks, welcome back to reading some rotten. This last year has been a rough patch. Reviewing films strictly from home and not a theater operational, putting jobs on hold and some outright terminated.  We can only hope to get through this pandemic.

And now away from that bit of morbid and on to what we are up to this day.  Today I have heard nothing but good things for your soon-to be reading pleasure.   A veteran Punk Rock DJ (Caroline Williams) dealing with being on the way out and her plucky replacement (Nicole Kang) being all sorts of bubbly, it's enough to break the spirits.  This is Ten Minutes to Midnight.

 

Terribly pleased or waiting to eat your soul? Who can say?

 

 

 

 

 

Shock jock Amy Marlowe (Caroline Williams of The Texas Chainsaw Massacre 2, Stepfather II, Days of Thunder, Leprechaun 3, Halloween II, The Unleashed, Hatchet III, Blood Feast and Greenlight) has ruled the graveyard shift for some time, being more diva than DJ, she's has stepped on more than toes and rubbed people the wrong way. As if her mood wasn't foul enough, a storm is brewing out in the night, she's been attacked by a bat and feeling a bit weird.

Front desk/security drone, Ernie (Nicholas Tucci of Choose, You're Next, Chilling Visions: 5 Senses of Fear, Faults, Wolfenstein: The New Order, The Cobblestone Corridor, Daredevil, Person of Interest, Quantico and Wolfenstein II: The New Colossus) warns Not Stretch that if it was a bat bite, she could have rabies. He offers her a lift to the hospital but the roads are completely thrashed and she is too professional to miss a show.  Ernie has the awful job of informing Amy that "Bob" wants to see her in his office. Yeah being called to the mat is never a good sign before you punch in. 

 

Totally BFFs with Batwoman. For realzy.

 

 

 

 

 

Station Manager Bob does not have bitch tits (Yes, a Fight Club reference. I couldn't pass it up) but he certainly has something in his craw about Amy. He is also a skirt chaser with a bit of a belly and enough clout in the station to make or break a career. You know, a local base, but I suppose enough slander on a former employee might cause hell for any future prospects. Amy meets with a young, perky girl Sienna (Nicole Kang of You, The Social Ones, Swallow, Orange Is the New Black, Instinct, Acting for a Cause and Batwoman) plans on sitting in on Amy's show and all starry-eyed at what will be her new job.  Clearly Bob is hoping to plow her like the back 40 but hopefully Sienna doesn't fall for the casting couch.

Sound producer Aaron (Adam Weppler of Twelfth Night, The Cobblestone Corridor, Groove, Long Lost and Alien Warfare) is fully aware that Bob is being a horndog, agrees with Amy that Sienna is pretty much eye candy but she has some good range and pitch for vocals. I daresay kittens on not on Aaron's mind but a certain blonde cougar on the other hand, yeah boy has the hungry eyes for her.

Amy is already in a mood and decides she's gonna cut loose so callers beware when you "Ask Amy". After dropping enough "F-bombs" that would have made even comedian/pod-caster Joe Rogan a bit uncomfortable, Bob steps in the booth to chew some hinder. Amy responds with a savage series of retorts and ends up biting the hell out of Sienna's hand, growling and fleeing to the bathroom. She's hearing voices, hallucinating scenarios out of the norm and frankly kinda going a bit bat-shit crazy. 

 

I make this same face after Taco Bell.

 

 

 

 

 

Now it could have been linked to the bat bite oooooor...Sienna dropped acid earlier and it is floating in her bloodstream because Amy is tripping BALLS!!!   Convinced she is getting a bit "close" with Bob (Greg Balla of A Crime to Remember and Ten Minutes to Midnight) looking young and dapper but a bit of a sleazy attitude, is giving Amy the eye.   Yup little bit of make-out or DID IT REALLY HAPPEN??!!!

 

 This flick just jumps ten hellfire-imbued flaming sharks over Coppersnake Canyon and baffles the crap out of me, more so than that explanation did for you.  A veritable Behind the Looking Glass via Lewis Carrol vibe happening and it is bizarre.   To be shocked by a film is so damn uncanny any more; especially in Horror films this day and age. When we have so many existing tropes to lend a hand, so to see something with a small cast, a normal environment and watch it go off the rails is a rarity to behold.

Produced by Mainframe Pictures (The Cobblestone Corridor, Ghost Tour, Intermedium, She Came from the Woods, Long Lost and Weekenders), this movie embraces a myriad of vampire mythology, a woman's mind frame about aging, goals, friends, family and love all changing over time and how we see ourselves year after year. Between the two women, I cannot say who I enjoyed more, Caroline or Nicole. Both brought their ""A-Game" and both delivered. What I thought was going to be a hybrid of From Dusk 'Til Dawn meets Play Misty for Me turned out to be wildly entertaining, very bloody and just downright creepy. This is not a typical vampire flick, nor could I put this in a per-designated category as I normally can.

