Sunday, October 18, 2015

Sequel Rebound: Troll 2


Day 4 of Sequels Rebound is here! Yes we have reached the end of week avoiding pitfalls cliches, tropes and other such writing minutia. We struggle through the sequel in name only variety again as the previous movie was not only in my opinion, not deemed worthy of continuing let alone should have been released to the public for mental safety issues it could create. The brain trusts at Filmirage Productions via Italy felt that writer/director Claudio Fragasso (Strike Commando, Robowar, Zombi 3, Shocking Dark a.k.a. Bruno Mattei's Terminator 2) whose English is broken, takes an Italian film crew to the land of Utah and... makes a PG-13 Horror movie? This is Troll 2.

Not an uncommon site in the woods..a chesty brunette heading to Grandma's house, no doubt.













Grandfather Seth is telling young Josh Waits (Michael Stephenson of Beyond Darkness, The Bulkin Trail, The Paper Brigade and Before He Wakes) the tale of the ancient goblins that once roamed the lands, tricking the innocent into trusting them and devouring them whole. Josh and sister Holly (Connie Young, The Singles Yard, Sons of Provo and Heaven's Door) journey with their parents to the far away town of Nilbog. A farming community that seems to be only inhabited by the people of Torgo and the Creeper as they leave their home for a month and exchange with a local family in Nilbog. Grandpa keeps explaining to Josh that the Goblins want to destroy the family. Grandpa may also inform his daughter, Josh and Holly's mother that he can communicate from beyond the grave.

To keep his family for getting ill or turning into desirable goblin chow, Josh apparently pees on dinner. No he didn't whine and complain about the dishes of the day, he literally whizzes on dinner. The parents took it well. These are the only parents that didn't take a strip off his ass.


Hey audience, is there anything up my nose?












Grandpa keeps warning Josh to convince his parents to leave Nilbog but not ever manifesting in front the boy's parents so he would stop getting yelled at. Holly's pseudo boyfriend Elliott (Jason Wright of Troll 2 and Fields of Gold) travels with his fellow virginal RPG and comic book loving nerds in search for hot girls, ready and available. Yeah so you can see where their heads are at...spoilers it is in their asses.

Josh comes to the startling revelation that Nilbog is Goblin spelled backwards which means the band Goblyn hides out in Utah without interruption or fear of being spotted by Bruno Mattei fans. The whole town is comprised of vegetarian farmers that look like rejects from Cabin Fever or Texas Chainsaw Massacre and just give you the Heebie Jeebies. The people give the term creeper a whole new spin on odd. Their body language is more standoffish than normal, they make disturbing leering expressions and overly annunciate everything they say. Will Josh save his half-wit from the non-trolls? Is everyone in Nilbog completely mental? Will Papa Waits stop saying hospitality???


Referred as the one of the worst film of all time, in 2009, Joshua all grown up provides us with a documentary on the making of Troll 2, the impact the film has had on the cult following and how anyone got any enjoyment out of it. From a technical aspect the film is done well enough,from blocking a scene, lightning, sounds and orchestral. With a projected budget of $200,000, cast and crew had their translation issues given that actors were asked to pronounce every word they said phonetically and without the proper inflections. From an movie viewer's perspective, it drags on, the goblin costumes look absurd and THERE ARE NO TROLLS!!!! Would appreciate less stares directly at the camera though. It is relatively harmless and just plain goofy. 

I say we draw and quarter him, fellas!