Thursday, December 31, 2015

Back in Blaxploitation: Velvet Smooth

What's happenin' cats and kittens...welcome to Day 2 of Back in Blaxploitation and today we are gabbing about a super sleuth that all is gathering around for. No, I ain't talkin' about Shaft. Can you dig it? I mean the kitten that purrs so but carries claws when she needs it. Only one bit of sweetness to get to the bottom of this obvious kettle of fish. This is Velvet Smooth.

Ron Jeremy is Leatherface in: A Cut Above the Rest.

Our private eye with her foxy sidekicks is on the case, Velvet (Johnnie Hill of Velvet Smooth) gets a sit down with the man, King Lathrop (Owen Watson of Black Force, Velvet Smooth and Bon annivesaire Juilette) as someone is muscling him out of his territory. The possibility is so mind boggling to Lathrop that he has to hire the best P.I. In the business and Velvet fits the bill. With her help of friends Ria (Elsie Roman of Black Force, Velvet Smooth and Gang Wars) a lawyer and rough and tough Frankie (Rene Van Clief of Dolemite and Velvet Smooth) the scumbags better beware!

Frankie works undercover to ferret out the man causing Lathrop so much hell that they are convinced it may be an inside job by one of Lathrop's own men. Did I mention all these ladies are supposed to be adept in martial arts. Kung Faux from the looks of that and no I did not error on my spelling because the fight scenes look so damn hokey, I guess they were convinced the girls would get hurt and blah blah blah but more than half of these fight scenes are shot at long distance so you barely see what is really happening and the other half...well you really weren't missing the astounding choreography of a fourth grader's attention to detail. Why not make the girls bar room brawlers instead or a bit of street fight but I guess opting to fit them with bonking frying pans and attitude was skipped thankfully but not by much.

She cut a bitch!  Mostly, with those nails.

The general vibe says not to trust anyone, then why did the kingpin hire Velvet at all and what is really going on? Love the street gangs' Leatherface meets Hannibal masks as well. Clashes a bit with their funky threads but that happens from time to time. And ladies, lay off the kick and punches to the nuts already!! Girl power aside, the twig and berry fatalities were getting insane!

A few nitpicks now. Holy crap I have not seen the boom mic that many times outside of Dolemite. Get the boom mic top billing! Running Back two-time Emerson Boozer for the NY Jets (1966-1975) was kind of a point of interest but you get the overall reason why his career in acting didn't go sky rocketing. Didn't have the chops, baby. The sound effects foley artist fell asleep as half of the slaps, punches and kicks don't match up with the action followed by a drum crash seemingly to accompany every other punch to skin.

Not the worst blaxploitation thus far but certainly not the better talented to be working on this project. Still it beats Dolemite everytime.

Operation: Grabass is under way!