Director Erik Bloomquist (The Cobblestone Corridor, Ghost Tour, She Came from the Woods, Long Lost and Weekenders) spins a macabre tale of aging, feeling obsolete, craving youth and being young with dreams on the rise. With enough blood and gore to satisfy most horror fans but enough story to bring a wide array of viewers to stay in front of the screen; this movie delivers the goods. I was happily surprised and frankly, I am wanting it for my collection. Hell, I want the soundtrack too. 

 

Really? A Leatherface joke? Really?

The Butchers

 Greetings Readers of the Rotten. Well I'm back with a much requested horror movie. Yeah I'm thrilled to be diving back into this genre (he said with the greatest amount of sarcasm), so we will see if this is remotely entertaining. A gathering of strangers on a bus having their bus break down, brings them to a house and yes THEY READ FROM THE BOOK! This is The Butchers a.k.a. Death Factory a.k.a. The Factory 

 

Silent but deadly...

 

 

 

 

 

Now the film I found had the title "Death Factory" but it was not the Brad Sykes 2002 movie. So it is a film of alternative titles!!! YAY! Always a good sign! Yes we have the trope goodness of young teens to 20 somethings recipe of disturbing the dead, the monster, the ancient curse. Those pesky kids with their boozing, fornication and loving life. Our opening credits look like a combo platter of Super 8 movies, old stills, TV static and an acid trip. Combining eerie chamber music with these visions makes this flick already bizarre. Oh and I forgot the biggest spoilers of them all, the fricking serial killer trial publications. Way to let that one slip out of the bag.

Brothers Simon (Damien Puckler of 666: The Beast, Death Racers, Camel Spiders, Grimm,Chase and Redwood Massacre: Annihilation) and Brian (Cameron Bowen of Blue's Clues, Touched by an Angel, Fraiser, Disney Golf, American Dreams, Seabiscuit, Mystic River, Wristcutters: A Love Story, Young Justice, and Young Justice: Legacy) are stuck on a bus, Simon relives a nightmare of him killing his father after his father slain his mother. Always a classic, right?

 

That chick in the earlier picture float an air biscuit?

 

 

 

 

 

Meanwhile a eerie looking lawyer JB (Semi Anthony of Circle of Influence, Against the Grain, The Chosen Ones, Death Factory, Modern Family, Triumph, Abby Grace and Headgame) is "hell bent" to purchase this a museum honoring serial killers or edifying them. The landowner on the other hand, he doesn't feel like selling in spite of the generous offer by JB.   JB decides to fall back on his second offer and stabs said landowner to death and get on about his business.   His business is reading from THE BOOK OF THE DEAD??!!! He get that from Ashley J Williams??!  Ash drop that on eBay?!   Actually, that does sound like a bonehead move Ash would do.  Don't forget to say every, tiny syllable.

The museum happens to hold the blood samples of all said serial killers. Hold up. Suspending disbelief here. Since when did this particular ghoulish effect occur in forensics?  Why would law enforcement as far back as Albert Fish a.k.a. The Cannibal Vampire would have blood samples and how on God's green Earth and convoluted plot line would this dinky museum have the money, power and connections to acquire their blood???

 

Daggum CGI fires!

 

 

 

 

 

 

At this point, the bus breaks down in the same dinky, ghost town and our passengers are forced off the bus for repairs.  PLOT POINT!!!  Let's get a Mouseketeer line-up of our soon-to-be deadies. There's plucky Nicole (Ire Wardlaw of Leverage, Hopelessy in June, Blackstar Warrior, Gone Girl, Intruder and State of Desolation), premiscous Candi (Charito Mertz of Passions, The Suite Life of Zack & Cody, Greek, Days of Our Lives, Trapped: Haitian Nights, Next Stop fo Charlie, CityBird and FCU: Fact Checkers Unit), steadfast Star (actress/stunt person Tonya Kay of The Muppets, Fully Loaded, Silverwood: Final Recordings, Raze, The Lone Ranger, Dark Space, The Kill Corporation, Nightmare Code, Bastard, The Other Wife, The Amityville Terror, The Fosters and A Better Place), doofus horndog Kip (Jacob Hobbs of Almost a Woman, Hercules, Death Factory, Headgame and Army of One), bellicose Ren (Jeremy Thorsen of America's Court with Judge Ross, Decisions, Tosh.0, Girls of Sunset Place, B4, Deadly Wives and Hotels Secrets & Legends), Daisy (Mily Sanders of Profiler, Boyz Nite Out/Grrlz Nite in, The Removals, Humbug, Sunday Driver and Here Piggy Piggy) and...Bill (Braxton Davis of Samurai Cop 2: Deadly Vengeance, The Ghetto, WEAPONiZED, A Weekend with the Family, Let It Bleed, Causal Encounters, Better Criminal, The Aliens and American Exorcism).

Off the bus and screwing around, Ren and Star find the Book of the Dead and OF COURSE they read from it, thus resurrecting six nutter butters to a night of holy terror.  SMOOOOTH!!! Your encore is what?  Bad touching someone's mother while simultaneously pouring sugar in my gas tank??!!

