Wednesday, December 16, 2015

Dismember December: To All a Goodnight

Ho, ho, ho and a Merry Dismember December Day 3! Well it's that time of year where Christmas break happens throughout the education system and Calvin Finishing School for Girls is no exception to the rule. A gaggle of the jiggly girls have their hearts set on a party while the president of the school is away. Oh of course there will be boys there so they can all pair off and couple up but what if... an insane psychotic happens to be roaming about? For that matter, what if this potential psycho is dressed as Santa?  This is To All a Goodnight.

Yeah they're real. Touch them if you don't believe us.

Director to our little tale is none other than exploitation actor David Hess (The Last House on the Left, Hitch Hike, Avalanche Express, House on the Edge of the Park. Swamp Thing, White Star adn Body County) serving us up a Christmas tale to be told around the fireplace written by Alex Rebar (Beyond the Door, To All a Goodnight, Demented and Nowhere to Hide). It seems two years prior at this very finishing school a sorority girl was killed by accident due to a dumb prank (Which if proof was needed, skip pranks horror film universes... it will all end in tears and blood!).

So cast aside your season's greetings as the first ever Killer Santa movie is born! Oh yes, a full four years prior to Silent Night, Deadly Night, our story shows our collective of girls, Nancy (Jennifer Runyon of Another World, Up the Creek, Ghostbusters, Killing Streets, Carnosaur and Silent Night, Deadly Night 2: Revival) wants to have fun with her girls and this promise of men at the ready even if she is still not sure about going all the way. Tee hee. Low and behold several of the party goers seem to be missing or gasp...DEAD!  Phoning the police is a logical is vacating the premises but that is thinking too far ahead. All we know for certain that someone in a Santa suit is checking his list and putting people and the end list. Oh the cops get a red herring of course with Ralph the peeper gardener, which is no Crazy Ralph so get him the hell out of here!

Got something in your eye.. Oh yeah, my knife.

Will the girls get out alive? Is Santa putting them on the permanent naughty list? Will there ever be a horror movie that makes cops competent?

Our location for the sorority house is actually a mansion and according to the late director, it belonged to a drug kingpin in Santa Barbara. What else can I say about this flick? The lighting is crappy rather than moody, the dialogue is kind of flat but there are some interesting death scenes and numerous pans of Santa killer's legs going up and down stairs that I just thought the camera man really liked his ass. Our film tries for moody and suspenseful but it is difficult for me to take it seriously when well-known porn actor Harry Reems is in the cast. Yeah,the male lead in Devil in Miss Jones and Deep Throat doesn't really make me think, "Oh yeah, this guy would be perfect for my slasher movie."

With 70 gees for budget and 35mm Arriflex Cameras at the work, I could have done with out the fish eye lens for flash-backing. That just kills my eyes and really distorts your movie overall.

Judith Bridges and Linda Gentile did live up to their nude obligations in the film and all the sexist piggies that watch these flicks primarily for that will not be disappointed (Sorry ladies, but every so often I do have to acknowledge other readers). 

Murders? Fuhgeddaboudit!