 

Tee hee. Plot development.

 

 

 

 

 

 

And yes, yes yes fellas, there's titty. Every friggin' time I review a slasher film, it is almost always asked so yes bewbs are a happenin'. They can't further the plot, but they can momentarily distract you.

Let's not make this out like all I am doing is bashing the film. This was a professional crew, lighting, sound and film all commercial grade, the cast did their best with the given dialogue and money was made.   Thing is I simply was not captured by it.   So at the end of the day I was not emotionally invested in the film and this is just my opinion.   Would I advise people to watch it?  No.  That doesn't mean someone else won't watch and take away from the movie what I could not.

 

Overall, there is some clever ideas like what was done with Jack the Ripper, the SFX gore and a bit of CGI is feasible but it boils down to gore gags, less than stellar dialogue and two-dimensional characters.  That's not to say this was a bad film, it just lacked cohesion.  A lot of ideas and a limited ability to house them all.  I have seen better movies but again this wasn't crap.   A lot of thought went into it but clearly this was a real difficult one to pull off well.

Your weapons, your clothes, give them to me.

Chopper Chicks in Zombietown

How do Readers of the Rotten. Well, it's time once again for a fan request and yeah it's a Troma movie. I'm not pleased at that but I will let it go and not vent my spleen. Yeah we are back in B-movie territory so buckle up, brace yourself and make peace with your dear and fluffy lord. This is Chopper Chicks in Zombietown a.k.a. Chrome Hearts a.k.a. Zombie Town a.k.a. Cycle Sluts 

 

Looks like they just barely "Escape From the Bronx!"

 

 

 

 

 

Yup right off the bat, we got alternative titles with writer/director Dan Hoskins (Pretty Smart and Chopper Chicks in Zombietown) seemed to wanted some dark humor with his horror film and I believe he managed it.

Our opening title card begins with "Life's a bitch and then you die. Usually." Followed by a maniacal cackle, I think that sets a tone. Cut right to the girls on bikes zooming along. Hey! California is a helmet law state! Rule breakers!

A gang of biker chicks are out raising hell and giving it their all. They screw around in this remote California town Zariah, scaring the locals and creating all sorts of malarkey. Heavens!  They could ratchet it up to tomfoolery. These girls are far less intimidating than The Switchblade Sisters and I love the serious tone the film is trying to put out. 

 

Welcome to Thorton's Casting Couch.

 

 

 

 

 

These group of Jezebels are ran by Rox (Lyica Naff of St. Elsewhere, The Clan of the Cave Bear, Fame, Lethal Weapon, Star Trek: The Next Generation, Return to Green Acres, Total Recall and The Flash (1990 version), this brunette smoke show and IMDB is showing her as T.C. Sooooo somebody screwed up and I don't think it's the film.  Getting back to our opus of a film, the girls had an encounter in the last town and gave exposition about a member name of Candy, stating we don't need any more heat on us.  FYI, their gang is called The Sluts. Not exactly terrifying. Might I make a few suggestions that won't get you laughed at? The Vipers? The Ball Breakers? The Insanguinators? Hoes of Death? Just mull those over.

Feels like I just stepped into some 70s biker exploitation movie and got a little bit of zombie on my boot. Big surprise is the local yokels don't take kind them there biker trash. The local mortician just removed a body and replaced him with sand bags in the coffin. Foreshadow perhaps? Or maybe he's either a necromancer (mage with powers over the dead) or a necrophile (man or woman with obscene infatuations for the dead). Either way, I am sure it will progress the story.

Bob's gotta roscoe now, see? Meh.

 

 

 

 

 

 

The local dwarf, Bob Littleton (Ed Gale of Howard the Duck, Phantasm II, Child's Play, Bill & Ted's Bogus Journey, Dolly Dearest, Land of the Lost (1991-1992 version) and O Brother, Where Art Thou?) is in charge of population. That is he and his chalkboard establish the live ones accounted. Bob Littleton. They really just gave Bob the shaft there, didn't they? Guess Seymour Butts was too classy. FYI, Ed there is credited as Chucky's stunt double in Child's Play. Does that mean they tossed him into fireplace or the wall? One wonders.

The town Sheriff Not Wiggum (Lewis Arquette of The Real Ghostbusters, A Pup named Scooby Doo, Tango & Cash, Tales from the Crypt, Book of LoveYo Yogi, Hypernauts and Mojave Moon) and his mustache might not care for these chippies in his here jurisdiction. And yes he is father of Patricia, Rosanna, Alexis and David Arquette. Even stars in Scream 2 as Chief Hartley.

 

Ernie?!

 

 

 

 

 

Shockingly enough, our mortician is also a mad scientist name of Ralph Willum (Don Calfa of 1941, The Return of the Living Dead, Weekend at Bernie's, Bugsy, Doctor Dolittle, Downward Angel, Night Creep and Sharkskin) is responsible for all this mayhem to even happen. Shame on you, Ernie! Didn't you learn from The Return of the Living Dead?

Naturally the best way to not provoke the undead, the supernatural or demons is to STOP PESKY KIDS. You all know what I am talking about. They read from the book, they trash the cemetery, they take a crap in your refrigerator's crisper bin.  KEEP an eye on these little chaos factories.

As luck or plot point would have it, a bus full of blind orphans (many of which are smoking) has been stalled out not far from the abandoned zombie mine. Uh-oh Spagetti-Os! By the way, as a subplot, no I have no idea why the blind orphans are doing out in the heated two lane blacktop. Traveling to go see The American Gladiators? That may require sight. Um...off to hear New Kids on the Block? No wait, that would require wanting to listen.

Well, the cat or in this case, the scourge of zombies? Maybe a plethora of zombies? A mass of zombies? Well however you want to quantify it, the ghouls are loose and looking for flesh.

 

Sheriff Not Wiggums asks for the Sluts' help in saving those blind orphans and defending the town. The proper answer is NOPE. ALL THE NOPES! Alas the Sluts may have hearts of gold and join in the fray. With the populous be zombie food? Couldn't they call in the National Guard or Raccoon City's S.T.A.R.S.?

We have a quote from the Austin Chronicles via its VHS box cover claiming, "Shades of Night of the Living Dead and a bit of The Seven Samurai, Chopper Chicks in Zombietown is a very smart and very funny movie." Hmm, late 80s...beating the deadlines. AHA! Cocaine was the deciding factor!  It all makes sense now.

What did I take away from this picture? Well the humor was dark to the level of Night of the Creeps, some decent tongue-in-cheek gags and the zombie FX was fair for this low budget job. Gorgeous girls beating the crap out of zombies. Sorry fellas there is absolutely no titty in our flick today WHATSOEVER.   I too, was stunned at this.   Guess they were going more for female empowerment rather than give off a jiggle fest.  Now use those McDonald's napkins and dry your tears, boys.  At the end it was gory and goofy. Felt like I took my brain offline and just had a few laughs.

 

She really likes that jukebox.

 

Batman: Year One

 Welcome back, Readers of Rotten. This time around we are going back to animated movies. Yes apparently saying Adult Cartoon sounds vaguely pornographic, so with that in mind we look at another WB creation. Before the crusade began, the training and the will had to be forged in order to save Gotham. Before the legend of the dark knight, Bruce Wayne had to become something else. This is Batman: Year One. 

 

Sure hope that's not The Spectre.

 

 

 

 

 

 

12 years after Bruce Wayne (Ben McKenzie of Junebug, 88 Minutes, The O.C. Southland and Gotham)lost his parents, he has returned to his hometown to find it rife with corruption. From the City Hall to the organized mob, there will have to be a serious culling before the streets are safe for the decent people of this city.  But Wayne is not the only new arrival to this abysmal burg, a newly appointed GCPD Lieutenant James Gordon (Bryan Cranston of Armitage III, Seinfeld, Malcolm in the Middle, The Fallen, The Cleveland Show, Breaking Bad and Godzilla) expected to tow the company line, look the other way and not make waves in Gotham like he did in Chicago. 

 

Don't think I like Gotham's AAA service.

 

 

 

 

 

 

Commissioner Loeb (character actor Jon Polito of Highlander, Dream Lover, Critical Condition, Miami Vice, The Equalizer, Homicide: Life on the Street, NightMan, The Big Lebowski and Tale of the Mummy) along with his head thug, Detective Flass (Fred Tatasciore of Ultimate Avengers, The Wild, Ultimate Avengers II, Justice League Heroes, The Invincible Iron Man, God of War II, Ben-10, Wolverine and the X-Men and God of War III) expect good things from Gordon. 

 

Save me, Jenny Craig. Yer my only hope.

 

 

 

 

 

 

With mob infesting the Gotham elite and controlling lawmakers and legislators, what hope does anyone have of survival?  Bruce attempts to infiltrate the streets as a Vietnam vet but none of the thugs are impressed and attack him outright. With his skill set and substantial strength, he makes his way back to the manor. He has to recreate himself, to give him an edge against criminals.

Gordon is shaking loose some of his own dead weight, i.e. cops on the take, thugs with guns and more of Loeb's informants, so he can run a department people won't be afraid to call for help. His latest hire, Detective Essen (Katee Sackhoff of Battlestar Galactica, Halloween: Resurrection, 24, Spider-Man: Edge of Time, Riddick, Star Wars Rebels, Longmire and The Flash) is smart, resourceful and dedicated to the job.

 

Hey, Rock Hudson! Stay for a picture?!

 

 

 

 

 

 

Rumors of a giant bat is plaguing the underworld, leaving suspects and skells unconscious and scared out of their minds. This "Bat-Man" amuses the upper crust until he gives them a visit and delivers his ultimatum. One of the greatest written lines for Batman hails from Frank Miller's Batman Year One. "Ladies, gentlemen, you've eaten well. You've eaten Gotham's wealth. Its spirit. But your feast is nearly over, From this moment on, none of you are safe." 

 

 

The seemingly untouchable mafioso, Falcone (character actor Alex Rocco of Motorpsycho!, Wil Riders, The Godfather, Detroit 9000, Three the Hard Way, Starsky and Hutch, The Entity, T.J. Hooker, Return to Horror High, The Facts of Life and Lady in White) starts to experience serious liquidity issues thanks to Batman breaking up drug sales, trashing racketeering and a cat burglar in a cat suit known as Catwoman (Eliza Dushku of True Lies, Bye Bye Love, Buffy the Vampire Slayer, Bring It On, Angel, Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back, Wrong Turn, Tru Calling and Dollhouse) has been looting Falcone as well.

Making allies out of Gordon and Harvey Dent D.A., charges are being made and arrests are happening. This will not finish overnight. This is no longer a matter of a few strategic moves here and there, this is a crusade. Can Batman purge Gotham of its evils? Can Gordon truly trust a man in a mask?

 

I'm Batfflack!

 

 

 

 

 

Fun film fact, Ben McKenzie who is voicing Bruce Wayne/Batman plays James Gordon on Gotham. Well, it's a fact even if you don't find it that fun.

From the get go, this film follows the graphic novel verbatim. There are two narratives that make up so much of this story, Wayne and Gordon each have their views for Gotham and their best intentions for the town; even at the expense of their own lives. This is everything I had hope Batman: The Dark Knight Returns would be. It completely impressed me on all accounts. A superb voice cast, excellent animation and still entertaining even though I have read and re-read this particular story many times.

The November Man

Greetings and salutations, Readers of Rotten. Yeah that still sounds iffy at best. Seriously, someone workshop a better fan base name. I am coming at you with NOT a horror movie. Shocked? I can only imagine. Instead I recently had the good fortune to sink my teeth (metaphorically) into a decent spy/thriller/action film starring that Pierce Brosnan fellow. Yeah you may have heard of him from time to time. A retired spy, a long standing conspiracy, war crimes and student versus the master. This is The November Man. 

 

These prices are outrageous!

 

 

 

 

 

Based on the novel, "There Are No Spies" by the late Bill Granger; our titled movie is actually the 7^th novel of 12 and yes this writer is telling anyone that loves a good spy game to go and pick those books up.

Our story follows veteran CIA handler/operative Peter Devereaux (Pierce Brosan of Remington Steele, Noble House, The Lawnmower Man, Live Wire, GoldenEye, Robinson Crusoe, Tomorrow Never Dies, The Thomas Crown Affair, The World Is Not Enough, The Tailor of Panama, After the Sunset, The Ghost Writer and I Don't Know How She Does It) grooming his protege, David Mason, sharpshooter, hand-to-hand and follows orders (Luke Bracey of Home and Away, Dance Academy, Monte Carlo, Amensia, G.I. Joe: Retaliation, Westside, Point Break, Hacksaw Ridge and Lucky Day) until he jumps the literal gun and a civilian is caught in the line of fire. Devereaux retires five years later and is free of the CIA's black bag ops, running a small cafe off of Montenegro and living life. 

 

Die, squirrel die!

 

 

 

 

 

A visit from an old colleague, John Hanley (Bill Smitrovich of Miami Vice, Band of the Hand, Manhunter, Crime Story, Life Goes On, The Phantom, Ghosts of Mississippi. Batman Beyond, Nash Bridges, A Nero Wolfe Mystery, The Practice and The Event) drops Devereaux intel that former General soon-to-be President of Russia, Arkady Federov (Lazar Ristovski of Svetozar Markovic, Terasa, The Way Steel Was Tempered, Underground, Rage, Balkan Rules, Midwinter Night's Dream, The White Lions and On The Other Side) has serious dirt that the CIA wants and they are using an operative that Devereaux recruited. Hanley says that she will only come in if Devereaux is there for the extraction.

The op goes down, car chases ensue and bullets start flying. Yeesh sounds like a hybrid of Jason Bourne and James Bond happening in Belgrade!! The asset dies, Devereaux is pissed and Mason left with the smoking gun. This huge amount of casualties and property destruction all for one name. Mira. A girl that has been missing since 1999 at age fifteen. While FSB and the CIA are all scrambling around with girls on their brains and heads up their asses, the President elect sends a wet work assassin to find anyone with the whereabouts of Mira and remove her.

Devereaux uses his skill set and finds a case worker that deals with refugees, Alice Fournier (Olga Kurylenko of The Serpent, Hitman, Max Payne, Quantum of Solace, Tyranny, Erased, To the Wonder, Seven Psychopaths, Magic City, Vampire Academy and A Perfect Day) whose every day life of shuffling papers, placing displaced girls and giving them a better life just went rocky. With more chases, fist fights and a bit of John Woo inspired Gun Fu, Devereaux and Alice get out alive but for how long?

 

 

Popeye's packin' a rod!

 

 

 

 

 

 

Calling this a political SNAFU is similar to calling the meltdown of Chernobyl a minor inconvenience. Players on all sides are looking for this girl Alice now and the objectives are not clear if she is to be interrogated, tortured, murdered or in general; have an unpleasant weekend.

The clock is ticking and Devereaux is not the young man he was but by God he is going to make retirement rather interesting.

Will the Russians get the girl? Will the CIA give her asylum? With either put a bullet through her?

 

 

Let me go on the record of saying that Devereaux is a fairly dark character. If you were expecting shaken martinis, glib lines and gentleman's rule of fisticuffs. WRONG MOVIE. Yes, we do have a former Bond but Brosnan is so far removed from that bit of double o, you start to fear for the girl's safety in even his hands.

Director Roger Donaldson (No Way Out, Cocktail, Dante's Peak, Species, The Recruit, Thirteen Days, and The Bank Job) wanted an older Bond for this role, give him a near sinister way of doing things. Daniel Craig was originally cast but prior commitments made him bow out. Donaldson opted for Sir Sean Connery, who flat out said, "I'm too old to be running around with a gun." and then remembered the rapport he already had with Pierce courtesy of Dante's Peak.

This is moody, rough and tumble. Gun play and yes fellas, there's some titty scenes. No ladies, I don't even wait for them to message me any more. Anytime I get hyped up about a compelling story or clever character arc; the almost automatic response is, "Uh yeah. So there's titty, right?" Apologies for my gender's behavior once again, ladies.

The overall vibe of this flick? Gritty, badass fights, good story and a really bang on cast for this spy thriller. Hell, I can easily watch this again.

 

Like my Ghost in the Shell cosplay?

 

Rob Zombie's Halloween

Howdy again, Realm of Rotten Readers. I'm begging you guys to come up with something more catchy. It is just not happening for me. Okay, today on the docket has been a fan request for some time. 

 Initially I wasn't interested because I am touchy about remakes but I have been a fan of the man's writing/music and directing so let's see if the unrated version is a bit more intriguing. For some of you that asked me to NOT review this, tough. If you this does not capture your attention, I am more than certain there are other blogs out there. This is Rob Zombie's Halloween.

 

You're my only Kirk, Mr. Shatner.

 

 

 

 

 

 

Yes, yes I know Carpenter fans. I am fully aware many of you booed and hissed your way through this flick. I get it. It was not your cup of tea. Let us set aside these issues before I have Malcolm McDowell Cameo the hell out of your social media! I mean, if I can afford that.

We hearken back to the days of young Michael Myers (Daeg Faerch of Dark Mirror, Halloween, Hancock, Run! Bitch Run!, Sebastian, Ditch Party and Killer Therapy) may have a few personality quirks...in the same way Attila the Hun may have had an thriving outdoors-man lifestyle.

The thing is...Zombie's idea was to step away from Carpenter's "Pure Evil" storyline because he wanted his own spin of the flick. Obviously he is a fan of the original but he didn't want to rely heavily on the existing formula. So he gave Michael a bad childhood. A bully big sister, a mother that moonlights as a stripper, a baby sister, an abusive stepfather (No not Terry o' Quinn) and he's constantly berated at school by bullies. Slowly this starts to warp the lad and the next thing you know, he's onto computer games, comic books and RPGs. Oh no, wait. He starts murdering the neighborhood pets. Some sort of catharsis strangling a cat or three. 

 

Another Craigslist Causal Encounters comes to a close.

 

 

 

 

 

 

His mother Deborah (Sherri Moon Zombie of House of 1000 Corpses, Toolbox Murders, The Devil's Rejects, Halloween, Californication, The Haunted World of El Superbeasto and The Lords of Salem) has been made aware of the strange goings on of her little boy, but it doesn't seem to register that she is raising a sociopath.  THE KID HAD A DEAD CAT IN HIS BOOK BAG!!!  How many warning sirens and klaxons you need to go off, lady?  Sheesh!  But Dopey Deborah just puts the whole scenario down as boys being boys.   WTF??!!! 

 

Just payin' for college. Honest.

 

 

 

 

 

 

Abusive stepdad Ronnie (William Forsythe of Raising Arizona, Out For Justice, Dick Tracy, Things to Do in Denver When You're Dead, Virtuosity, The Rock, Boardwalk Empire, The Mob Doctor, and The Witching Hour) is a drunk, unemployed and generally worthless. CHARACTER!

Mikey decides he's grows weary of bully beatings and catches up with one of the boys beating him repeatedly with a thick tree branch. I mean we hear the meaty thunks and the bully boy crying his eyes out. Should have popped him in the mouth, son. Would have been more mumbles than screams. It does sound pathetic as you begin to realize his parents are probably wondering why he's not back from school yet.

Oh quick note, isn't it funny that Charles Lee Ray(Brad Dourif of Child's Play) and Alex DeLarge (Malcolm McDowell of A Clockwork Orange) are pairing up to stop a serial killer?  Yeah it's food for thought, right?

Like a CGI crocodile, Michael's on a rampage as he gives Ronnie and Judith the business end of the murder tools. Also I really couldn't muster any sympathy for Ronnie and Judith, both were kind of awful. Maybe turning them into frickin' kabobs was a bit much, but I couldn't say.

40 minutes of the film is spent showing us Michael going down the rabbit hole to full blown loony tunes. The scenes with Young Michael (Daeg) and Dr. Loomis (Malcolm McDowell of A Clockwork Orange, Time After Time, Caligula, Cat People, Class of 1999, Tank Girl, Star Trek: Generations, Wing Commander, Wing Commander Academy, God of War III and Suing the Devil) establishing the rapport the boy has for his doctor as this is ultimately the only real father figure he has ever had. Loomis tries to avoid becoming attached and remain clinical but he cannot help but allow his heart to go out to one so young and lost. Granted, telling this kid that his wife has up and left as well as, most of his friends because he cannot seem to get past Michael's issues seems a tad unprofessional.

Okay the biggest complaint about this film has been that everyone working in the wacko basket is either rude, heartless or has a rape-like tendency. Seems like there were no personality screening at this nut house.

17 years institutionalized at the institute and Michael makes his move. Funny how he's as big as Tyler Mane from X-Men. Previous Michaels had suffered enough from stunt injuries. 2007? Couldn't have gotten Kane Hodder? Sure he wouldn't be playing Voorhees but I bet he could have made a fun spin on Myers. 

 

O.M.G. We're adorbs!

 

 

 

 

 

Whatever happened to Baby Boo? Well she's now Laurie Strode (Scout-Taylor Compton of Charmed, Wicked Little Things, Halloween, April Fool's Day, The Runaways, Nashville, Feral, The Lurker and Eternal Code) and thankfully she has 80s Mom badass herself, Dee Wallace! By God if there's a critter, rabid St. Bernard or pack of werewolves, Dee's got this in the bag! 

Accompanying Laurie is Annie Brackett (Halloween alumni Danielle Harris of Halloween 4: The Return of Michael Myers, Halloween 5: The Revenge of Michael Myers, The Last Boy Scout, Don't Tell Mom the Babysitter's Dead, Roseanne, Left for Dead, Hatchet II, Stake Land, Chromeskull: Laid to Rest 2, Hatchet III and Camp Dread) and Lynda (Kristina Klebe of Zone of the Dead, Criminal Minds, 6 Month Rule, Alter Egos, The Kiss of a Killer, Proxy, Friday the 13^th: The Game and Slay Belles)

For those not following; I will give you the heads up. Yes, there is nudity. Yes there is elaborate gore and yes there is some dialogue that will make you cringe. IT'S A SLASHER FLICK! This did not RUIN the Halloween franchise. Those precious gobbets of Horror are still out there. The original film didn't suddenly burst into flames or was written out of the spacetime contiuum.

Seriously, with the "Thorn" trilogy of Jamie, to the H20 reboot claiming 1 and 2 were the only cannon, and then the 8^th stink nugget Resurrection? Yes, clearly it was Rob Zombie's foul deeds that would ever made this garbled storyline awful. Busta Rhymes killing Michael. The hell, man?

Is this for every Halloween fan? Maybe not. While there are more orchestrated death scenes, it really feels like Zombie was doing the gore grab bag to see what looked nastier on film. Did it make money? Yes! With a budget of 15 million estimated the US Gross alone was over $58 million. Hell, opening weekend was $26 million right there.

Chronology is the biggest gripe for a lot of the critics. Most of the vehicles, music and clothing look like the late 70s, so this could simply be a nod to the original, however as the 17 years have passed, clothing styles, cars and cell phones are making their way so now it looks like the 2000s. I don't know. Hell my only real beef is an insane asylum would have metal forks around a bunch of nutter butters. You know, that whole fear that one of the inmates could use it to attack hospital staff or fellow inmates. That being said, I now want to see a graphic death scene with a spork. Am I alone on this? Huh? HUH?! 

 

With talented character actors like Bill Mosely, Ken Foree, Danny Trejo, Richard Lynch, Clint Howard, Udo Kier, Sybil Danning and Leslie Easterbrook, it is damn hard to say who I am most happy to see in a flick. Now yes, I do admit to enjoying "The Boogeyman" legend of Michael Myers and Donald Pleasence as the voice of the conscience but AGAIN, Rob wanted to do his own story. It is my firm belief if he did the exact carbon copy of Halloween; there would be even more internet troll bitch fights. Win or lose, Zombie has product, an opening, a middle and an ending. That folks, is called a movie. Whether you were expecting me to crucify it or not, I am just looking at it from my point of view and nothing more.

 

Hang on. I have my script notes here.

 

Batman: Soul of the Dragon

 What's happenin' hepcats and kittens!! Readers of the Rotten, I am back from migraine/cluster hell and no, that is not what this write-up is about. So today I found on IMDB a few actors I follow as they discussed this particular animated film from Warner Brothers. With a overall vibe of exploitation, blaxploitation and Kung Fu double features were the order of the day, this movie also brings about a well-known superhero. This is Batman: Soul of the Dragon.

 

 

I am the night... Dig?

 

 

 

 

 

 

The era is 1970s, an organization known as the Cult of Kobra seeks an ancient relic that will bring about the destruction of mankind. Baby, that ain't cool. Our story centers around 6 students of an elder martial arts master and how they each found their path. O-sensei (James Hong of Chinatown,Blade Runner, Big Trouble in Little China, Jackie Chan Adventures, Dragon Dynasty and Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D.) has instructed would-be warriors for many years. Each of these students come from different walks of life and each all have their own pain they either wish to conquer or use that rage as a weapon. 

 

 

Laaaaadies...

 

 

 

 

 

 

Bruce Wayne (David Giuntoli of Privileged, Eli Stone, U.S. Attorney, Grimm, 13 Hours, Mother's Little Helpers and A Million Little Things) has learned what he must to bring about his crusade as Batman. His close ally, Richard Dragon (Mark Dacascos of Double Dragon, Sabotage, The Crow: Stairway to Heaven, Brotherhood of the Wolf, Stargate Atlantis, Wolvesbayne, Mortal Kombat: Legacy and Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D.) a super spy for the CIA, a James Bond archetype that just happens to resemble the late Bruce Lee. Richard finds this cult is fronting all sorts of criminal acts as they chase after a mystical door. A door Richard and his fellow students are all together familiar with. Time to rally the troops.

After Batman agrees to join Richard, they have a greater task ahead of them. Getting the ruler of Chinatown on board with them. The merciless, ruthless and gorgeous Lady Shiva (Kelly Hu of Surf Ninjas, Sunset Beach, Martial Law, The Scorpion King, X2: X-Men United, Succubus: Hell-Bent, Robot Chicken and Batman: Under the Red Hood) runs a fighting ring, probably some racketeering and a bit of protection money. That being said, that section of town is probably street crime free, no graffiti and less cars getting boosted. Shiva longs for the battle for those that belittle her master's goals and teachings. Not to mention Bruce's disco and Shiva's fight club suffered damages. Damn, if only Shiva knew a boy billionaire that is loaded with greenbacks.

 

Ms. Woosan if yer nasty

 

 

 

 

 

 

Finally, at a nearby dojo, Ben Turner is teaching classes for underprivileged kids and trying to strengthen their hopes and dreams. Ben Turner a.k.a. Bronze Tiger (Michael Jai White of Spawn, Silverhawk, Universal Soldiers: The Return, Blood and Bone, Black Dynamite, For Better or Worse, Black Dynamite cartoon and Chocolate City) who claims if he didn't spare a cult member, none of this would be happening. With our four warriors ready to bust some heads and kick some ass, the cult is moving forward with their intentions, their leader of course has two substantial fighters higher than his typical acolytes.

King Snake (Patrick Seitz of EverQuest II: Echoes of Faydwer, Castlevania: The Dracula X Chronicles, Mega Man Star Force, League of Legends, Black Butler, Mortal Kombat and Resident Evil" The Mercenaries 3D), a blind martial arts master and Lady Eve (Grey Griffin of Star Wars: Jedi Knight- Jedi Academy, True Crime: Streets of LA, Fallout: Brotherhood of Steel, The Weekenders, Doom 3, World of Warcraft, Star Wars: Clone Wars, X-Men Legends II: Rise of Apocalypse and Ultimate Avengers: The Movie) a true believer and devout follower with twin blades at her service. 

 

A few points of observation at this time. One, this doesn't appear to be any Batman continuity but feels more like an action/adventure flick. Two, this is a great voice cast handling our main characters, the story is solid and the animation does an excellent job.

In addition, voice work done by Jaime Chung (Days of Our Lives, Katrina, Greek, Samurai Girl, Sorority Row, Sucker Punch, The Hangover Part II, The Man with the Iron Fists, Frank Miller's Sin City: A Dame to Kill For, Resident Advisors and Gotham), Chris Cox (All-Star Superman, Gears of War 3, F.E.A.R. 3, Batman: Arkham City, Saints Row: The Third, The Avengers: Earth's Mightiest Heroes, and Skylanders: Giants) and Erica Luttrell (The Magic School Bus, The New Ghostwriter Mysteries, Dave the Barbarian, Diablo III: Reaper of Souls, Lego Batman 3: Beyond Gotham, World of Warcraft: Warlords of Draenor, The Death and Return of Superman and Magnum P.I.)

From the street thugs to the axe wielding lunatics, to the car chases; this truly embraces 70s exploitation so well. And yes Bronze Tiger does resemble Jim Kelly of Black Belt Jones, Black Samurai and Enter the Dragon. The funny part is Kelly Hu is reprising Shiva's voice. She voiced her originally in Batman: Arkham Origins as well as, Michael Jai White reprises Bronze Tiger of which he played live action in Arrow. Yes this was a fun flick, it's violent, good story and plenty of action.

 

Black Samuarai? Hell no. That's Bronze Tiger, baby.